If you’re VERY online, you know that there has been a lot of discourse about hauls (when someone buys anywhere from 10-50 pieces at a time, usually from a fast fashion retailer). And people have opinions. I have opinions. There has been advice from where to shop instead of fast fashion, to just stop hauls and shopping fast. But more important than all of that, I think the questions we should be asking ourselves is how can we find joy in really finding our style and taking our time building our wardrobes. Let’s chat about it!
And one of the dresses from my vintage “haul” (aka all of the lovely clothes that a neighbor gifted me when she and her daughter cleaned out their closets) I’m on the fence about. I love the color and the details- and it would need to be taken in (and there are so many options on how to do that!). So- what do you think? Keep or sell?
Wishing us all a week of intentional shopping and amazing shoes! XO RA
In light of all the world events, protests, revolutions, and my wanting to be a better ally I’ve been thinking a lot about my voice. And how to best use it. The thing is: I’m not always comfortable speaking up or taking up space. I was raised to be “nice” and not “make trouble” and “please everyone”. But the fact is none of those things are really possible. Some trouble is good. I (and you) deserve to be heard. And nice isn’t always the best policy. So. I’m working on it. And while my thoughts here are from a few years ago, reflecting on how I can take up space this week helped me. Hope it helps you! XO RA
Sometimes topics come and hit you over the head, forcing you to pay attention to them. This week I was minding my own business, cruising the internet, when out of no where this article and this article kept popping up, on repeat. A sign? Maybe, maybe not; but when articles appear, I read them.
A note–I am one of those who have a hard time asking for the space I need (unless we are driving an then just try to sway into my lane–you have a horn coming). I believe in courtesy, compassion, and sharing-but a long line of waiting for others to recognize that I may need leg room/arm room/a seat has taught me that you have to take your space–others won’t give it to you. And yes, there are societal and gender issues at play; there are different types of space and different issues that surround each of them. I could write about them all but want you to not be reading till Monday! So, for today, let’s talk physical space–we can deal with other issues another day.
So space. We all need it– be it on a subway, an arm rest, on an airplane. So why do some of us have such a hard time asking for it? There are those who don’t–and yes, as a member of the former group I can be in awe, envy, and sometimes hate those who seem to take up all the space they need (and sometimes more) without a thought or care. Are those people inherently bad or selfish? I like to think not (yes, I could write about those who probably are). Some people just naturally take up space. I, personally, don’t–and it’s not that I don’t need it. I’m tall, I like to spread out as much as the next person, and know I deserve the sidewalk or public space as much as the next person. And it’s not that I don’t take space–it’s just that if others are taking up space (manspreaders, etc) or if the space is in debate (shared armrests), I tend to defer-not ask for space, let the other person have it.
So why? If I know I have a right to the space, why do I, and others like me, have a hard time asking for it? Maybe we expect people to notice what we need and give it to us–which has never worked for me. Maybe it’s years of training to be nice and not demand things–I’m a Southern woman, I know this. Maybe it’s a combination, maybe other issues come into play. I don’t know.
I do know that I believe every single one of us deserves to take up all the space we need. And if people aren’t going to give it to us, we’re going to have to take it. Is this hard for me? Yes, but the good news is we can do hard things. So this week I’ve gone out of my way to take up the space I need. A guy at the movies had his legs spread wide, I willed myself to say “Excuse me” (not “I’m sorry”, another issue), and even though I had to say it twice, he moved. At the gym I stood my ground and held my space at the mirror while getting ready. Moon-landing accomplishments? No. But a start. This doesn’t mean my voice doesn’t shake sometimes, or I find it easy; but if other people are asking for the space they deserve, why shouldn’t I?
Here’s the secret guys, there is enough space for all of us. And if you aren’t getting what you need, you are going to have to ask for it. I’d love to know–is this something you struggle with? How do you deal with it?
Wishing us all a week of space and amazing shoes! XO RA
It’s Father’s Day! My dad is an engineer but has never questioned or withheld his support from his daughter who only ever wanted to dance, act, and be in fashion. He’s also the man who taught me to love football–which is a huge part of my life. I wouldn’t be where I am without him. I hope the fathers in your life are as supportive of you!
