I’m paraphrasing but there’s an old saying:
“Adventure is dangerous, but routine will kill you”
Yes and yes. What if adventure is dangerous? What if routine will kill you? What if you need both to get by?
I can be incredibly spontaneous, I fall in love (with shoes) at first sight all the time, my desires can change, there are days when I feel like someone different every few hours. And yet, I thrive best when I have a bit of a routine. I need a bit of structure, I do my best work when I’m secure, without a plan I waste time like a champ. Balancing all of that is my greatest struggle.
This past year, and really all the time as I’ve always worked from home, has been hard as I’ve felt that no routine has lasted more than a few weeks. Yet, with the start of the new season, and the new year (Jewish!) I’ve been determined to find (and stick to) a routine that works for me. With just enough structure to keep me thriving and just enough adventure to keep me on my toes (and creative). Some of my goals? A sleep routine (go to bed a bit earlier, wake up a bit earlier), some schedules (workouts, shoots, etc), and some other goals (all the water drinking, walking, etc). Some routines have been easy to fall into. Some others? Not so much.
So what is it about routines that make them difficult? Both sticking to them and not getting drowned by them. I’m not sure that I have all the answers. There are days when I feel great about my progress and days when I wonder what I’m doing. On both kinds of days I’m attempting to give myself grace.
What else am I trying?
*lists. Which is weird, I know. But when I give myself detailed things to do and accomplish that I can cross off (if you tell me that crossing something off a list doesn’t feel good, I don’t know that I believe you!) I tend to get more done. Which leads me to :
*alarms. To get up, yes. But for tasks, for time lines, for all my little goals
*measuring. My steps. My glasses of water. My writing. Outfits. Shopping. It’s both daunting and helpful
*rewards. Corny? Perhaps. But they help keep me motivated and on the right track. From a glass of wine to revising my Wishlist, I pick both small things and work towards large things. These things keep me working towards my own best interests, even when it’s difficult or I stray a bit.
I would love to know: what are your tips for switching your routines up and sticking to them? What are your current routines? Your current goals?
Wishing us all a week of routine, progress and amazing shoes! XO RA
I began writing this piece in 2018- 2 WHOLE years ago, but never hit publish because I felt like I never got what I wanted to say right. Now, with Sex and the City Rebooting on HBOMax, I can’t help but think not only about what I got from the orginal airing (and the MUTLIPLE rematches I’ve done over the years), but also what I’m getting from the leaks from the reboot. Like- maybe friendship lasts or maybe walking away gracefully when a project isn’t for you is winning. I’m thinking about it all.
The orginal show had its issues, flaws, and I’m more able to see them the further away from my first viewing I get, but this show still means so much to me. Mainly as it was the first show where I felt really seen- and it felt like some of the choices I made in my young life (aka pursing acting and spending spare money on shoes rather than settling down) were ok.
Without further ado, here are my thoughts on Sex and The City I would love to know yours, and what this show meant to you, as well as your hopes and fears about the reboot!
Xo RA
Sex and the City TV series (1998-2004) starring Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw, Kim Cattrall as Samantha Jones, Kristin Davis as Charlotte York and Cynthia Nixon as Miranda Hobbes – dvdbash.com
Yes, my loves, it’s another take on Sex and the City Why did this one show affect so many of us so deeply?
It’s not just the amazing fashion that the show showcased; although, you could make the argument that it was the first fashion blog, and the fashion was fresh, amazing, provocative, and more than a valid reason to tune in. Blogs, Instagram accounts, my closet are a testament to the fashion presented. Manolos became a household name because of the show; it had an impact. I won’t go into the fashion here (though I will tell you I loved Man Repeller‘s take on updating Carrie’s best outfits), not because I don’t love it, but because SATC was so much more than fashion. (I also won’t debate Adian vs Big, because as someone who’s dated assholes, it’s some times nice to see an asshole change. Fiction is great!)
I was in my 20s when SATC came out (yes, I will still claim to be in my 20s, I’m great at math), and SATC was the first time I got to see a women centered show address women like me. Women who loved their friends, careers, and men, but whose love lives didn’t fit in the “box” imposed on them. You could argue that men and the characters love lives were the center of the show, but no one was rushing to be married at 25 with a house and 2 kids. I’m from the south, and at the time the show was first on I was an actress with 4 jobs scraping by in LA, most of my high school and college friends were married with houses. It was a breath of fresh air to reconginze myself in a TV show, and be told that all the things that I was (am) were reasons for celebration, not shame.
