Ex Files: Valentine’s Day

Investment Piece: Ex Files: Valentine's

Loves, I hope that you get as much joy out of reading these dating horror stories as I do sharing them. Need more ex files and dating horror stories in your life? Check out here, here, and here. You can also search “ex files” on the left (or on top). Grab your snack of choice and settle in, these dating horror stories are something.

This month? I have some opinions on Valentine’s Day, you’ve heard them all month. (You can also check this out. Is it weird if I mention that it’s never too late to give someone a gift?). I shouldn’t have been surprised when I got comments and emails asking me if my feelings on Valentine’s Day had anything to do with a bad date.

And that would make sense. After all, I’m the queen of bad dates. (See above). So did I ever have a horrible Valentine’s Day date that soured my view on the holiday? Honestly, no. I have nothing against love or dates, and there’s not been a huge episode that made me: “Hate the Day”. Getting asked so often, I sat down and thought about it. This is my one Valentine’s Day dating horror story:

I was in 8th grade. So was he. For the life of me, I can’t remember his name. He was awkward and so was I -in that about to bud, middle school way. We were in many classes together, and neither of us were popular, but neither of us were on the bottom of the social ladder. There’s a chance he liked me, I was not at place of self awareness that I even considered that. And it was Valentine’s Day. We were too old for the “class party”, but many people gave out little Valentine’s, and of course the few “cool” kids who were “dating” gave each other presents. Me? I don’t think I thought about Valentine’s at all. This guy, we can call him Bob, and I had our last period of the day together (I think? I know it was art). Did I mention he was awkward? (And so was I). He spent the class alternating between staring at me and avoiding me. Then at the end of class shoved a very fancy chocolate box at me. It clearly meant something. I opened it and over half the chocolates were already eaten.

That’s it. That’s my big, bad “Bad Valentine’s Day” dating horror story. Loves, it’s so tame. But, it does make me laugh. And let’s be really impressed I remember it. (And let’s be more honest, isn’t it a nice repreieve from some of the horror stories you’ve heard?)

Need more horror? Try these Valentine’s Day stories from The NY Times, Cosmopolitan, and Seventeen.

Hope that you week is horror free and full of shoe love!
XO RA

The Ex Files: Jumping to Conclusions

Investment Piece: #bootleg

And we’re back. That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar).

However, I have to admit, this month telling you a dating horror story was a little bit difficult for me. Not because I don’t have stories, because I got STORIES. But. There comes a time when you’re mining your love life every month when you realize that there are times that the horror story is partially due to your actions. (CLEARLY this is a rare instance, but when it happens, aren’t we the better person? The one that can take responsibility and learn and grow?) So, on that note: here is Jumping to Conclusions.

Jumping to Conclusions
One of my most favorite sayings is “Never assume. It makes an ass out of you and me”. It’s also how I remember to spell the word (my spelling issues are for another blog). But the thing about assumptions? They are usually based in something–if nothing else, fear.

Evan and I had been dating-on and off, for over a year. Had he been an asshole? Yes. Should I have listened to my friends and the red flags and let him go? Yes. (Stories for another day) But, once again, I had let myself get sucked into Evan’s charm. (Really he was just moody, but he was a writer so it seemed romantic, and my first “real” relationship in LA so it all seemed so BIG). Good and bad news about me? I’m loyal–way too loyal at times. And truly believe that once you agree to try again with someone you really try.

So, Evan and I were trying again. Friends of mine had invited us to the Hollywood Bowl for a concert. And Evan and I had agreed to go. However, as the days leading up to our “group date” sped by, Evan disappeared. Not answering texts. Not answering the phone. Not a peep from the man.
And. I. Was. Pissed.

Starting over is amazing, and can work. But, the thing is, you’re not always able to let go of some things. And it can hurt doubly when someone knows how to hurt you and it feels like they are doing those behaviors on purpose. Disappearing and leaving me hanging when we had plans? It very much felt like Evan was hurting me on purpose. Also–it’s so embarrassing when a guy does this to you in front of your friends.
So, I handled the situation like any hurt 20-something year old would.
I called Evan and left him a scathing voicemail letting him know what an asshole he was, and how done I was.

Days went by.
As one does, I cooled down.

Then I heard from Evan.
Why had he gone radio silent? His lung had collapsed (after fighting a cold that turned out to be a very serious infection). Evan had been in the hospital and unable to contact anyone.
I felt so horrid for jumping to conclusions.
We made up.

And while this may have been a relationship that wasn’t for me, this experience did teach me not to jump to conclusions all the time–or at least, not leave them a voicemail about your assumptions.

I’d love to hear all your horror stories! Have you ever been the bad guy?

