There’s something you may have noticed recently- my hair is getting darker. A more accurate description would be that I’m growing my hair out naturally (though I have to be honest, this is the darkest it’s ever grown in). The choice to go natural was part necessity- as we all also know I had gone a bit TOO blonde (dying hair by yourself will do that!) and needed to get my hair healthy again. Also, Covid left me with scalp psoriasis (which I am getting under control, but it’s a whole other story) and with outbreaks of that, I haven’t wanted to put chemicals on my hair. And, after having colored my hair myself and before that having had to keep up with appointments, I was hoping my natural hair color would be something I could love.
Like most women, I have a complicated relationship with my hair (see here, and wrote about first going a bit darker blonde here), and more honestly this process-and my feelings about it- have been even more complicated. While I knew that my hair would be darker, I picture myself as a blonde, and somehow thought it would naturally be a bit lighter than it is. Growing up my hair would get light any time that I spent time in the sun, and I have to say there is a part of me that hopes that “invite me to your pool season” brings out some highlights. That being said, I find myself liking the darker side. I feel like it makes my eyes pop, and it is fun trying new makeup and clothing colors with it.
That being said, it’s jarring to think of myself as a brunette. (Weirdly I still don’t!) My agent said that to me this week and I had a moment where I was sure she was talking about someone else. And as it feels as if my hair color is still in transition- there is still color at the ends, the tone changes constantly- it feels as if I am in transition too. Plus, there is still a part of me that wonders if I should just go light again (the good thing about hair is that we can change it!). Or I worry that being dark haired will leave me with so much to change. While there are days when I LOVE what’s happening with my hair, there are days that I long to either just go darker or go lighter.
What most impresses me about how I’m reacting to my hair going to the darker side is that I’m being patient. Or trying to. I know that growing out hair color, and letting your natural hair color settle, takes time. It’s sometimes hard, but I’m really curious about what happens when my hair is all grown out (or I cut it) and the color settles (or the sun works magic, or whatever!). Also, as for medical reasons I’m supposed to hold off on coloring, patience may be my only option. So. We’re heading to the darker side. We’re figuring it out, adjusting our views, and embracing change.
Have you ever grown out your hair after coloring it for years? What was your experience? Does coloring your hair affect how you see yourself? I would love to hear all about it!
Wishing us all a week of loving our dark and our light sides and amazing shoes! XO RA