Sunday Chronicles – Investment Piece

Sunday Chronicles: Letting Go

a close up selfie of a woman in red lipstick and the head of a giant nutcracker

Perhaps it’s just me, but we’re at the time in the holiday season where I’m simply letting things go. That doesn’t mean that I’m not celebrating, not in the spirit, not crossing things off my to-do list. I am doing all of that, and am excited about being with my friends and family in the coming weeks and doing all of the holiday things! What it does mean is that I’m taking all of those big expectations and “shoulds” and all the stress that comes from wanting to make this “the best holiday ever” and I’m just letting go.

Historically, letting go isn’t something that comes easily to me. I care a lot- especially at this time of year. And when I care I tend to worry and over think and fixate (all things I’m working on!). I realize that this is a time of year when we often take on more than we can chew- over commit, over expect, and over do; and it’s not that I have answers for how to stop any of these behaviors.And I too have all these things I want to do and make and have perfect.

But. We’re less than 10 days away from Christmas. It’s not that you can’t get more things done in this time-it’s just that we’re getting to a time when we are going to have to let things be how they are. The decorations look how they look. Our plans are what they are. The gifts will be what they are (and if nothing else gift cards will be given). My letting go is more accepting this and being happy with what we have, rather than fighting and over stressing to do the things that just won’t be done.

I feel like this is a yearly battle. At least for me. This time of year brings out so many wants and it’s so easy to get swept into how “we should do it” and how “it could be perfect”. Every year I claim I won’t let things overwhelm and stress me- and yet, about this time every year I’m having to face that things won’t go according to the biggest plans. The thing is- maybe they’ll go better?

Movies, songs, all the things will tell us that simple is better (and I will say we simplified our decorations this year and they are still stunning!) and the important thing is being with who you love (it is!) but it can be hard to accept that. So how do we?

I’m still figuring it out. Like letting go, it’s a process for me. My steps?
-I’m doing what I can. Sometimes that’s a lot, sometimes it’s not. And when I can’t meet my own high standards, I remind myself that they people who love me will love what I’m doing.
-Done is better than perfect. Hard to swallow, but often I keep trying to make things perfect when they could just be done. I also take this moment to remind myself that I am the only one who will notice the “imperfections” I see.
-I’m making plans for the new year- from dinners with friends to shopping to notes, instead of trying to cram everything in now and giving people the stressed version of me I’m moving what I can to the new year and am getting excited about those things.

Being happy with how things are and letting the holiday be what it will be- not easy at all. Yet, I think it’s a part of having a happy holiday season. So, how do you let go? How do you make this season happy and stress free?

Wishing us all a week of happy and stress free celebrations and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: When It Takes Time to Stick

a red cone key lock jewelry box with a rhinestone t-rex and a mirro

I have written so often about routines, and being behind and burnout as these are truly things that I struggle with. This week I went to write AGAIN about how I am struggling with some burnout, some issues making and sticking to a routine, and all the things associated with all of that. Then, I worried that I was a broken record. And then I wondered- I am a self aware person. I know what I am struggling with, often why, and changes that could help. So, why hasn’t anything I know or tried to change stuck?

What happens when the things you want to change take time to stick?

Another super fun thing about me? I am not always patient. In times like these when I am aware of a need to change : my schedule, stop procrastinating, a need for rest, etc; I somehow think that change will be quick (and easy). When, in reality, I know sometimes changes take time, you have to make them over and over, and that sticking to anything takes time. Change is hard. Getting over burnout is hard. To any friend (including you!) I would tell you (and truly believe) that sometimes we get in slumps, ruts, overtired, patterns we don’t like and knowing that change is a process to have grace with yourself and as long you’re trying you’ll get there. That grace with sticking it and time? For some reason I don’t always have it for myself.

It’s one of those times when what’s known and what you expect are disconnected from each other. And as self aware and knowing as I am? I don’t have answers. There are changes and patterns I would like to change, and routines I would like to stick to- all while being my best and most fashionable self. Recently, a dear one reminded me that we all have times in life that dip, slump, shake things up and it’s more about being patient and graceful while you get out of it. This season for me hasn’t been my favorite, but on the other hand, I am more sure of the things I want, and how I want my days to look.

Knowing all of that, is it possible to take time to make it stick? To give myself the leeway and grace, patience and support that sticking to changes needs? Maybe the only way to find out is to stick to things- even when sticking to things takes time.

