Sunday Chronicles – Investment Piece

Sunday Chronicles: Letting Go

I went to write about letting go this week. Quelle Surprise- letting go is still something I struggle with! And it turns out I’ve written about it more than once (do I have issues letting go about writing about letting go? I guess so!) Instead of repeat myself- or beat myself up for not letting go soon enough I’m re-reading this and reminding myself as long as I am trying, it’s progress!

A wise friend once said to me,” We do things until we can’t do them anymore”. She was referring to me beating myself up about not being able to make a choice- but on many levels she’s right. Every one of us hangs on to different things : ideas, people, things- and we hang on till we simply can’t anymore. There are so many different situations and so many different breaking points- but can we agree that the human truth is that is hard to let go of some things? Ideas, feelings, dreams, people, sweaters from 7th grade- any and all of these can be held onto for years.

And I’m the worst. Call it stubborn, call it loyal- but I can have a hard time letting go of things I love. Maybe it’s that the devil you know is better, fear of the unknown (are those the same? ), fear of loss, fear that nothing better will come along- there are times when we can all hold too strong and too long to things because of these and a host of other reasons. I have no answers for ideas, people, dreams- but clothes I can help with!

Here’s the thing about holding onto things for to long- and let’s be specific things you should let go of, there are tons of things you should hold onto forever, but that’s another post-if you hold onto the wrong things for too long, you’re not making space for new, better things. True in life, true in your closet. Is letting go easy? Not always, but some times you have to ask yourself – do I need this sweater from 7th grade? Or do I want new and exciting things?

I clean out my closet regularly but have found myself hanging onto things for that one day, or if I ever need whatever. I’m probably one of the only fashion bloggers to tell you that hanging on to some things out of nostalgia is aok (really), but some times you have to to let go. So this time -I did. All those things I’ve been on the fence on, the things I never wear- I’m getting rid of them. I got to the point where I coudn’t hang on anymore, and I’m finally ready to make room for new things (like fall Valentino boots!). And can I tell you? It feels fabulous!

I’d love to know: what’s your method for letting go of thing?

Wishing us all a week of making space for the good things to come, and of course amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles : It’s All in the Seams

This post is originally from a few years ago (there are times when it shocks me that I’ve been doing this for years!); but this is something that I’ve been thinking about recently. Not necessarily French seams, though yes, but the idea that things take time. The idea that something that is well made, and worth the time and effort, is better than something that is ready quickly, but made to fall apart. The idea that somethings, both French seams and ideas are meant to last. Also, what fashion means to me, why I care about quality and what I can do to explain my views with you (more of all of that to come!).

And then, I remembered I wrote about this before: so I give you again, It’s all in the seams!
Enjoy!
XO RA

Yesterday my mom and I got to talking about couture, really the magic of couture is seaming, lining, and fit. French seams, where you essentially double sew the seam so it’s encased, are the trademark of couture- they’re difficult, time consuming , and look amazing. The seams are part of what make couture fit so well, last so long, and look stunning. So they’re worth it. In fact the trick to catching couture – and real designer bags and shoes- check the insides

It got me thinking about what is worth it. We live in a world that demands everything instaneously- relationships, careers, material goods. Everything is expected to come quickly, it can be considered failure for things to take time. But here’s the thing about rushing things – quickly made seams fall apart. I can do a quick seam- but it won’t last, and probably won’t look good. And when you want something to last- and look good- you have to take the time to do the little things, whether that’s French seams or letting a relationship or career take its time. It’s a process, but rush the process and the inside falls out.

I would rather have a closet full of French seams- bags and shoes that last- things that are beautifully made than a closet full of seams that fall apart. I understand that this means I will spend more, and things will take time to accumulate. I’m okay with it. In fact, I’d like to build a life full of relationships that last, a good career, and moments that matter- those things take time as well. But, when I look at the French seams – it’s worth it.

Happy Sunday! Wishing us all a week of great seams and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Why is Change so Hard?

Can we be honest? Change is hard. Even the change that you want can be hard (ask my hair dresser, I freak out almost every time). And yet–none of us want to stay in the same place forever, right? I would say most of us want to be better versions of ourselves, to have amazing things happen to us, to reach for things, but getting out of our comfort zones can be difficult. Or maybe that’s just me. Say it’s not just me.