Not that marriage and houses and kids are bad, or not something that I want. But for a while in my 20s being single felt like a I was a side show and a show where single women (who were thriving) were accepted as normal was stunning. It made me feel as if I wasn’t making the wrong choice by pursing my dream and not doing things “the way” I was “supposed” to. Watching Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charolette made me feel hopeful about my future, and even though I still tell dating horror stories, I felt like it was ok to have them- that I wasn’t some kind of freak!
This show had such an impact on my life. While I could go on forever about why I love it, I will spare you. Instead I offer my main takeaways from Sex and the City. Yes, I may be trying to live my life like Carrie, but if it’s with the following lessons, is that a bad thing?
Female Friendships Matter
At the diner, after yet another breakup, Charlotte utters the enteral line, “What if we were each other’s soul mates? Then, we could let men be things that come and go”.
This line cut me, and has defined many of my friendships. Till this point, any show about a woman was about finding love; or the woman was already married, or a mother. How amazing is it to think that maybe the people to get you through your life are your friends? (And how true). Is it that the women on the show, or me, don’t want to find love? No, not at all. But maybe it’s the realization that no matter your romantic situation, the real loves of your life are the friends who come into your life and stay and love you. Seeing this spoken and shown repeatedly on SATC let me know that it was ok that I wasn’t married, and that being married isn’t the last word on being loved. This was revolutionary.
It’s Ok to Live Your Own Way
Women Not Apologizing for it. I loved all the things that the women on SATC refused to apologize for, from expensive shoes to sex drives to mixing shorts and fur coats. Have you ever counted how many times a day you say sorry? Or worry about how you’re coming off? Or maybe you apologize for making life decisions that are different than someone else’s? Seeing women owning who they were, and not being sorry for wanting what they wanted was eye opening for me. Related? Carrie’s career was taken seriously. To this day, there are times when explaining what I do is difficult. Both men and women can assume that I’m just “playing” and “not really working”. Do I have this career because of a TV show? No. But, seeing someone representing careers that I was pursuing being unapologetic about not having a “traditional” career or schedule empowered me.
The Women Failed
They questioned themselves. They questioned their friends. They failed, they succeeded. The women cried on each other shoulders and celebrated each other’s successes. They had bigger problems that just break ups, and sometimes things didn’t work out. My loves, that’s life. No matter who you are or where you live, there are issues (and not just of Vogue). It’s hard. We all mess up. Sometimes it’s ok, and sometimes it’s not. Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charolette are the first characters I can remember not getting it right all the time, and not being villains. They were just figuring out their lives. Isn’t that what we’re all doing? And yet, did seeing women do it change things for you? It did for me.
I asked a question: Why did this show affect so manny of us so deeply? I have more takeaways, favorite outfits, favorite moments. Yes, the show was flawed and would be a different, more diverse show if it were done today. Yet, so many of us drop what we’re doing and watch it repeatedly. It sticks with us, we chat about it, talk about what character we are (my take: the ladies were almost archtypes and we all have a little of each of them in us). Why?
Sex and the City gave us women who were messy, complex, simple, searching, winning, failing, loving, fighting, and making it up as they went along. They were human, and all that goes with that label. I think this show meant so much to us, because we saw ourselves in it. And my loves, that is a beautiful thing.
I would love to know, are you a SATC fan? Why?
Wishing us all a week of messiness and amazing shoes! XO RA
Last week I spent more time than I care to admit getting the site updated. Yes, there were HOURS on phones/chats/emails with support. Yep, still getting some things worked out- and yes, there are some changes that I can’t wait to share with you! Updates (change) are one of those things that I both love and hate. I always want the new things, but the process and technical aspects (especially tech. I own a website and yet it’s not my strength. I can’t wait till I can afford a tech specialist and it’s not me!) can be difficult. Such is life? (Aka if you have tips for dealing with change, I am, as always, all ears. See more of my thoughts on change here)
Starting today we’re working through the change and remaining updates, meaning, that we’re back at it! Posts will resume their schedule-outfit posts M/F, W with an emphasis on brands or trends or the like, and Sunday’s of course are for Sunday Chronicles! You’re always more than welcome to join me over on IG (@racheladelciia) for more outfits, some behind the scenes, and video series like “Cocktails and Caftans”. Want more shopping? Follow me in the LikeToKnowIt and ShopStyle apps where I post shopping picks daily (Note: Today is the LAST day of the Anniversary Sale at Nordstrom and there are all sorts of things I love in my picks there!)
