Ex Files: Dumped before an Event

Investment Piece: Ex Files

It’s that time of the month! Dating horror stories, what went wrong stories, he’s the jerk stories, my lame attempt at pulling a Carrie Bradshaw- call it what you like, but I hope you enjoy! Search Ex Files in the search bar, but don’t read them all in one sitting-it’s not good for your heart! Xo RA

Dumped before an Event

I met Brian at a spin class. I love spin classes. He loved this spin class. One class we happened to ride by each other, and that became a thing. That thing led to coffees after class, which led to lunches, which led to an afternoon date that lasted till late night. It was perfect.
Brian didn’t seem like any guy I had dated before- but he was cool. Listened to the “right” music, we had tons in common, and like me, he was introverted. He seemed kind.

Right after our first “date” I had to leave for an extended work trip. I assumed, rightly or wrongly, that he and I would fizzle out. However, Brian texted me all day, every day while I was gone. I knew what he was listening to, what he was drinking, that he was thinking about me all the time. I got flowers (on the road), and cards. It would come as a surprise to no one that I returned thinking that Brian and I were a thing. And he seemed to think the same way.

The minute I landed- more flowers, more texts, more calls, more plans. We spent a week spinning together, eating together, and spending a ton of time together. While looking back, it was clearing love bombing, at the time, it just felt nice. I really believed in what we had going on.

So, when an event came up for a charity I volunteer for, I was happy to tell Brian about it. He was into it. Told me he would love to go, asked what he should wear, what kind of flowers he should get me, etc.
It meant a lot to me- it wasn’t a gala, but it was an event. One of those where you have to give your dates name and there’s a list at the door and it’s a DEAL. I was excited to bring someone, I was excited to how off Brian, I really believed in what we had- or what I thought we had.

The morning of the event, Brian and I had plans to spin together- which we did. But he was off, wouldn’t say hi, wouldn’t look at me. I could feel something was wrong, but in a dark room, on a bike, there’s not a lot of time for conversation. He left the gym right after class,and I thought maybe he has a bad day but it would work itself out. We were supposed to meet at 5:30 to go to my event. He called me 5 to let me know that he wasn’t coming, that he didn’t think of me as anything other than a friend, and that he thought I might be getting the wrong idea about his intentions. When I told him I thought I was only responding to what I thought he was putting out (no friend has texted me that much, send me flowers, told me that they wanted to be with me, etc) and that I was embarrassed that he was backing out of an event that I had to give his name to, with no time to replace him- he called me stupid and let me know that I was leading myself on.

I’m not going to lie- it sucked. I somehow pulled it together (girlfriends are the best) and went to my event and it was ok. I would love to tell you that it was the last time I spoke to Brian, but he texted me a few months later hoping I wouldn’t hold a grudge, that he was wrong to treat me so rudely, and he hoped I could give him another chance. I never responded. I couldn’t take the chance that I would put his name on another list that he would skip out on.

What happened to Brian? I wouldn’t know- but I will say, I hope he got left off some lists!

Have you ever been dumped right before an event? How did you bounce back?
Xo RA

Ex Files: Retrogrades

Investment Piece: Retrogrades

Dating can be its own genre of horror,and these stories prove it! From The One Who Wanted his Money Back to My Ex’s Friends to (sadly) many more (you can take a dive through my love life by searching ex files in the search bar!). This is part attempt to Carrie Bradshaw my love life, part commiserate, part entertain! I hope you enjoy! Xo RA

Retrogrades

If you’re not an astrology girl (I am!) you may not be aware, but Mercury (planet of communication and travel) went retrograde yesterday. During this time (to 2/20) we can expect delays, miscommunication, and you might be warned against signing contracts, etc. (Though Retrogrades aren’t completely bad! They are a great time to reflect!) Another thing that Retrogrades are known for? Having exes pop back up! For me, it’s already started.

I met Neil through a friend about 4 years ago. He was nice enough, but for me there was no spark. Our first “date”, which wasn’t really a date, he met me for a quick coffee on his lunch break while I was writing in a coffee shop. Neil mainly let me know that he was really important, and sat by me answering work emails. For some reason, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and meet him for drinks about a week later.

Neil was nice. But we didn’t click at all. Our drink date consisted of both of us trying to tell stories or make jokes, and the other person not getting it. Chemistry is hard to find when you’re having to over explain everything you’re saying. After that date, I knew that Neil and I were not meant to be.

I let him down gently, and I thought he understood. However, his response was to ask me to dinner. I declined. He asked me to go camping (I know- weird and if you know me well, I’m more glam-per than camper). I declined. He asked me to go for a night hike. Again, I declined.