Wishing us all a week of no jumps and amazing shoes! Xo RA

Ex Files: The Top 7 Worst Dates I’ve Ever Been On

Loves! I’m thrilled to introduce you to Shelia Smires of SheSmilesAllDay, a fashion blog that I’ve just fallen in love with! (Make sure you give her a follow! Her Instagram/Twitter/Pinstrest is @shesmilesblog)
How I knew that Shelia and I would get along? This article The Top 7 Worst Dates I’ve Ever Been On. Here, we do ex-files (some of my faves include The One Who Asked for his Money Back” and Tinder on an Airplane ); another woman with great style and dating horror stories seems like a soul mate to me! So below, printed with persimission, is Shelia’s list of dates that are maybe just a bit forgettable!
Happy reading!
Xo RA

The Top 7 Worst Dates I’ve Ever Been On
Investment Piece: Ex Files: She Smiles All Day

I would like to start out by saying that this post is not meant to deter you if you’re a woman out on the dating scene whose interested in online dating. I have been on a lot of dates and the fact that only eight of them come to mind as truly terrible makes for pretty good odds.

Often times I find that dates are usually just…okay. Not bad, but maybe just not that great. And occasionally they’re really wonderful. So don’t let me scare you and prevent you from putting yourself out there because typically the worst case scenario is that you have a mediocre date and you go home and order a pizza afterward. No big deal.

However, if you do have a bad date let these seven awful stories give you a sense of comfort because you are definitely not alone.

Sometimes they’re bad because you don’t have any chemistry, sometimes you just flat out think they’re an asshole and sometimes they’re just plain creepy dudes. Whatever the case may be, hopefully, the exit strategies I’m sharing below can help you if you ever have the misfortune of finding yourself in the middle of a terrible date.

#7: THE AWKWARD ESCAPE ARTIST

I went on a date with a guy (let’s called him Jeff) who was new to the city, doing the techie transplant thing and who lived out by the beach in the Outer Richmond. We met up on a late, sunny afternoon at a coffee shop in his neighborhood. When I arrived he came bumbling out of the restroom and told me he decided he didn’t want coffee after all and that we should walk down to the beach.

The entire walk there he asked me zero questions about myself but told me several stories about pranking his college roommate and how he sometimes doesn’t leave his apartment for a week straight. Fantastic.

Once we were at the beach we sat down in the sand and without saying a word, he reached over and removed my sunglasses and put them on. I had known him for 10 minutes (literally). He then insisted that I take my jacket off so I’d be more comfortable and if you’re from San Francisco and have been to the cold af beach you understand how absurd that is.

After all of 5 minutes, he decided he didn’t actually want to hang out at the beach and that we should walk back. He asked me for restaurant recs and I told him there was a great Chinese restaurant (RIP Shanghai Dumpling King) in his neighborhood. He suggested we go to it so we started walking in that direction.

Then he suggested we take it to go and go back to his apartment, to which I replied with a hard no (you can’t just take soup dumplings to go, wtf) which prompted him to oddly start babbling about how he “forgot” he needed to move his roommate’s car.

He then stopped walking abruptly and pointed to a random car across the street and said “that’s his car. If I don’t move it he’s going to kill me. But we should get food another time for sure”. Then he scampered off across the street towards the car without another word, looked around and then ran off in the opposite direction and disappeared down an alleyway. Goodbye Jeff.

#6: THE GUY WHO WAS ADOPTED

You want to know how I knew this guy was adopted? Because he told me. Over and over and over. Not only did he tell me all about how he was adopted but he also told me about how his biological parents were involved in a murder case.

He then went on to detail every crime anyone in his adopted and biological family had committed, many of which included rape, incest, and murder.

Fabulous.

When I was ordering a Lyft at the end of the date he kept looking over my shoulder and asking me where I lived. Then he awkwardly kissed me on the forehead (I’m sorry, what?) and I jumped into my waiting Lyft and started googling his name to see if he had recently escaped from prison for making skin suits out of his tinder dates.

#5: THE GUY WITH AN AGE FIXATION

I was probably around 21 when I met up with this guy who was 29. In my opinion, not much of an age difference but I’ve always dated older guys. He, however, found our age difference to be extremely fascinating and it dominated the conversation.

We were going to see a movie which is a terrible first date idea but I was trying to be easy going. On our way up to the movies, we saw a group of high school kids clearly on their way to prom since they were all decked out in frilly dresses and tuxes. My date could not stop staring at them and then whispered: “you look like you could be one of them”. Um, thank you?

I can’t really remember many details of the movie we saw since I was desperately waiting for it to end but I do remember it had a young teenage girl in it with blonde hair, which prompted him to lean over 3 times and whisper “you look just like her” to me throughout the film. I was beginning to realize he may have been hoping I was secretly 15 and I got the eff out of there.

