Sunday Chronicles – Investment Piece

Sunday Chronicles: It Doesn’t Feel Like It

a woman in black leather separates and a camel coat in front of fall trees

It is fall. Officially. And yet- it was 95 degrees yesterday. I long for sweaters and layers and boots! But, I am still in shorts and sundresses because it’s too hot. The weather is such that even thinking about all the fall things I love- Halloween, apples, ciders, boots, scarves- feel heavy and so far away. Yet. It is fall. So what do we do when it doesn’t feel like it?

You may have caught on that this isn’t just about the weather (though it very much is about the weather!). Lately, there’s been a lot that just doesn’t feel like it, or that I just don’t feel like doing. Sometimes I can fake it and make myself do it (and I know there is advice and people who will tell you that this is the way to get it done. Just do it and fake it); and then there have been times recently when I can’t make myself or take it. Like wearing a sweater when it’s 95 out.

When we are in a liminal space where what it feels like and what we want (or what we want to do) are far apart, how do we handle it? Yes. Fake it. Sometimes the act of doing moves things along, and we find we can do the things and things change. But, when we can’t? This is where I have been stuck a bit. I believe that sometimes venting and acknowledging that it doesn’t feel like it can help. And grow camaraderie with your people! That, however, can also lead to complaining and ruts and wallowing that keeps you stuck. Doing is great, but when doing doesn’t work it can feel worse. Is it balance? Is it knowing when to do and when to complain?

Maybe there is a secret 3rd thing when it doesn’t feel like it- acceptance. Yes, it’s part admitting that whatever “it” is doesn’t feel like it. But instead of doing through it or complaining, just sitting with it. I can’t change the weather, as much as I would like to. And complaining that it’s hot doesn’t change it. So. I have been wearing temp appropriate outfits and adding fall elements when I can- because that’s what I can do. I am trying to bring that acceptance to my other issues that don’t feel like it. Doing what I can, accepting it, and trusting that one day it will feel like it.

Do you have any better ideas? I would love to hear about it!

Wishing us all a week of it feeling it like it and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicle: Constant Resets

a woman with red nails, a blue cameo ring and a blue clutch

I have attempted to be really honest about how lately things have been — off? hard? more stressed? almost like a midlife crisis (and I hate that as it admits perhaps I am midlife and no longer a youth!)! In general- this summer has been a lot. I have been overworked in my day job, which has affected everything, led to some burnout — and yet I haven’t found a balance. (Also, someone has to pay for my shoes!) My closet collapsed and even that felt like a BIG deal (when it probably shouldn’t have). Basically this summer has felt like a series of constant resets. Much like how we all say on Mondays our diets would start, I feel as if this summer has been a constant reset of : my closet, my balance, my workouts, diet, and more. It’s been discouraging as it’s felt as if instead of having answers or getting ahead; or at least, doing what I love, I have constantly been resetting. Restarting. Adjusting. And doing it all over again. Honestly, I’ve been a bit depressed. This summer was not supposed to be a reset– but a way forward. A bit of fun. Time in the water and fantastic outfits.

Then. Today, of all days, I had a thought that shifted my perspective: what if life is just constant resets? Instead of focusing on all that I haven’t done, or all I need to redo, what if I could accept that each season of life is a bit of resetting? What if life is constantly adjusting to what’s happening and reseting as we go along? So we don’t have to be depressed or beat ourselves up- we could just reset like we drink our coffee and make the most of it? This thought shifted me from being so down to having a bit of hope– and feeling a bit good.

Don’t get me wrong- I know it’s the last quarter of the year. There are things I want to do- from making strides to putting together my closet (again). Yet, instead of being down about it, I am choosing to look at these resets- and the resets to come- as things to get excited about. Perhaps the constant resets are a chance to really get things right, to do everything I really want, and to take my time with things. Maybe resets are opportunities to get things perfect. Are resets, even constant ones, things to celebrate? I truly don’t know. But I have been acting as if the resets were little deaths- and little celebrations and second chances seem much more fun.