Spring is know as the beginning season. Flowers bloom, things start again, and we change. I know that I am changing right now–and some are great and some are scary. I have absolutely no answers but I can tell you 3 things that are helping me get through all the change.

1. Things are going to be okay.

They are. They most likely won’t look like how we think they might, but things have a way of working out for the best. I think our job is just to trust; as my grandma would say a positive attitude makes up for a lot.

2. Be okay with not knowing.

Internet friends this one is a struggle for me daily. I want to know things–all the things. But sometimes, when we’re going through things, we don’t. I’m trying to get comfortable not having an answer in mind, in seeing what happens, in not knowing. Some days are easier than others, but the more I can tell myself it’s okay not to know–it becomes okay not to know.

3. Be compassionate and kind–to yourself

Change is hard. I don’t think being mean to yourself or beating yourself up helps in any way. Just like a friend going through something needs your support, you need your support. So be kind to you–take care of you. If you need a night with friends, a glass of wine, or even new shoes, try to treat yourself like you would a friend.

Hopefully this spring brings for us a summer of changes that were worth it. And if we don’t like it, hey, we can always change again, right?

Wishing you a week of self kindness and amazing shoes! xo RA

Sunday Chronicles: Should You Fake It?

In an episode of Sex and the City, the ladies visit LA where Samantha tempts Carrie with fake Fendi bags- conveniently sold out of the trunk of a guy in the Valley. Bags that look exactly like the real thing but for half (or less than half) the price? It does sound tempting- but Carrie opts to hold out for the real thing; her thinking being that even if the bag fooled everyone she would know it was fake, and she didn’t want fake. And while getting a steal is tempting – I side with Carrie on this one.

Is this an essay to persuade you that you should always shell out the bucks for the designer bag? Nope. I do believe in quality, and love saving and buying some of my designer things- but think quality can be found at any price and you have to do what is best for you- and if a fake bag makes you happy I say go for it. What I’ve been thinking about all the other things in life we fake- and whether or not we deserve more than Valley-trunk fakeness.

To an extent, we live in a world of knock-off, fast fashion just being one of the culprits. And I’m just as guilty: I’ve staged photos to get “likes” on Instagrams, I color my hair but want my stylist to make it look as natural as possible, and I’ve spun events in my life so that to people everything sounds amazing. Is this bad? The hair color is for sure great, and I’m not a fan of spilling my secrets to strangers; there is a truth to the saying “Fake it till ya make it”. So, good right?

Maybe. But, what I’ve been thinking is that maybe we spend a little too much effort on how things look like on the outside, and completely ignore the inside. To put it another way, if the bag looks designer on the outside does it count if it’s cracked and peeling on the inside? Some of the best nights of my life have been messy: crying , laughing, holding onto people I love. Not one picture from those nights would pass anyone’s Instagram standards. And while spinning events can be great–how amazing is it to open up to the people with whom you can be honest? The ones who ask who you are and you can honestly say “Sad” or “Scared” or “Abnormally excited” and have that be ok? Aren’t all those experiences, messy as they can be, just if not more amazing than having things look perfect?

Does this mean that I’m going to stop having things look nice, coloring my hair, or spinning to certain people? Nope. But, just like Carrie, I think that even if I’m the only one who knows it–I don’t want fake. So I’m making an effort to be more real–even if it’s messy and scary– and I’m trusting that it will be just as beautiful as the fake. I’d love to know–what’s your take on this?

Wishing us all a week of realness and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Getting Back to Me..

I will be honest- this experience of having 1/2 of my house completely under consideration – for so long and so many issues- has been a lot. And on top of that I have been sick- mainly as I am a bit allergic to some of the dust and fumes, etc. As I said, a lot. /On top of that- I got it in my head that I should also redo my closet and my personal bathroom- so there is no sanctuary for me in the house. And I am behind, and haven’t been feeling like myself for a while. All of of which makes it hard to get dressed.

Yet- we are finally- hopefully- surely- in the last stretch- at least for the majority of the house. Which can give me time to do my own spaces. I am finally beginning to feel a bit better- and not having to retch water does make me more excited to get dressed. Essentially, It finally feels as if I am getting back to me. Astrologically (I know), March 30th is the beginning of the new year, which I figure gives me a month to really get a start on who I want to be this year. And. Get dressed. Share my shopping picks and opinions with you. Begin again.