Oh, and at one point he also spent 15 minutes telling me how he was currently in a feud with his roommate because he “didn’t want to be an animal” with him. Exsqueeze me??? What does that even mean sir??

#4: THE PADDLE BOAT INCIDENT

Alright, so this one is partially my fault.

I had pregamed a little too hard for our first date and therefore was pretty fuzzy on the details when it came to you know, what he looked like and his personality. I do remember having a nice time and probably one too many whiskey sours.

Flash forward to our second date a few days later and I am horrified to see that the guy I was picking up was not, in fact, as cute or as charming as the picture my drunk brain had painted.

Listen, I’m not trying to be an asshole but I’m just not attracted to guys who can’t dress themselves. Call me shallow but I’m just not into it. No thanks.

He was wearing pants that were about 3 times too big for him, a bizarre baggy windbreaker and the most heinous glasses I’ve ever seen in my fucking life. His hair was slicked back and greasy with gel and I realized that I had made a very big mistake.

Now before you start thinking I’m a total bitch let me be clear that I was also not impressed with his conversation skills. He told me back to back rave stories, a long drawn out tale about an “epic” camping trip and how he considered himself a sommelier because he use to work at Whole Foods (what?).

We went to Golden Gate Park which was not an ideal date setting for me at the time because I was currently dealing with a bad arthritis flare up in my foot and wasn’t really up to taking a long walk. He ignored this fact when I told him and suggested we walk around the entire park and became irritated when I need to sit on a bench for a break. Charming.

He then suggested we rent a paddle boat and go out on Stow Lake. I really did not like the idea of being stranded at sea with him but he insisted. He told me he thought I should paddle the entire time so his legs could get a break and he kept trying to kiss me, only succeeding once THANK GOD.

At this point I was so unattracted to him I considered diving into the smelly gooey lake just so I could escape him but before I could he pulled out his phone and said “let’s take a picture!”.

Ugh. I did not want to be associated with him or his hideous glasses in any way so I was not excited, as is made evident by the photo we took below. Look at my face. That is not the face of a happy woman.


After our date, I drove him home and he asked me to come inside, an offer I firmly declined. I texted him as soon as I got home to let him know (as nicely as possible) there would not be another date.

#3: THE LONGEST DATE IN HISTORY

This date lasted a whopping 6 hours and was terrible from beginning to end. Alas, I was 18 and had no idea how to get out of terrible dates and so instead endured it until the last minute. In order to spare you the long, unfortunate details I will just list some highlights that I believe do speak for themselves.

-We started at a sandwich shop where he told me he forgot his wallet and asked if I could spot him.

-I was ready to leave after this but then he suggested we go to the movies so we hopped on the Muni to head downtown. He purchased a child’s ticket (he now all of a sudden had found his wallet) even though he was most certainly not a child.

-A BART cop stopped us at the Powell St. Station and asked to see our train passes and then issued him a $100 ticket for using a child’s pass. He screamed at her and then spent 20 minutes calling both his mother and his father asking them to pay for the ticket for him. Yikes.

-He all of a sudden had a sweet tooth and dragged me into an ice cream shop where he purchased a giant sundae that was clearly not meant for one person and then yelled at the cashier because he thought $7 was an outrageous price and after they had already made the gargantuan sundae decided he didn’t want it anymore.

-When we got to the theater there were two movies that were starting soon and he asked me which one I would like to see. After I told him my choice he said: “Okay cool, we’ll see the other one”.

-When we were paying for the tickets the cashier asked if we were paying together and he cackled and said: “I’m not paying for her!”.

-He talked throughout the entire movie and had the worst breath of all time.

-When we were leaving he told me how he was thinking about auditioning for The Voice and then began performing a Bruno Mars song, loudly and VERY badly, in the street. I walked ten feet ahead of him.

-He asked me if I could look up the bus times on my phone and then asked me to wait with him. I finally stopped being a pushover and said “that’s going to be a no for me” and raced down the steps to the BART station and got the hell out of there.

#2: THE SHORTEST DATE IN HISTORY

This date lasted an entire 40 minutes and honestly, that was 40 minutes too long.

I met up with this guy who had my ex-boyfriend’s name, which honestly should have been a red flag from the start. He was new to the city, having just moved here for work from New Jersey (another red flag. Kidding! Kind off…). He also had this absurd Johnny Bravo-ish hair that I could not stop staring at. How did he get it so high up? How long did that take him?

He was immediately very cold and unfriendly. I asked him about his job and New Jersey and how he was liking the city. He went on and on about the company he was working for, told me some very dull stories about his hometown and said that he hadn’t really gone outside of the 4 block radius of his apartment since he got to San Francisco. Basically, he was a real thrill.

