A day for celebrating Mother’s is so great- and yet it can hold grief. I’m lucky today as I get to be with my book club, with my mom, and with a woman who’s like a mom to me. I also get to mother my cats, my shoes, and myself. I hope that if you’re feeling a loss, I hope there’s peace. There are so many ways to be a mom. Even without kids. There are so many ways to mother yourself. No matter what today means for you, I wish you celebration, joy, and love. May this day land gently.
I’ve been posting this on my mom’s birthday for a few years now- it’s become tradition. While my mom’s birthday is on Friday this year it’s a big week of her birthday, my birthday, family in, Mother’s Day and prepping for some fun shoots, a deep house clean and family get togethers. My mom and I are close, and yet different. However, as I get older I realize I’m more like her than I think, and I couldn’t be more grateful. Especially now, as some of us are apart from our families, I think about how the women in my life shaped me. I spent the past few years isolating with my mom- it wasn’t always easy, but I’m so grateful we did! Even though we spent the better part of the years not getting dressed up- I still learned about style from her over this past year. And yes, we’re getting dressed today! Hope whatever your relationship with moms are, this season lands easy. Xo RA
Loves! It’s my Momma’s birthday! (on Friday!) If you haven’t caught on, my mom and I are close, and I can’t begin to describe how much I love her, and how appreciative I am for all she does for me. Mom is a CPA and teaches accounting, she’s our CFO, and while that’s completely different from her creative daughter who thinks shoes are a necessity (I mean I need shoes, I occasionally want to eat); Mom’s style has influenced me and helped me become the fashionista I am today. So, what did I learn from Mom’s style? Glad you asked!
Stay True to Your Style
No matter the trend or what “you’re supposed” to do, sticking to what you love and what works for you is something to be admired–and makes you look stunning! Mom is a big fan of navy. She is known for her love of navy suits, shoes, and bags. There are years when navy is “in” and years when we’ve had to search for navy for Mom. That doesn’t matter to Mom, even when the styles she loves aren’t in she sticks to them. There’s a classic-ness in that, a commitment. That’s not to say Mom doesn’t try new things, but I’ve learned that you don’t need to be a slave to trends, that sticking to things you love is something to be commended, and when you find something that fits you–hang onto it!
Proper Undergarments Matter
Mom and I have had a lot of events recently and at everyone Mom has mentioned that she thinks I might need a slip. (Side note: I have slips, I’m not great at wearing them) Here’s the thing though: Mom may have a point. Lining, slips, proper garments: our clothes fit better when we make sure these things are taken care of. Proper fit is important (Mom is big on that too) and to ensure that the fit flows, proper undergarments help. (And let’s be honest, no one likes the look of lines!)
Invest in Your Suit
Something Mom and I agree about whole heartedly? Your suit, be it an actual suit, jeans or yoga pants, is something to invest in. Mom, being an accountant, is a fan of actual suits and made it a point to invest in good ones each year. Now that she’s in a place where she’s good on suits, Mom is having fun filling her closet with tanks, tops and blouses (both classic and trendy) to wear with her suits. However, she’s always adamant that her suits are high quality, she checks seams and linings, that it’s where she spends her money. And loves, I agree–what you wear the most should be where you invest your money.
Don’t be Afraid to Accessorize
Mom is a more conservative dresser than I am, yes. However, Mom is not too conservative for a great accessory! I can’t remember a time when Mom didn’t leave the house without a scarf, jewelry, pins, or gloves. We do a high tea occasionally, and Mom is always on point with her hats (and gloves!). The lesson? You can always be playful, and the details are always a place to have fun!
While Mom and I may have different opinions about certain fashions, but my Mom has some amazing style, and I’m so grateful she taught me all she knows!
This year- I know it’s May, I am technically counting from when we found the water damage in our house- has been. A. Year. Actually- we could start last summer when I just couldn’t get well, from headaches to intense nausea. The water damage. All of the construction, from our house being a wreck to being new, our things being packed up, and the now crazy process of unpacking and redoing the house. It’s a lot. We are still not together, and honestly it still feels overwhelming (did I mention we are unpacking and putting together a brand new downstairs)?
