Ex Files: The Haunting

Investment Piece: Ex Files: The Haunting

We’re back!! That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar). And because it’s almost Halloween, and nothing’s scarier than dating gone wrong, we’re chatting about Haunting!

We all have an ex that won’t die. There’s a reason they call it “I miss you season”; every once in a while, an ex who’s been gone makes their reappearance. Then trick can be deciding if you should give them a second chance or not! Here are just a few of my stories of exes that came back to Haunt me!

What’s up, love?
Mario went on 2 dates over a few weeks. It was clear from the beginning that neither of us were really looking for anything serious. He was lovely–but there was no click. So when things fizzled out, I thought nothing of it. However, like clockwork, every 2 months I get a text. Everything from “what’s up, love?” to “I miss you”. At first, I thought these were a little sweet. But, as this trend has continued, it’s become annoying. We didn’t really have anything. And no matter what he’s coming back for, it’s not here.

The One I Haven’t Met
There’s always that group text you can’t really get out of’ mine involves people from college. And in the group, I don’t know everyone–but everyone is friend’s of someone I do, so I thought nothing of Dave began occasionally texting me outside of the group, it was mainly about our college team, and it was fun. However, over time, it was clear that he thought there was a connection above football. I gently let him know that I was seeing someone, and wasn’t interested. Dave was lovely and we went back to being “group text” friends. Yet, at least once a month I get sent a random meme/thought/suggestion we get together.

U Up?
Raise your hand if you’ve been haunted by an ex. We all have. From the “I miss you” text to the un-orginal “U Up?”, there’s always a feeling when someone is about to reappear. (Apparently the kids now call it “Zombie-ing”) These pop-ups can be pleasant, or down right scary (depending on the ex). I have a friend who has a theory, they all come back. And most of the time, she’s right.

So, I would love to know : who’s an ex that’s haunted you?

Wishing us all a haunting free week and amazing shoes! XO RA

Ex Files: The Cheat

Investment Piece: Ex Files: Valentine's

Yes, it’s that time of the month where I plumb all the dating horror stories from both my past and people I know (a friend of mine recently let me know that he had spent an afternoon reading all of the Ex Files here on site- and he found it both hysterical and painful. While I don’t recommend doing it all in one session, feel free to search Ex Files in the side bar! It’s a lot. And yes, I have no idea if we’ll ever run out of stories! Xo RA

The Cheat

The only thing that might be worse than being cheated on? Being the other woman- without knowing it!

I began dating Jeff in a whirlwind. We met through a mutual hobby, chatted now and again when we saw each other, and while he continually asked me to coffee I thought nothing of him.
Then, one day we ran into each other while we were doing errands, which lead to lunch, which lead to drinks, which lead to dinner, which lead to us dating for months.
Was it ever serious? Not really. There was no major talk of the future. But we met each other’s friends, talked every day, and had date night every week when we weren’t traveling.

Since then, I have thought about every minute of our relationship, and looking back there were some red flags. There were days when Jeff was hard to get a hold of, and very evasive about what he was up to. We never posted pictures together, and his entire social media were pictures that could have been dates- or could not have been. I did feel like something was off, but every time I brought that up, or mentioned that if he wasn’t very into me we didn’t have to date, Jeff would insist that he really cared, nothing was amiss, and that I was being sensitive about things.

I believed him.

Until- one day Jeff simply went silent. No texts, no calls, no returning messages. The first day? I didn’t really think about it. A week later? I was pissed that someone I had dated so long had been so awful in the ending. Two weeks later? I got a call from a Lisa, letting me know that she was Jeff’s long term, live in girlfriend. She had gone through his phone and found texts- not only to me, but as Jeff traveled for work, in every city that he worked in. It appeared that Jeff led different lives in every single city he worked in. He would sublet apts, pass off AirBnBs as his own, join gyms, take classes, have friends, and girlfriends in EVERY CITY.

Was I upset? Yes. I was horrified (and also curious how he could afford it?!?!?)
I apologized profusely to Lisa, blocked Jeff, and tried to forgive myself for not adding it all up.

So. What do we do? Check IDs and addresses?

Wishing us all a week of single identities and amazing shoes!