Finally, I thought that Neil had taken the hint- he stopped asking me out, I had moved on and thought he had.

Till this week. Neil has been calling me every night. I never answer (I don’t think we have anything to say). He never leaves a message. It’s not bad necessarily- he wasn’t a huge asshole, and I truly wish him well– I just have no desire to have to explain everything I say. I’m not sure what Neil is wanting to happen, but it’s made me giggle every night that he’s calling.

What about you? Has anyone from your past popped up? Let’s be clear- there are some exes I wouldn’t mind hearing from, but I hoping Neil retrogrades soon!

Here’s to the right exes reaching out and the others staying gone! Xo RA

Ex Files: Holiday Edition

Investment Piece: Sunday Chronicles

I’ve never had the pleasure (or horror) of having a break-up happen at the holidays. Being sad over an ex? Sure. But the actual breakup?

(This may not be a sign of anything other than the guys I’ve dated knew they wanted out way before there might have been holiday expectations!)

But, as we’re coming off a holiday weekend (happy thanksgiving, if you’re not stateside and this was just a weekend- happy weekend!) and we may all be in need of some entertainment. So, I’ve rounded up these holiday breakup stories! Let’s laugh, and be extra kind out there- you never know what someone is going through!

Holiday Breakups that are neither Merry nor Bright

I got dumped at Christmas

And

Ridculous Breakups

Maybe this holiday wasn’t what you wanted, maybe there was burnt food or not enough pie. Maybe your fave thing sold out at the Black Friday sales. But I bet you didn’t get dumped. So we have one thing to be thankful for (or maybe a great story to tell!)

Wishing us all a week of gratitude and amazing shoes!
Xo RA

Ex Files: The Haunting

Investment Piece: Ex Files: The Haunting

We’re back!! That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar). And because it’s almost Halloween, and nothing’s scarier than dating gone wrong, we’re chatting about Haunting!

We all have an ex that won’t die. There’s a reason they call it “I miss you season”; every once in a while, an ex who’s been gone makes their reappearance. Then trick can be deciding if you should give them a second chance or not! Here are just a few of my stories of exes that came back to Haunt me!

What’s up, love?
Mario went on 2 dates over a few weeks. It was clear from the beginning that neither of us were really looking for anything serious. He was lovely–but there was no click. So when things fizzled out, I thought nothing of it. However, like clockwork, every 2 months I get a text. Everything from “what’s up, love?” to “I miss you”. At first, I thought these were a little sweet. But, as this trend has continued, it’s become annoying. We didn’t really have anything. And no matter what he’s coming back for, it’s not here.

The One I Haven’t Met
There’s always that group text you can’t really get out of’ mine involves people from college. And in the group, I don’t know everyone–but everyone is friend’s of someone I do, so I thought nothing of Dave began occasionally texting me outside of the group, it was mainly about our college team, and it was fun. However, over time, it was clear that he thought there was a connection above football. I gently let him know that I was seeing someone, and wasn’t interested. Dave was lovely and we went back to being “group text” friends. Yet, at least once a month I get sent a random meme/thought/suggestion we get together.

U Up?
Raise your hand if you’ve been haunted by an ex. We all have. From the “I miss you” text to the un-orginal “U Up?”, there’s always a feeling when someone is about to reappear. (Apparently the kids now call it “Zombie-ing”) These pop-ups can be pleasant, or down right scary (depending on the ex). I have a friend who has a theory, they all come back. And most of the time, she’s right.

So, I would love to know : who’s an ex that’s haunted you?

Wishing us all a haunting free week and amazing shoes! XO RA

Ex Files: The Cheat

Investment Piece: Ex Files: Valentine's

Yes, it’s that time of the month where I plumb all the dating horror stories from both my past and people I know (a friend of mine recently let me know that he had spent an afternoon reading all of the Ex Files here on site- and he found it both hysterical and painful. While I don’t recommend doing it all in one session, feel free to search Ex Files in the side bar! It’s a lot. And yes, I have no idea if we’ll ever run out of stories! Xo RA

The Cheat

The only thing that might be worse than being cheated on? Being the other woman- without knowing it!

I began dating Jeff in a whirlwind. We met through a mutual hobby, chatted now and again when we saw each other, and while he continually asked me to coffee I thought nothing of him.
Then, one day we ran into each other while we were doing errands, which lead to lunch, which lead to drinks, which lead to dinner, which lead to us dating for months.
Was it ever serious? Not really. There was no major talk of the future. But we met each other’s friends, talked every day, and had date night every week when we weren’t traveling.