It’s daunting. And un- ending. But I am excited to finally feel as if we are on our way back to each other.

Wishing us all a week of feeling like us, getting dressed, and amazing shoes! XO RA

Note: I am linking these ice toners – serum that you freeze that work amazing to depuff and make your face feel new! While that is an affiliate link, it does not affect the price for you- I just may earn commission! Thank you for your support!

Sunday Chronicles: When it’s not PERFECT

I’ve been redoing my closet- aka making a room into a closet. As well as deep cleaning and redoing parts of the house. This is on top of the house construction. Am I part of the problem? Maybe! Things have not been going to plan. It’s taking longer, it’s been hard to build shelves, things are in disarray. Yesterday a rolling rack I put together collapsed- sending party dresses flying and shoes falling on me head. I had no choice but- ask for help and admit that my house might not be perfect for a bit- and I’ll have to work around that. So I went back to thoughts and ways that help me- someone who hates asking for help and wants to be perfect- when things aren’t perfect.

Investment Piece, fashion blogger, Sunday Chronicles, Perfect, when it's not perfect, everyday editorial, CA, TX

Loves, Happy Weekend! As you may know, I can be a perfectionist. I hold myself to a high standard, which manifests itself in various ways. I can have a great work ethic and produce things that are amazing. I can be paralyzed by the fear that things won’t be perfect and procrastinate, making sure that the “product” won’t be perfect (but I’ll have an excuse!). I can pick myself apart. I can admire other people’s work. Like most other perfectionists, I can tell you that it’s a great thing to want to hold yourself to a standard of excellence, but can tell you perfectionism is also an insercurity and an attempt to protect yourself. So, it’s great and not great. And one of the hardest lessons is how to move forward, do work, and be happy when it’s (whatever it is) not perfect. Loves, nothing is ever perfect (and yes, that’s hard for me to say), so how do we handle this?

I believe that this is where many people would tell you it’s the effort that counts, that good enough is good, and as perfection is an unattainable standard you do your best and be happy. Yes, all of that is true. It is still stunning to me how hard that is for me to at times accept. So how do I handle it? Loves, if we’re in the trust tree I have to let you know that the answer is not always well. I can waste time, money, and self peace in an attempt to “perfect” a project. And what I can tell you is that those things are not always worth it. So my new methods?

Give Myself Time
I’m finding if I can do posts/projects/etc early, spend some time away from them and come back, I’m either a-ok with what’s happened or I can “fix” it in a more productive manner. It’s the break that lets me have some space, and somehow that helps. And those times when I don’t have the time for that? I let go as best I can.

Mind Shift: vulnerable is more likable
There is something in my head that says that being perfect is the way to be liked (as broad as that can mean). It’s taking a lot of work, and a lot of more work, to discover that the best, real moments are the ones when I’m vulnerable. Does that mean that I don’t do my best? No. But it means I’m trying to not kill myself when I don’t have all the answers or something isn’t 180%. An acting coach of mine once told me that the audience wants to love you for all the things you’re embarrassed to show them. While this may not relate to every situation, I think it is true. Our humanness is raw and not perfect, but it’s beautiful.

Ask a loved one
When it’s hard for me to see that our humanness is beautiful I’m learning to ask someone I trust for their opinion. Often, their critique is not half as bad as my own. We could chat a whole other Chronicles on how hard it can be to ask for help, but I find another’s perspective is often what I need to end my manic pursuit of “perfect”.

Loves, this list is by no means complete, and it is by no means easy. It’s a process, and I’m learning. I’m striving to see that perfect is a great goal, but when I laser eye it, I miss so much. I’m learning that good is beautiful, and failures can be fun. I’m trying to be honest in my struggles and in my strive for perfection, be happy with great.

Are you a perfectionist? How do you deal with it?

Wishing us all a week of beautiful good and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Perfectionism and Mantras

Investment Piece: Sunday Chronicles

I did some more flashing back this week and came across one of the first Sunday Chronicles I wrote. It’s a subject I keep going back to: perfectionism, and how I deal with it. The story of my life, in other words. The reminder that some battles are constant both encouraged me and scares me. Spin class is one of the ways that I’ve always dealt with it–but right now I’m still mainly working out at home (which isn’t bad!), but it means I’m having to encourage myself. And that looks different. Weirdly, I’m saying all these things to myself. Not weirdly, they work!
Enjoy my first thoughts on the topic!
Wishing us all a week of onward and amazing shoes!
XO RA

Perfectionism and Mantras

I’m a perfectionist. Which means I hold myself to impossible standards, am hard on myself–and all those things you’ve heard–that perfectionists procrastinate, etc? Yes, those are true about me. In fact I’ve spent a vast majority of my life striving to be perfect–and not always being nice to myself in the process–and being even harder on myself when I was unable to be perfect. Sadly, I think that being perfect is something that doesn’t exist.

