Investment Piece: Ex Files

Loves! It’s time for our monthly dose of dating horror stories: The Ex-Files! In my ultimate attempt to become Carrie Bradshaw, and satisfy my friends’ need to hear my awful dating stories (and sadly, there are a lot), we give you: Ex Files, dating horror stories. Yes, these stories really happened, yes, names/dates/places have been changed to protect those involved, and yes, if you wanted to be remembered well, behave better. Missed last month’s gem? You can get your fix on here.
Happy Reading!! XO RA

The One(s) Who Came On Too Strong

I have a tiny confession. While planning and writing this horror story, I had a realization: there are people for whom I am the one who came on too strong. There are times when I have been the over-texted, the one who had a harder time letting go, the one who thought that perhaps there was something more. I like to think that I’m great at taking notes, and that when men have let me know that I’m a bit much that I can text less. (As an actress, I’m a great adjuster.) And as I cringed at some of my over-eagerness, and wanted to apologize (but let’s be honest, there’s no great way to do that), I promised that I wouldn’t judge a guy for doing the same to me; because even if it’s annoying, someone really wanting to chat or spend time with you is lovely. This story isn’t about that. This about when they go beyond that. Collected here are men who have gone above and beyond coming on strong, those who even when they were told flat out they were coming on too strong just kept going.

Hear me out: I think men can be creepier than women. Much creepier. And I as I get older, some of these men think that their creepiness is becoming. It’s not.

More than once, both I and girlfriends, have been on the receiving end of such great pick lines as “We should get married”, or “I want you to have my babies”. Someone told men that women like commitment and some men run with that. The catch? This commitment to commitment is creepy if you have only known the person 5 mins. When I don’t know your middle name and you suggest me taking your last name, the room starts feeling hot and I find it hard to breathe. I also lose interest in learning your middle name. One man, let’s call him Bob, used this tactic on our first date. Bob seemed nice, until half way through our lunch when we began mentioning how compatible we were and how marriage was on the table. I excused myself to use the restroom/have a panic attack/call a rescue. Bob seemed to think it was normal to spend 10 mins in the restroom and didn’t say a word about it, or the fact that I cut our date short. In subsequent texts, I let Bob know that he might be looking for more than I could offer; he proceeded to rant that women always think commitment first. Bob, dear, women who date you think that because you bring it up.

An offshoot of the men who bring of commitment right away, are the men who “we” and relationship you too early. The men who say “I miss you” after one night, who make lists of things “we” will do together after one coffee. Maybe they don’t mention commitment, but they act like your boyfriend, while you’re still trying to decide if they’re boyfriend material. My friend Stella encountered one of these gentlemen, we’ll call him Tim, a few years ago. They met online and after some great chats and one night drinking, Tim made the journey to his hometown for the Christmas holidays. Cue the “I miss you”, “I wish you were here”, and “We should do xyz when I get back” texts. I know, these can seem sweet, but when you don’t know someone, they are overwhelming. Tim got back to town, found out that Stella had coffee with a male friend, lost it on her for “cheating”, then spent a week sending weepy messages about them working it out. Sadly, for Tim, Stella didn’t appreciate him coming on so strong and Stella and Tim didn’t make it.

Ironically enough, the above behavior is the type that women get warned about: don’t mention commitment, don’t come on too strong, don’t let a man know that you think he’s your boyfriend till he says he is. So that men are acting this way is both fascinating and off putting. The lesson? Maybe we should let all relationships take their time? However, this last short tale in this series is beyond all that. One of the few times I know I have made a man cry, and still baffling to me.

I had known Eric for years, and while there was always a flirtation, nothing ever came of it. I didn’t think anything of it, having a flirt buddy is fun, but apparently Eric always thought that something would (was) happening. He would often mention that he was going to ask me out, but never did. Last Christmas, at the last minute Eric texted me, asking me to be his date to his company holiday dinner. Unfortunately, the date didn’t work for me and I had to decline. Eric took the news well and I forgot about it. Till a week later, when I got a weepy message from Eric about how all his work buddies would have their fiancées or wives their, and he was upset that his fiancé couldn’t make it. I genuinely thought he had called the wrong number; this was a man who I had never been on a date with, much less gotten engaged to. But alas, no, a conversation led to the revelation that Eric thought we had been dating the whole time, and thought we were getting married. Asking someone one by letting them know that you’re engaged (which only happened in your head) is not a way to get a girlfriend, as it turns out. This was beyond coming on strong, I still don’t know how to categorize it.

Men that I’ve texted too much, at least I didn’t invite you to our wedding?


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Actress, avid shopper, and a lover of fashion. Hoping to make the world a better place one pair of shoes at a time.