I’m paraphrasing but there’s an old saying:
“Adventure is dangerous, but routine will kill you”
Yes and yes. What if adventure is dangerous? What if routine will kill you? What if you need both to get by?
I can be incredibly spontaneous, I fall in love (with shoes) at first sight all the time, my desires can change, there are days when I feel like someone different every few hours. And yet, I thrive best when I have a bit of a routine. I need a bit of structure, I do my best work when I’m secure, without a plan I waste time like a champ. Balancing all of that is my greatest struggle.
This past year, and really all the time as I’ve always worked from home, has been hard as I’ve felt that no routine has lasted more than a few weeks. Yet, with the start of the new season, and the new year (Jewish!) I’ve been determined to find (and stick to) a routine that works for me. With just enough structure to keep me thriving and just enough adventure to keep me on my toes (and creative). Some of my goals? A sleep routine (go to bed a bit earlier, wake up a bit earlier), some schedules (workouts, shoots, etc), and some other goals (all the water drinking, walking, etc). Some routines have been easy to fall into. Some others? Not so much.
So what is it about routines that make them difficult? Both sticking to them and not getting drowned by them. I’m not sure that I have all the answers. There are days when I feel great about my progress and days when I wonder what I’m doing. On both kinds of days I’m attempting to give myself grace.
What else am I trying?
*lists. Which is weird, I know. But when I give myself detailed things to do and accomplish that I can cross off (if you tell me that crossing something off a list doesn’t feel good, I don’t know that I believe you!) I tend to get more done. Which leads me to :
*alarms. To get up, yes. But for tasks, for time lines, for all my little goals
*measuring. My steps. My glasses of water. My writing. Outfits. Shopping. It’s both daunting and helpful
*rewards. Corny? Perhaps. But they help keep me motivated and on the right track. From a glass of wine to revising my Wishlist, I pick both small things and work towards large things. These things keep me working towards my own best interests, even when it’s difficult or I stray a bit.
I would love to know: what are your tips for switching your routines up and sticking to them? What are your current routines? Your current goals?
Wishing us all a week of routine, progress and amazing shoes! XO RA
I know that some of these “holidays” aren’t really big deals. See “red wine day” (not that I didn’t celebrate), “French fry day”, “pancake day”, etc, etc, etc. However, as someone who was lucky enough to be close to her grandparents, and miss them now that they’re gone, Grandparents Day for me is actually something I’m into this year.
My maternal grandmother, my Mimi, was a bit like my nanny growing up. She drove us to school and picked us up (making sure she was first in the pick-up line), made dinner, used to pay me $1 to eat a taco at dinner (instead of just queso. I also got paid $1 not to tell my mom we watched soap operas with her!). Mimi taught me about mixing patterns, red lipstick, the wonders of Vaseline as a night cream, and her infamous pecan pie recipe.
My paternal grandmother, my Grandma, taught me to quilt, make hand pies, made the best toast (I know, completely random. She also made so many amazing things- but I often miss her toast!). Grandma taught me to indulge my artistic side, laugh when you can, and indulge while keeping to your schedule.
My Papa (paternal grandfather, not pictured!) was a bear of a man (to others) but to me was the person who would tell me to give his neck some love. He worked/owned a construction company but my most vivid memories of him are watching sports (silently) on his lap/chest with his miniature poodle (Cheerie, who wore bows and had her nails painted). Papa taught me about juxatipositons, home repair, and boundaries with compromise.
I know that families are complex and relationships are hardly ever linear. No matter you’re feelings on holidays like Grandparents Day, I hope that you’ve been lucky enough to have the love of a great grandparent. And if not, that in your adult life you’ve made a chosen family that provides you with that kind of love. I adore you, and would even wait in line to pick you up.
Wishing us all a week of strong love and amazing shoes!
Labor Day is this weekend, so I’m once again asking: after Moday (Labor Day) will you wear white? (Especially white pants?)
Loves, I still struggle with this question. It’s a yearly debate for me: Do we wear White After Labor Day? This was first written/posted years ago, but I don’t know that I have any new answers. One new thing: this year I may dare to wear white pants, or all white after tomorrow. We’ll see! I would love to get your take: After Labor Day, do we wear white?
I’m from the South and it’s a pretty hard and fast rule that you don’t wear white after Labor Day. It’s so ingrained in us that a few years ago at a football game a guy friend of mine–who is not into fashion–saw a woman wearing white pants and made a comment that she shouldn’t be doing that, as it was after Labor Day. In fact, starting Monday, my mom puts away all her linen items–citing the fact that it’s a summer fabric. And I get it–I’ve clearly been excited and ready for fall. There is something to be said for dressing for the season.