So I don’t know about you, but that’s what I am going to try- celebrating and enjoying constant resets.

How do you handle it when you have to reset again and again? How do you stay upbeat? And what do you think the constant resets mean?

Wishing us all a week of wins and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Am I Too Old For This?

a woman in a white teeshirt, pink Chanel Boulce skirt, and white and black boots leans against a white trelice

As an actress, I’m sure that it’s no surprise to you that I’ve lied about my age at times. (Yep, the youngest you think I am- that’s it!) Age is an issue in our society. Especially as a woman. And I wish I could tell you that aging is not something that I worry about, that I just see aging as a privilege (because it is!), and I never let age affect any of my choices- fashion or otherwise.

But.

That wouldn’t be honest. The weird thing? I’m more confident the older I get. I’m more accepting of myself, I’m ok with my own needs and stating them, and while when I was younger there were things that I wore and did that I didn’t think twice about- there are things I would do and wear now with so much more confidence (which feels like I’m repeating myself- but maybe I’m so old I can’t think of another word!).

Here’s the thing. Youth is great, it does have that glow and it gives you an edge for some things. Age also can be great, and it has its own edge. I have loved being young and there are things I’m loving about being old. However.

I’m not 100% sure I know how to grow old graciously. Or dress for my age. Or not try too hard (another huge sin that would be another post). My mom and dad have both said that one of the weird things about aging is that you’re all your ages at once, from 17-70. They’re not the first to say that and I’m no where near 70. But I get it. Funny enough, if you were to ask me- from fashion to other choices- I would tell you to make the choice that makes you feel great, that you feel comfortable in, that brings you joy. I love IG and more accounts of “older” women, I love my own fashion sense, I have no issue with so many things.

So. Why is there this occasional voice in my head warning, worrying, and get worked up about being too old- to wear certain outfits. Example:

a crop turtleneck with a pleated leather skirt and black boots — I love this take on a shirt and pleated skirt. You could absolutely play with the length of the shirt- or layer a cardigan or blazer over. Yet. And I hate asking this- but am I too old for outfits like this?

I love this outfit. In my 20s I wouldn’t have worn it as I was so self conscious. And even being older- knowing the crop doesn’t HAVE to be that short, and that the waist of the skirt (if high enough) can cover a lot, I would love to wear something like this. Am I too old? Would I be judged for doing so? Would be seen as yet another woman desperately trying to cling to youth?

This is what I think constantly and at the same time I hate thinking it. And I have no answers. I’ve asked friends who told me that it would be fine to wear, I would tell friends and you that it’s fine to wear- so why do I worry about being too old?

And while this blog (and post) are so fashion focused, it’s not just fashion where I worry about being too old. It’s the beginning (early or not) of the holiday season. And I love holidays. From Halloween costumes to cooking at Thanksgiving to believing in Santa (his whole purpose is magic and presents- what’s not to believe?!), I enjoy the magic and the holiday feelings that come this time of year. Then. I’m not a mom, I’m a VERY fun Auntie. Am I too old to get into things the way I do?

IF I am too old for all of this- from holidays to outfits, what’s the answer? Do we grow smaller? Give up parts of ourselves? Or is this all a worry that we only think of- remember no one else judges us like we do! I truly have no idea. This isn’t some place where I have big thoughts because, really and truly, I’m figuring this out as I go along- usually day by day.

I want to be the kind of confident that wears what I feel good in and brings me joy, and gives myself fully to experiences. I’m still battling the voice in my head that says I’m too old for certain things (and I think the hard thing is that I do think some things are too young for me– which may also be a completely different post!).

Do you deal with this voice in your head- do you worry about being too old? How do you deal with it? And do we think I should wear this outfit? I want to hear your thoughts!!

Wishing us a week of ageless confidence and amazing shoes!! XO RA

After Labor Day Do We Wear White?

I have asked this question and debated it and yet- I never thought to ask: when do we start wearing white? Do you wait till Easter? Is the first day of spring ok? If there is a cut off to wear white when do we begin again?