I still believe in perfect shoes and outfits–but that’s probably a different story.

Get to know me a little and you’ll find that I love to work out. And I love workouts, like Soul Cycle, where encouraging mantras are said and they uplift you–and you feel good. One of the favorite mantras–and one I’ve seen in several places this week so it’s on my mind–is “The Way You Do One Thing Is The Way You Do All Things”. Which is great when I’m in a dark spin class–because I can sprint and jump and climb and do it well. But what about the things that I do not do well? The things I flat out suck at? The list of my talents is long–but I fear it is out numbered by my flaws. I’m human (hard to accept)– and this means I’m messy and unfortunately for me, cannot do all things perfectly. So this phrase has never sat well with me.

However, a spin teacher I love (Angela Davis if you’re ever in LA) has begun to say, “You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be brave”. Now this I can get behind. If I have to accept that I cannot be perfect–I get brave. Brave means taking risks, and trying, and doing your best. Brave I can do.

Another saying I love is “You have to have compassion for yourself, you cannot be brave every time, so when you can’t be kind to yourself”. Which is another way of saying “You have to give 100% of what you have right now, which will be different than tomorrow and different than yesterday, and that’s ok”. Let’s be honest–life can be hard, and even if we’re trying to be brave, we don’t always get there. I need to hear that it’s ok for me to try my hardest–and that my hardest will be different each day. This I can do.

So I’m trying, I’m being brave. I ramble –and I know there is no fashion tie in. Although, we could say that you should try that outfit you’ve been thinking of, and if it doesn’t work–it’s ok.

My hope for us this week is that we can all be brave, and when we can’t be as brave that we can have compassion towards ourselves. Oh–and I wish for us amazing shoes!

Happy Sunday!

xo RA

Sunday Chronicles: Holiday Traditions!

It’s an odd year for me- to say the least. With house demo and repairs- and the reality sinking in we will be without a kitchen for the holiday- this season is. Not usual. And while I am currently unable to wrap my head around gifts or shopping (well. For gifts!), I am clinging to some of these traditions to feel a bit like a holiday. I’m watching (fave) Christmas movies on repeat, I’ve been out to look at lights (and even put up a few) and have been brainstorming ways to get my holiday meals in. I’d love your thoughts on my traditions below- and I’d also love to know:
When your seasons aren’t usual how do you feel like a holiday?

I recently looked over this list of holiday traditions that I wrote about. My list remains largely unchanged. And I’m happy! From eating to pjs to wishing for snow, I love my traditions and I can’t wait to dive right into them. What I’m adding this year? The tradition of grace- there’s so much changing, and we’re adapting. There are good days and bad. I’m not productive then I am. Grace is the thing I bet we all need most this year. And the faith that whatever we get done (or don’t), it’s enough. It’s something I’m adding to my list of things to do this year!

Traditions. They seem to be something that we cling to (maybe), enjoy, and are prominent at this time of year. If you think about what you enjoy at this time of year, most likely it can be traced back to a tradition. Me? I love traditions, especially holiday traditions. There’s something comforting about them, and if we let them, I’ve found that we can let them grow with us. There are things that I did as a child that I still love to do, and there are traditions that started a few years ago, and I love adding them to my list. No matter what or how you celebrate this is a season of tradition and family- and one of my favorites!
A few of my favorite traditions include:
1. Wishing for snow and collecting snow globes. Living between two places not known for their snow I’m obsessed. I love the fake snow that abounds and my goal is to one day see a ton of snow.
2. Decorations – I love all the holiday lights, trees, fake snow- all of it!
3. My sister, mom, and I get matching pjs for a gift on Christmas Eve- even though we’re no longer young it still makes waking up on Christmas special.
4. Traditional meals- not just the holiday meal but my mom’s Wassal (hot drink), her beef stroganoff on Christmas Eve, cookies, my Grandma’s Dr Pepper meatballs- it’s a season of eating.
5. Events like the Nutcracker. I love the ballet and as many times as I’ve seen it I just love the costumes, and dances. Related- this season I will watch “Miracle on 34th Street” about 1000 times.