On the other hand, relationships with our parents, and parent figures can be tough. I hope if this is a hard day for you that you’re spending the day in a way that feels right to you.
Wishing us all a week of love and amazing shoes! xo RA
This is stacking of mending (and honestly ironing) that I need to do. That I have been needing to do for months. We can chat about a lot here:
-Why does it take so long to do the little things? Or : why do we put things off?
-Mending as a way to prolong our looks, closets, and as a great way to recycle
-Why is ironing the worst?
But mainly I keep thinking: why is mending (and even mending our clothes which is great!) a bit overwhelming? From fixing hems to saying “I’m sorry” mending is both what can keep us together- but one of those things that can be so hard to do. I will be 100% honest- there are times when I am bad at both.
My grandmas (both! And my mom) taught me to sew. I also had to take costuming for my BFA in Theater. While I am by no means a tailor, most minor mending and alterations are well within my wheelhouse. And yet. This pile is just a representation of what I can put off. In this pile? Nothing major. At all. Some hems that need to be tacked up, some straps that need adjust, the biggest mending is a top needs some elastic replaced. Even all together (even with the laundry), this probably would not be over an hour’s work. Yet. For almost a year I haven’t been able to bring myself to do to. This mending pile has been moved from my closet. To the floor. To the couch. All in the hopes that the more I see it, the more I could just pick it up and do it.
However, as we can see, all this mending is still undone.
Mending as in our relationships is also something I need to do. Not just apologies (though I think I owe a few of those), I am behind on texts, calls, catch ups, and just the day to day maintenance of relationships of all kinds. Beloveds, there are even people I really want to chat with. Then- I get to the end of my day –and I just put off the mending.
Is it because our days are so full? Am I that bad at mending? Is it just easier to put off things we need? All of the above. I am a firm believer in mending. I think it’s great and helps us have the closets and relationships we want. So- I am perplexed at my procrastination at mending. How do we get over that?
(Not a rhetorical question! If you have tips from mending to being proactive in mending I am all ears!)
For what feels like the millionth week in a row I am putting mending on my to do list. (There’s even mending I’m hoping to send out!) And I am bribing and working on my procrastination in getting it done. What about you?
Wishing us all a week of mends done and amazing shoes! XO RA
Ironically I’m right back in this place again. Part of my closet that I designed collapsed – it was my fault! I didn’t screw a rod in! But it’s sent me into disarray. And again, I’m needing tweaks in my scheduled and to clean- and redo my closet. Weirdly, while it can feel not great to be at certain place again, it feels a bit reassuring to know that I have been here before- and made it. So. I will make it again. Does it ever bring you comfort that you have done things before so you know you can do it again?
I’m finally- finally- turning a room in my house into a full closet for me. A long time wish/goal/want- and great for not only business but my clothes! At first, when the decision was made and I began to clear out and rearrange my closets and furniture, I truly thought the process would take a 1 day, maybe 2 at most. We’re currently 2 weeks into this- what I know will be worth it- redo (and yes, we’re redoing other rooms and I have multiple work and other obligations too) and it’s at the point where we’re a mess.
There are clothes I can’t get to, clothes I can’t see. Rooms I can’t walk in. There are days I’ve spent dirty and worried that even with a plan and a vision that I’ve done nothing but made a mess. And maybe I have. But here’s the thing: sometimes making a mess is the only way to move forward.
While that’s perhaps not a novel thought, as it seems that everyone a big change in my life happens- from moves to jobs to well, anything- it’s a lesson that feels new each time. My life is kind of a mess right now. Starting with my rooms and my closet and my house. It’s not that I can’t see how things will get better, but often when cleaning and rearranging, you do actually have to make a mess first. Science? Or just a fact that you have to get everything out then get it back in.
In the mess of all of this, I have started a new day job. *** I’m still dealing with family grief from a loss this summer. And, as we all say, am trying to keep up with our health and social lives and all the thing.If you tell me you never struggle with time management I’ll laugh! Especially at times like these- I have the feeling if I had a few days with absolutely NO other obligations or worries that the closet redo would be done so quickly and easily. But- how do you get a few days with NOTHING?