Is this because I’m in possession of fantastic white (ish) pants that I’m currently wearing (see ? OR because at a point when the weather is all over do I say I’m just doing what the weather tells me? Please let me know- do you have dates for your outfits and colors? I would love to hear about them!

XO RA

I’m from the South and it’s a pretty hard and fast rule that you don’t wear white after Labor Day. It’s so ingrained in us that a few years ago at a football game a guy friend of mine–who is not into fashion–saw a woman wearing white pants and made a comment that she shouldn’t be doing that, as it was after Labor Day. In fact, starting Monday, my mom puts away all her linen items–citing the fact that it’s a summer fabric. And I get it–I’ve clearly been excited and ready for fall. There is something to be said for dressing for the season.

However, after living in California I came to realize that the white rule isn’t necessarily followed everywhere. You could argue that in CA it feels like summer longer, although it can be in the 100s till October in TX. Even the fashion elite –Vogue, etc– have relaxed their thinking and you can search for articles today like “How to Wear Your White Jeans Through Fall”. So who do we listen to–our Southern Moms or those who say we can wear white?

Honestly, I fall in the middle here. Don’t worry Mom–after Monday I won’t wear (a ton of) white pants (winter white is a whole other story though!) but I won’t be rushing to my fall/winter wardrobe. The fact of the matter is it will still be hot on Tuesday. And while I won’t be wearing white pants, white will still most likely pop into my outfits as an accent or piece–skirt, top, etc–but not the whole look. I no longer judge those who wear white after Monday–fashion is so diverse and if you like your outfit I’m a fan of you rocking it! (Also I love it when you’re daring) But I will say I’m looking forward to our gradual shift to fall clothing! Have I mentioned I have some amazing boots to show you??

I’d love to know–what’s your stance on white after Labor Day?

Hope you’re have a great holiday weekend! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Catching Up

a cat biting the heel of a woman wearing a white dress with tabby cats on its

It feels as if my life has been a comedy of errors lately. And that’s not always a bad thing, but I am wary to make plans as none of the plans that I have made recently- from friends to pilates classes- have some to pass. Some of the things that I’ve had to break plans for have been AMAZING (print jobs, acting gigs, etc) but some things have been comical- weather and other extensional reasons. Yet, no matter what the reasons I’m missing my routine. And my friends. AKA Nothing ha been doing to plan, I’ve had to cancel too many times, I’m constantly scrambling to readjust my plans. What I’d really love to do is catch up.

So my goal for this next season (Taurus, like me! if you’re into that sort of thing, or just late spring) is to get to follow through with my plans. Classes. Lunches and more with friends. Shoots on certain days. I know not everything is in my control- from weather on down- but everything that is in my control- I’m willing it to go towards catching up.

Also-this goal to catch up doesn’t only apply to my plans (which I AM going to stick to), it also applies to me. From my workouts to my writing schedule (which I’m still working on solidifying), I’m looking to keep commitments this seasons- especially if the commitments in question are to myself. But how do you make catching up to yourself a thing when your work is always in flux? Honestly, I’ve been working as an actress since I was 20 and as a blogger for the past 8 years and I still haven’t figure that out 100%.

But for both me and my social plans I can’t Not plan on anything coming up (yes, I know that’s a double negative). Perhaps what I mean is that no one can ever see all the turns life will throw at you. What I can say is that I am determined to get to catch up. Stick to my plans. If I have to cancel reschedule right away. Maybe it’s a way of being more on top of my schedule, or maybe it’s a way of not letting my life get away. Catching up, at its heart, is about sitting down and listening to some else. And perhaps what I’m craving is really listening to my friends, and me, so that I can adjust my plans.

The coming up season- from birthdays to weddings to showers to graduations is a bit overwhelming, which makes it a perfect season to stick to catching up on what you need- and making that a priority. Exactly what I plan on doing.