Ex Files: My Ex’s Friend

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

And we’re back. That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar). Hopefully this makes you laugh (and feel better about your own dating life). Names and some unimportant facts have been changed to protect people; but the moral of the story is that if you want people to write warmly about you, you should probably behave better.

My Ex’s Friend

We all, usually, have some sort of policy about dating a friend’s ex. While I think there may be an exception or two, I’m of the camp that you don’t do it. It can be so messy and so hurtful that I don’t think it’s worth it. Even more messy and uncomfortable for me? The friend of my ex who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

When I began dating Steve it was magical-with a cute rom-com meet-cute to match. Steve was everything I wasn’t used to, kind, caring, and open, and I was thrilled when he wanted me to meet friends just a month into our relationship. What I didn’t know at the time is that Steve’s friend Wayne had asked Steve about me, Steve had told him our story and showed him my picture Wayne replied “She’s hot, she should date me”.

A little gross, right? It gets grosser.

Steve told me this little story on our way to a party where Wayne, and a bunch of mutual friends were going to be. He seemed understanding when I said that made me a bit uncomfortable (who says that to a friend!) but Steve reassured me Wayne was all talk and would respect our relationship. We can debate the meaning of respect, but Wayne didn’t do it. When Steve and I walked into the party, and I was introduced around, Wayne grabbed me, hugged me hard, and wouldn’t leave our side the entire night. Every time I moved, Wayne was there, chatting me up, letting me know how successful and wonderful he is, and making moves to always have his hand on my back. I was hugely uncomfortable, but felt like I had to be nice. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to be nice to a creep.

I was finally able get Steve alone and let him know that we had to go. And his friend was a jerk. Steve was horrified and got me out of the party ASAP, letting me know that we didn’t ever have to hang out with Wayne again.

And we didn’t. Many months later Steve and I parted ways (ironically while we both made mistakes, I have nothing horrible to say about Steve!), I ran into Wayne at a different friend’s party. The behavior was the same, only this time Wayne felt more empowered to hit on me, letting me know how now that I was “free” I should be his. I let him know I wasn’t interested. Wayne wasn’t able to take the hint, he got my number from a friend and spent the next 3 weeks relentlessly pursuing me. I finally reached out to Steve to get him to get Wayne to stop. (I also blocked Wayne and let my close mutual friends know I never wanted to be at a party with Wayne again!)

Who knows? Maybe Wayne is still trying and I don’t know about it, or maybe he finally got the hint. I hope that he’s learned not to hit on his friend’s girlfriend and to take no for an answer. Is that asking too much?


Ex Files: Pandemic Dating

Investment Piece: pandemic dating

By no means have we reached the end of my bad dating stories. (I have no idea if that’s horrifically bad or good for this series) BUT. With the world changing, and most of us (at least in the States) in such a different way of life, that I can’t help but think about how dating and break-ups have been affected. I sent this picture to a friend (who had recently ended her casual relationship) and we had a good laugh. If you’re in an area that’s being hard hit by Covid, or being badly affected by any of the current events, it has to make bad dates that much worse. Does it make good dates that much better?

I don’t have a ton of friends that are dating right now, but I do have quite a few friends who are breaking up. The break-ups seem to fall into 3 general categories:
1. Serious. Serious relationships that were in trouble and having to quarantine together and deal with (waves hand in the general direction of it all) made things worse. These are permenant break-ups that were going to happen. Even if the pandemic hurried things along.

2. Up-in-the-air. People who genuinely love and care for each other but between health and job and family stress just can’t commit right now. Will it work out later? A good chance. Do they still talk? Yep. But it’s just not the time. And you really can’t blame them.

3. The casual ending because of how they react to world events. A combo of one and two? Like my friend, who broke up with her very causal “situationship” as he had no desire to take the pandemic seriously, hated that she was choosing to do so, and felt judged by those differences. I did read somewhere that right now one good thing is that you can see right away how kind and compassionate someone is, you can see red flags easier, and can end things before anything serious starts. Were these people compatible? Probably not, but this was an easy tell.