When it’s done, I can’t wait to show you my closet. OR new closet space. Yes- I think making a specific space for anything that you need- from a closet to an office to a hobby room to a gym- is a brave thing and a must. (If we’re gonna thrive we need places for it!) But the process is messy. Daily I’m reminded that the way up is to make the mess, then clean it up. Make the mess then clean it up.
There are so many times and things in life that this applies to. And that is both uncomfortable and comforting. Usually when we make changes in life- from those we don’t want to those we do-there’s a mess made before we put ourselves back together. From breakups to moves to job changes to glow ups and everything in between, I’ve found this to be true. Has mess ever been easier to deal with? Not really.
That’s a thing I’m working on. Currently, I’m trusting that the mess I’m making will end up in the best (or maybe better!) of my plans. Because to clean or build we gotta be a little messy, right?
How do you deal with the mess that comes before a redo or a break through? Any tips are appreciated!
Wishing us all a week of cleaning up messes and amazing shoes! XO RA
*** Very much a side note, and probably a whole other article. I’ve always been embarrassed about having day jobs. Yet, as they say, Gucci doesn’t buy itself. I LOVE my fashion work- and think it’s part of my calling. I LOVE acting- and think it’s part of my calling. And yet. Those industries have never paid out on a regular basis for me. So I do other jobs too. Perhaps that keeps me young? Skill sets fresh? Whatever way, I’m working on accepting that day jobs are a part of this wonderful journey!***
Happy Valentine’s, Lovers! I hope you’re being showered with love and affection and treats.
I have something to confess my loves: I am not a big fan of this day. No, it’s not a big “single movement” or “galentines ” (although I like that idea). I just don’t like the idea that someone is professing their love or pampering me because they “have to”. I’m not anti-love. I’m anti having to express it in a certain manner. Let me be clear: if you care about me and want to tell me, please do! Treat me! But please don’t do it because this is the day that you’re supposed to. I was a little bit scared to admit that–there’s nothing worse than being the woman who’s anti-Valentine’s day, but a friend of mine wrote this piece on not liking the holiday–and it made me bold. (I loved a lot of what she had to say!)
Here’s the thing lovers–I love love. I really do. I am for affection, and treats, and letting people know that you love them. I think there is so much love in our lives to be grateful for–from our friends to our families to the baristas who remember our names and exactly how we like our coffees. All of that is love –and should be celebrated. In fact, sometimes I think we forget how much love is in our lives. We concentrate on romantic love–which is amazing–and the big, grand gestures that can accompany it are fantastic. But the simple gestures that friends, family and sometimes strangers can show us are just as great. When I found this list of ways to say “I love you”, it hit me–because these non-grand gestures of love are often what make up our lives. And they are fantastic. And should be celebrated–not because a holiday says so, but because we are so lucky to have people in our lives who care how our days go.
If you love to celebrate Valentine’s–great! There’s nothing wrong with that. And if you’re not–great! There’s nothing wrong with that. I hope in whatever way, on whatever day you chose, you can take a minute to see the love in your life–and maybe let those people know you love them too. And not to get on my soapbox–but this is my soapbox–I hope you let yourself know that you love you too. I saw an essay about being the love of your own life (regardless of any other relationship) and of all the things I love, I love that. Ourselves will be with us forever–we will spend the most time with ourselves, we will grow old together, we will be forever tied together. Loving yourself isn’t always easy (that’s another therapy trip), but it is important and rewarding. So while we’re celebrating love–maybe let’s learn to love ourselves, develop a great relationship with ourselves, treat ourselves like we’re the loves of our lives, be the loves of our own lives. And if that involves treating ourselves to new shoes to pamper us? Well, everyone wins 🙂
I wish us all an abundance of love and amazing shoes this week! XO RA
This week (especially if you’re in the US) truly marks the beginning of the holiday season. Thanksgiving. A TON of sales. Black Friday. Christmas Tree lightings (everywhere!). It’s both the most joyful time of the year- and a stressful time of the year.
