I’ve spent the last 2 years being BLONDE. Like platinum blonde. And blonde wasn’t new to me- I’m a dark blonde naturally,and have been highlighting my hair most of my adult life. (Let’s not chat about my red-hair phase) So it’s not that it was BLONDE- but that it was so blonde, essentially platinum, that was so different. And honestly? It was a reaction. I went SO blonde right after I decided to let my hair go “natural”, the change was TOO much, and it came on the heels of a few big life changes that I was having hard times with (moves, goodbyes, breakups). I NEEDED to be blonde, because that’s how I saw my best self. Did I go (and stay) too blonde? Probably.
Recently, I’ve gone back darker blonde (it’s still a bit of a work in progress, as you read this, I’m most likely adding a few highlights in the front). This time? I think I’m ready- or at least I’m not freaking out. The shade looks different in every light- from blonde to very light brown- but I’m ok with it. Maybe it’s that I’m more ok with where I am (or as OK as any of us can be right now). Or maybe the blonde was too much.
I do still consider myself a blonde (even when dark), and I’ve been wondering about my attachment to that. Is it that I can’t see myself any other way? That change is too hard? Or is it that I aspire to be what I think blonde means?
I know that I’m not the only one who gets emotional about my hair! There are so many friends that I’ve seen/talked through react emotionally to hair change. Be it hating color or cuts, or having to wait out not being able to style their preferred way, what happens to our hair deeply affects us. It’s such a personal thing, and is so vital to our self esteems and images.
There are people who can change their hair, go wild, be ok with whatever gets done to it. I’m not like that (my hair cutter in LA used to joke that I have “rules” and she’s not wrong!), though there are times that I wish I was. I attach so much meaning to my hair, and when it’s not “perfect” I can have a hard time.
But there is no such thing as perfect. And though I don’t always claim the red- I know I can be anything from red to white-blonde. Straight to curly. And each one of those selves have been beautiful and daring, and a part of me. So why do I freak out so much about my hair?
I found this article to be helpful- in at least knowing that I’m not alone. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with really caring about your hair. And maybe there’s power in being able to change it. Maybe our desire to be our “best selves” is something that we can express through our hair- and maybe striving for that should be freeing, a process, and ok all at the same time.
There is no such thing as perfect hair, but whatever that is for you- I hope you have it. Or that the change into it is painless.
I’m currently embracing being a little darker blonde. And learning to enjoy the ride. And be my best self the whole time. I have my fingers crossed for all of us!
Wishing us good hair and amazing shoes! XO RA