Loves, in full disclosure I have to let you know that I’m not dating at this time. Between work and family stress and just trying to keep afloat in general, dating hasn’t even been on my radar. I’m a little more worried about seeing and hugging my friends and family again. But I do think about dating during this time.
The good: I can’t help but think it might be nice to get to know someone slowly. Really see people’s values and your compatibility. The idea of love letters melts me.
The bad: do you see each other? What about masks? All those things?
The in between: is anyone able to be their best right now? I used to be a prompt responder to texts and messages, even as an introvert loved to go out and go places. Now? It can take me a while to get back to you (because of al the reasons). Errands can be exhausting and I need time to recover. I’ve been late to zoom meetings. There are days that are so over emotional or sad or anything that I couldn’t be present for anyone else. Are the things we’re going through going to change us forever? How much grace could or should you give someone you’re getting to know in this crazy time?

I have no answers. But I do have 2 articles that have made me think- about dating and even my friendships!
Read tales from in person dating and advice from experts. What are your thoughts? Are you dating? How? How much has it changed?

Tell me all the things!

Ex Files: The Eavesdropping

This is a repost. One of the things that I oddly miss the most during this Pandemic? Eavesdropping. People watching. Making up stories about the things I see people do in the wild. While it’s clearly not the most important thing, I miss strangers and my brief glimpses into their lives. So. To relive that, I’m re-reading and relishing this story. About Eavesdropping! What do you miss? XO RA

Loves! It’s time for our monthly dose of dating horror stories: The Ex-Files! In my ultimate attempt to become Carrie Bradshaw, and satisfy my friends’ need to hear my awful dating stories (and sadly, there are a lot), we give you: Ex Files, dating horror stories. Yes, these stories really happened, yes, names/dates/places have been changed to protect those involved, and yes, if you wanted to be remembered well, behave better. Missed last month’s gem? You can get your fix on here
Happy Reading!! XO RA

The Eavesdropping

If you follow my acting twitter account (@adeliciamorris, sorry for the political/football rants now), you may have read this riveting, real time date that I overheard recently: (Read up)
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: Ex Files

The story is as simple as I tweeted it. I sat next to (basically on top of) a couple on a horrible date at a cafe in LA. She was a cute, 20 something, who clearly wanted out. He was a bum, who had excuses for everything, might not believe in capitalism, and wasn’t kind to her. While I had to leave before them, as the cafe needed my table; I (and those following on twitter) couldn’t help but wonder if he left her with the bill. My guess is that he did. My hope is that she never finds herself in this situation again.

What stood out to me about this story, besides the obvious horror, was that it was a date that I had been on; not recently, and maybe not to this extreme, but I dated this guy in my 20s. I remember dates that were just so off, with men who couldn’t see (or care) my discomfort, and times when I thought that being a nun might be a viable option. LA is home to many of these “manchilds”, the guys who think it’s great to not take or have responsibilities, who use women, who think nothing of stiffing a girl on a date. The sad truth? My guess is this happens more than we think, to varying degrees, in cities around the world.

So, my question becomes: women, why are we allowing this? I’m not anti giving people a chance, and have some childish habits myself (I clap like a kid on Christmas when I get new shoes). However, there has to be a line and I think it’s time we drew it. Out on a date and it’s going horrible? Leave. Uncomfortable? Leave. Can tell that this guy doesn’t respect you? Leave. Like you, I was raised to always be polite and make people fell at ease; however, that shouldn’t come at a personal price. My new challenge to others, and myself, is that the next time I’m in a situation like that is that I will get myself out of it. I will make an excuse, tell the truth, ditch, whatever needs to be done so that I leave.

Here’s hoping that girl got out!


Ex Files: Tinder on an Airplane

It’s one of my favorite times of the month: Ex-files. Where I share horror stories from the dating world. Because if I (and others) have to live through it, we might as well laugh at it. Right?

The good news? This month’s dating horror story didn’t “happen” to me. But I was there (and got free drinks because of it). It involves Tinder (judge all we like, people meet there) and an airplane (because what makes a bad date worse? Not being able to leave). Without further ado, I give you: Tinder on an Airplane.

*Note names and some details have been changed/omitted to protect people. However, people own what you did to them. You want them to write warmly about you? Behave better.