Since then, I have thought about every minute of our relationship, and looking back there were some red flags. There were days when Jeff was hard to get a hold of, and very evasive about what he was up to. We never posted pictures together, and his entire social media were pictures that could have been dates- or could not have been. I did feel like something was off, but every time I brought that up, or mentioned that if he wasn’t very into me we didn’t have to date, Jeff would insist that he really cared, nothing was amiss, and that I was being sensitive about things.

I believed him.

Until- one day Jeff simply went silent. No texts, no calls, no returning messages. The first day? I didn’t really think about it. A week later? I was pissed that someone I had dated so long had been so awful in the ending. Two weeks later? I got a call from a Lisa, letting me know that she was Jeff’s long term, live in girlfriend. She had gone through his phone and found texts- not only to me, but as Jeff traveled for work, in every city that he worked in. It appeared that Jeff led different lives in every single city he worked in. He would sublet apts, pass off AirBnBs as his own, join gyms, take classes, have friends, and girlfriends in EVERY CITY.

Was I upset? Yes. I was horrified (and also curious how he could afford it?!?!?)
I apologized profusely to Lisa, blocked Jeff, and tried to forgive myself for not adding it all up.

So. What do we do? Check IDs and addresses?

Wishing us all a week of single identities and amazing shoes!
Xo RA

Ex Files: My Ex’s Friend

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

And we’re back. That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar). Hopefully this makes you laugh (and feel better about your own dating life). Names and some unimportant facts have been changed to protect people; but the moral of the story is that if you want people to write warmly about you, you should probably behave better.

My Ex’s Friend

We all, usually, have some sort of policy about dating a friend’s ex. While I think there may be an exception or two, I’m of the camp that you don’t do it. It can be so messy and so hurtful that I don’t think it’s worth it. Even more messy and uncomfortable for me? The friend of my ex who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

When I began dating Steve it was magical-with a cute rom-com meet-cute to match. Steve was everything I wasn’t used to, kind, caring, and open, and I was thrilled when he wanted me to meet friends just a month into our relationship. What I didn’t know at the time is that Steve’s friend Wayne had asked Steve about me, Steve had told him our story and showed him my picture Wayne replied “She’s hot, she should date me”.

A little gross, right? It gets grosser.

Steve told me this little story on our way to a party where Wayne, and a bunch of mutual friends were going to be. He seemed understanding when I said that made me a bit uncomfortable (who says that to a friend!) but Steve reassured me Wayne was all talk and would respect our relationship. We can debate the meaning of respect, but Wayne didn’t do it. When Steve and I walked into the party, and I was introduced around, Wayne grabbed me, hugged me hard, and wouldn’t leave our side the entire night. Every time I moved, Wayne was there, chatting me up, letting me know how successful and wonderful he is, and making moves to always have his hand on my back. I was hugely uncomfortable, but felt like I had to be nice. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to be nice to a creep.

I was finally able get Steve alone and let him know that we had to go. And his friend was a jerk. Steve was horrified and got me out of the party ASAP, letting me know that we didn’t ever have to hang out with Wayne again.

And we didn’t. Many months later Steve and I parted ways (ironically while we both made mistakes, I have nothing horrible to say about Steve!), I ran into Wayne at a different friend’s party. The behavior was the same, only this time Wayne felt more empowered to hit on me, letting me know how now that I was “free” I should be his. I let him know I wasn’t interested. Wayne wasn’t able to take the hint, he got my number from a friend and spent the next 3 weeks relentlessly pursuing me. I finally reached out to Steve to get him to get Wayne to stop. (I also blocked Wayne and let my close mutual friends know I never wanted to be at a party with Wayne again!)

Who knows? Maybe Wayne is still trying and I don’t know about it, or maybe he finally got the hint. I hope that he’s learned not to hit on his friend’s girlfriend and to take no for an answer. Is that asking too much?

Xo RA

Ex Files: Pandemic Dating

Investment Piece: pandemic dating

By no means have we reached the end of my bad dating stories. (I have no idea if that’s horrifically bad or good for this series) BUT. With the world changing, and most of us (at least in the States) in such a different way of life, that I can’t help but think about how dating and break-ups have been affected. I sent this picture to a friend (who had recently ended her casual relationship) and we had a good laugh. If you’re in an area that’s being hard hit by Covid, or being badly affected by any of the current events, it has to make bad dates that much worse. Does it make good dates that much better?