However, after living in California I came to realize that the white rule isn’t necessarily followed everywhere. You could argue that in CA it feels like summer longer, although it can be in the 100s till October in TX. Even the fashion elite –Vogue, etc– have relaxed their thinking and you can search for articles today like “How to Wear Your White Jeans Through Fall”. So who do we listen to–our Southern Moms or those who say we can wear white?
Honestly, I fall in the middle here. Don’t worry Mom–after Monday I won’t wear (a ton of) white pants (winter white is a whole other story though!) but I won’t be rushing to my fall/winter wardrobe. The fact of the matter is it will still be hot on Tuesday. And while I won’t be wearing white pants, white will still most likely pop into my outfits as an accent or piece–skirt, top, etc–but not the whole look. I no longer judge those who wear white after Monday–fashion is so diverse and if you like your outfit I’m a fan of you rocking it! (Also I love it when you’re daring) But I will say I’m looking forward to our gradual shift to fall clothing! Have I mentioned I have some amazing boots to show you??
I’d love to know–what’s your stance on white after Labor Day?
I began writing this piece in 2018- 2 WHOLE years ago, but never hit publish because I felt like I never got what I wanted to say right. Now, with Sex and the City Rebooting on HBOMax, I can’t help but think not only about what I got from the orginal airing (and the MUTLIPLE rematches I’ve done over the years), but also what I’m getting from the leaks from the reboot. Like- maybe friendship lasts or maybe walking away gracefully when a project isn’t for you is winning. I’m thinking about it all.
The orginal show had its issues, flaws, and I’m more able to see them the further away from my first viewing I get, but this show still means so much to me. Mainly as it was the first show where I felt really seen- and it felt like some of the choices I made in my young life (aka pursing acting and spending spare money on shoes rather than settling down) were ok.
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on Sex and The City I would love to know yours, and what this show meant to you, as well as your hopes and fears about the reboot!
Yes, my loves, it’s another take on Sex and the City Why did this one show affect so many of us so deeply?
It’s not just the amazing fashion that the show showcased; although, you could make the argument that it was the first fashion blog, and the fashion was fresh, amazing, provocative, and more than a valid reason to tune in. Blogs, Instagram accounts, my closet are a testament to the fashion presented. Manolos became a household name because of the show; it had an impact. I won’t go into the fashion here (though I will tell you I loved Man Repeller‘s take on updating Carrie’s best outfits), not because I don’t love it, but because SATC was so much more than fashion. (I also won’t debate Adian vs Big, because as someone who’s dated assholes, it’s some times nice to see an asshole change. Fiction is great!)
I was in my 20s when SATC came out (yes, I will still claim to be in my 20s, I’m great at math), and SATC was the first time I got to see a women centered show address women like me. Women who loved their friends, careers, and men, but whose love lives didn’t fit in the “box” imposed on them. You could argue that men and the characters love lives were the center of the show, but no one was rushing to be married at 25 with a house and 2 kids. I’m from the south, and at the time the show was first on I was an actress with 4 jobs scraping by in LA, most of my high school and college friends were married with houses. It was a breath of fresh air to reconginze myself in a TV show, and be told that all the things that I was (am) were reasons for celebration, not shame.
Not that marriage and houses and kids are bad, or not something that I want. But for a while in my 20s being single felt like a I was a side show and a show where single women (who were thriving) were accepted as normal was stunning. It made me feel as if I wasn’t making the wrong choice by pursing my dream and not doing things “the way” I was “supposed” to. Watching Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charolette made me feel hopeful about my future, and even though I still tell dating horror stories, I felt like it was ok to have them- that I wasn’t some kind of freak!
This show had such an impact on my life. While I could go on forever about why I love it, I will spare you. Instead I offer my main takeaways from Sex and the City. Yes, I may be trying to live my life like Carrie, but if it’s with the following lessons, is that a bad thing?
Female Friendships Matter
At the diner, after yet another breakup, Charlotte utters the enteral line, “What if we were each other’s soul mates? Then, we could let men be things that come and go”.
This line cut me, and has defined many of my friendships. Till this point, any show about a woman was about finding love; or the woman was already married, or a mother. How amazing is it to think that maybe the people to get you through your life are your friends? (And how true). Is it that the women on the show, or me, don’t want to find love? No, not at all. But maybe it’s the realization that no matter your romantic situation, the real loves of your life are the friends who come into your life and stay and love you. Seeing this spoken and shown repeatedly on SATC let me know that it was ok that I wasn’t married, and that being married isn’t the last word on being loved. This was revolutionary.