Wishing us all a week of plans that follow through and amazing shoes!
XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Recovery

a woman in navy floral off the shoulder pant suit on a bed with a crochet bed spread

This summer has not gone to plan at all. There’s been health issues. A ton of burnout. Lack of creativity. Feeling just off and not like myself.

Yes, sometimes this is just life. We go through phases like this. Lose ourselves and find ourselves, recreate ourselves all over again. Yet, when you’re coming out of a period that feels “not you”. Or illness. Or switching habits, schedules, and the like. It can feel like recovery. Which I think – at least to me- is hard to admit. Recovery is something I associate with a serious illness. Or addiction (even shopping!). Or something major. From burn out to minor illness to trying to switch my habits and schedules all summer I have been beating myself up a bit as I felt like this was all things that should “come easily” or I should “get over” and “not take time with”.

Yet. Recovery. Any kind of recovery takes time. A lot of my adult life has been spent in gyms and with that comes injuries (both mine and observing others). And it’s not a rarity that recovery is difficult for many of us. Mainly as it involves admitting that you need a step back- or a change. Rest. A reevaluation. All the time that I have spent being hard on myself- and wondering why I was still burnt out or not feeling great (or event shy the house hadn’t been deeply cleaned) was a bit counter productive. In my heart I know that- that rest and focus on recovery would ironically help me recover and change my habits faster. A physical injury needs rest and recovery, and so does any burn out, etc.

But. Why is recovery so difficult? Why is rest, even rest you know you need, hard to allow yourself? Quell surprise, I have none of the answers. Even admitting to myself that I need to recover, or at least a few days off, has been incredibly hard (why I feel like I always need to be on is beyond me). Letting myself actually recover? Working on it.

For me recovery needs a lot of rest- even if that just means doing what I love (like pilates classes and time with friends). It’s alone time and piddling around the house. Bad TV and amazing movies. Schedules and changing of habits. The most difficult part? Giving myself the time to do all of this. Again, I am working on it.

I would love to know- how do you recover? From burnout or injury or simply just not feeling like you? What are your best tips to get to where you want to be and allowing yourself time?

I would love to hear all about it!

Wishing us all a week of recovery and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Taking up Space

In light of all the world events, protests, revolutions, and my wanting to be a better ally I’ve been thinking a lot about my voice. And how to best use it. The thing is: I’m not always comfortable speaking up or taking up space. I was raised to be “nice” and not “make trouble” and “please everyone”. But the fact is none of those things are really possible. Some trouble is good. I (and you) deserve to be heard. And nice isn’t always the best policy. So. I’m working on it. And while my thoughts here are from a few years ago, reflecting on how I can take up space this week helped me. Hope it helps you! XO RA

Sometimes topics come and hit you over the head, forcing you to pay attention to them. This week I was minding my own business, cruising the internet, when out of no where this article and this article kept popping up, on repeat. A sign? Maybe, maybe not; but when articles appear, I read them.

A note–I am one of those who have a hard time asking for the space I need (unless we are driving an then just try to sway into my lane–you have a horn coming). I believe in courtesy, compassion, and sharing-but a long line of waiting for others to recognize that I may need leg room/arm room/a seat has taught me that you have to take your space–others won’t give it to you. And yes, there are societal and gender issues at play; there are different types of space and different issues that surround each of them. I could write about them all but want you to not be reading till Monday! So, for today, let’s talk physical space–we can deal with other issues another day.

So space. We all need it– be it on a subway, an arm rest, on an airplane. So why do some of us have such a hard time asking for it? There are those who don’t–and yes, as a member of the former group I can be in awe, envy, and sometimes hate those who seem to take up all the space they need (and sometimes more) without a thought or care. Are those people inherently bad or selfish? I like to think not (yes, I could write about those who probably are). Some people just naturally take up space. I, personally, don’t–and it’s not that I don’t need it. I’m tall, I like to spread out as much as the next person, and know I deserve the sidewalk or public space as much as the next person. And it’s not that I don’t take space–it’s just that if others are taking up space (manspreaders, etc) or if the space is in debate (shared armrests), I tend to defer-not ask for space, let the other person have it.