But- more than anything- this past week as I was working on tech I missed you! Our little community is such a joy. So what did I miss? What did you do? While I was working on getting this site updated, I also played with so many outfit ideas, thought about fall boots, and dreamed of one last stellar summer vacation.
We have a lot to catch up on, I’m so glad to be back at it with you!
Wishing us all a week of easy updates and amazing shoes!
XO RA
Beloveds! This week a lot is happening- and while I’m not always great with change, I’m truly excited about it. Investment Piece is a getting an facelift this week, from OS to look to how you’ll shop it, we’re leveling up and getting better. What it will look like for you? We’ll be down this week, hopefully the updates won’t take long but we’re erring on the side of caution and keeping the site down till next Sunday to ensure that everything is running smoothly and we got all the bugs out.
I’ll still be posting and shopping over on Instagram (@racheladelicia) and the LiketoKnowit (@racheladelica) and ShopStyle Apps (RachelAdelicia). Please follow along for outfits and sales and all sorts of fun. Then we can meet back here on 8/8 with a new look for our site.
Thank you for your patience while we upgrade (and I’ll take all your good thoughts. I’m not personally great at technology so I’m always nervous about changes like these!). I can’t wait to show you all the things that we have planned!
Wishing us all a week of easy change and amazing shoes!
Xo RA
I sometimes struggle about what content to place where. This blog is such a joy to me- I love telling stories here, I love hearing yours, and I love the community we’re still building. Yet, I know that I have to post on allll the socials (yes, sometimes it is overwhelming) and times I don’t know if I’m supposed to share the same content on all channels, or keep each to their own!
*** if you have thoughts or wishes about this I’m all ears. It’s a weird thing to balance- I want to make everyone feel heard and provide great content to everyone. If there are things you want to see or thoughts you’d love to share, please reach out!
All that to say: as you may now, during lockdown I started a video series on Instagram called Cocktails and Caftans. It started because I not only love caftans (chic and comfy! I’m in!) but wanted to learn a new skill (and make a martini) while at home. Over the year, it’s grown – and changed.
You may have seen some of the caftans and cocktails here.
Recently, I moved the series from Saturday to Sunday (yep, this afternoon over on IG username @racheladelicia you can see me in a caftan with a cocktail!). And then next week something AMAZING is happening on Cocktails and Caftans and I couldn’t be more thrilled!
Next week C&C will be LIVE for the first time ever! At 3pm EST (2pm CST) I’ll be live and I’ll be with Andie J. Christopher discussing her new book Hot Under His Collar.
Andie is an online friend (I met her after reading her first book Not the Kind of Girl You Marry_ a sweet read that’s a must if you love “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days”) and I can’t wait to hear all about her process and her new book. We’ll be popping champagne (pop what you like), I’ll be in a caftan (wear what you like), AND I’ll be giving away a signed copy of Hot Under His Collar!
I really hope you can make it next Sunday (and watch this Sunday!)! The user name is @racheladelica and there will be bubble and books and fashion- what more could you need!
Wishing us all a week of stories and amazing shoes!
Xo RA
Happy Father’s Day my beloveds! I know that this day is one of those days when we’re “supposed” to feel a lot of things, but in reality this day can be very loaded. I’m lucky to have a good relationship with my dad, but between loss and struggle I know that father relationships can be trying. If, for any reason, today is difficult for you I pray that it lands gently.
This past week my family and I took a short vacation- mainly visiting wineries and museums. It was fun, and hopeful, and made me think that maybe this summer deserves a bucket list. Last year, my summer bucket list was simply to survive. This year? While I’m not sure I’m ready for ALL the things, I am looking forward to doing some of the things.*
*while this recent little trip seemed to ease some of my reopening anxiety, I still have a little bit. Did you miss it? I got honest about my fears here.
Bucket lists, to me, are equally about hopes and plans. Summer is the season that seems to both move the slowest and the fastest for me, and I’m trying to put doable things on my list while remaining flexible (as things both become more open and as my anxiety *hopefully* lessens). Small things, big things, and everything in between: here’s what’s on my summer bucket list so far!