What things do you feel as if you have to do over and over again to make them stick? What is your advice to making changes that stick (quickly!)? I would love to hear all about it!

Wishing us all a week of sticking to it and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Should You Fake It?

In an episode of Sex and the City, the ladies visit LA where Samantha tempts Carrie with fake Fendi bags- conveniently sold out of the trunk of a guy in the Valley. Bags that look exactly like the real thing but for half (or less than half) the price? It does sound tempting- but Carrie opts to hold out for the real thing; her thinking being that even if the bag fooled everyone she would know it was fake, and she didn’t want fake. And while getting a steal is tempting – I side with Carrie on this one.

Is this an essay to persuade you that you should always shell out the bucks for the designer bag? Nope. I do believe in quality, and love saving and buying some of my designer things- but think quality can be found at any price and you have to do what is best for you- and if a fake bag makes you happy I say go for it. What I’ve been thinking about all the other things in life we fake- and whether or not we deserve more than Valley-trunk fakeness.

To an extent, we live in a world of knock-off, fast fashion just being one of the culprits. And I’m just as guilty: I’ve staged photos to get “likes” on Instagrams, I color my hair but want my stylist to make it look as natural as possible, and I’ve spun events in my life so that to people everything sounds amazing. Is this bad? The hair color is for sure great, and I’m not a fan of spilling my secrets to strangers; there is a truth to the saying “Fake it till ya make it”. So, good right?

Maybe. But, what I’ve been thinking is that maybe we spend a little too much effort on how things look like on the outside, and completely ignore the inside. To put it another way, if the bag looks designer on the outside does it count if it’s cracked and peeling on the inside? Some of the best nights of my life have been messy: crying , laughing, holding onto people I love. Not one picture from those nights would pass anyone’s Instagram standards. And while spinning events can be great–how amazing is it to open up to the people with whom you can be honest? The ones who ask who you are and you can honestly say “Sad” or “Scared” or “Abnormally excited” and have that be ok? Aren’t all those experiences, messy as they can be, just if not more amazing than having things look perfect?

Does this mean that I’m going to stop having things look nice, coloring my hair, or spinning to certain people? Nope. But, just like Carrie, I think that even if I’m the only one who knows it–I don’t want fake. So I’m making an effort to be more real–even if it’s messy and scary– and I’m trusting that it will be just as beautiful as the fake. I’d love to know–what’s your take on this?

Wishing us all a week of realness and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Happy Father’s Day!

It’s Father’s Day! My dad is an engineer but has never questioned or withheld his support from his daughter who only ever wanted to dance, act, and be in fashion. He’s also the man who taught me to love football–which is a huge part of my life. I wouldn’t be where I am without him. I hope the fathers in your life are as supportive of you!

On the other hand, relationships with our parents, and parent figures can be tough. I hope if this is a hard day for you that you’re spending the day in a way that feels right to you.

Wishing us all a week of love and amazing shoes! xo RA

Sunday Chronicles: Day Off

a woman in a teal and chartreuse sleep set and robe lounges on a white bench in front of a white wall

Things I have been thinking about lately:
Burn Out (why and how to fix it)
Balance- in work and life and if it’s possible
Rebellion- I am horrible about when I get stressed I do that “revenge” stay up late thing where you stay up late to decompress and get time alone but it’s not great for you
Boundaries- how to set them and what they look like when you don’t have a traditional schedule
Habits
How I would like to my life to work.

There is so much about my life and work- even my day job!- that I love. That I feel as if I am good at. That I want to keep on. Yet. Loves. I have to admit that lately I am bit over tired. A lot overworked. On the edge of burn out. Do to this- fashion and my creative pursuits which I love (and feel as if I am failing at right now! Which is part of this!)- and my day job (sadly, Gucci doesn’t buy itself) I haven’t had a day off in MONTHS. MONTHS. I had a work trip for my day job a few weeks ago- that week I worked over 90 hrs just for them, plus shooting. And writing. As you may have heard my mom had emergency surgery (which I will never, ever complain about getting to be there for my family), but it was another thing I worked through. (Seriously, took a zoom call in the waiting room while she was in surgery).