Investment Piece: Ex Files: Tinder on an Airplane

A few months ago, I was taking a girl’s trip with a friend. We were flying out on a Friday night and were looking forward to a row to ourselves (she’s a window lady, I prefer the aisle) and in-flight drinks. The dating horror gods, as luck would have it, had other plans. As the plan boarded, the announcement was made that the flight was full, and that people should take any avaible seat. You know, what no one wants to hear on an airplane when they’re in a row with an empty middle seat. My girlfriend caught the eye of a woman and her adorable puppy and motioned for her to sit with us. And our adventure began.

The woman’s name was Jane and she introduced her dog, Oliver, letting us know that while he’s cute, he can be an asshole. I replied by saying, “Aren’t all men?”

Don’t at me. See here, here, here, and here. More under the search “Ex Files” in the menu.

Someone who did want to debate that thought? The guy sitting in front of us. He turned around claiming “Not all guys”, and proceeded to promise to buy all of us a round during drink service. We laughed it off, but he was a man of his word. He got us all a drink, and that’s when things get really good.

We all exchanged names and basic details. His name was Ben, and he’s a scientist. Our friend Jane made sure that scientist meant that Ben worked with science, which was just a tell of things to come. As we were all chatting all of a sudden, Jane asked Ben if he had a dog named Benji. Ben did. Ben also rode bikes and had a house in a certain part of town.

It turns out that Ben and Jane had matched on Tinder, chatted, she gave him her number and he never called.

And now, we were all trapped on a plane together, drinking.

My girlfriend and I were amused. It soon became apparent that Ben and Jane were not a match.
She wanted to do shots and asked the flight attendants repeatedly why we couldn’t do whiskey shots.
Ben drank wine–and paid for drinks.
Jane didn’t seem to understand science or basic math (she couldn’t add 1+0), while Ben tried to explain a theory based in physics to us.
Ben was super friendly and kept buying drinks, Jane got jealous and increasingly upset that he never called her.
Jane thought that when she looked out the window and could no longer see the lights, that’s where the land ended.

There was no drama, no overt act of confrontation. Though Jane brought up the non-call more than once. Ben was a trooper, bought more than one round for everyone, including one after the flight at the bar in the airport. Somehow, even though she complained more than once about the lack of whiskey shots, Jane didn’t get cut off in the air. But it might have been one of the best flights I’ve been on, and the best Tinder date I’ve witnessed.

As we were all saying goodbye, Jane gave Ben her number again and asked my friend and I if we thought he would call this time. I hate to say it, but I somehow doubt he did.

Wishing us all a week of free drinks and amazing shoes! And great Tinder dates! Xo RA

Ex Files: Pandemic BreakUps

Investment Piece: Ex Files

My loves, I have been loving our recent video chats for Sunday Chronicles, chatting about all the things that we’re going through during this Pandemic. But. I couldn’t bring myself to do one this week. This week felt heavy, sad, and anxious, and I felt like I had nothing else to say. I’m sure that will change 🙂 But as I began to think about this time of isolation and what we’re all going through, I couldn’t help but think of ex-files and how awful it must be right now to break up with someone. What would be worse? A zoom break-up or having to still live with someone you’re no longer dating?

I’m lucky that I am not in either of those situations, but I’ve been amazed (in all meanings of that word) of people who are. The stories range from relatable to down right horror. Here are some that stand out for me:

Getting Dumped During a Pandemic

7 People on their Pandemic Break-ups

Zoom Breakups and Live in Exes

And Social Distancing BreakUps

I can only imagine how hard it is, when I deal with breakups there’s no cure like a girls night (out or in), and right now that’s not really a possibility. How are you dealing with relationships right now? Dating and friends? Personally, there are days when I can’t bring myself to deal with anyone, and I’m grateful for friends who know that my silences aren’t signs of issues.

I would love to hear your stories. I hope that you’re staying safe and healthy. And that this week is a good week for us all.

Wishing us isolation with people who care about us and amazing shoes!