I don’t have a ton of friends that are dating right now, but I do have quite a few friends who are breaking up. The break-ups seem to fall into 3 general categories:
1. Serious. Serious relationships that were in trouble and having to quarantine together and deal with (waves hand in the general direction of it all) made things worse. These are permenant break-ups that were going to happen. Even if the pandemic hurried things along.

2. Up-in-the-air. People who genuinely love and care for each other but between health and job and family stress just can’t commit right now. Will it work out later? A good chance. Do they still talk? Yep. But it’s just not the time. And you really can’t blame them.

3. The casual ending because of how they react to world events. A combo of one and two? Like my friend, who broke up with her very causal “situationship” as he had no desire to take the pandemic seriously, hated that she was choosing to do so, and felt judged by those differences. I did read somewhere that right now one good thing is that you can see right away how kind and compassionate someone is, you can see red flags easier, and can end things before anything serious starts. Were these people compatible? Probably not, but this was an easy tell.

Loves, in full disclosure I have to let you know that I’m not dating at this time. Between work and family stress and just trying to keep afloat in general, dating hasn’t even been on my radar. I’m a little more worried about seeing and hugging my friends and family again. But I do think about dating during this time.
The good: I can’t help but think it might be nice to get to know someone slowly. Really see people’s values and your compatibility. The idea of love letters melts me.
The bad: do you see each other? What about masks? All those things?
The in between: is anyone able to be their best right now? I used to be a prompt responder to texts and messages, even as an introvert loved to go out and go places. Now? It can take me a while to get back to you (because of al the reasons). Errands can be exhausting and I need time to recover. I’ve been late to zoom meetings. There are days that are so over emotional or sad or anything that I couldn’t be present for anyone else. Are the things we’re going through going to change us forever? How much grace could or should you give someone you’re getting to know in this crazy time?

I have no answers. But I do have 2 articles that have made me think- about dating and even my friendships!
Read tales from in person dating and advice from experts. What are your thoughts? Are you dating? How? How much has it changed?

Tell me all the things!
Xo RA

Ex Files: The Eavesdropping

This is a repost. One of the things that I oddly miss the most during this Pandemic? Eavesdropping. People watching. Making up stories about the things I see people do in the wild. While it’s clearly not the most important thing, I miss strangers and my brief glimpses into their lives. So. To relive that, I’m re-reading and relishing this story. About Eavesdropping! What do you miss? XO RA

Loves! It’s time for our monthly dose of dating horror stories: The Ex-Files! In my ultimate attempt to become Carrie Bradshaw, and satisfy my friends’ need to hear my awful dating stories (and sadly, there are a lot), we give you: Ex Files, dating horror stories. Yes, these stories really happened, yes, names/dates/places have been changed to protect those involved, and yes, if you wanted to be remembered well, behave better. Missed last month’s gem? You can get your fix on here
Happy Reading!! XO RA

The Eavesdropping

If you follow my acting twitter account (@adeliciamorris, sorry for the political/football rants now), you may have read this riveting, real time date that I overheard recently: (Read up)
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: Ex Files

The story is as simple as I tweeted it. I sat next to (basically on top of) a couple on a horrible date at a cafe in LA. She was a cute, 20 something, who clearly wanted out. He was a bum, who had excuses for everything, might not believe in capitalism, and wasn’t kind to her. While I had to leave before them, as the cafe needed my table; I (and those following on twitter) couldn’t help but wonder if he left her with the bill. My guess is that he did. My hope is that she never finds herself in this situation again.

What stood out to me about this story, besides the obvious horror, was that it was a date that I had been on; not recently, and maybe not to this extreme, but I dated this guy in my 20s. I remember dates that were just so off, with men who couldn’t see (or care) my discomfort, and times when I thought that being a nun might be a viable option. LA is home to many of these “manchilds”, the guys who think it’s great to not take or have responsibilities, who use women, who think nothing of stiffing a girl on a date. The sad truth? My guess is this happens more than we think, to varying degrees, in cities around the world.

So, my question becomes: women, why are we allowing this? I’m not anti giving people a chance, and have some childish habits myself (I clap like a kid on Christmas when I get new shoes). However, there has to be a line and I think it’s time we drew it. Out on a date and it’s going horrible? Leave. Uncomfortable? Leave. Can tell that this guy doesn’t respect you? Leave. Like you, I was raised to always be polite and make people fell at ease; however, that shouldn’t come at a personal price. My new challenge to others, and myself, is that the next time I’m in a situation like that is that I will get myself out of it. I will make an excuse, tell the truth, ditch, whatever needs to be done so that I leave.

Here’s hoping that girl got out!