I am tired. I am ready for a break. And my schedule doesn’t naturally lend itself to that. SO. I am making it. Today I am off0 my big plans include a face mask, doing my nails. Though I would like to shoot a few looks (as I am too excited about them!) and get started on some cleaning and laundry. Because I want to get on top of my schedule- and life. I want to get to a place where I am not behind ALL the time- and I have time for things I love (hello you!) and get to rest some.

The only way I know to get to that place is to take some time. Will I be putting up an OOO? No. But will I put off checking email and etc? Yes. Will there be bad TV and mindless scrolling (and some shopping!)? Yes. And time on the couch, cat cuddles, and not feeling guilty for not jumping out of bed. A day without my computer and being tied to my phone and worrying about getting it all done! (Ok, maybe I don’t know how to stop worrying but maybe that’s part of it!)

What do you do when you notice you’re a bit burned out and need some rest? Can you tell me on Monday?

Wishing us all a week of days off and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Into The Fire

a woman on a bed with white sheets and a pink peignoir set

Ironically, I was thinking that summer, or the beginning of summer would be a lovely, slow paced time to get myself on a routine (my life long struggle). To clean out and organize my closet and beyond. To catch up on all my “chores” like mending and dry cleaning. And to be able to take all of that at a pace that still felt luxurious. Like a summer celebration instead of work.

Yet.

It’s the beginning of summer. I have been on a work trip for my day job that has left me drained. I am behind in oh so many ways. And this week had a twist of an unexpected emergency surgery for my mom- which we are still dealing with.

Something about the best laid plans. Or more like- into the fire from the frying pan?

More ironically? There are times when I do well under pressure. Not all times. But I am one of those who is more productive when I have a lot going on- as I have no choice but to stick to a schedule. So. Maybe this fire is good. I am still determined and have my list- the things I want to do and the person I want to be and the things I want to wear. Perhaps now we just do them with a bit of fire under our feet.

Hopefully, that makes the down or luxurious paced moments a bit more sweet. Or maybe the fire lets me know how lucky I am. Honestly, I am still spinning a bit and trying to grab 5 mins for myself here and there. But. I am a bit willing to let the fire inspire and move me- rather than just burn me up.

How that will work out? I guess we will see. But rest assured that I will be wearing fabulous shoes no matter what.

How do you react when plans go awry and you find yourself in a fire? Any tips? Also– what does one wear to a fire?

Wishing us all a week of being inspired by our circumstances and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Is there Such a Thing as Balance?

a woman in a blue pant set with purple feather shoes on a bed with a lace bed spread

One of my favorite bits of wisdom? “You can have it all, just not at the same time”.
Another bit of wisdom I have heard recently? “Sometimes things comes in waves. You have weeks when you’re great at work, then weeks you’re bad at work. Weeks you kill it in the gym, weeks when going for a walk is a big feat. You get to be good at one thing at week. Sometimes two. Don’t worry when you’re not good at something”.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about balance, about being good at it all at it all all the time, and how we manage. As I write this I am on a work trip for my day job. I have eaten meals, worked, and cried in this hotel bed. This week I have averaged working at LEAST 12 hrs a day (and I am most likely short changing myself). I haven’t worked out the way I love to. Or need to. In fact, putting myself first has been a thing I haven’t done. And I can tell I am suffering from not doing things for me, or working on the work I love.

We live in a world that makes it seem as if balance and keeping it together is easy! Just drink enough water (also haven’t done that this week), and keep up with everyone’s highlight reel and your work/social/personal/physical/spiritual lives and journeys are a snap! That’s what we are told. That’s what so many of us are killing ourselves to achieve.

There are weeks I feel like I have it together. And then days on days when I feel as if all I do is hit rock bottom. Lately I have really been worried and thinking about balance– mainly as I realize I am not doing what I want– and that’s not just shop all the time. When I get stuck in a pattern of my “scales” leaning towards everything that is not for me (ie. I am not drinking my water or working out or giving myself what I need in oh so many ways) and I find myself overworked and burnt out and trying to please people who probably don’t care (from bosses to clients to strangers on the internet), I can’t help but think about balance. And to use a wording from the original blogger, Carrie Bradshaw-

I can’t help but wonder: Is there such a thing as balance? And if so, how do we achieve it?

With only so many hours in the day (as we do need sleep), how do we excel at work, and our workouts, our diets and treats, at being a good friend and partner and if you are- a parent or child or caretaker, and still make time for ourselves? Is it possible to have it all and be it all week in out and every day? There have been times in my life where this did feel possible. But, lately? I have felt like I am failing at it all.