And, candidly, between being sick (and still struggling to feel my best and to feel like me), the house being in disarray (including my closet), I have been battling depression. I told a friend this was the year I just got out bed. As that it as what often felt like my biggest accomplishment some days. This is not to say that I am not actively clawing my way out and back to me. That we aren’t actively fighting to get the house in a state where we can live and enjoy it. There have been times when it all feels SO big, and it’s hard to see how and where we go and do and all of the things.
Then.
The world. Beloveds, math isn’t my strong suit, I have no economic experience, and will not fear monger with future worries. But. At least, fashion and other wise, we are looking at a period of rising prices and disrupted supply chains. It’s a weird time to be someone who encourages you to shop- a part of me wants to tell you that anything you want now is the time to buy it. Another part wants to tell you to save (I am not a saver when it comes to money). How and where we go from here? Feels just about as overwhelming as the house some days.
Yet, the question remains? Where do we go from here? And how? I know the big answers are: I unpack, get back to myself (another post), and collectively we build community, explore everything from shopping resale to darning to saving. And still? I know simply saying that seems trite as none of those things come quick, or even easy at times. Being aware of all we have to do and where we want to get, doesn’t always mean that we know how or where to start. Or that starting doesn’t feel too big to do.
From my personal to the big stuff- maybe that’s it. This all feels so big. So, where do we go from here? We start. We get out of bed. We do a box, or whatever a day. We resist, we make a new friend. We explore options. And even when the steps feel smaller than a baby’s, we go in the direction we want.
Beloveds, I truly don’t have any answers- and truly am fighting a bunch of my own demons. Yet. I am in this with you, can’t wait to explore and find new things (even if they are new-new) for us, and to be in this with you. Where ever we go, I want to be together.
Wishing us all a week of steps that feel doable and amazing shoes! XO RA
This was originally posted about a few years ago. I began thinking about this very topic this week when I looked down and realized that some of these very same scars were barely visible. Some are still there, very bright. And I’ve added some new scars. And then there are the scars we can’t see- the emotional and mental ones. It got me thinking about healing, about moving on, about how we live with our scars. In the past year I’ve healed. I’ve gotten hurt. I’ve learned. And when I’ve need them, the people in my life have been there for me. As I think about my scars, and re-read this, I can’t help but think that maybe living with our scars isn’t a bad thing.
Originial Post:
Loves, as you may know, this year has been a doozy when it comes to loss. And in the midst of this, last week there was a small grease fire in my kitchen and I burned my arms. Badly. It’s not pretty. (yes, this was a few years ago, and then this year has been full of sickness and a bit of depression. Which is worse? I am not sure!)
And this is the “good” arm. Loves, it was painful. It is painful. And yet, after the shock and the first aid, my thought was how it would look. And later in the week I again worried about outfits, about shoots, about the fact that right now, unless I fully commit to long sleeves (and even those failed Friday night) I can’t hide the fact that I have wounds on my arms. I’m sure we could chat about my need for perfection, if it’s good that I worry about how it looks, and if those conversations say something about career choices or society as a whole- maybe we’ll get to those later, but for now–wounds. I’m living with them.
And loves, it’s uncomfortable. No matter what our wounds are, having them in the open can be difficult. It’s painful, sometimes on many levels. It invites questions. It can leave you feeling vulnerable. But loves, the only way for wounds to heal are to have them heal, and often that means having them in the open. And while it can be a struggle to live with wounds, it’s brave. It means willing to be vulnerable, to live with questions, to be honest about where you are-pain and all. There’s bravery in that, there’s beauty in that. And while that’s hard for me, I’m learning to live in that space.
I can do nothing about the fact that I have these burns/scars on my arms for the time being. They will be in some photos, as much as I may not like that. But this is where I am. So I’m learning: that being honest about where you are is brave, that being vulnerable about questions and situations is freeing, and that flaws can be beautiful. I’m giving my wounds time to heal, because you can’t rush that, and I’m living there.
