Sunday Chronicles – Page 4 – Investment Piece

Sunday Chronicles: Taking up Space

In light of all the world events, protests, revolutions, and my wanting to be a better ally I’ve been thinking a lot about my voice. And how to best use it. The thing is: I’m not always comfortable speaking up or taking up space. I was raised to be “nice” and not “make trouble” and “please everyone”. But the fact is none of those things are really possible. Some trouble is good. I (and you) deserve to be heard. And nice isn’t always the best policy. So. I’m working on it. And while my thoughts here are from a few years ago, reflecting on how I can take up space this week helped me. Hope it helps you! XO RA

Sometimes topics come and hit you over the head, forcing you to pay attention to them. This week I was minding my own business, cruising the internet, when out of no where this article and this article kept popping up, on repeat. A sign? Maybe, maybe not; but when articles appear, I read them.

A note–I am one of those who have a hard time asking for the space I need (unless we are driving an then just try to sway into my lane–you have a horn coming). I believe in courtesy, compassion, and sharing-but a long line of waiting for others to recognize that I may need leg room/arm room/a seat has taught me that you have to take your space–others won’t give it to you. And yes, there are societal and gender issues at play; there are different types of space and different issues that surround each of them. I could write about them all but want you to not be reading till Monday! So, for today, let’s talk physical space–we can deal with other issues another day.

So space. We all need it– be it on a subway, an arm rest, on an airplane. So why do some of us have such a hard time asking for it? There are those who don’t–and yes, as a member of the former group I can be in awe, envy, and sometimes hate those who seem to take up all the space they need (and sometimes more) without a thought or care. Are those people inherently bad or selfish? I like to think not (yes, I could write about those who probably are). Some people just naturally take up space. I, personally, don’t–and it’s not that I don’t need it. I’m tall, I like to spread out as much as the next person, and know I deserve the sidewalk or public space as much as the next person. And it’s not that I don’t take space–it’s just that if others are taking up space (manspreaders, etc) or if the space is in debate (shared armrests), I tend to defer-not ask for space, let the other person have it.

So why? If I know I have a right to the space, why do I, and others like me, have a hard time asking for it? Maybe we expect people to notice what we need and give it to us–which has never worked for me. Maybe it’s years of training to be nice and not demand things–I’m a Southern woman, I know this. Maybe it’s a combination, maybe other issues come into play. I don’t know.

I do know that I believe every single one of us deserves to take up all the space we need. And if people aren’t going to give it to us, we’re going to have to take it. Is this hard for me? Yes, but the good news is we can do hard things. So this week I’ve gone out of my way to take up the space I need. A guy at the movies had his legs spread wide, I willed myself to say “Excuse me” (not “I’m sorry”, another issue), and even though I had to say it twice, he moved. At the gym I stood my ground and held my space at the mirror while getting ready. Moon-landing accomplishments? No. But a start. This doesn’t mean my voice doesn’t shake sometimes, or I find it easy; but if other people are asking for the space they deserve, why shouldn’t I?

Here’s the secret guys, there is enough space for all of us. And if you aren’t getting what you need, you are going to have to ask for it. I’d love to know–is this something you struggle with? How do you deal with it?

Wishing us all a week of space and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Letting Go

a close up selfie of a woman in red lipstick and the head of a giant nutcracker

Perhaps it’s just me, but we’re at the time in the holiday season where I’m simply letting things go. That doesn’t mean that I’m not celebrating, not in the spirit, not crossing things off my to-do list. I am doing all of that, and am excited about being with my friends and family in the coming weeks and doing all of the holiday things! What it does mean is that I’m taking all of those big expectations and “shoulds” and all the stress that comes from wanting to make this “the best holiday ever” and I’m just letting go.

Historically, letting go isn’t something that comes easily to me. I care a lot- especially at this time of year. And when I care I tend to worry and over think and fixate (all things I’m working on!). I realize that this is a time of year when we often take on more than we can chew- over commit, over expect, and over do; and it’s not that I have answers for how to stop any of these behaviors.And I too have all these things I want to do and make and have perfect.

But. We’re less than 10 days away from Christmas. It’s not that you can’t get more things done in this time-it’s just that we’re getting to a time when we are going to have to let things be how they are. The decorations look how they look. Our plans are what they are. The gifts will be what they are (and if nothing else gift cards will be given). My letting go is more accepting this and being happy with what we have, rather than fighting and over stressing to do the things that just won’t be done.