So why? If I know I have a right to the space, why do I, and others like me, have a hard time asking for it? Maybe we expect people to notice what we need and give it to us–which has never worked for me. Maybe it’s years of training to be nice and not demand things–I’m a Southern woman, I know this. Maybe it’s a combination, maybe other issues come into play. I don’t know.

I do know that I believe every single one of us deserves to take up all the space we need. And if people aren’t going to give it to us, we’re going to have to take it. Is this hard for me? Yes, but the good news is we can do hard things. So this week I’ve gone out of my way to take up the space I need. A guy at the movies had his legs spread wide, I willed myself to say “Excuse me” (not “I’m sorry”, another issue), and even though I had to say it twice, he moved. At the gym I stood my ground and held my space at the mirror while getting ready. Moon-landing accomplishments? No. But a start. This doesn’t mean my voice doesn’t shake sometimes, or I find it easy; but if other people are asking for the space they deserve, why shouldn’t I?

Here’s the secret guys, there is enough space for all of us. And if you aren’t getting what you need, you are going to have to ask for it. I’d love to know–is this something you struggle with? How do you deal with it?

Wishing us all a week of space and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Living with Wounds

Sunday Chronicles, Investment Piece, wounds, editorial

This was originally posted about a few years ago. I began thinking about this very topic this week when I looked down and realized that some of these very same scars were barely visible. Some are still there, very bright. And I’ve added some new scars. It got me thinking about healing, about moving on, about how we live with our scars. In the past year I’ve healed. I’ve gotten hurt. I’ve learned. And when I’ve need them, the people in my life have been there for me. As I think about my scars, and re-read this, I can’t help but think that maybe living with our scars isn’t a bad thing.

Originial Post:
Loves, as you may know, this year has been a doozy when it comes to loss. And in the midst of this, last week there was a small grease fire in my kitchen and I burned my arms. Badly. It’s not pretty.

Sunday Chronicles, Investment Piece, wounds
And this is the “good” arm. Loves, it was painful. It is painful. And yet, after the shock and the first aid, my thought was how it would look. And later in the week I again worried about outfits, about shoots, about the fact that right now, unless I fully commit to long sleeves (and even those failed Friday night) I can’t hide the fact that I have wounds on my arms. I’m sure we could chat about my need for perfection, if it’s good that I worry about how it looks, and if those conversations say something about career choices or society as a whole- maybe we’ll get to those later, but for now–wounds. I’m living with them.

And loves, it’s uncomfortable. No matter what our wounds are, having them in the open can be difficult. It’s painful, sometimes on many levels. It invites questions. It can leave you feeling vulnerable. But loves, the only way for wounds to heal are to have them heal, and often that means having them in the open. And while it can be a struggle to live with wounds, it’s brave. It means willing to be vulnerable, to live with questions, to be honest about where you are-pain and all. There’s bravery in that, there’s beauty in that. And while that’s hard for me, I’m learning to live in that space.

I can do nothing about the fact that I have these burns/scars on my arms for the time being. They will be in some photos, as much as I may not like that. But this is where I am. So I’m learning: that being honest about where you are is brave, that being vulnerable about questions and situations is freeing, and that flaws can be beautiful. I’m giving my wounds time to heal, because you can’t rush that, and I’m living there.

I just may have to wear amazing shoes to balance it out.

No matter where you are I’m wishing us all a beautiful week and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Letting Go

a close up selfie of a woman in red lipstick and the head of a giant nutcracker

Perhaps it’s just me, but we’re at the time in the holiday season where I’m simply letting things go. That doesn’t mean that I’m not celebrating, not in the spirit, not crossing things off my to-do list. I am doing all of that, and am excited about being with my friends and family in the coming weeks and doing all of the holiday things! What it does mean is that I’m taking all of those big expectations and “shoulds” and all the stress that comes from wanting to make this “the best holiday ever” and I’m just letting go.