Because with the holidays- and the joy and the celebrating, comes to-do lists and hectic travel and high expectations. It can also bring grief (especially if you’ve lost something or someone this year, as well as unmet expectations can cause grief- and that’s a hard grief to admit). The holidays can also bring activities and over scheduled calendar. So, with all the things that the holidays bring, how can we take time?
For ourselves, to truly be with family, to really sit and enjoy?
I’m not sure I have ALL of the answers (and I hate it when that happens!) but I can let you know what I’m doing in the coming weeks to make sure that I take the time- for everything I need!
– To-do lists. Yes, I’m a stickler for lists, as they help stay on task (and there’s a great feeling that comes from marking things off!). From chores to shopping to presents- I’ll be making lists and checking them off!
-Scheduling. Writing in Ink my workouts, time alone, time with family, etc. My workouts keep me a bit sane, I’m prioritizing those, but as an introvert I also know that I need time alone- so I’m scheduling that too! Parties and dinners and holiday schedules also go on my calendar, but I also like planning my shopping, etc. It not only helps me stay organized but lets me know when I’m behind- or conversely lets me know when I’m on time and can relax me!
-Turning off my phone. Not all the time, and not for the total of every event. But there are times when I think I’m just “taking pictures” or “answering a quick work email” and then I find myself lost on social media, scrolling- all of the bad habits that we all have. For multiple reasons I can’t just turn off my phone indefinitely, but I try (for at least part of every event) to really put my phone done and be present. Perhaps that’s not turning it off- but in these times it counts!
-Letting Go. This one is really hard for me. Even in the best of times, we can’t get it all done, make all parties (etc) or be perfect. A lot of this season, I think, is letting go. As those high expectations and worry about fitting it all in can take away from all the joy and the magic of the season. While letting go is something I struggle with, it’s never something I regret. So- I try extra hard at this time of year to let go at this time of year so I can make time for the things that actually matter.
How do you take time at the holiday season? For you, for your loved ones, for all that we have to do? I would love to hear all your tips!
Wishing us all a week of extra time (and pie) and amazing shoes! XO RA
It’s October 1st- which means it’s the beginning of Spooky Season:
-Hocus Pocus (at least for me) is now the go-to movie
-Halloween becomes the focus. There are many thought pieces about what Halloween is a the best: including but not limited to: it’s about community, you don’t have to spend time with your family if you don’t want, there are so many ways to celebrate. For me Spooky Season means Fashion Halloween (starts tomorrow!) which is the ultimate marriage of my loves of acting and fashion. I can’t wait to share my costumes with you.
-Planning costumes is also what makes spooky season special to me. I love the costumes – wearing them, seeing the kids in them, all of the costumes. Please tell me all about your costumes or let me know if you need help with yours!
-Fall treats! If you love the candies or not, it’s time for ciders and pumpkin bread, pumpkin spice, apple and pear everything.
And let’s be honest, Spooky Season is just a hop, skip and barely a jump into the HOLIDAY season. In fact, I’ve already seen holiday decorations out in store. (While I wasn’t surprised, it still feels way too early). I also love the holiday season, this year I have some specific goals for Spooky Season. All can be summed up by saying I want to slow down and enjoy it. This weekend – while at an event with my sister, wine tasting with my family- I felt myself rushing through things. Worrying about pics. Thinking about the next thing. At this time of year, I feel that we never have to worry. The next thing is coming. We’re going to be busy. Rushing through any thing- from our fave scary movie to pics to tasty treats robs no one but ourselves.
SO this spooky season, I want to enjoy it. I want to slow down. Be present. Enjoy. Savor. This is the season to really focus on what’s in front of us- be it Halloween, or pumpkin, or witches, or just enjoying the fall-from sweaters to hay. Holiday season will come. While it’s here, let’s focus on the spooky (whatever that means to you!).
If you need me, I’ll be in an elaborate costume, or in a graphic tee, sipping apple cider, watching Hocus Pocus every chance I get, and savoring the moment. How are you spending Spooky Season?