I feel like this is a yearly battle. At least for me. This time of year brings out so many wants and it’s so easy to get swept into how “we should do it” and how “it could be perfect”. Every year I claim I won’t let things overwhelm and stress me- and yet, about this time every year I’m having to face that things won’t go according to the biggest plans. The thing is- maybe they’ll go better?

Movies, songs, all the things will tell us that simple is better (and I will say we simplified our decorations this year and they are still stunning!) and the important thing is being with who you love (it is!) but it can be hard to accept that. So how do we?

I’m still figuring it out. Like letting go, it’s a process for me. My steps?
-I’m doing what I can. Sometimes that’s a lot, sometimes it’s not. And when I can’t meet my own high standards, I remind myself that they people who love me will love what I’m doing.
-Done is better than perfect. Hard to swallow, but often I keep trying to make things perfect when they could just be done. I also take this moment to remind myself that I am the only one who will notice the “imperfections” I see.
-I’m making plans for the new year- from dinners with friends to shopping to notes, instead of trying to cram everything in now and giving people the stressed version of me I’m moving what I can to the new year and am getting excited about those things.

Being happy with how things are and letting the holiday be what it will be- not easy at all. Yet, I think it’s a part of having a happy holiday season. So, how do you let go? How do you make this season happy and stress free?

Wishing us all a week of happy and stress free celebrations and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Happy Father’s Day!

It’s Father’s Day! My dad is an engineer but has never questioned or withheld his support from his daughter who only ever wanted to dance, act, and be in fashion. He’s also the man who taught me to love football–which is a huge part of my life. I wouldn’t be where I am without him. I hope the fathers in your life are as supportive of you!

On the other hand, relationships with our parents, and parent figures can be tough. I hope if this is a hard day for you that you’re spending the day in a way that feels right to you.

Wishing us all a week of love and amazing shoes! xo RA

Sunday Chronicles: Day Off

a woman in a teal and chartreuse sleep set and robe lounges on a white bench in front of a white wall

Things I have been thinking about lately:
Burn Out (why and how to fix it)
Balance- in work and life and if it’s possible
Rebellion- I am horrible about when I get stressed I do that “revenge” stay up late thing where you stay up late to decompress and get time alone but it’s not great for you
Boundaries- how to set them and what they look like when you don’t have a traditional schedule
Habits
How I would like to my life to work.

There is so much about my life and work- even my day job!- that I love. That I feel as if I am good at. That I want to keep on. Yet. Loves. I have to admit that lately I am bit over tired. A lot overworked. On the edge of burn out. Do to this- fashion and my creative pursuits which I love (and feel as if I am failing at right now! Which is part of this!)- and my day job (sadly, Gucci doesn’t buy itself) I haven’t had a day off in MONTHS. MONTHS. I had a work trip for my day job a few weeks ago- that week I worked over 90 hrs just for them, plus shooting. And writing. As you may have heard my mom had emergency surgery (which I will never, ever complain about getting to be there for my family), but it was another thing I worked through. (Seriously, took a zoom call in the waiting room while she was in surgery).

I am tired. I am ready for a break. And my schedule doesn’t naturally lend itself to that. SO. I am making it. Today I am off0 my big plans include a face mask, doing my nails. Though I would like to shoot a few looks (as I am too excited about them!) and get started on some cleaning and laundry. Because I want to get on top of my schedule- and life. I want to get to a place where I am not behind ALL the time- and I have time for things I love (hello you!) and get to rest some.

The only way I know to get to that place is to take some time. Will I be putting up an OOO? No. But will I put off checking email and etc? Yes. Will there be bad TV and mindless scrolling (and some shopping!)? Yes. And time on the couch, cat cuddles, and not feeling guilty for not jumping out of bed. A day without my computer and being tied to my phone and worrying about getting it all done! (Ok, maybe I don’t know how to stop worrying but maybe that’s part of it!)

What do you do when you notice you’re a bit burned out and need some rest? Can you tell me on Monday?

Wishing us all a week of days off and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Into The Fire

a woman on a bed with white sheets and a pink peignoir set

Ironically, I was thinking that summer, or the beginning of summer would be a lovely, slow paced time to get myself on a routine (my life long struggle). To clean out and organize my closet and beyond. To catch up on all my “chores” like mending and dry cleaning. And to be able to take all of that at a pace that still felt luxurious. Like a summer celebration instead of work.

Yet.

It’s the beginning of summer. I have been on a work trip for my day job that has left me drained. I am behind in oh so many ways. And this week had a twist of an unexpected emergency surgery for my mom- which we are still dealing with.

Something about the best laid plans. Or more like- into the fire from the frying pan?