Ex Files: Valentine’s Day

Investment Piece: Ex Files: Valentine's

Loves, I hope that you get as much joy out of reading these dating horror stories as I do sharing them. Need more ex files and dating horror stories in your life? Check out here, here, and here. You can also search “ex files” on the left (or on top). Grab your snack of choice and settle in, these dating horror stories are something.

This month? I have some opinions on Valentine’s Day, you’ve heard them all month. (You can also check this out. Is it weird if I mention that it’s never too late to give someone a gift?). I shouldn’t have been surprised when I got comments and emails asking me if my feelings on Valentine’s Day had anything to do with a bad date.

And that would make sense. After all, I’m the queen of bad dates. (See above). So did I ever have a horrible Valentine’s Day date that soured my view on the holiday? Honestly, no. I have nothing against love or dates, and there’s not been a huge episode that made me: “Hate the Day”. Getting asked so often, I sat down and thought about it. This is my one Valentine’s Day dating horror story:

I was in 8th grade. So was he. For the life of me, I can’t remember his name. He was awkward and so was I -in that about to bud, middle school way. We were in many classes together, and neither of us were popular, but neither of us were on the bottom of the social ladder. There’s a chance he liked me, I was not at place of self awareness that I even considered that. And it was Valentine’s Day. We were too old for the “class party”, but many people gave out little Valentine’s, and of course the few “cool” kids who were “dating” gave each other presents. Me? I don’t think I thought about Valentine’s at all. This guy, we can call him Bob, and I had our last period of the day together (I think? I know it was art). Did I mention he was awkward? (And so was I). He spent the class alternating between staring at me and avoiding me. Then at the end of class shoved a very fancy chocolate box at me. It clearly meant something. I opened it and over half the chocolates were already eaten.

That’s it. That’s my big, bad “Bad Valentine’s Day” dating horror story. Loves, it’s so tame. But, it does make me laugh. And let’s be really impressed I remember it. (And let’s be more honest, isn’t it a nice repreieve from some of the horror stories you’ve heard?)

Need more horror? Try these Valentine’s Day stories from The NY Times, Cosmopolitan, and Seventeen.

Hope that you week is horror free and full of shoe love!

The Ex-files- the one who yelled

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

It’s here again! The horror stories from dating front lines that I’m hoping you’re enjoying as much as I do! AS usual in the Ex-Files: all names and some facts have been changed to protect identities, but all stories DID happen to me (or a girlfriend I love). Want more Ex-files? Check here, here, here, and here. Love bugs, let’s remember that if you want to be written about warmly, you should behave better–or you can find yourself in the ex-files.

Without further ado: the one who yelled.

Real talk? I’m a yeller, or I can be when I get angry enough. However, because most people don’t really respond well to yelling, I try to keep it to a minimum. As in, I don’t yell if I can help it. It’s been my experience that yelling doesn’t get you want you want. This guy, didn’t feel the same way, however.

I met Mike through friends, and he seemed nice enough. Charming, able to carry a conversation, cute, and he made me laugh. We had a few dates that were great- the conversation, the banter, the wine.

But loves, this is where I let you know that there were some red flags I didn’t pick up on. Why? He was charming and made me laugh, I was just getting to know him, I live in two cities and dating is hard. I’m not sure. I like to think that if I were to go back, I would have saved myself some time (and Mike an appearance on the Ex-Files), but I don’t know that I would have been forceful about them. You might be getting more worried than necessary about now–nothing bad happened, Mom!

But loves, Mike was angry. Not all the time, and not at me, or waiters, or valets, or anyone around us. Mike was angry at the women in his past, especially his mom and ex-wife. In our “get to know you” chats, how these women had wronged, belittled, underestimated, and hurt him (while Mike persevered and was the victim). It wasn’t constant. It wasn’t violent. But it was there; so much so, that at one point I asked Mike if he was over his ex, and if things were ok. He claimed that it was fine, and promised to stop talking about it so much.

For our third date, Mike took me on what seemed to be an amazing date. It was Christmas time. He let me go shopping for a minute, we watched fake snow, and we settled into one of my favorite restaurants. Mike sat down and proceeded to order us a bottle of wine, 2 appetizers, and a steak for himself. He then proceeded to let me know that I was expensive to take out to eat (*side note: I’m not scared to split checks, and I’m always willing to own what I order. At this time as I had put in only a salad, the comment seemed a bit out of the blue). However, the conversation was great, and it was (fake) snowing, so I joked it off.

