Tag: Sunday Chronicles

Loves, Happy Weekend! As you may know, I can be a perfectionist. I hold myself to a high standard, which manifests itself in various ways. I can have a great work ethic and produce things that are amazing. I can be paralyzed by the fear that things won’t be perfect and procrastinate, making sure that the “product” won’t be perfect (but I’ll have an excuse!). I can pick myself apart. I can admire other people’s work. Like most other perfectionists, I can tell you that it’s a great thing to want to hold yourself to a standard of excellence, but can tell you perfectionism is also an insercurity and an attempt to protect yourself. So, it’s great and not great. And one of the hardest lessons is how to move forward, do work, and be happy when it’s (whatever it is) not perfect. Loves, nothing is ever perfect (and yes, that’s hard for me to say), so how do we handle this?

I believe that this is where many people would tell you it’s the effort that counts, that good enough is good, and as perfection is an unattainable standard you do your best and be happy. Yes, all of that is true. It is still stunning to me how hard that is for me to at times accept. So how do I handle it? Loves, if we’re in the trust tree I have to let you know that the answer is not always well. I can waste time, money, and self peace in an attempt to “perfect” a project. And what I can tell you is that those things are not always worth it. So my new methods?

Give Myself Time
I’m finding if I can do posts/projects/etc early, spend some time away from them and come back, I’m either a-ok with what’s happened or I can “fix” it in a more productive manner. It’s the break that lets me have some space, and somehow that helps. And those times when I don’t have the time for that? I let go as best I can.

Mind Shift: vulnerable is more likable
There is something in my head that says that being perfect is the way to be liked (as broad as that can mean). It’s taking a lot of work, and a lot of more work, to discover that the best, real moments are the ones when I’m vulnerable. Does that mean that I don’t do my best? No. But it means I’m trying to not kill myself when I don’t have all the answers or something isn’t 180%. An acting coach of mine once told me that the audience wants to love you for all the things you’re embarrassed to show them. While this may not relate to every situation, I think it is true. Our humanness is raw and not perfect, but it’s beautiful.

Ask a loved one
When it’s hard for me to see that our humanness is beautiful I’m learning to ask someone I trust for their opinion. Often, their critique is not half as bad as my own. We could chat a whole other Chronicles on how hard it can be to ask for help, but I find another’s perspective is often what I need to end my manic pursuit of “perfect”.

Loves, this list is by no means complete, and it is by no means easy. It’s a process, and I’m learning. I’m striving to see that perfect is a great goal, but when I laser eye it, I miss so much. I’m learning that good is beautiful, and failures can be fun. I’m trying to be honest in my struggles and in my strive for perfection, be happy with great.

Are you a perfectionist? How do you deal with it?

Wishing us all a week of beautiful good and amazing shoes! XO RA

Happy Valentine’s Day Lovers! I hope you’re being showered with love and affection and treats.

I have something to confess my loves: I am not a big fan of this day. No, it’s not a big “single movement” or “galentines ” (although I like that idea). I just don’t like the idea that someone is professing their love or pampering me because they “have to”. I’m not anti-love. I’m anti having to express it in a certain manner. Let me be clear: if you care about me and want to tell me, please do! Treat me! But please don’t do it because this is the day that you’re supposed to. I was a little bit scared to admit that–there’s nothing worse than being the woman who’s anti-Valentine’s day, but a friend of mine wrote this piece on not liking the holiday–and it made me bold. (I loved a lot of what she had to say!)

Here’s the thing lovers–I love love. I really do. I am for affection, and treats, and letting people know that you love them. I think there is so much love in our lives to be grateful for–from our friends to our families to the baristas who remember our names and exactly how we like our coffees. All of that is love –and should be celebrated. In fact, sometimes I think we forget how much love is in our lives. We concentrate on romantic love–which is amazing–and the big, grand gestures that can accompany it are fantastic. But the simple gestures that friends, family and sometimes strangers can show us are just as great. When I found this list of ways to say “I love you”, it hit me–because these non-grand gestures of love are often what make up our lives. And they are fantastic. And should be celebrated–not because a holiday says so, but because we are so lucky to have people in our lives who care how our days go.