More ironically? There are times when I do well under pressure. Not all times. But I am one of those who is more productive when I have a lot going on- as I have no choice but to stick to a schedule. So. Maybe this fire is good. I am still determined and have my list- the things I want to do and the person I want to be and the things I want to wear. Perhaps now we just do them with a bit of fire under our feet.

Hopefully, that makes the down or luxurious paced moments a bit more sweet. Or maybe the fire lets me know how lucky I am. Honestly, I am still spinning a bit and trying to grab 5 mins for myself here and there. But. I am a bit willing to let the fire inspire and move me- rather than just burn me up.

How that will work out? I guess we will see. But rest assured that I will be wearing fabulous shoes no matter what.

How do you react when plans go awry and you find yourself in a fire? Any tips? Also– what does one wear to a fire?

Wishing us all a week of being inspired by our circumstances and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Is there Such a Thing as Balance?

a woman in a blue pant set with purple feather shoes on a bed with a lace bed spread

One of my favorite bits of wisdom? “You can have it all, just not at the same time”.
Another bit of wisdom I have heard recently? “Sometimes things comes in waves. You have weeks when you’re great at work, then weeks you’re bad at work. Weeks you kill it in the gym, weeks when going for a walk is a big feat. You get to be good at one thing at week. Sometimes two. Don’t worry when you’re not good at something”.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about balance, about being good at it all at it all all the time, and how we manage. As I write this I am on a work trip for my day job. I have eaten meals, worked, and cried in this hotel bed. This week I have averaged working at LEAST 12 hrs a day (and I am most likely short changing myself). I haven’t worked out the way I love to. Or need to. In fact, putting myself first has been a thing I haven’t done. And I can tell I am suffering from not doing things for me, or working on the work I love.

We live in a world that makes it seem as if balance and keeping it together is easy! Just drink enough water (also haven’t done that this week), and keep up with everyone’s highlight reel and your work/social/personal/physical/spiritual lives and journeys are a snap! That’s what we are told. That’s what so many of us are killing ourselves to achieve.

There are weeks I feel like I have it together. And then days on days when I feel as if all I do is hit rock bottom. Lately I have really been worried and thinking about balance– mainly as I realize I am not doing what I want– and that’s not just shop all the time. When I get stuck in a pattern of my “scales” leaning towards everything that is not for me (ie. I am not drinking my water or working out or giving myself what I need in oh so many ways) and I find myself overworked and burnt out and trying to please people who probably don’t care (from bosses to clients to strangers on the internet), I can’t help but think about balance. And to use a wording from the original blogger, Carrie Bradshaw-

I can’t help but wonder: Is there such a thing as balance? And if so, how do we achieve it?

With only so many hours in the day (as we do need sleep), how do we excel at work, and our workouts, our diets and treats, at being a good friend and partner and if you are- a parent or child or caretaker, and still make time for ourselves? Is it possible to have it all and be it all week in out and every day? There have been times in my life where this did feel possible. But, lately? I have felt like I am failing at it all.

My experience this week at balance? Nothing balanced at all. My scales were heavily tilted and even with a few extra hours in the day I am so tired I don’t know that I could do anything with them. My birthday was a week or so ago, and one of the things I promised myself is that I would be my best self for me. So, does that mean I tilt my scales in my own favor? Personally, I know I need at least a few weeks of drinking the water and my workouts and focusing on the work (like this!) would make me feel better. But if that costs other things?

How do we balance it all? This is beginning to feel like a rant– which I never intended. Perhaps I should not be imbalanced and write! A vulnerable moment? I am struggling with my balance right now. And if you have any tips I am ALL ears. Even if it’s just how to say to my boss I need a day off!

I am sorry I have no insight. Tomorrow I will get up and do work. And I will also try to make time to get on a treadmill. And maybe spend some time in the water. And wear something fabulous. Have some water. And maybe some wine. Will it be enough? I guess we will see!

Wishing us all a week of balanced scales and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Introverts, Communications, and Hangovers

Investment Piece: Sunday Chronicles — Introverts, Communication, and Hangovers

There’s a great chance, by now, that you’re aware (or have a theory) on whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. And maybe you have an understanding of how that affects your communication, and how introverts can get hangovers from too much interaction. I’m a fan of deeper understanding, and being aware of how you’re wired, and the best ways to communicate for you. We all have a love language (trendy doesn’t mean it’s not true), and there are ways for each of us to be our best selves.