Historically, letting go isn’t something that comes easily to me. I care a lot- especially at this time of year. And when I care I tend to worry and over think and fixate (all things I’m working on!). I realize that this is a time of year when we often take on more than we can chew- over commit, over expect, and over do; and it’s not that I have answers for how to stop any of these behaviors.And I too have all these things I want to do and make and have perfect.

But. We’re less than 10 days away from Christmas. It’s not that you can’t get more things done in this time-it’s just that we’re getting to a time when we are going to have to let things be how they are. The decorations look how they look. Our plans are what they are. The gifts will be what they are (and if nothing else gift cards will be given). My letting go is more accepting this and being happy with what we have, rather than fighting and over stressing to do the things that just won’t be done.

I feel like this is a yearly battle. At least for me. This time of year brings out so many wants and it’s so easy to get swept into how “we should do it” and how “it could be perfect”. Every year I claim I won’t let things overwhelm and stress me- and yet, about this time every year I’m having to face that things won’t go according to the biggest plans. The thing is- maybe they’ll go better?

Movies, songs, all the things will tell us that simple is better (and I will say we simplified our decorations this year and they are still stunning!) and the important thing is being with who you love (it is!) but it can be hard to accept that. So how do we?

I’m still figuring it out. Like letting go, it’s a process for me. My steps?
-I’m doing what I can. Sometimes that’s a lot, sometimes it’s not. And when I can’t meet my own high standards, I remind myself that they people who love me will love what I’m doing.
-Done is better than perfect. Hard to swallow, but often I keep trying to make things perfect when they could just be done. I also take this moment to remind myself that I am the only one who will notice the “imperfections” I see.
-I’m making plans for the new year- from dinners with friends to shopping to notes, instead of trying to cram everything in now and giving people the stressed version of me I’m moving what I can to the new year and am getting excited about those things.

Being happy with how things are and letting the holiday be what it will be- not easy at all. Yet, I think it’s a part of having a happy holiday season. So, how do you let go? How do you make this season happy and stress free?

Wishing us all a week of happy and stress free celebrations and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: When It Takes Time to Stick

a red cone key lock jewelry box with a rhinestone t-rex and a mirro

I have written so often about routines, and being behind and burnout as these are truly things that I struggle with. This week I went to write AGAIN about how I am struggling with some burnout, some issues making and sticking to a routine, and all the things associated with all of that. Then, I worried that I was a broken record. And then I wondered- I am a self aware person. I know what I am struggling with, often why, and changes that could help. So, why hasn’t anything I know or tried to change stuck?

What happens when the things you want to change take time to stick?

Another super fun thing about me? I am not always patient. In times like these when I am aware of a need to change : my schedule, stop procrastinating, a need for rest, etc; I somehow think that change will be quick (and easy). When, in reality, I know sometimes changes take time, you have to make them over and over, and that sticking to anything takes time. Change is hard. Getting over burnout is hard. To any friend (including you!) I would tell you (and truly believe) that sometimes we get in slumps, ruts, overtired, patterns we don’t like and knowing that change is a process to have grace with yourself and as long you’re trying you’ll get there. That grace with sticking it and time? For some reason I don’t always have it for myself.

It’s one of those times when what’s known and what you expect are disconnected from each other. And as self aware and knowing as I am? I don’t have answers. There are changes and patterns I would like to change, and routines I would like to stick to- all while being my best and most fashionable self. Recently, a dear one reminded me that we all have times in life that dip, slump, shake things up and it’s more about being patient and graceful while you get out of it. This season for me hasn’t been my favorite, but on the other hand, I am more sure of the things I want, and how I want my days to look.

Knowing all of that, is it possible to take time to make it stick? To give myself the leeway and grace, patience and support that sticking to changes needs? Maybe the only way to find out is to stick to things- even when sticking to things takes time.

What things do you feel as if you have to do over and over again to make them stick? What is your advice to making changes that stick (quickly!)? I would love to hear all about it!

Wishing us all a week of sticking to it and amazing shoes! XO RA