When we got to the bar he “shhhed” me when I asked him what kind of food he liked and said “can you wait until we sit down away from everyone?” as if I had actually asked him how much money he made and if I could have some.

He clearly was not into me, which was made evident by the way he didn’t ask me a single question about myself and often times stared off out the window with a dead look in his eyes. I tried making conversation but he basically answered everything with a yes or a no. Awesome. So fun.

I guzzled my drink so I could leave and he said he would close out, so clearly he was ready to go as well. When he came back he pointed to my top (an amber colored sweater) and said “oh hey, your shirt matches your drink glass” (I had ordered a Moscow Mule) and I said “Yeah, I planned it that way” jokingly and he just stared at me with his mouth agape looking horrified for a reason that was not clear. “I was joking…” I told him. OBVIOUSLY. Did he think I spent hours coordinating my outfits to the future vessels that would contain my next alcoholic beverage? Did he think I could see the future? Honestly, that would have been very useful as I could have skipped this date entirely.

Then I started to go outside and I told him my lyft was almost here which apparently surprised him because he said: “you already called one?” YES. OF COURSE.

Finally, once we were outside I began putting my jacket on and I looked back at him and saw him doing that bizarre staring thing again, this time just looking off blankly into the street. I asked “Are you good?” and he glared at me and snapped “Yes, I was waiting for you to put on your jacket, god”. Okaaaaaay.

I saw my lyft was approaching so I said goodbye and started walking towards the street corner, which happened to be in the same direction he was walking in and he laughed and said “Um…you don’t need to walk me home” LOLOLOL. Okay. Right.

Then I laughed (too hard) and got into the lyft waiting for me at the corner and turned back and said: “I would never”.

#1: THE CREEPY DENTIST

I’ve saved the grossest for last. You’re welcome.

I met this guy at a brewery downtown and he was nice enough. At first. He told me about how he was in dentistry school and how he was new to the city. He was friendly and made good conversation so, so far so good. This was the first fifteen minutes.

Once we got our beers we sat down and continued chatting. He had asked me about my name and I was telling him how it’s my grandma’s name when he all of a sudden completely interrupts me and says “I really want to kiss you right now”. I was so taken aback because while this could have been a romantic line if I had say, known him for more than a handful of minutes, it was the most absurd timing. A few minutes into our first date, while I’m talking about my grandmother. Ew. It was all downhill from there.

I made a joke about how I had literally just met him moments before and that he should cool his jets and he said “I just can’t stop staring at your mouth”. Ew. Ew ew ew. Nope. No thanks.

After our beers he suggested we move onto another bar and I really didn’t want to but at that point, I had only been there for 30 minutes and I felt like I shouldn’t be a total asshole and bounce.

So we walked a few blocks to Local Edition, a speakeasy-style bar downtown, and we get another beer. The entire walk there he was trying to hold my hand and put his arm around me. I told him that I was not down with that and he said: “I guess you’re just not a very affectionate person”. Um, I do not know you, sir.

Once we got to the bar we grabbed another round of beers and he continued to be creepy af. He kept trying to massage my neck and kiss my cheek. I told him repeatedly that I did not know him like that and that I didn’t want him to touch me. He laughed it off as if I was being flirtatious. No, bitch. I think you’re gross. Go home.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I told him I was taking off. He seemed so genuinely puzzled by why I would leave so soon and STILL tried to kiss me goodbye, a move that I dodged with such agility that my lyft driver who saw the entire exchanged applauded when I got into the car.

So the date was gross but it gets worse you guys.

The next day he texted me saying he had the best time (what?!) and that we should grab coffee soon. I typically try not to ghost dudes because I obviously don’t love it when it happens to me, so I usually will just text someone and let them know if I don’t see us going on a second date. But this guy was foul and deserved a proper ghosting so I ignored his text and all of the other ones he sent me that week.

Until that is, he sent me a novel about how much of a bitch I was and how I had just used him to get free drinks. He’s referring to my two extravagant beers by the way. He then started blowing up my phone with links to events in the city that had free drinks and food. How sweet!

…that last sentence was meant to be sarcastic but also, it was kind of useful info. Just saying!

So I replied and told him his behavior had been wildly inappropriate and that I had no idea he was so strapped for cash and that I could venmo him the $10 for my beers asap. Then I blew up his phone with 20+ links to debt relief websites. And that, thankfully, was the last time I heard from the creepy dentist.




I hope my bad date stories have given you a laugh and a little comfort in knowing that girl, you are not alone. Tell me your dating horror stories in the comments below!

Xo, She

I’m so grateful to Sheila for sharing her stories. The good news? It’s CLEARLY not us. It’s them.