My experience this week at balance? Nothing balanced at all. My scales were heavily tilted and even with a few extra hours in the day I am so tired I don’t know that I could do anything with them. My birthday was a week or so ago, and one of the things I promised myself is that I would be my best self for me. So, does that mean I tilt my scales in my own favor? Personally, I know I need at least a few weeks of drinking the water and my workouts and focusing on the work (like this!) would make me feel better. But if that costs other things?

How do we balance it all? This is beginning to feel like a rant– which I never intended. Perhaps I should not be imbalanced and write! A vulnerable moment? I am struggling with my balance right now. And if you have any tips I am ALL ears. Even if it’s just how to say to my boss I need a day off!

I am sorry I have no insight. Tomorrow I will get up and do work. And I will also try to make time to get on a treadmill. And maybe spend some time in the water. And wear something fabulous. Have some water. And maybe some wine. Will it be enough? I guess we will see!

Wishing us all a week of balanced scales and amazing shoes! XO RA

Mom’s Style

I’ve been posting this on my mom’s birthday for a few years now- it’s become tradition. While my mom’s birthday is on Thursday this year it’s a big week of her birthday, my birthday, family in, Mother’s Day and prepping for some fun shoots, a deep house clean and a big work trip. My mom and I are close, and yet different. However, as I get older I realize I’m more like her than I think, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Especially now, as some of us are apart from our families, I think about how the women in my life shaped me. I spent the past few years isolating with my mom- it wasn’t always easy, but I’m so grateful we did! Even though we spent the better part of the years not getting dressed up- I still learned about style from her over this past year. And yes, we’re getting dressed today! Hope whatever your relationship with moms are, this season lands easy. Xo RA

InvestmentPiece: Mom's Style

Loves! It’s my Momma’s birthday! (on Tuesday!) If you haven’t caught on, my mom and I are close, and I can’t begin to describe how much I love her, and how appreciative I am for all she does for me. Mom is a CPA and teaches accounting, she’s our CFO, and while that’s completely different from her creative daughter who thinks shoes are a necessity (I mean I need shoes, I occasionally want to eat); Mom’s style has influenced me and helped me become the fashionista I am today. So, what did I learn from Mom’s style? Glad you asked!

Stay True to Your Style

No matter the trend or what “you’re supposed” to do, sticking to what you love and what works for you is something to be admired–and makes you look stunning! Mom is a big fan of navy. She is known for her love of navy suits, shoes, and bags. There are years when navy is “in” and years when we’ve had to search for navy for Mom. That doesn’t matter to Mom, even when the styles she loves aren’t in she sticks to them. There’s a classic-ness in that, a commitment. That’s not to say Mom doesn’t try new things, but I’ve learned that you don’t need to be a slave to trends, that sticking to things you love is something to be commended, and when you find something that fits you–hang onto it!

Proper Undergarments Matter

Mom and I have had a lot of events recently and at everyone Mom has mentioned that she thinks I might need a slip. (Side note: I have slips, I’m not great at wearing them) Here’s the thing though: Mom may have a point. Lining, slips, proper garments: our clothes fit better when we make sure these things are taken care of. Proper fit is important (Mom is big on that too) and to ensure that the fit flows, proper undergarments help. (And let’s be honest, no one likes the look of lines!)

Invest in Your Suit
Something Mom and I agree about whole heartedly? Your suit, be it an actual suit, jeans or yoga pants, is something to invest in. Mom, being an accountant, is a fan of actual suits and made it a point to invest in good ones each year. Now that she’s in a place where she’s good on suits, Mom is having fun filling her closet with tanks, tops and blouses (both classic and trendy) to wear with her suits. However, she’s always adamant that her suits are high quality, she checks seams and linings, that it’s where she spends her money. And loves, I agree–what you wear the most should be where you invest your money.

Don’t be Afraid to Accessorize

Mom is a more conservative dresser than I am, yes. However, Mom is not too conservative for a great accessory! I can’t remember a time when Mom didn’t leave the house without a scarf, jewelry, pins, or gloves. We do a high tea occasionally, and Mom is always on point with her hats (and gloves!). The lesson? You can always be playful, and the details are always a place to have fun!

While Mom and I may have different opinions about certain fashions, but my Mom has some amazing style, and I’m so grateful she taught me all she knows!