I just may have to wear amazing shoes to balance it out.
No matter where you are I’m wishing us all a beautiful week and amazing shoes! XO RA
Beloveds! This weekend is Easter. If you’re celebrating, I hope that your celebrations are full of people (and food you love!). If you’re not celebrating, I hope that this weekend is restful- and still full of things you love. I’m taking the day to be with family and celebrate the holiday- we’ll be back tomorrow with fresh fashion!
I went to write about letting go this week. Quelle Surprise- letting go is still something I struggle with! And it turns out I’ve written about it more than once (do I have issues letting go about writing about letting go? I guess so!) Instead of repeat myself- or beat myself up for not letting go soon enough I’m re-reading this and reminding myself as long as I am trying, it’s progress!
A wise friend once said to me,” We do things until we can’t do them anymore”. She was referring to me beating myself up about not being able to make a choice- but on many levels she’s right. Every one of us hangs on to different things : ideas, people, things- and we hang on till we simply can’t anymore. There are so many different situations and so many different breaking points- but can we agree that the human truth is that is hard to let go of some things? Ideas, feelings, dreams, people, sweaters from 7th grade- any and all of these can be held onto for years.
And I’m the worst. Call it stubborn, call it loyal- but I can have a hard time letting go of things I love. Maybe it’s that the devil you know is better, fear of the unknown (are those the same? ), fear of loss, fear that nothing better will come along- there are times when we can all hold too strong and too long to things because of these and a host of other reasons. I have no answers for ideas, people, dreams- but clothes I can help with!
Here’s the thing about holding onto things for to long- and let’s be specific things you should let go of, there are tons of things you should hold onto forever, but that’s another post-if you hold onto the wrong things for too long, you’re not making space for new, better things. True in life, true in your closet. Is letting go easy? Not always, but some times you have to ask yourself – do I need this sweater from 7th grade? Or do I want new and exciting things?
I clean out my closet regularly but have found myself hanging onto things for that one day, or if I ever need whatever. I’m probably one of the only fashion bloggers to tell you that hanging on to some things out of nostalgia is aok (really), but some times you have to to let go. So this time -I did. All those things I’ve been on the fence on, the things I never wear- I’m getting rid of them. I got to the point where I coudn’t hang on anymore, and I’m finally ready to make room for new things (like fall Valentino boots!). And can I tell you? It feels fabulous!
I’d love to know: what’s your method for letting go of thing?
Wishing us all a week of making space for the good things to come, and of course amazing shoes! XO RA
This post is originally from a few years ago (there are times when it shocks me that I’ve been doing this for years!); but this is something that I’ve been thinking about recently. Not necessarily French seams, though yes, but the idea that things take time. The idea that something that is well made, and worth the time and effort, is better than something that is ready quickly, but made to fall apart. The idea that somethings, both French seams and ideas are meant to last. Also, what fashion means to me, why I care about quality and what I can do to explain my views with you (more of all of that to come!).
And then, I remembered I wrote about this before: so I give you again, It’s all in the seams!
Enjoy!
XO RA
Yesterday my mom and I got to talking about couture, really the magic of couture is seaming, lining, and fit. French seams, where you essentially double sew the seam so it’s encased, are the trademark of couture- they’re difficult, time consuming , and look amazing. The seams are part of what make couture fit so well, last so long, and look stunning. So they’re worth it. In fact the trick to catching couture – and real designer bags and shoes- check the insides
It got me thinking about what is worth it. We live in a world that demands everything instaneously- relationships, careers, material goods. Everything is expected to come quickly, it can be considered failure for things to take time. But here’s the thing about rushing things – quickly made seams fall apart. I can do a quick seam- but it won’t last, and probably won’t look good. And when you want something to last- and look good- you have to take the time to do the little things, whether that’s French seams or letting a relationship or career take its time. It’s a process, but rush the process and the inside falls out.
