This year- I know it’s May, I am technically counting from when we found the water damage in our house- has been. A. Year. Actually- we could start last summer when I just couldn’t get well, from headaches to intense nausea. The water damage. All of the construction, from our house being a wreck to being new, our things being packed up, and the now crazy process of unpacking and redoing the house. It’s a lot. We are still not together, and honestly it still feels overwhelming (did I mention we are unpacking and putting together a brand new downstairs)?
And, candidly, between being sick (and still struggling to feel my best and to feel like me), the house being in disarray (including my closet), I have been battling depression. I told a friend this was the year I just got out bed. As that it as what often felt like my biggest accomplishment some days. This is not to say that I am not actively clawing my way out and back to me. That we aren’t actively fighting to get the house in a state where we can live and enjoy it. There have been times when it all feels SO big, and it’s hard to see how and where we go and do and all of the things.
Then.
The world. Beloveds, math isn’t my strong suit, I have no economic experience, and will not fear monger with future worries. But. At least, fashion and other wise, we are looking at a period of rising prices and disrupted supply chains. It’s a weird time to be someone who encourages you to shop- a part of me wants to tell you that anything you want now is the time to buy it. Another part wants to tell you to save (I am not a saver when it comes to money). How and where we go from here? Feels just about as overwhelming as the house some days.
Yet, the question remains? Where do we go from here? And how? I know the big answers are: I unpack, get back to myself (another post), and collectively we build community, explore everything from shopping resale to darning to saving. And still? I know simply saying that seems trite as none of those things come quick, or even easy at times. Being aware of all we have to do and where we want to get, doesn’t always mean that we know how or where to start. Or that starting doesn’t feel too big to do.
From my personal to the big stuff- maybe that’s it. This all feels so big. So, where do we go from here? We start. We get out of bed. We do a box, or whatever a day. We resist, we make a new friend. We explore options. And even when the steps feel smaller than a baby’s, we go in the direction we want.
Beloveds, I truly don’t have any answers- and truly am fighting a bunch of my own demons. Yet. I am in this with you, can’t wait to explore and find new things (even if they are new-new) for us, and to be in this with you. Where ever we go, I want to be together.
Wishing us all a week of steps that feel doable and amazing shoes! XO RA