I’d love to know – what are some of your traditions? What are you looking forward to?

Wishing us all joy and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Hauls

If you’re VERY online, you know that there has been a lot of discourse about hauls (when someone buys anywhere from 10-50 pieces at a time, usually from a fast fashion retailer). And people have opinions. I have opinions. There has been advice from where to shop instead of fast fashion, to just stop hauls and shopping fast. But more important than all of that, I think the questions we should be asking ourselves is how can we find joy in really finding our style and taking our time building our wardrobes. Let’s chat about it!

And one of the dresses from my vintage “haul” (aka all of the lovely clothes that a neighbor gifted me when she and her daughter cleaned out their closets) I’m on the fence about. I love the color and the details- and it would need to be taken in (and there are so many options on how to do that!). So- what do you think? Keep or sell?

a woman in a blue dress leans against a door frame

Wishing us all a week of intentional shopping and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Taking up Space

In light of all the world events, protests, revolutions, and my wanting to be a better ally I’ve been thinking a lot about my voice. And how to best use it. The thing is: I’m not always comfortable speaking up or taking up space. I was raised to be “nice” and not “make trouble” and “please everyone”. But the fact is none of those things are really possible. Some trouble is good. I (and you) deserve to be heard. And nice isn’t always the best policy. So. I’m working on it. And while my thoughts here are from a few years ago, reflecting on how I can take up space this week helped me. Hope it helps you! XO RA

Sometimes topics come and hit you over the head, forcing you to pay attention to them. This week I was minding my own business, cruising the internet, when out of no where this article and this article kept popping up, on repeat. A sign? Maybe, maybe not; but when articles appear, I read them.

A note–I am one of those who have a hard time asking for the space I need (unless we are driving an then just try to sway into my lane–you have a horn coming). I believe in courtesy, compassion, and sharing-but a long line of waiting for others to recognize that I may need leg room/arm room/a seat has taught me that you have to take your space–others won’t give it to you. And yes, there are societal and gender issues at play; there are different types of space and different issues that surround each of them. I could write about them all but want you to not be reading till Monday! So, for today, let’s talk physical space–we can deal with other issues another day.

So space. We all need it– be it on a subway, an arm rest, on an airplane. So why do some of us have such a hard time asking for it? There are those who don’t–and yes, as a member of the former group I can be in awe, envy, and sometimes hate those who seem to take up all the space they need (and sometimes more) without a thought or care. Are those people inherently bad or selfish? I like to think not (yes, I could write about those who probably are). Some people just naturally take up space. I, personally, don’t–and it’s not that I don’t need it. I’m tall, I like to spread out as much as the next person, and know I deserve the sidewalk or public space as much as the next person. And it’s not that I don’t take space–it’s just that if others are taking up space (manspreaders, etc) or if the space is in debate (shared armrests), I tend to defer-not ask for space, let the other person have it.

So why? If I know I have a right to the space, why do I, and others like me, have a hard time asking for it? Maybe we expect people to notice what we need and give it to us–which has never worked for me. Maybe it’s years of training to be nice and not demand things–I’m a Southern woman, I know this. Maybe it’s a combination, maybe other issues come into play. I don’t know.

I do know that I believe every single one of us deserves to take up all the space we need. And if people aren’t going to give it to us, we’re going to have to take it. Is this hard for me? Yes, but the good news is we can do hard things. So this week I’ve gone out of my way to take up the space I need. A guy at the movies had his legs spread wide, I willed myself to say “Excuse me” (not “I’m sorry”, another issue), and even though I had to say it twice, he moved. At the gym I stood my ground and held my space at the mirror while getting ready. Moon-landing accomplishments? No. But a start. This doesn’t mean my voice doesn’t shake sometimes, or I find it easy; but if other people are asking for the space they deserve, why shouldn’t I?

Here’s the secret guys, there is enough space for all of us. And if you aren’t getting what you need, you are going to have to ask for it. I’d love to know–is this something you struggle with? How do you deal with it?

Wishing us all a week of space and amazing shoes! XO RA