The restaurant began to fill up, our waiter was friendly, and the night seemed to be on the right path. Then: The Yelling. While our wine and appetizers were flowing, and our waiter was chatting, a couple at a neighboring table leaned over and asked about one of our plates. At the same time as the waiter, and the music, and Mike took that moment to ask or tell me something. It was loud. I couldn’t hear. So, I asked him to hold on and repeat what he said. Mike yelled, about how I wasn’t allowed to speak to him that way, about how awful I was, about how he was not to be blown off. What was once a noisy room was now silent. I was incredibly emabarrassed.

This is where I wish that I could say that I left. No matter the situation, I know I didn’t deserve to be screamed at and belittled. I was embarrassed, mad, and ready to go. I wanted out, but I also wanted people to stop staring, for it to end, and to do this in private. So I did what women have been doing for years, I tried to make it right. I attempted to calm Mike down, quiet him, make it seem ok for everyone there. And it worked. We made a show of going on, and it was ok. We left and I went home, upset at both him and how I had handled it. (Side note: I think this is the only time I ever have been screamed at like that in public). Mike and I made a plan to meet for coffee a few days later. He stood me up. But loves, I may have dodged a bullet.

Another side note: if someone is ever threatening or violent to you, leave. Peace isn’t worth it.

Hope that your week involves no bad and yelling dates, but if they do-tell me all about it! We’ll put them on the Ex-files!


The Ex Files: The One Who Got Married

Loves, dating horror stories are everywhere; this is my monthly attempt to be just a bit more like Carrie Bradshaw, expel some of my dating demons, and hopefully make you laugh (and feel better about your own dating life). Names and some unimportant facts have been changed to protect people; but the moral of the story is that if you want people to write warmly about you, you should probably behave better. Want more ex files? Try here, here, and here. You can also search Ex Files on the right (and check out my recent Instagrams, sign up for our newsletter, buy some SkinPrint!)

But without further ado, The One Who Got Married:

Investment Piece: The Ex Files, The one who got married

I found this charming story in one of those Facebook threads about horrible Tinder dates, and I had the realization that I, too, have a story about some one getting married. (A. Yes, I’m as horrified about that as you are B. Those “dating horror” story articles always make me happy as it makes me feel less alone C. WHO GETS MARRIED WHILE DATING SOMEONE ELSE?)

When I was in my early 20s, struggling in LA, I happened to meet a charming Irish drummer. I could barely understand anything he said due to his thick accent, but he was cute and sweet, and did I mention he was a drummer? I was in my 20s, it was enough. We didn’t have anything hot and heavy, or remotely serious. We went out for drinks twice, I went to see his band once. That was it, but he was sweet and called me at least a few times a week. On one such phone call, he asked me to go to Vegas with him for the weekend. I was working 3 jobs at the time, and couldn’t make it. He went, he had a good time, he called me the week after, I thought nothing of it.

However, he did begin to pull back after his Vegas trip. We made plans that fell through, he scaled back calling, we both lost a little interest. I didn’t really care; I was working 3 jobs and busy, and while I liked him, I didn’t LIKE him. But when he called me and asked me to come to his show the following weekend, I was in. (He was cute and he was a drummer). The day of the show, he called me to let me know that he had something to tell me. As it turns out, when he was in Vegas he got married, and his wife was going to be at the show. He said it was a “green card marriage”, but that his wife was taking it seriously, so I shouldn’t act like we were seeing each other at the show. I let him know that I wasn’t comfortable dating a married man, and we never spoke again.

This became a funny story, not something that I was upset about, because WHO GETS MARRIED and then thinks it won’t affect his dating life? As he and I never spoke again, I was left with many questions: Did his marriage last? Did she know he was dating? Did he really expect me to be ok with it? What would have happened if I went to Vegas-would he have asked me to marry him? Is he still drumming? We may never know.

The main lesson? Don’t get married while you’re dating someone else. It’s just weird.

Has this ever happened to you? I’d love to know!