This is not a post to promote any sort of label, push you to fully embrace your “vert-ness” (I may have just made that word up), or help you demand to be surrounded by people who only speak your love language. Also, this is not a post to disagree with your vert-ness, argue we should all get all communication, and that all this is bunk. This is a post about a week in which I was reminded that these labels about our “vert-ness” are not finite, we’re all on a spectrum, all communicate differently, and that introvert hangovers are a real thing. And all of that is aok.

I’m an introvert. I need time alone, and after being around people a lot I need to recharge. The twist? I’m a performer; I can be “on” with the best of them, give a good show, and I like that part of me. Also? For an introvert, I’m extroverted. Yes, I need time alone, not a fan of too much peopling, but I can chat people up and network. It’s a spectrum, and there is no right or wrong way to be an introvert. We all get that.

What I forgot this week? That when I forget to balance the different sides of my introvert personality the people hangovers are real. I spent too much time go-go-going and being with people the past few weeks, and had to give myself a lot of down time to recover. What also hit me? When I (or anyone) chats about their need for alone time (or space) it’s not always the way that someone else communicates. What does all that mean? I (and you?) have to be clear about what we need, take care of ourselves, and nurse a hangover that comes from interaction the same way we would a “real” hangover. We may also have to be active listeners when people tell us about their needs.

And the thing? That’s all ok. If everything is a spectrum, then even taking care of ourselves is a process that isn’t always a finite thing. Right? So, this week, I’m focused on letting myself be “on” and letting myself be “down”, telling people clearly what I need, avoiding hangovers, and really trying to hear people when they tell me their needs. What about you?

Wishing us all a week of no-hangovers and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Mending

a pile of dress, tops, napkins, etc to be mended and ironed

This is stacking of mending (and honestly ironing) that I need to do. That I have been needing to do for months. We can chat about a lot here:
-Why does it take so long to do the little things? Or : why do we put things off?
-Mending as a way to prolong our looks, closets, and as a great way to recycle
-Why is ironing the worst?

But mainly I keep thinking: why is mending (and even mending our clothes which is great!) a bit overwhelming? From fixing hems to saying “I’m sorry” mending is both what can keep us together- but one of those things that can be so hard to do. I will be 100% honest- there are times when I am bad at both.

My grandmas (both! And my mom) taught me to sew. I also had to take costuming for my BFA in Theater. While I am by no means a tailor, most minor mending and alterations are well within my wheelhouse. And yet. This pile is just a representation of what I can put off. In this pile? Nothing major. At all. Some hems that need to be tacked up, some straps that need adjust, the biggest mending is a top needs some elastic replaced. Even all together (even with the laundry), this probably would not be over an hour’s work. Yet. For almost a year I haven’t been able to bring myself to do to. This mending pile has been moved from my closet. To the floor. To the couch. All in the hopes that the more I see it, the more I could just pick it up and do it.

However, as we can see, all this mending is still undone.

Mending as in our relationships is also something I need to do. Not just apologies (though I think I owe a few of those), I am behind on texts, calls, catch ups, and just the day to day maintenance of relationships of all kinds. Beloveds, there are even people I really want to chat with. Then- I get to the end of my day –and I just put off the mending.

Is it because our days are so full? Am I that bad at mending? Is it just easier to put off things we need? All of the above. I am a firm believer in mending. I think it’s great and helps us have the closets and relationships we want. So- I am perplexed at my procrastination at mending. How do we get over that?

(Not a rhetorical question! If you have tips from mending to being proactive in mending I am all ears!)

For what feels like the millionth week in a row I am putting mending on my to do list. (There’s even mending I’m hoping to send out!) And I am bribing and working on my procrastination in getting it done. What about you?

Wishing us all a week of mends done and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Making A Mess First

Ironically I’m right back in this place again. Part of my closet that I designed collapsed – it was my fault! I didn’t screw a rod in! But it’s sent me into disarray. And again, I’m needing tweaks in my scheduled and to clean- and redo my closet. Weirdly, while it can feel not great to be at certain place again, it feels a bit reassuring to know that I have been here before- and made it. So. I will make it again. Does it ever bring you comfort that you have done things before so you know you can do it again?

a close up of shoe boxes on a shelf above a hanging shelf

I’m finally- finally- turning a room in my house into a full closet for me. A long time wish/goal/want- and great for not only business but my clothes! At first, when the decision was made and I began to clear out and rearrange my closets and furniture, I truly thought the process would take a 1 day, maybe 2 at most. We’re currently 2 weeks into this- what I know will be worth it- redo (and yes, we’re redoing other rooms and I have multiple work and other obligations too) and it’s at the point where we’re a mess.