I would rather have a closet full of French seams- bags and shoes that last- things that are beautifully made than a closet full of seams that fall apart. I understand that this means I will spend more, and things will take time to accumulate. I’m okay with it. In fact, I’d like to build a life full of relationships that last, a good career, and moments that matter- those things take time as well. But, when I look at the French seams – it’s worth it.
Happy Sunday! Wishing us all a week of great seams and amazing shoes! XO RA
Can we be honest? Change is hard. Even the change that you want can be hard (ask my hair dresser, I freak out almost every time). And yet–none of us want to stay in the same place forever, right? I would say most of us want to be better versions of ourselves, to have amazing things happen to us, to reach for things, but getting out of our comfort zones can be difficult. Or maybe that’s just me. Say it’s not just me.
Spring is know as the beginning season. Flowers bloom, things start again, and we change. I know that I am changing right now–and some are great and some are scary. I have absolutely no answers but I can tell you 3 things that are helping me get through all the change.
1. Things are going to be okay.
They are. They most likely won’t look like how we think they might, but things have a way of working out for the best. I think our job is just to trust; as my grandma would say a positive attitude makes up for a lot.
2. Be okay with not knowing.
Internet friends this one is a struggle for me daily. I want to know things–all the things. But sometimes, when we’re going through things, we don’t. I’m trying to get comfortable not having an answer in mind, in seeing what happens, in not knowing. Some days are easier than others, but the more I can tell myself it’s okay not to know–it becomes okay not to know.
3. Be compassionate and kind–to yourself
Change is hard. I don’t think being mean to yourself or beating yourself up helps in any way. Just like a friend going through something needs your support, you need your support. So be kind to you–take care of you. If you need a night with friends, a glass of wine, or even new shoes, try to treat yourself like you would a friend.
Hopefully this spring brings for us a summer of changes that were worth it. And if we don’t like it, hey, we can always change again, right?
Wishing you a week of self kindness and amazing shoes! xo RA
Seasons can mean oh-so-many things. The time of year and weather outside. The kind of clothes we are offered and wear. And then- what we are going through in our lives. Ironically the last are the seasons that can last the longest. While I am excited for the warmer weather, the spring clothes- I perhaps may be most excited for a change of personal seasons.
Yes- I have tried to be as honest as I could here about how difficult the past season(s) have been for me. From illness to house constructions to all the emotions that came with all of that. As I claw my way out of that, and back to myself and my closet and routines and ALL the things, it does feel a bit like spring. New. Budding. Shedding the winter layers.
Then- I can’t help but think of the other kind of personal season- and it’s related to a closet clean out! (Yep, even though I will never shame you for holding onto anything, I am a fan of the closet clean out. And that’s another thing that I want to get back to!) BUT- as I transition from one personal season to the next, and think about changing everything including my closet for Spring, I can’t help but think about the seasons of our clothes. Yes, that could mean the clothes’ lifespans and how we love and wear our clothes and pass them on. I am also referring to our how life seasons come with their own seasons of clothes.
For example, there was a period (season) of my life, when I lived in Los Angeles, where I would go work out in the am’s and then change at the gym into a version of lounge (or run around clothes) and go run errands. I would then shower and change into my real outfit after at home. During this time I had a whole section of my wardrobe that catered to those after gym errands- not quite sweat pants, sweat shirt dresses, all the kinds of t-shirts and lounge pants. They were staples of what I wore on a weekly and daily basis. Then. My life changed. I moved. And while I still went to the gym- it was either a situation where I showered at the gym and changed directly into my OOTD or I was close enough to the gym that I went home directly after and showered and got dressed.
Those amazing lounge clothes that were cute enough to be my errands outfits? They got put in drawers (and really didn’t come out till Covid). It’s not that I stopped liking them or that I didn’t lounge- but the season of my needing that big part of my closet passed. It took me a while to get rid of the parts of that season that really needed to go (yes, sometimes I hang onto things a bit longer than I need to- and that’s a whole other post). Seasons change- and our closets do too.