Wishing us all a week of good dates and amazing shoes! Xo RA

Ex Files: The Haunting

Investment Piece: Ex Files: The Haunting

We’re back!! That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar). And because it’s almost Halloween, and nothing’s scarier than dating gone wrong, we’re chatting about Haunting!

We all have an ex that won’t die. There’s a reason they call it “I miss you season”; every once in a while, an ex who’s been gone makes their reappearance. Then trick can be deciding if you should give them a second chance or not! Here are just a few of my stories of exes that came back to Haunt me!

What’s up, love?
Mario went on 2 dates over a few weeks. It was clear from the beginning that neither of us were really looking for anything serious. He was lovely–but there was no click. So when things fizzled out, I thought nothing of it. However, like clockwork, every 2 months I get a text. Everything from “what’s up, love?” to “I miss you”. At first, I thought these were a little sweet. But, as this trend has continued, it’s become annoying. We didn’t really have anything. And no matter what he’s coming back for, it’s not here.

The One I Haven’t Met
There’s always that group text you can’t really get out of’ mine involves people from college. And in the group, I don’t know everyone–but everyone is friend’s of someone I do, so I thought nothing of Dave began occasionally texting me outside of the group, it was mainly about our college team, and it was fun. However, over time, it was clear that he thought there was a connection above football. I gently let him know that I was seeing someone, and wasn’t interested. Dave was lovely and we went back to being “group text” friends. Yet, at least once a month I get sent a random meme/thought/suggestion we get together.

U Up?
Raise your hand if you’ve been haunted by an ex. We all have. From the “I miss you” text to the un-orginal “U Up?”, there’s always a feeling when someone is about to reappear. (Apparently the kids now call it “Zombie-ing”) These pop-ups can be pleasant, or down right scary (depending on the ex). I have a friend who has a theory, they all come back. And most of the time, she’s right.

So, I would love to know : who’s an ex that’s haunted you?

Wishing us all a haunting free week and amazing shoes! XO RA

The Ex-Files: Self Care

Investment Piece, fashion, blogger, Sunday Chronicles, Love of Your Life, Vaelntine's Day, Ca, TX

It’s Ex-Files, where I share horror stories from the front lines of dating! This series has been part of my way of coping with dates and relationships that were less than ideal, because if we can’t laugh at ridiculous men, what are we doing here? Some of my favorite stories that I’ve shared with you are Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Asked for his Money Back, and Ghosting. I had a great story this month, about a guy who took me to dinner to let me know non-stop how much he hated his mother. But then. This week happened.

I know many of us have been triggered by the events and testimony this week. No matter what your policital views, as a woman (or a man), there’s no way that your life hasn’t been touched by sexual assault, even if it’s not openly talked about. Like many of you I’m tired. I’m angry. I’m hurt. And the last thing I wanted to do was dive into a story about dating, even if it was for humor purposes.

There’s something to be said after a week like this one, much like after a bad break up, that a little self care is needed. Not the romanticized and cliche self care, but the real, you may be hurting and need some time to heal self care. Which leaves us with the question, what does self care look like on a week like this?

I vary from needing to be with people to needing to be alone, from needing activity to needing rest, and I think any combination of these types of self care are valid. Actually, any kind of self care you need (as long as it’s not self harm) is valid. Below is a small list of things I like to do for myself in the name of self care:
Take the afternoon off and see a matinee
Stay in with a book
Dinner/drinks with a friend
Spending the day in bed reading trashy magazines
Cleaning out my closet
Shopping or planning outfits
A spa day either at home or at an actual spa
Planning and cooking a great meal
Ordering in
A hard workout
A long walk
Spending time with family
Spending time alone
A bubble bath with wine
Therapy
A massage
Working hard on forgiving others, myself, and walking with kindness and compassion.

I don’t think there’s a way to do self care wrong. It comes down to what we need, and how we can give it to ourselves. I hope that this week, as long and as hard as it was had moments of laughter and care. I hope you know you’re loved and supported.

If you need it, the Sexual Abuse Hotline is 1-800-656-4673. Also, if you need it, you can register to vote here.

I’d love to know what your favorite form of self care is. If you need a listening ear, this community is here for you. I’d love for us all to remember we’re in this together.

Wishing us a week of light and amazing shoes! Xo RA

Rent The Runway

The Ex Files: Ghosting

Investment Piece: Ex Files

It’s here! The time of the month where I live out my Carrie Bradshaw fantasies and write about love disasters. A nice balance to fashion? I like to think so.

Some of my “fave” (if that can be a thing) ex files: Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Asked for his Money Back, and The One Who Got Married, and all of the other dating horror stories that can be found by searching “Ex Files”over on the search bar.

This month? Let’s chat Ghosting.

