Beloveds! This weekend is Easter. If you’re celebrating, I hope that your celebrations are full of people (and food you love!). If you’re not celebrating, I hope that this weekend is restful- and still full of things you love. I’m taking the day to be with family and celebrate the holiday- we’ll be back tomorrow with fresh fashion!
Happy Holidays!
XOXO
RA
I went to write about letting go this week. Quelle Surprise- letting go is still something I struggle with! And it turns out I’ve written about it more than once (do I have issues letting go about writing about letting go? I guess so!) Instead of repeat myself- or beat myself up for not letting go soon enough I’m re-reading this and reminding myself as long as I am trying, it’s progress!
A wise friend once said to me,” We do things until we can’t do them anymore”. She was referring to me beating myself up about not being able to make a choice- but on many levels she’s right. Every one of us hangs on to different things : ideas, people, things- and we hang on till we simply can’t anymore. There are so many different situations and so many different breaking points- but can we agree that the human truth is that is hard to let go of some things? Ideas, feelings, dreams, people, sweaters from 7th grade- any and all of these can be held onto for years.
And I’m the worst. Call it stubborn, call it loyal- but I can have a hard time letting go of things I love. Maybe it’s that the devil you know is better, fear of the unknown (are those the same? ), fear of loss, fear that nothing better will come along- there are times when we can all hold too strong and too long to things because of these and a host of other reasons. I have no answers for ideas, people, dreams- but clothes I can help with!
Here’s the thing about holding onto things for to long- and let’s be specific things you should let go of, there are tons of things you should hold onto forever, but that’s another post-if you hold onto the wrong things for too long, you’re not making space for new, better things. True in life, true in your closet. Is letting go easy? Not always, but some times you have to ask yourself – do I need this sweater from 7th grade? Or do I want new and exciting things?
I clean out my closet regularly but have found myself hanging onto things for that one day, or if I ever need whatever. I’m probably one of the only fashion bloggers to tell you that hanging on to some things out of nostalgia is aok (really), but some times you have to to let go. So this time -I did. All those things I’ve been on the fence on, the things I never wear- I’m getting rid of them. I got to the point where I coudn’t hang on anymore, and I’m finally ready to make room for new things (like fall Valentino boots!). And can I tell you? It feels fabulous!
I’d love to know: what’s your method for letting go of thing?
Wishing us all a week of making space for the good things to come, and of course amazing shoes! XO RA
This post is originally from a few years ago (there are times when it shocks me that I’ve been doing this for years!); but this is something that I’ve been thinking about recently. Not necessarily French seams, though yes, but the idea that things take time. The idea that something that is well made, and worth the time and effort, is better than something that is ready quickly, but made to fall apart. The idea that somethings, both French seams and ideas are meant to last. Also, what fashion means to me, why I care about quality and what I can do to explain my views with you (more of all of that to come!).
And then, I remembered I wrote about this before: so I give you again, It’s all in the seams!
Enjoy!
XO RA
Yesterday my mom and I got to talking about couture, really the magic of couture is seaming, lining, and fit. French seams, where you essentially double sew the seam so it’s encased, are the trademark of couture- they’re difficult, time consuming , and look amazing. The seams are part of what make couture fit so well, last so long, and look stunning. So they’re worth it. In fact the trick to catching couture – and real designer bags and shoes- check the insides
It got me thinking about what is worth it. We live in a world that demands everything instaneously- relationships, careers, material goods. Everything is expected to come quickly, it can be considered failure for things to take time. But here’s the thing about rushing things – quickly made seams fall apart. I can do a quick seam- but it won’t last, and probably won’t look good. And when you want something to last- and look good- you have to take the time to do the little things, whether that’s French seams or letting a relationship or career take its time. It’s a process, but rush the process and the inside falls out.
I would rather have a closet full of French seams- bags and shoes that last- things that are beautifully made than a closet full of seams that fall apart. I understand that this means I will spend more, and things will take time to accumulate. I’m okay with it. In fact, I’d like to build a life full of relationships that last, a good career, and moments that matter- those things take time as well. But, when I look at the French seams – it’s worth it.