Here I am, at the start of a new season (weather and time wise) and a new personal season (see moving out of allll the things and back to myself). I know, though I may not be prepared- these seasons may affect my closet (and that may be amazing! There may be new and great seasons of clothes ahead!). In the past, I think that I have thought about seasons in our closest/clothes in terms of weather seasons, but as I look behind and ahead, it’s very clear that there are personal seasons in our closets/clothes. I am both excited and a bit apprehensive to move through – and move out mine. And of course, share it with you.
Looking back, can you tell seasons in your clothes? Closet? Even if it’s just a style you used to love and now don’t? I would love to hear all about them all- including your tips on transitioning through the seasons!
Wishing us all a week of amazing shoes and seasons that are seamless! XO RA
Let’s be honest- the last few months, well, maybe the last year- has been not my best. I haven’t felt like myself. I haven’t dressed like myself. I haven’t been present here- or in a lot of my life (from gym to friends to basic chores). It’s almost like I lost myself and I am slowly starting over. And, not as an excuse but as an expiation -even to me!, it’s been so difficult to get anything done: being sick, the house being torn up, the house being under construction, the unpacking and restarting that may finally be here. The House? 98% done. And while not everything is perfectly in place- actually there is a ton of unpacking and redoing to still get through- it feels as if I am in finally in a place to start over.
Spring? The perfect time to restart. Nature itself is starting over, and I am too. It’s so tempting at this point to tell you I am restarting it all- from the blog to my life. And in many ways, it feels like it. BUT- I also know that to sweep everything in a general statement is a way to set yourself up for failure. So, below,I am listing the specific areas and ways I want to start over. Partial promise, partial accountability, all where I want to start over.
Side Note: The frustration of starting over? Ya know, like how when you’ve fallen off any habit and have to start over and face that you’re not where you want to be? I know it’s coming. In some areas, it’s here. That’s most likely another post- and journey- but I know (and I think you do too) that starting over sometimes isn’t easy. Or smooth. Or feels good. I am prepared (as I can be), and I guess on the super bad start over days there’s a shoe sale for that?
The House: I know it sounds crazy to tell you that I need to start over in the house when in this same post I let you know the house is 98% done. That’s just construction. We now have to get all our things out of storage, clean out, go through, decorate and full the house back up. It’s completely overwhelming. And did I mention (because I may be a little crazy) I have also started a major closet redo and began redoing my bathroom at the same time? At the end of the house my living space is going to be SO amazing. I just have to get there. And we will! But it does feel like a restart.
The Gym: I have once again started working out (which used to give me such joy and is still such a stress reliever) .It’s something I wanted to get back to- not only for looks- but because it makes me feel good! And oh my lands! am I sore. This is where I also admit that for someone who used to be in great shape and prided herself on that it’s a bit humbling experience (I knew that there would be starting over growing pains). Yet, I am excited to find ways back to myself.
Getting Dressed: Between having construction workers here and being sick a lot, I have to admit that getting dressed- another part of who I am- has fallen by the wayside. There are days I have spent in sweats, sadly sometimes the same sweats days in a row. It’s a small thing but my big restart is to get dressed. Daily. To play again with fashion. To have fun in my clothes again. Which leads to :
The Blog: I haven’t been present here. I haven’t been who I want to be, or write about. From posting to writing (in all aspects), I have fallen done. I am going to be better. Start Over, right?
My relationships: I haven’t been a great friend. And I miss my friends. And you. I want to be someone who invests in their relationships. And can be there for people. And ask people to be there for me. Again, it’s a start over.
So many of these are not the kind of start overs that involve completely starting from scratch. But any time you start again, it feels overwhelming – and exciting. I am doing my best to lean into the exciting part. And stick to the starting over. It’s spring– and here we go to the start over. Thank you for being here and thank you for letting me start over!
Wishing us all a week of amazing shoes and new beginnings! XO RA