It sucks. And we’ve all done it. (If you’re reading this and you don’t know what ghosting is, bless you. It’s when someone stops responding or just disappears) Ghosting can also be a bit of a grey area. Is it ghosting if things just sizzle and you stop talking? Does it make it ok to ghost if you’ve already said no, repeatedly, and the other person just won’t take the no? I’m sure that there are great answers, even experts have opinions on ghosting. But going through it? It can still be awful. So I present, two tales of ghosting. And yes, one time there’s a chance that I’m the bad guy. He has the right to tell that story.

The Ghoster
There was once a nice guy that I met. We went to coffee a couple of times. Let’s call him Bob. Bob was sweet. And kind. And caring. A littler nervous, but that wasn’t a deal breaker. Bob was great. Bob was not for me. Even when he told me stories that should have been fascinating, I just wasn’t interested. And because Bob was lovely and kind, I let him know that I didn’t think we were a match for me. Bob said ok. Bob proceeded to text me two days later to ask me out. I said no. Then Bob went on vacation. I got texts every other day, and he asked me out twice. I said no, and restated that I didn’t think we should date. Bob got back from vacation. He asked me out again, I still haven’t responded to the text. I’m a Ghoster.

The Ghostee
For a few weeks, I was dating this great guy named Lee. Funny, charming, we got along like gang busters. We had fun at the movies, at dinner, just hanging out together. He would text me the funniest things, we seemed to really click; he would even send me pictures of what he was doing when we weren’t together. Then one day we were texting about our weeks. He asked me if I would love to get together and I said yes, even mentioned a movie I’d like to see. I never heard from him again. I was ghosted, and while it’s never good to be ghosted, this time I was disappointed as I thought that this guy might be fun.

It could be worse. I know gals who have been ghosted after years. And a guy who’s date ghosted during dinner (well, she left, is that the same thing??). What is our deal with ghosting? Can we really no longer have that conversation?

I’d love to know: what are your ghosting stories? Have you ever been the Ghoster?

Wishing us all a ghost free week and amazing shoes! XO RA

Ex Files: The Eavesdropping

Loves! It’s time for our monthly dose of dating horror stories: The Ex-Files! In my ultimate attempt to become Carrie Bradshaw, and satisfy my friends’ need to hear my awful dating stories (and sadly, there are a lot), we give you: Ex Files, dating horror stories. Yes, these stories really happened, yes, names/dates/places have been changed to protect those involved, and yes, if you wanted to be remembered well, behave better. Missed last month’s gem? You can get your fix on here
Happy Reading!! XO RA

The Eavesdropping

If you follow my acting twitter account (@adeliciamorris, sorry for the political/football rants now), you may have read this riveting, real time date that I overheard recently: (Read up)
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: Ex Files

The story is as simple as I tweeted it. I sat next to (basically on top of) a couple on a horrible date at a cafe in LA. She was a cute, 20 something, who clearly wanted out. He was a bum, who had excuses for everything, might not believe in capitalism, and wasn’t kind to her. While I had to leave before them, as the cafe needed my table; I (and those following on twitter) couldn’t help but wonder if he left her with the bill. My guess is that he did. My hope is that she never finds herself in this situation again.

What stood out to me about this story, besides the obvious horror, was that it was a date that I had been on; not recently, and maybe not to this extreme, but I dated this guy in my 20s. I remember dates that were just so off, with men who couldn’t see (or care) my discomfort, and times when I thought that being a nun might be a viable option. LA is home to many of these “manchilds”, the guys who think it’s great to not take or have responsibilities, who use women, who think nothing of stiffing a girl on a date. The sad truth? My guess is this happens more than we think, to varying degrees, in cities around the world.

So, my question becomes: women, why are we allowing this? I’m not anti giving people a chance, and have some childish habits myself (I clap like a kid on Christmas when I get new shoes). However, there has to be a line and I think it’s time we drew it. Out on a date and it’s going horrible? Leave. Uncomfortable? Leave. Can tell that this guy doesn’t respect you? Leave. Like you, I was raised to always be polite and make people fell at ease; however, that shouldn’t come at a personal price. My new challenge to others, and myself, is that the next time I’m in a situation like that is that I will get myself out of it. I will make an excuse, tell the truth, ditch, whatever needs to be done so that I leave.

Here’s hoping that girl got out!

XO RA

Ex Files: Tinder on an Airplane

It’s one of my favorite times of the month: Ex-files. Where I share horror stories from the dating world. Because if I (and others) have to live through it, we might as well laugh at it. Right?

The good news? This month’s dating horror story didn’t “happen” to me. But I was there (and got free drinks because of it). It involves Tinder (judge all we like, people meet there) and an airplane (because what makes a bad date worse? Not being able to leave). Without further ado, I give you: Tinder on an Airplane.

*Note names and some details have been changed/omitted to protect people. However, people own what you did to them. You want them to write warmly about you? Behave better.