If you’re celebrating today–great! There’s nothing wrong with that. And if you’re not–great! There’s nothing wrong with that. I hope in whatever way, on whatever day you chose, you can take a minute to see the love in your life–and maybe let those people know you love them too. And not to get on my soapbox–but this is my soapbox–I hope you let yourself know that you love you too. I saw an essay about being the love of your own life (regardless of any other relationship) and of all the things I love, I love that. Ourselves will be with us forever–we will spend the most time with ourselves, we will grow old together, we will be forever tied together. Loving yourself isn’t always easy (that’s another therapy trip), but it is important and rewarding. So while we’re celebrating love–maybe let’s learn to love ourselves, develop a great relationship with ourselves, treat ourselves like we’re the loves of our lives, be the loves of our own lives. And if that involves treating ourselves to new shoes to pamper us? Well, everyone wins 🙂

I wish us all an abundance of love and amazing shoes this week! XO RA

This was originally posted about a year ago. I began thinking about this very topic this week when I looked down and realized that some of these very same scars were barely visible. Some are still there, very bright. It got me thinking about healing, about moving on, about how we live with our scars. In the past year I’ve healed. I’ve gotten hurt. I’ve learned. And when I’ve need them, the people in my life have been there for me. As I think about my scars, and re-read this, I can’t help but think that maybe living with our scars isn’t a bad thing. (And at the end of the post I’ve linked some picks from the Nordstorm sale!)

Originial Post:
Loves, as you may know, this year has been a doozy when it comes to loss. And in the midst of this, last week there was a small grease fire in my kitchen and I burned my arms. Badly. It’s not pretty.

And this is the “good” arm. Loves, it was painful. It is painful. And yet, after the shock and the first aid, my thought was how it would look. And later in the week I again worried about outfits, about shoots, about the fact that right now, unless I fully commit to long sleeves (and even those failed Friday night) I can’t hide the fact that I have wounds on my arms. I’m sure we could chat about my need for perfection, if it’s good that I worry about how it looks, and if those conversations say something about career choices or society as a whole- maybe we’ll get to those later, but for now–wounds. I’m living with them.

And loves, it’s uncomfortable. No matter what our wounds are, having them in the open can be difficult. It’s painful, sometimes on many levels. It invites questions. It can leave you feeling vulnerable. But loves, the only way for wounds to heal are to have them heal, and often that means having them in the open. And while it can be a struggle to live with wounds, it’s brave. It means willing to be vulnerable, to live with questions, to be honest about where you are-pain and all. There’s bravery in that, there’s beauty in that. And while that’s hard for me, I’m learning to live in that space.

I can do nothing about the fact that I have these burns/scars on my arms for the time being. They will be in some photos, as much as I may not like that. But this is where I am. So I’m learning: that being honest about where you are is brave, that being vulnerable about questions and situations is freeing, and that flaws can be beautiful. I’m giving my wounds time to heal, because you can’t rush that, and I’m living there.

I just may have to wear amazing shoes to balance it out.

No matter where you are I’m wishing us all a beautiful week and amazing shoes! XO RA

If you haven’t heard, Nordstrom is having an amazing sale! I couldn’t resist linking my fave picks for you:

Happy Shopping!

Loves.

It’s been a week.
A month.
A Year.

I know that this is the space where I usually share my thoughts, experiences, dating with you. And I love this space, it’s sacred and some of my favorite of our time together. This week? This travel season? I couldn’t put words to paper (or screen). I just couldn’t. (And I have another great ex-files coming up!) So I did this instead:

I’ve spent the past few weeks shopping and thinking about fall, and our fall trends. (Remember when we chatted about that? Refresh here). I’ve identified some more fall trends I might like to try and wanted to share them with you!

First up:
Remember glitter boots?

Well, what do we think about Rhinestone Boots?

I fell in love with these boots at Free People, and started thinking about all the ways we could wear them: with jeans and a white tee, a sweater dress, a shirt dress, as a statement, as an accent. I also found some reasonable options for us! (Some are under $60!)
*Note: These are affiliate links, I do receive commission from these, though that doesn’t affect your price!

My picks:

Another fall trend I never thought I’d like?
Vinyl Pants
I saw some on Instagram. I tried on some patent leather pants at RecessLA, (side note: they didn’t fit by a hair. Have some nude patent leather pants, maybe Pucci? Hit me up!) And it was love.
Some vinyl and patent leather pants we may love:

And, how do we feel about
White Booties ?