It’s Ok to Live Your Own Way
Women Not Apologizing for it. I loved all the things that the women on SATC refused to apologize for, from expensive shoes to sex drives to mixing shorts and fur coats. Have you ever counted how many times a day you say sorry? Or worry about how you’re coming off? Or maybe you apologize for making life decisions that are different than someone else’s? Seeing women owning who they were, and not being sorry for wanting what they wanted was eye opening for me. Related? Carrie’s career was taken seriously. To this day, there are times when explaining what I do is difficult. Both men and women can assume that I’m just “playing” and “not really working”. Do I have this career because of a TV show? No. But, seeing someone representing careers that I was pursuing being unapologetic about not having a “traditional” career or schedule empowered me.
The Women Failed
They questioned themselves. They questioned their friends. They failed, they succeeded. The women cried on each other shoulders and celebrated each other’s successes. They had bigger problems that just break ups, and sometimes things didn’t work out. My loves, that’s life. No matter who you are or where you live, there are issues (and not just of Vogue). It’s hard. We all mess up. Sometimes it’s ok, and sometimes it’s not. Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charolette are the first characters I can remember not getting it right all the time, and not being villains. They were just figuring out their lives. Isn’t that what we’re all doing? And yet, did seeing women do it change things for you? It did for me.
I asked a question: Why did this show affect so manny of us so deeply? I have more takeaways, favorite outfits, favorite moments. Yes, the show was flawed and would be a different, more diverse show if it were done today. Yet, so many of us drop what we’re doing and watch it repeatedly. It sticks with us, we chat about it, talk about what character we are (my take: the ladies were almost archtypes and we all have a little of each of them in us). Why?
Sex and the City gave us women who were messy, complex, simple, searching, winning, failing, loving, fighting, and making it up as they went along. They were human, and all that goes with that label. I think this show meant so much to us, because we saw ourselves in it. And my loves, that is a beautiful thing.
I would love to know, are you a SATC fan? Why?
Wishing us all a week of messiness and amazing shoes! XO RA
There’s a great chance, by now, that you’re aware (or have a theory) on whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. And maybe you have an understanding of how that affects your communication, and how introverts can get hangovers from too much interaction. I’m a fan of deeper understanding, and being aware of how you’re wired, and the best ways to communicate for you. We all have a love language (trendy doesn’t mean it’s not true), and there are ways for each of us to be our best selves.
This is not a post to promote any sort of label, push you to fully embrace your “vert-ness” (I may have just made that word up), or help you demand to be surrounded by people who only speak your love language. Also, this is not a post to disagree with your vert-ness, argue we should all get all communication, and that all this is bunk. This is a post about a week in which I was reminded that these labels about our “vert-ness” are not finite, we’re all on a spectrum, all communicate differently, and that introvert hangovers are a real thing. And all of that is aok.
I’m an introvert. I need time alone, and after being around people a lot I need to recharge. The twist? I’m a performer; I can be “on” with the best of them, give a good show, and I like that part of me. Also? For an introvert, I’m extroverted. Yes, I need time alone, not a fan of too much peopling, but I can chat people up and network. It’s a spectrum, and there is no right or wrong way to be an introvert. We all get that.
What I forgot this week? That when I forget to balance the different sides of my introvert personality the people hangovers are real. I spent too much time go-go-going and being with people the past few weeks, and had to give myself a lot of down time to recover. What also hit me? When I (or anyone) chats about their need for alone time (or space) it’s not always the way that someone else communicates. What does all that mean? I (and you?) have to be clear about what we need, take care of ourselves, and nurse a hangover that comes from interaction the same way we would a “real” hangover. We may also have to be active listeners when people tell us about their needs.
And the thing? That’s all ok. If everything is a spectrum, then even taking care of ourselves is a process that isn’t always a finite thing. Right? So, this week, I’m focused on letting myself be “on” and letting myself be “down”, telling people clearly what I need, avoiding hangovers, and really trying to hear people when they tell me their needs. What about you?
Wishing us all a week of no-hangovers and amazing shoes! XO RA
Last week I spent more time than I care to admit getting the site updated. Yes, there were HOURS on phones/chats/emails with support. Yep, still getting some things worked out- and yes, there are some changes that I can’t wait to share with you! Updates (change) are one of those things that I both love and hate. I always want the new things, but the process and technical aspects (especially tech. I own a website and yet it’s not my strength. I can’t wait till I can afford a tech specialist and it’s not me!) can be difficult. Such is life? (Aka if you have tips for dealing with change, I am, as always, all ears. See more of my thoughts on change here)
Starting today we’re working through the change and remaining updates, meaning, that we’re back at it! Posts will resume their schedule-outfit posts M/F, W with an emphasis on brands or trends or the like, and Sunday’s of course are for Sunday Chronicles! You’re always more than welcome to join me over on IG (@racheladelciia) for more outfits, some behind the scenes, and video series like “Cocktails and Caftans”. Want more shopping? Follow me in the LikeToKnowIt and ShopStyle apps where I post shopping picks daily (Note: Today is the LAST day of the Anniversary Sale at Nordstrom and there are all sorts of things I love in my picks there!)