There are clothes I can’t get to, clothes I can’t see. Rooms I can’t walk in. There are days I’ve spent dirty and worried that even with a plan and a vision that I’ve done nothing but made a mess. And maybe I have. But here’s the thing: sometimes making a mess is the only way to move forward.

While that’s perhaps not a novel thought, as it seems that everyone a big change in my life happens- from moves to jobs to well, anything- it’s a lesson that feels new each time. My life is kind of a mess right now. Starting with my rooms and my closet and my house. It’s not that I can’t see how things will get better, but often when cleaning and rearranging, you do actually have to make a mess first. Science? Or just a fact that you have to get everything out then get it back in.

In the mess of all of this, I have started a new day job. *** I’m still dealing with family grief from a loss this summer. And, as we all say, am trying to keep up with our health and social lives and all the thing.If you tell me you never struggle with time management I’ll laugh! Especially at times like these- I have the feeling if I had a few days with absolutely NO other obligations or worries that the closet redo would be done so quickly and easily. But- how do you get a few days with NOTHING?

When it’s done, I can’t wait to show you my closet. OR new closet space. Yes- I think making a specific space for anything that you need- from a closet to an office to a hobby room to a gym- is a brave thing and a must. (If we’re gonna thrive we need places for it!) But the process is messy. Daily I’m reminded that the way up is to make the mess, then clean it up. Make the mess then clean it up.

There are so many times and things in life that this applies to. And that is both uncomfortable and comforting. Usually when we make changes in life- from those we don’t want to those we do-there’s a mess made before we put ourselves back together. From breakups to moves to job changes to glow ups and everything in between, I’ve found this to be true. Has mess ever been easier to deal with? Not really.

That’s a thing I’m working on. Currently, I’m trusting that the mess I’m making will end up in the best (or maybe better!) of my plans. Because to clean or build we gotta be a little messy, right?

How do you deal with the mess that comes before a redo or a break through? Any tips are appreciated!

Wishing us all a week of cleaning up messes and amazing shoes! XO RA

*** Very much a side note, and probably a whole other article. I’ve always been embarrassed about having day jobs. Yet, as they say, Gucci doesn’t buy itself. I LOVE my fashion work- and think it’s part of my calling. I LOVE acting- and think it’s part of my calling. And yet. Those industries have never paid out on a regular basis for me. So I do other jobs too. Perhaps that keeps me young? Skill sets fresh? Whatever way, I’m working on accepting that day jobs are a part of this wonderful journey!***

Sunday Chronicles: Getting Pinched

a woman in a green turban and a green and white silk jacket and dress

I know today is a “holiday” and a day a lot of people use as an excuse to cut a little loose. I get it, truly I do. To me? Today is about pinches- or avoiding them. The family story my family is sick of hearing about?

The one where my sister pinched me.

When I was 8?9? I had strep throat- awful- on St Patrick’s Day. Strep throat was an illness was I dealt with on a yearly basis, and it always took me down, in a horrific fashion. I am also one of those that has never run high fever, 99 is high for me. But, strep made me super ill, event without a high fever. So, I had been sent home from school- super sick, and as strep was the thing that I always got my mom could tell what it was and got me to the dr right away for a diagnosis and some meds. Even as a kid I loved to dress to a theme, and would usually wear green on St Patrick’s Day (the childhood celebration of it!). However, being sick and needing comfort I wore one of my fave, comfort outfits at the time- a white sweatshirt with a teddy bear on it and a white ribbed skirt with keds. No green.

Coming home from the doctor my sister and I were sitting in the back seat- again we were kids! And noticing that I wasn’t wearing green my sister pinched me. This may seem a bit innocent, a thing that sisters do-but the thing is my sister has a prosthetic arm. She was born without her left arm (and is a total rock star and was HomeComing Queen!) and at the time had a myroelectric arm –and pinches were not subtle. They hurt! And were hard! I remember being so upset, here I was feeling awful with my throat on fire, and I get pinched. Hard. And my sister laughed.

I tell this story so much my family gets sick of it. What it changed for me? Every year on St Patrick’s Day I make SURE I wear green. Sometimes big green, sometimes subtle green, but always green. I’m making it my mission to not get pinched again!

Do you wear green today? And do you pinch those that don’t? Weirdly, I’ve never been one to pinch- perhaps my own experience has made me a bit more understanding! However you “celebrate” and whatever you’re wearing , I hope today is fantastic!

Wishing us all a day of no pinches and amazing shoes! XO RA