I think I like them, but more research may be needed. Let’s shop my picks and see how we feel:

And loves! Don’t forget, we have a giveaway coming up! (Refresh yourself here) Check out SkinPrint and let me know which product you might like to win! The product it’s the most inquiries will be in the giveaway (and that will start Tuesday!) Look, shop, and let me know!

I hope that your Sunday involves a lot of rest and time with people you love. I’m catching up-all my looks are now updated (shop my site! Over on the left) and we’re working on getting the best content up for the next week!

Wishing us all a week of amazing shoes and peace!

XO RA

I had an idea where I was going to buy and write a post all about knock-offs and if they are worth it. I bought a knock-off of this summer’s “it” Self Portrait dress–but the post didn’t work. The dress I got was so cheap, fraying, and the zipper broke before I even got it on. My plan was a bust. That’s disappointing on a blog–but it’s not the end of the world. I simply came up with another idea. However–there are times when the stakes are higher and moving on to plan B, or C, or Z can be way more difficult than we (I) like to admit.

Let’s be honest there are things that don’t work out or go to plan almost every day, whether it’s an outfit or traffic or something major. Some of these things are easy to move on from (although I’ve recently had to move my closet, and when nothing seems to fit or go as planned I can attest that little things seem big). Yet– can we be real? Failure is a part of life, and it’s not always easy to swallow. I’m assuming you’re on Pintrest, or at least have heard every platitude about failure being an opportunity, or getting you on a better path, or letting you find the way to win. All of these are true, but that doesn’t always take the sting out of the “loss”.

Our society loves winners, and doesn’t really pay attention to any one else. Failure can sometimes feel like a character flaw, instead of something that happens to everyone.  However failure is a part of life and as Queen Bey will tell you:

It happens to the best of us. And yes, sometimes it’s just that our closet won’t fit in a new space.But sometimes it’s a dream, or a relationship, or a job that meant the world to you. And then failure sucks and hurts, there’s no way around that.

What I’m hoping to remind you (and me) of is that all those lovely platitudes about failure are true. Failure can get you off a path that’s not great for you, and on one that’s so much more spectacular than you could have ever dreamed. A relationship can fail and you could wind up meeting someone who makes you a million times happier–and sometimes that person is you. Losing a job can leave you open for a dream job, and failure of any kind can make you creative and you end up with the thing you wanted in the first place–even if the journey wasn’t what you planned. Sometimes you just have to trust that a letter down the alphabet will work.

In case you’re worried–I’m making the new space for my closet work, and while I’m having to resort to plan D, it’s a nice reminder that sometimes getting caught up on plan A isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Wishing us all a week of failures that end up successes and amazing shoes!

XO RA

Be You. It’s the most cliche, most true, most repeated advice. Being you is both amazing, and diffult. Yes, let’s all be all of who we are, but real talk? Being you is complicated, sometimes messy, and often takes years. My relationship with myself is still evolving, but I know it’s taken me time to really get to know me, to like me, to be comfortable with me, and to be willing to share me with the world. I truly believe that things can fall into place and are better when you’re “being you”, but I don’t believe that it’s as easy as advice makes it seem.

This isn’t a post about being yourself though. It’s about how a wig party allowed me to be myself, and what I discovered. More real talk? We all have multiple sides and complexities; it is one of the most amazing things about us. I had a friend who threw a “Wig” party for her birthday. I was excited to go and support her fun; but had it in my head that I wasn’t a “wig person”. Then came this sassy number. Would I ever cut my hair short and dye it purple? Highly doubtful, as getting to where I love my own hair has been a journey all to itself (read about that here). But this wig, it was love at first site. Not me, but it fit me so perfectly! And while I think I know myself pretty well, every time I wear it I feel a tad more sassy and a tad more free. Is it possible that the wig is a way of being me?

(You can see the look that I styled around this wig and freedom here)

A lesson that I keep learning is that we are so much more than we think. There are different sides to us, all worth loving; and our potentional for growth is amazing. It continues to amaze me what sides of us appear when we need them. Did I know that I would sometimes need the sassy side of me that this wig brings out? No. But she’s hear, and I think she’s pretty awesome.

This week let’s be ourselves. Let’s spend some time and figure out what that means. Let’s spend some time loving ourselves, spend some time around people who love us, and let’s let that love fill our space. Go be you, and if you need a wig, let’s go get one!

Wishing us all a week of being you and amazing shoes! XO RA