But- more than anything- this past week as I was working on tech I missed you! Our little community is such a joy. So what did I miss? What did you do? While I was working on getting this site updated, I also played with so many outfit ideas, thought about fall boots, and dreamed of one last stellar summer vacation.
We have a lot to catch up on, I’m so glad to be back at it with you!
Wishing us all a week of easy updates and amazing shoes!
Beloveds! This week a lot is happening- and while I’m not always great with change, I’m truly excited about it. Investment Piece is a getting an facelift this week, from OS to look to how you’ll shop it, we’re leveling up and getting better. What it will look like for you? We’ll be down this week, hopefully the updates won’t take long but we’re erring on the side of caution and keeping the site down till next Sunday to ensure that everything is running smoothly and we got all the bugs out.
I’ll still be posting and shopping over on Instagram (@racheladelicia) and the LiketoKnowit (@racheladelica) and ShopStyle Apps (RachelAdelicia). Please follow along for outfits and sales and all sorts of fun. Then we can meet back here on 8/8 with a new look for our site.
Thank you for your patience while we upgrade (and I’ll take all your good thoughts. I’m not personally great at technology so I’m always nervous about changes like these!). I can’t wait to show you all the things that we have planned!
Wishing us all a week of easy change and amazing shoes!
I sometimes struggle about what content to place where. This blog is such a joy to me- I love telling stories here, I love hearing yours, and I love the community we’re still building. Yet, I know that I have to post on allll the socials (yes, sometimes it is overwhelming) and times I don’t know if I’m supposed to share the same content on all channels, or keep each to their own!
*** if you have thoughts or wishes about this I’m all ears. It’s a weird thing to balance- I want to make everyone feel heard and provide great content to everyone. If there are things you want to see or thoughts you’d love to share, please reach out!
All that to say: as you may now, during lockdown I started a video series on Instagram called Cocktails and Caftans. It started because I not only love caftans (chic and comfy! I’m in!) but wanted to learn a new skill (and make a martini) while at home. Over the year, it’s grown – and changed.
You may have seen some of the caftans and cocktails here.
Recently, I moved the series from Saturday to Sunday (yep, this afternoon over on IG username @racheladelicia you can see me in a caftan with a cocktail!). And then next week something AMAZING is happening on Cocktails and Caftans and I couldn’t be more thrilled!
Next week C&C will be LIVE for the first time ever! At 3pm EST (2pm CST) I’ll be live and I’ll be with Andie J. Christopher discussing her new book Hot Under His Collar.
Andie is an online friend (I met her after reading her first book Not the Kind of Girl You Marry_ a sweet read that’s a must if you love “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days”) and I can’t wait to hear all about her process and her new book. We’ll be popping champagne (pop what you like), I’ll be in a caftan (wear what you like), AND I’ll be giving away a signed copy of Hot Under His Collar!
I really hope you can make it next Sunday (and watch this Sunday!)! The user name is @racheladelica and there will be bubble and books and fashion- what more could you need!
Wishing us all a week of stories and amazing shoes!
Is anyone else really tired? Not just regular tired, but extra tired. For years, I’ve been joking that being tired is a part of my personality. But lately, this has felt especially true. And I’m not 100% sure what to do about it.
There are lots of reasons to be tired, just on a daily basis. I love running my own business, but it often means that my work hours are non-traditional, and days when I feel like I’m working all day. And that’s on top of balancing family and friends, travel, workouts, errands, and all the things. Also, fun fact about me? I sometimes have a hard time sleeping.
So, there’s all that.
After this past year, and the pandemic though? I’m more tired than I was before. Maybe it’s because I feel as if my schedule lately had been a bit overwhelming. It’s not that I’m going all day, but I am finding that when I have to people a lot, or have a lot of out-of-the-house appointments, I am way more tired than I was in the before times. I’m sure some expert could tell us that part of the tired is processing the trauma, accessing our safety in real time, and getting used to activities again. Yes, I’m feeling all of that.
Perhaps I should even be more tired than I am!
All the combinations and reasons to be tired- how do we deal with it? How do we get rested? If you have the answers, please tell me. I’ve been trying to give myself “days” off, get on a sleep schedule, have regular down and alone time, and all the things that we’re supposed to do. I’m still tired.
How do we get the pandemic to pay for us to have a vacation? Anyone else have any ideas?
Wishing us all a week of rest and amazing shoes! Xo RA
Happy Father’s Day my beloveds! I know that this day is one of those days when we’re “supposed” to feel a lot of things, but in reality this day can be very loaded. I’m lucky to have a good relationship with my dad, but between loss and struggle I know that father relationships can be trying. If, for any reason, today is difficult for you I pray that it lands gently.