Happy Sunday! Wishing us all a week of great seams and amazing shoes! XO RA
Can we be honest? Change is hard. Even the change that you want can be hard (ask my hair dresser, I freak out almost every time). And yet–none of us want to stay in the same place forever, right? I would say most of us want to be better versions of ourselves, to have amazing things happen to us, to reach for things, but getting out of our comfort zones can be difficult. Or maybe that’s just me. Say it’s not just me.
Spring is know as the beginning season. Flowers bloom, things start again, and we change. I know that I am changing right now–and some are great and some are scary. I have absolutely no answers but I can tell you 3 things that are helping me get through all the change.
1. Things are going to be okay.
They are. They most likely won’t look like how we think they might, but things have a way of working out for the best. I think our job is just to trust; as my grandma would say a positive attitude makes up for a lot.
2. Be okay with not knowing.
Internet friends this one is a struggle for me daily. I want to know things–all the things. But sometimes, when we’re going through things, we don’t. I’m trying to get comfortable not having an answer in mind, in seeing what happens, in not knowing. Some days are easier than others, but the more I can tell myself it’s okay not to know–it becomes okay not to know.
3. Be compassionate and kind–to yourself
Change is hard. I don’t think being mean to yourself or beating yourself up helps in any way. Just like a friend going through something needs your support, you need your support. So be kind to you–take care of you. If you need a night with friends, a glass of wine, or even new shoes, try to treat yourself like you would a friend.
Hopefully this spring brings for us a summer of changes that were worth it. And if we don’t like it, hey, we can always change again, right?
Wishing you a week of self kindness and amazing shoes! xo RA
Seasons can mean oh-so-many things. The time of year and weather outside. The kind of clothes we are offered and wear. And then- what we are going through in our lives. Ironically the last are the seasons that can last the longest. While I am excited for the warmer weather, the spring clothes- I perhaps may be most excited for a change of personal seasons.
Yes- I have tried to be as honest as I could here about how difficult the past season(s) have been for me. From illness to house constructions to all the emotions that came with all of that. As I claw my way out of that, and back to myself and my closet and routines and ALL the things, it does feel a bit like spring. New. Budding. Shedding the winter layers.
Then- I can’t help but think of the other kind of personal season- and it’s related to a closet clean out! (Yep, even though I will never shame you for holding onto anything, I am a fan of the closet clean out. And that’s another thing that I want to get back to!) BUT- as I transition from one personal season to the next, and think about changing everything including my closet for Spring, I can’t help but think about the seasons of our clothes. Yes, that could mean the clothes’ lifespans and how we love and wear our clothes and pass them on. I am also referring to our how life seasons come with their own seasons of clothes.
For example, there was a period (season) of my life, when I lived in Los Angeles, where I would go work out in the am’s and then change at the gym into a version of lounge (or run around clothes) and go run errands. I would then shower and change into my real outfit after at home. During this time I had a whole section of my wardrobe that catered to those after gym errands- not quite sweat pants, sweat shirt dresses, all the kinds of t-shirts and lounge pants. They were staples of what I wore on a weekly and daily basis. Then. My life changed. I moved. And while I still went to the gym- it was either a situation where I showered at the gym and changed directly into my OOTD or I was close enough to the gym that I went home directly after and showered and got dressed.
Those amazing lounge clothes that were cute enough to be my errands outfits? They got put in drawers (and really didn’t come out till Covid). It’s not that I stopped liking them or that I didn’t lounge- but the season of my needing that big part of my closet passed. It took me a while to get rid of the parts of that season that really needed to go (yes, sometimes I hang onto things a bit longer than I need to- and that’s a whole other post). Seasons change- and our closets do too.
Here I am, at the start of a new season (weather and time wise) and a new personal season (see moving out of allll the things and back to myself). I know, though I may not be prepared- these seasons may affect my closet (and that may be amazing! There may be new and great seasons of clothes ahead!). In the past, I think that I have thought about seasons in our closest/clothes in terms of weather seasons, but as I look behind and ahead, it’s very clear that there are personal seasons in our closets/clothes. I am both excited and a bit apprehensive to move through – and move out mine. And of course, share it with you.