Investment Piece: Ex Files: Tinder on an Airplane

A few months ago, I was taking a girl’s trip with a friend. We were flying out on a Friday night and were looking forward to a row to ourselves (she’s a window lady, I prefer the aisle) and in-flight drinks. The dating horror gods, as luck would have it, had other plans. As the plan boarded, the announcement was made that the flight was full, and that people should take any avaible seat. You know, what no one wants to hear on an airplane when they’re in a row with an empty middle seat. My girlfriend caught the eye of a woman and her adorable puppy and motioned for her to sit with us. And our adventure began.

The woman’s name was Jane and she introduced her dog, Oliver, letting us know that while he’s cute, he can be an asshole. I replied by saying, “Aren’t all men?”

Don’t at me. See here, here, here, and here. More under the search “Ex Files” in the menu.

Someone who did want to debate that thought? The guy sitting in front of us. He turned around claiming “Not all guys”, and proceeded to promise to buy all of us a round during drink service. We laughed it off, but he was a man of his word. He got us all a drink, and that’s when things get really good.

We all exchanged names and basic details. His name was Ben, and he’s a scientist. Our friend Jane made sure that scientist meant that Ben worked with science, which was just a tell of things to come. As we were all chatting all of a sudden, Jane asked Ben if he had a dog named Benji. Ben did. Ben also rode bikes and had a house in a certain part of town.

It turns out that Ben and Jane had matched on Tinder, chatted, she gave him her number and he never called.

And now, we were all trapped on a plane together, drinking.

My girlfriend and I were amused. It soon became apparent that Ben and Jane were not a match.
She wanted to do shots and asked the flight attendants repeatedly why we couldn’t do whiskey shots.
Ben drank wine–and paid for drinks.
Jane didn’t seem to understand science or basic math (she couldn’t add 1+0), while Ben tried to explain a theory based in physics to us.
Ben was super friendly and kept buying drinks, Jane got jealous and increasingly upset that he never called her.
Jane thought that when she looked out the window and could no longer see the lights, that’s where the land ended.

There was no drama, no overt act of confrontation. Though Jane brought up the non-call more than once. Ben was a trooper, bought more than one round for everyone, including one after the flight at the bar in the airport. Somehow, even though she complained more than once about the lack of whiskey shots, Jane didn’t get cut off in the air. But it might have been one of the best flights I’ve been on, and the best Tinder date I’ve witnessed.

As we were all saying goodbye, Jane gave Ben her number again and asked my friend and I if we thought he would call this time. I hate to say it, but I somehow doubt he did.

Wishing us all a week of free drinks and amazing shoes! And great Tinder dates! Xo RA

Ex Files: The One who was VERY IMPORTANT

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

In my attempt to not only be Carrie Bradshaw, but entertain us all with the horror stories that can make up single life it’s Ex Files! Every month you get a look at some (real) bad dates that I have endured, and lived to tell the tale. Names and some facts have been changed to protect people, but I own the stories!

Need more horror in your life? Check out: The One Who Wanted His Money Back, The One Who Got Married, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, The One Who Commented on my Weight. And if you aren’t scared stiff, the search tab has even more stories for your dating horror pleasure.

But this month I give you: The One who was VERY IMPORTANT

Some dates end up being horror stories because of the behavior after the date. Some dates are horror stories because of the behavior on the date. This story that combines both types of horrors. And while I maybe should have seen it coming, I was fooled into thinking it could be a great date. The issue? The way to my heart is my shoes. That can’t be a surprise. So when I met George at the supermarket and he complimented my shoes, I couldn’t see anything else. (And they were amazing shoes.)

After flirting and waiting for our juices together in line, I had learned that George was a doctor and a lover of the outdoors. We made plans to get brunch and go paddle boarding on Saturday. I was excited, I was slightly new to town, a fan of paddle boarding, and a man who sees my shoes always seems like a great idea.

Maybe I should wait to see if men can see more than my shoes?

The Saturday George and I were set to meet I prepared-my hair was cute, I was excited. He was over an hour late.
Mind you, he did call and let me know he was having car problems. At first, he thought he would only be 10 mins late. Then it was 30. Then he let me know that I should go ahead and eat without him, that we would meet up for paddle boarding. So I did.
George finally arrived, not prepared, and nonplussed that he was so very late. We headed over to his apartment (across the street) so he could change into his board shorts and we could get to the water.
While I understand car issues, and everyone is late now again, my biggest disappointment was that the charming man I’d met at the grocery store didn’t show up. This George was annoyed at every little thing, from my hair to the traffic, but as we chatted about the plan for the afternoon I discovered that George was most annoyed with my not making him the sole focus of my day.