Have some champagne to celebrate!

XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Introverts, Communications, and Hangovers

Investment Piece: Sunday Chronicles — Introverts, Communication, and Hangovers

There’s a great chance, by now, that you’re aware (or have a theory) on whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. And maybe you have an understanding of how that affects your communication, and how introverts can get hangovers from too much interaction. I’m a fan of deeper understanding, and being aware of how you’re wired, and the best ways to communicate for you. We all have a love language (trendy doesn’t mean it’s not true), and there are ways for each of us to be our best selves.

This is not a post to promote any sort of label, push you to fully embrace your “vert-ness” (I may have just made that word up), or help you demand to be surrounded by people who only speak your love language. Also, this is not a post to disagree with your vert-ness, argue we should all get all communication, and that all this is bunk. This is a post about a week in which I was reminded that these labels about our “vert-ness” are not finite, we’re all on a spectrum, all communicate differently, and that introvert hangovers are a real thing. And all of that is aok.

I’m an introvert. I need time alone, and after being around people a lot I need to recharge. The twist? I’m a performer; I can be “on” with the best of them, give a good show, and I like that part of me. Also? For an introvert, I’m extroverted. Yes, I need time alone, not a fan of too much peopling, but I can chat people up and network. It’s a spectrum, and there is no right or wrong way to be an introvert. We all get that.

What I forgot this week? That when I forget to balance the different sides of my introvert personality the people hangovers are real. I spent too much time go-go-going and being with people the past few weeks, and had to give myself a lot of down time to recover. What also hit me? When I (or anyone) chats about their need for alone time (or space) it’s not always the way that someone else communicates. What does all that mean? I (and you?) have to be clear about what we need, take care of ourselves, and nurse a hangover that comes from interaction the same way we would a “real” hangover. We may also have to be active listeners when people tell us about their needs.

And the thing? That’s all ok. If everything is a spectrum, then even taking care of ourselves is a process that isn’t always a finite thing. Right? So, this week, I’m focused on letting myself be “on” and letting myself be “down”, telling people clearly what I need, avoiding hangovers, and really trying to hear people when they tell me their needs. What about you?

Wishing us all a week of no-hangovers and amazing shoes! XO RA

Sunday Chronicles: Mending

a pile of dress, tops, napkins, etc to be mended and ironed

This is stacking of mending (and honestly ironing) that I need to do. That I have been needing to do for months. We can chat about a lot here:
-Why does it take so long to do the little things? Or : why do we put things off?
-Mending as a way to prolong our looks, closets, and as a great way to recycle
-Why is ironing the worst?

But mainly I keep thinking: why is mending (and even mending our clothes which is great!) a bit overwhelming? From fixing hems to saying “I’m sorry” mending is both what can keep us together- but one of those things that can be so hard to do. I will be 100% honest- there are times when I am bad at both.

My grandmas (both! And my mom) taught me to sew. I also had to take costuming for my BFA in Theater. While I am by no means a tailor, most minor mending and alterations are well within my wheelhouse. And yet. This pile is just a representation of what I can put off. In this pile? Nothing major. At all. Some hems that need to be tacked up, some straps that need adjust, the biggest mending is a top needs some elastic replaced. Even all together (even with the laundry), this probably would not be over an hour’s work. Yet. For almost a year I haven’t been able to bring myself to do to. This mending pile has been moved from my closet. To the floor. To the couch. All in the hopes that the more I see it, the more I could just pick it up and do it.

However, as we can see, all this mending is still undone.

Mending as in our relationships is also something I need to do. Not just apologies (though I think I owe a few of those), I am behind on texts, calls, catch ups, and just the day to day maintenance of relationships of all kinds. Beloveds, there are even people I really want to chat with. Then- I get to the end of my day –and I just put off the mending.

Is it because our days are so full? Am I that bad at mending? Is it just easier to put off things we need? All of the above. I am a firm believer in mending. I think it’s great and helps us have the closets and relationships we want. So- I am perplexed at my procrastination at mending. How do we get over that?

(Not a rhetorical question! If you have tips from mending to being proactive in mending I am all ears!)

For what feels like the millionth week in a row I am putting mending on my to do list. (There’s even mending I’m hoping to send out!) And I am bribing and working on my procrastination in getting it done. What about you?

Wishing us all a week of mends done and amazing shoes! XO RA