Looking back, can you tell seasons in your clothes? Closet? Even if it’s just a style you used to love and now don’t? I would love to hear all about them all- including your tips on transitioning through the seasons!
Wishing us all a week of amazing shoes and seasons that are seamless! XO RA
Let’s be honest- the last few months, well, maybe the last year- has been not my best. I haven’t felt like myself. I haven’t dressed like myself. I haven’t been present here- or in a lot of my life (from gym to friends to basic chores). It’s almost like I lost myself and I am slowly starting over. And, not as an excuse but as an expiation -even to me!, it’s been so difficult to get anything done: being sick, the house being torn up, the house being under construction, the unpacking and restarting that may finally be here. The House? 98% done. And while not everything is perfectly in place- actually there is a ton of unpacking and redoing to still get through- it feels as if I am in finally in a place to start over.
Spring? The perfect time to restart. Nature itself is starting over, and I am too. It’s so tempting at this point to tell you I am restarting it all- from the blog to my life. And in many ways, it feels like it. BUT- I also know that to sweep everything in a general statement is a way to set yourself up for failure. So, below,I am listing the specific areas and ways I want to start over. Partial promise, partial accountability, all where I want to start over.
Side Note: The frustration of starting over? Ya know, like how when you’ve fallen off any habit and have to start over and face that you’re not where you want to be? I know it’s coming. In some areas, it’s here. That’s most likely another post- and journey- but I know (and I think you do too) that starting over sometimes isn’t easy. Or smooth. Or feels good. I am prepared (as I can be), and I guess on the super bad start over days there’s a shoe sale for that?
The House: I know it sounds crazy to tell you that I need to start over in the house when in this same post I let you know the house is 98% done. That’s just construction. We now have to get all our things out of storage, clean out, go through, decorate and full the house back up. It’s completely overwhelming. And did I mention (because I may be a little crazy) I have also started a major closet redo and began redoing my bathroom at the same time? At the end of the house my living space is going to be SO amazing. I just have to get there. And we will! But it does feel like a restart.
The Gym: I have once again started working out (which used to give me such joy and is still such a stress reliever) .It’s something I wanted to get back to- not only for looks- but because it makes me feel good! And oh my lands! am I sore. This is where I also admit that for someone who used to be in great shape and prided herself on that it’s a bit humbling experience (I knew that there would be starting over growing pains). Yet, I am excited to find ways back to myself.
Getting Dressed: Between having construction workers here and being sick a lot, I have to admit that getting dressed- another part of who I am- has fallen by the wayside. There are days I have spent in sweats, sadly sometimes the same sweats days in a row. It’s a small thing but my big restart is to get dressed. Daily. To play again with fashion. To have fun in my clothes again. Which leads to :
The Blog: I haven’t been present here. I haven’t been who I want to be, or write about. From posting to writing (in all aspects), I have fallen done. I am going to be better. Start Over, right?
My relationships: I haven’t been a great friend. And I miss my friends. And you. I want to be someone who invests in their relationships. And can be there for people. And ask people to be there for me. Again, it’s a start over.
So many of these are not the kind of start overs that involve completely starting from scratch. But any time you start again, it feels overwhelming – and exciting. I am doing my best to lean into the exciting part. And stick to the starting over. It’s spring– and here we go to the start over. Thank you for being here and thank you for letting me start over!
Wishing us all a week of amazing shoes and new beginnings! XO RA
In an episode of Sex and the City, the ladies visit LA where Samantha tempts Carrie with fake Fendi bags- conveniently sold out of the trunk of a guy in the Valley. Bags that look exactly like the real thing but for half (or less than half) the price? It does sound tempting- but Carrie opts to hold out for the real thing; her thinking being that even if the bag fooled everyone she would know it was fake, and she didn’t want fake. And while getting a steal is tempting – I side with Carrie on this one.