When I had made plans with George, I thought I was clear that I was free all Saturday till about 3:30 or 4, as I was having dinner with my Grandma. George has orginally thought that was sweet. However, after being so late, George no longer thought the fact that I couldn’t devote my entire day to him was sweet. He was upset that he “wouldn’t have as much time on the water as he wanted”. And he was most upset as “he had a friend going out on a boat, there were going to be hot girls there, and he wanted us to join, but we wouldn’t be done in time”.

Yes, he legit complained that he was going to miss out on hot girls on a boat. And I let George know that if he really wanted to go on the boat that he should, there would be no hard feelings from me. He didn’t leave, but was very upset that he was missing out. I should have left then, but I didn’t.

We went paddle boarding and it wasn’t bad. I did get yelled at for not “being as good” as George was. And George did let me know more than once that he was upset that my bikini wasn’t skimpy, and that I had a time limit. But the date wasn’t the worst ever. I had no intention of a second date, but still.

George and I finished paddle boarding and I made it to dinner with Grandma on time. A few days after, I received a text from George inquiring about a second date. But, he had a caveat.

As it turns out, George let me know that he is VERY IMPORTANT and when he makes plans with someone, he expects them to respect his time and be free for the whole day. He let me know that if I couldn’t commit to that, we shouldn’t go out again.

We didn’t go out again.

Also, if you’re so important that you need people to clear their schedules for you, maybe that’s something you should pay for?

Wishing us all a week of being important and amazing shoes! And great dates!
XO RA

Ex Files: Sharing in Misery

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

It’s no secret that I’m no stranger to bad dates. See here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. This month? I have no personal dating horror stories to share (but, no fear, I still have plenty).

What I’ve been doing lately? Indulging in other people’s bad date stories! It makes me feel less alone (maybe it’s not us, maybe it’s dating!). And they make me laugh. From the ones that pop up on Facebook to my new favorite site, The Tinder Chronicles, I’ve become a voyeur in other people’s bad dates. (Though to be fair, I hope you are when it comes to mine!). Below I’m sharing some of my favorites and would love to know: what is your worst best bad date story?

Cosmo Twitter
A bad date in a few characters? I’m in!

1. “We were on the train heading back to my place, and he said he had to pee. There weren’t any bathrooms, so he literally just peed in the corner of the train car. I died of embarrassment.” —Fatouma K., 22

2. “We made a plan to go fishing, but when I arrived to pick him up, all he’d decided to bring with him was two fishing poles — no bait! I ended up having to sit and watch him dig up worms.” —Charity K., 30

3. “He told me he was going to take me to a romantic dinner but got totally wasted beforehand. Before we even stepped foot in the restaurant, he demanded I drive him back to my place. I wound up all dressed up, sitting on my couch, eating cereal while my date snoozed away in my bed. Hot.” —Kimberly C., 30

4. “While we were hooking up in his car, he got a phone call from his mom. He picked it up while I was on top of him!” —Lani F., 20

5. “On a date, he told me that he wanted to get me pregnant to trap me. I think it was his way of saying I’m a catch? Obviously, we were done.” —Nicole G., 27

6. “I got up to use the restroom after finishing only about a quarter of my drink. When I got back, he’d finished the whole thing without asking. Rude!” —Laura M., 24

7. “He brought his dad along on our date so his dad could ‘check me out.’ I never spoke to him again.” —Amanda W., 25

8. “After I brought him back to my apartment, he goes, ‘I want a place like this, one that looks shitty on the outside but nice on the inside, so no one will want to break in.’ Um, thanks?” —Jessica L., 20

Buzz Feed and Reddit
The Internet can let you down in so many ways. Bad Date Stories is not one of them.
My favorites from :
BuzzFeed
Reddit
StyleCaster
And
Insider

The Woman Who Disappeared
While maybe not a bad ex story (maybe he got his?), I can’t stop thinking about this story:
I came over to his house one morning to surprise him with breakfast and a video game he wanted, only to find him naked, asleep, and with his ex curled up in his arms.

He didn’t hear me come in, so I closed his bedroom door, and left his breakfast and game on the kitchen counter along with my key to his house.

I went to my car, deactivated my Facebook, and blocked him on all other forms of social media. I then called my phone provider to change my number before driving off.

I texted family members and close friends that we were no longer together and to block him on social media, as well. I didn’t tell them why.

I was in a position to end the lease at my apartment early, and I started a new job in a different city later that week.

I completely removed myself from him and didn’t offer a shred of explanation or opportunity for dialogue. I disappeared from his life after his betrayal and I think it’ll not only help me to focus on myself without his presence, but I think completely shutting myself off from him will hurt worse than anything when he thinks on how good he had it with me these last 5 years.

What do you think?

Wishing us all a week of not horrible dates and amazing shoes!
XO RA