Let’s be honest- the last few months, well, maybe the last year- has been not my best. I haven’t felt like myself. I haven’t dressed like myself. I haven’t been present here- or in a lot of my life (from gym to friends to basic chores). It’s almost like I lost myself and I am slowly starting over. And, not as an excuse but as an expiation -even to me!, it’s been so difficult to get anything done: being sick, the house being torn up, the house being under construction, the unpacking and restarting that may finally be here. The House? 98% done. And while not everything is perfectly in place- actually there is a ton of unpacking and redoing to still get through- it feels as if I am in finally in a place to start over.
Spring? The perfect time to restart. Nature itself is starting over, and I am too. It’s so tempting at this point to tell you I am restarting it all- from the blog to my life. And in many ways, it feels like it. BUT- I also know that to sweep everything in a general statement is a way to set yourself up for failure. So, below,I am listing the specific areas and ways I want to start over. Partial promise, partial accountability, all where I want to start over.
Side Note: The frustration of starting over? Ya know, like how when you’ve fallen off any habit and have to start over and face that you’re not where you want to be? I know it’s coming. In some areas, it’s here. That’s most likely another post- and journey- but I know (and I think you do too) that starting over sometimes isn’t easy. Or smooth. Or feels good. I am prepared (as I can be), and I guess on the super bad start over days there’s a shoe sale for that?
The House: I know it sounds crazy to tell you that I need to start over in the house when in this same post I let you know the house is 98% done. That’s just construction. We now have to get all our things out of storage, clean out, go through, decorate and full the house back up. It’s completely overwhelming. And did I mention (because I may be a little crazy) I have also started a major closet redo and began redoing my bathroom at the same time? At the end of the house my living space is going to be SO amazing. I just have to get there. And we will! But it does feel like a restart.
The Gym: I have once again started working out (which used to give me such joy and is still such a stress reliever) .It’s something I wanted to get back to- not only for looks- but because it makes me feel good! And oh my lands! am I sore. This is where I also admit that for someone who used to be in great shape and prided herself on that it’s a bit humbling experience (I knew that there would be starting over growing pains). Yet, I am excited to find ways back to myself.
Getting Dressed: Between having construction workers here and being sick a lot, I have to admit that getting dressed- another part of who I am- has fallen by the wayside. There are days I have spent in sweats, sadly sometimes the same sweats days in a row. It’s a small thing but my big restart is to get dressed. Daily. To play again with fashion. To have fun in my clothes again. Which leads to :
The Blog: I haven’t been present here. I haven’t been who I want to be, or write about. From posting to writing (in all aspects), I have fallen done. I am going to be better. Start Over, right?
My relationships: I haven’t been a great friend. And I miss my friends. And you. I want to be someone who invests in their relationships. And can be there for people. And ask people to be there for me. Again, it’s a start over.
So many of these are not the kind of start overs that involve completely starting from scratch. But any time you start again, it feels overwhelming – and exciting. I am doing my best to lean into the exciting part. And stick to the starting over. It’s spring– and here we go to the start over. Thank you for being here and thank you for letting me start over!
Wishing us all a week of amazing shoes and new beginnings! XO RA