Is this an essay to persuade you that you should always shell out the bucks for the designer bag? Nope. I do believe in quality, and love saving and buying some of my designer things- but think quality can be found at any price and you have to do what is best for you- and if a fake bag makes you happy I say go for it. What I’ve been thinking about all the other things in life we fake- and whether or not we deserve more than Valley-trunk fakeness.
To an extent, we live in a world of knock-off, fast fashion just being one of the culprits. And I’m just as guilty: I’ve staged photos to get “likes” on Instagrams, I color my hair but want my stylist to make it look as natural as possible, and I’ve spun events in my life so that to people everything sounds amazing. Is this bad? The hair color is for sure great, and I’m not a fan of spilling my secrets to strangers; there is a truth to the saying “Fake it till ya make it”. So, good right?
Maybe. But, what I’ve been thinking is that maybe we spend a little too much effort on how things look like on the outside, and completely ignore the inside. To put it another way, if the bag looks designer on the outside does it count if it’s cracked and peeling on the inside? Some of the best nights of my life have been messy: crying , laughing, holding onto people I love. Not one picture from those nights would pass anyone’s Instagram standards. And while spinning events can be great–how amazing is it to open up to the people with whom you can be honest? The ones who ask who you are and you can honestly say “Sad” or “Scared” or “Abnormally excited” and have that be ok? Aren’t all those experiences, messy as they can be, just if not more amazing than having things look perfect?
Does this mean that I’m going to stop having things look nice, coloring my hair, or spinning to certain people? Nope. But, just like Carrie, I think that even if I’m the only one who knows it–I don’t want fake. So I’m making an effort to be more real–even if it’s messy and scary– and I’m trusting that it will be just as beautiful as the fake. I’d love to know–what’s your take on this?
Wishing us all a week of realness and amazing shoes! XO RA
I will be honest- this experience of having 1/2 of my house completely under consideration – for so long and so many issues- has been a lot. And on top of that I have been sick- mainly as I am a bit allergic to some of the dust and fumes, etc. As I said, a lot. /On top of that- I got it in my head that I should also redo my closet and my personal bathroom- so there is no sanctuary for me in the house. And I am behind, and haven’t been feeling like myself for a while. All of of which makes it hard to get dressed.
Yet- we are finally- hopefully- surely- in the last stretch- at least for the majority of the house. Which can give me time to do my own spaces. I am finally beginning to feel a bit better- and not having to retch water does make me more excited to get dressed. Essentially, It finally feels as if I am getting back to me. Astrologically (I know), March 30th is the beginning of the new year, which I figure gives me a month to really get a start on who I want to be this year. And. Get dressed. Share my shopping picks and opinions with you. Begin again.
It’s daunting. And un- ending. But I am excited to finally feel as if we are on our way back to each other.
Wishing us all a week of feeling like us, getting dressed, and amazing shoes! XO RA
Note: I am linking these ice toners – serum that you freeze that work amazing to depuff and make your face feel new! While that is an affiliate link, it does not affect the price for you- I just may earn commission! Thank you for your support!
I have written so often about routines, and being behind and burnout as these are truly things that I struggle with. This week I went to write AGAIN about how I am struggling with some burnout, some issues making and sticking to a routine, and all the things associated with all of that. Then, I worried that I was a broken record. And then I wondered- I am a self aware person. I know what I am struggling with, often why, and changes that could help. So, why hasn’t anything I know or tried to change stuck?
What happens when the things you want to change take time to stick?
Another super fun thing about me? I am not always patient. In times like these when I am aware of a need to change : my schedule, stop procrastinating, a need for rest, etc; I somehow think that change will be quick (and easy). When, in reality, I know sometimes changes take time, you have to make them over and over, and that sticking to anything takes time. Change is hard. Getting over burnout is hard. To any friend (including you!) I would tell you (and truly believe) that sometimes we get in slumps, ruts, overtired, patterns we don’t like and knowing that change is a process to have grace with yourself and as long you’re trying you’ll get there. That grace with sticking it and time? For some reason I don’t always have it for myself.