Wishing us all a week of enjoying the season and amazing shoes! XO RA
There’s something you may have noticed recently- my hair is getting darker. A more accurate description would be that I’m growing my hair out naturally (though I have to be honest, this is the darkest it’s ever grown in). The choice to go natural was part necessity- as we all also know I had gone a bit TOO blonde (dying hair by yourself will do that!) and needed to get my hair healthy again. Also, Covid left me with scalp psoriasis (which I am getting under control, but it’s a whole other story) and with outbreaks of that, I haven’t wanted to put chemicals on my hair. And, after having colored my hair myself and before that having had to keep up with appointments, I was hoping my natural hair color would be something I could love.
Like most women, I have a complicated relationship with my hair (see here, and wrote about first going a bit darker blonde here), and more honestly this process-and my feelings about it- have been even more complicated. While I knew that my hair would be darker, I picture myself as a blonde, and somehow thought it would naturally be a bit lighter than it is. Growing up my hair would get light any time that I spent time in the sun, and I have to say there is a part of me that hopes that “invite me to your pool season” brings out some highlights. That being said, I find myself liking the darker side. I feel like it makes my eyes pop, and it is fun trying new makeup and clothing colors with it.
That being said, it’s jarring to think of myself as a brunette. (Weirdly I still don’t!) My agent said that to me this week and I had a moment where I was sure she was talking about someone else. And as it feels as if my hair color is still in transition- there is still color at the ends, the tone changes constantly- it feels as if I am in transition too. Plus, there is still a part of me that wonders if I should just go light again (the good thing about hair is that we can change it!). Or I worry that being dark haired will leave me with so much to change. While there are days when I LOVE what’s happening with my hair, there are days that I long to either just go darker or go lighter.
What most impresses me about how I’m reacting to my hair going to the darker side is that I’m being patient. Or trying to. I know that growing out hair color, and letting your natural hair color settle, takes time. It’s sometimes hard, but I’m really curious about what happens when my hair is all grown out (or I cut it) and the color settles (or the sun works magic, or whatever!). Also, as for medical reasons I’m supposed to hold off on coloring, patience may be my only option. So. We’re heading to the darker side. We’re figuring it out, adjusting our views, and embracing change.
Have you ever grown out your hair after coloring it for years? What was your experience? Does coloring your hair affect how you see yourself? I would love to hear all about it!
Wishing us all a week of loving our dark and our light sides and amazing shoes! XO RA
My area is recovering from an ice storm this weekend; this past week we were under freezing for over 48 hours, and there was ice everywhere. Trees, grass, roads, etc. We were super lucky- no damage (though I did spend a lot of Saturday cleaning up tree limbs that fell due to the weight of ice!), no loss of power, just a few days staying snuggly inside. Which was great in some ways! Though to my dismay, snow (or ice) days as an adult aren’t the free-for-alls that they are as kids. Not saying that I don’t love my job, but I wouldn’t say no to a few days completely work and responsibility free!
What a few days of a freeze did do is leave me with time to think (I really didn’t leave the house for about 4 days!). I spent a lot of time thinking about how grateful I am, for even basics like heat and running water. And I spent a lot of time thinking about what I want- from spring fashion to how I want my days to look. Also, I spent some time thinking about ice/snow days- not necessarily the ones I had, but the ones of fantasy, the ones that are full of fun, reading by the fire, hot chocolate, and a sense of freedom.
Again, I cannot tell you how much I love my job, but I can also tell you that I need downtime as well. We live in a world, a culture, that leads us to believe that we are only “good” or worthwhile if we’re busy and productive . A lesson that I keep learning is that do be productive, I need rest. That rest is productive. When we were freezing, everything shut down, I still felt as if I needed to stick to my do-to list. And to be fair, there were deadlines that I needed to meet. Yet, I cannot tell you how much I wanted to give into the “snow” days of my youth- just forget about everything and have a good time. I’ve been wondering how we balance all that we want and need to do, and our rest and celebrating a bit of freedom. How do you do it?
In recognition of how I felt about it freezing, I’m actively attempting to schedule myself at least one day a week without anything to do. Maybe I won’t be by a fire or sipping chocolate, but I can give myself a day off. And with that day off, perhaps get more done? Besides, when was the last time we left everything behind and just enjoyed the day? Wouldn’t that be so good for us?
Wishing us all a week of above freezing temps but rest- and of course, amazing shoes! XO RA