XO RA

Ex Files: Tinder on an Airplane

It’s one of my favorite times of the month: Ex-files. Where I share horror stories from the dating world. Because if I (and others) have to live through it, we might as well laugh at it. Right?

The good news? This month’s dating horror story didn’t “happen” to me. But I was there (and got free drinks because of it). It involves Tinder (judge all we like, people meet there) and an airplane (because what makes a bad date worse? Not being able to leave). Without further ado, I give you: Tinder on an Airplane.

*Note names and some details have been changed/omitted to protect people. However, people own what you did to them. You want them to write warmly about you? Behave better.

Investment Piece: Ex Files: Tinder on an Airplane

A few months ago, I was taking a girl’s trip with a friend. We were flying out on a Friday night and were looking forward to a row to ourselves (she’s a window lady, I prefer the aisle) and in-flight drinks. The dating horror gods, as luck would have it, had other plans. As the plan boarded, the announcement was made that the flight was full, and that people should take any avaible seat. You know, what no one wants to hear on an airplane when they’re in a row with an empty middle seat. My girlfriend caught the eye of a woman and her adorable puppy and motioned for her to sit with us. And our adventure began.

The woman’s name was Jane and she introduced her dog, Oliver, letting us know that while he’s cute, he can be an asshole. I replied by saying, “Aren’t all men?”

Don’t at me. See here, here, here, and here. More under the search “Ex Files” in the menu.

Someone who did want to debate that thought? The guy sitting in front of us. He turned around claiming “Not all guys”, and proceeded to promise to buy all of us a round during drink service. We laughed it off, but he was a man of his word. He got us all a drink, and that’s when things get really good.

We all exchanged names and basic details. His name was Ben, and he’s a scientist. Our friend Jane made sure that scientist meant that Ben worked with science, which was just a tell of things to come. As we were all chatting all of a sudden, Jane asked Ben if he had a dog named Benji. Ben did. Ben also rode bikes and had a house in a certain part of town.

It turns out that Ben and Jane had matched on Tinder, chatted, she gave him her number and he never called.

And now, we were all trapped on a plane together, drinking.

My girlfriend and I were amused. It soon became apparent that Ben and Jane were not a match.
She wanted to do shots and asked the flight attendants repeatedly why we couldn’t do whiskey shots.
Ben drank wine–and paid for drinks.
Jane didn’t seem to understand science or basic math (she couldn’t add 1+0), while Ben tried to explain a theory based in physics to us.
Ben was super friendly and kept buying drinks, Jane got jealous and increasingly upset that he never called her.
Jane thought that when she looked out the window and could no longer see the lights, that’s where the land ended.

There was no drama, no overt act of confrontation. Though Jane brought up the non-call more than once. Ben was a trooper, bought more than one round for everyone, including one after the flight at the bar in the airport. Somehow, even though she complained more than once about the lack of whiskey shots, Jane didn’t get cut off in the air. But it might have been one of the best flights I’ve been on, and the best Tinder date I’ve witnessed.

As we were all saying goodbye, Jane gave Ben her number again and asked my friend and I if we thought he would call this time. I hate to say it, but I somehow doubt he did.

Wishing us all a week of free drinks and amazing shoes! And great Tinder dates! Xo RA

Ex Files: Pandemic BreakUps

Investment Piece: Ex Files

My loves, I have been loving our recent video chats for Sunday Chronicles, chatting about all the things that we’re going through during this Pandemic. But. I couldn’t bring myself to do one this week. This week felt heavy, sad, and anxious, and I felt like I had nothing else to say. I’m sure that will change 🙂 But as I began to think about this time of isolation and what we’re all going through, I couldn’t help but think of ex-files and how awful it must be right now to break up with someone. What would be worse? A zoom break-up or having to still live with someone you’re no longer dating?

I’m lucky that I am not in either of those situations, but I’ve been amazed (in all meanings of that word) of people who are. The stories range from relatable to down right horror. Here are some that stand out for me:

Getting Dumped During a Pandemic

7 People on their Pandemic Break-ups

Zoom Breakups and Live in Exes

And Social Distancing BreakUps

I can only imagine how hard it is, when I deal with breakups there’s no cure like a girls night (out or in), and right now that’s not really a possibility. How are you dealing with relationships right now? Dating and friends? Personally, there are days when I can’t bring myself to deal with anyone, and I’m grateful for friends who know that my silences aren’t signs of issues.

I would love to hear your stories. I hope that you’re staying safe and healthy. And that this week is a good week for us all.

Wishing us isolation with people who care about us and amazing shoes!
XO RA