It’s one of those times when what’s known and what you expect are disconnected from each other. And as self aware and knowing as I am? I don’t have answers. There are changes and patterns I would like to change, and routines I would like to stick to- all while being my best and most fashionable self. Recently, a dear one reminded me that we all have times in life that dip, slump, shake things up and it’s more about being patient and graceful while you get out of it. This season for me hasn’t been my favorite, but on the other hand, I am more sure of the things I want, and how I want my days to look.
Knowing all of that, is it possible to take time to make it stick? To give myself the leeway and grace, patience and support that sticking to changes needs? Maybe the only way to find out is to stick to things- even when sticking to things takes time.
What things do you feel as if you have to do over and over again to make them stick? What is your advice to making changes that stick (quickly!)? I would love to hear all about it!
Wishing us all a week of sticking to it and amazing shoes! XO RA
As an actress, I’m sure that it’s no surprise to you that I’ve lied about my age at times. (Yep, the youngest you think I am- that’s it!) Age is an issue in our society. Especially as a woman. And I wish I could tell you that aging is not something that I worry about, that I just see aging as a privilege (because it is!), and I never let age affect any of my choices- fashion or otherwise.
But.
That wouldn’t be honest. The weird thing? I’m more confident the older I get. I’m more accepting of myself, I’m ok with my own needs and stating them, and while when I was younger there were things that I wore and did that I didn’t think twice about- there are things I would do and wear now with so much more confidence (which feels like I’m repeating myself- but maybe I’m so old I can’t think of another word!).
Here’s the thing. Youth is great, it does have that glow and it gives you an edge for some things. Age also can be great, and it has its own edge. I have loved being young and there are things I’m loving about being old. However.
I’m not 100% sure I know how to grow old graciously. Or dress for my age. Or not try too hard (another huge sin that would be another post). My mom and dad have both said that one of the weird things about aging is that you’re all your ages at once, from 17-70. They’re not the first to say that and I’m no where near 70. But I get it. Funny enough, if you were to ask me- from fashion to other choices- I would tell you to make the choice that makes you feel great, that you feel comfortable in, that brings you joy. I love IG and more accounts of “older” women, I love my own fashion sense, I have no issue with so many things.
So. Why is there this occasional voice in my head warning, worrying, and get worked up about being too old- to wear certain outfits. Example:
I love this outfit. In my 20s I wouldn’t have worn it as I was so self conscious. And even being older- knowing the crop doesn’t HAVE to be that short, and that the waist of the skirt (if high enough) can cover a lot, I would love to wear something like this. Am I too old? Would I be judged for doing so? Would be seen as yet another woman desperately trying to cling to youth?
This is what I think constantly and at the same time I hate thinking it. And I have no answers. I’ve asked friends who told me that it would be fine to wear, I would tell friends and you that it’s fine to wear- so why do I worry about being too old?
And while this blog (and post) are so fashion focused, it’s not just fashion where I worry about being too old. It’s the beginning (early or not) of the holiday season. And I love holidays. From Halloween costumes to cooking at Thanksgiving to believing in Santa (his whole purpose is magic and presents- what’s not to believe?!), I enjoy the magic and the holiday feelings that come this time of year. Then. I’m not a mom, I’m a VERY fun Auntie. Am I too old to get into things the way I do?
IF I am too old for all of this- from holidays to outfits, what’s the answer? Do we grow smaller? Give up parts of ourselves? Or is this all a worry that we only think of- remember no one else judges us like we do! I truly have no idea. This isn’t some place where I have big thoughts because, really and truly, I’m figuring this out as I go along- usually day by day.
I want to be the kind of confident that wears what I feel good in and brings me joy, and gives myself fully to experiences. I’m still battling the voice in my head that says I’m too old for certain things (and I think the hard thing is that I do think some things are too young for me– which may also be a completely different post!).
Do you deal with this voice in your head- do you worry about being too old? How do you deal with it? And do we think I should wear this outfit? I want to hear your thoughts!!
Wishing us a week of ageless confidence and amazing shoes!! XO RA