A Pool
Remember last summer when I got a baby pool and it was my favorite thing? It still is, but this year I want to go to a real pool. And swim. And get my hair wet. Lay out. Nap in the sun. Come home smelling like sunscreen and being a little bit sun tired. I don’t know if I will be able to get to a beach (the dream) but I want a lot of pool days.
Reading and Movies
I used to be an avid reader. As in I was averaging at least 2 books a week. I would lose myself in books and stories. Same thing for movies. One of my favorite things used to be “sneaking” off to a matinee and letting the magical world welcome me in. If you follow me on IG you may have seen me say on my stories this week that I’m doing a little detox- mainly as that for my Hot Vaxxed Girl Summer I want to become/recreate/rediscover my best and most fashionable self. And part of that for me is getting back to reading and movies.
Plans
When I sat down to make this bucket list, this is about where I got stuck. In the “before” I used to make plans- for the blog, travel, friends, family. And I would follow through! From lunches to meetings to shoots to holidays. But. After 2020, I’m having a hard time distinguishing between plans (meet my friend’s babies! Go shopping! Meet for lunch! Shoot certain outfits!) and more dreams (take tap dance again! Plan vacations!). There’s no reason why I can’t (and shouldn’t) do both, as well as follow through with them. Yet, it feels a bit overwhelming. I may also still be a little superstitious and I don’t want to plan TOO far ahead. My solution? At least every other week I want to have a plan (meet a friend for lunch, get that dr’s appt booked, take a class, etc). I’m not forcing myself to go big, and letting my plans be a little more flexible than I usually would. Little things, but hopefully leading to big things.
What about you? What’s on your summer bucket list? Are you letting yourself get right back into the swing of things or are you easing in? Tell me all about it!
Wishing us all a week of crossing off bucket lists and amazing shoes! XO RA
Some various contradictions? I don’t think of myself as a writer. A storyteller? Yes. But if asked I’ll tell you that I use fashion to tell my stories. Yet. I write about them. Blog posts, picture captions, the whys, the how’s of all my outfits- I do write. And. Admittedly, I have some bad writing habits. I use the word “amazing” way too often. The thing is many times, many outfits, many amazings are different. I can tell you something is amazing and mean that it fits perfectly or that it makes me feel strong or that it’s a standout. Yes, I need a thesaurus. Or to be more exact.
Our words mean things, and the way we use them means things, and I’ve been thinking about that recently. Yes, Mercury is Retrograde (if you’re into that sort of thing) which is a great time to reasses and review our communication.
What got me thinking about words: how we use them and what we mean, was a friend’s Facebook post. He was posting about his daughter’s graduation and college acceptance. Yes, he was bragging, and yes he should as his daughter is a delight. But. He called her quirky. I truly admire his daughter, she has a strong sense of self as a teenager and doesn’t concern herself with what people “think” she should be doing. I know what her dad meant by quirky was all of that- that she’s self assured and strong in herself and not worried about being a Teen-Movie-Perfect teen. Me? I take quirky to mean all the weird and bad things- if you called me quirky I would assume that you thought I was so strange and almost unlike-able but wanted to be nice about it. Even though words have meanings, we all take different words to mean different things.
So. When we (me) can overuse the same word or when we all have different meanings for the same word, how do we use our words to communicate with each other? I’m still working that out. There are times when I feel as if words are my best friends and writing comes easy; I feel confident that I communicated my words well. Then there are times when I call everything amazing and I’m crossing my fingers that my words are taken in the best way.
In a time when it can be advisable to be intentional with our words, I’m thinking about my words. What I mean and how to be more exact with them. I’m also thinking about other people’s words- and thinking about asking for clarification when I don’t get other’s words- and giving them the benefit of the doubt that they always mean the best things, as I do. I’m pledging to be better with my words, to watch them and to get out my thesaurus when I need it.
How do you use your words?
Wishing us all a week of good communication and amazing shoes! Xo RA
I think it’s safe to say that this past year, the pandemic, has been traumatic for all of us. The lockdowns, the virus, the loses, the figuring a new way of doing things. Even though there have been good moments, and even good things- we’ve all had trauma. And if we’re honest, now that it looks like there is some light at the end of the tunnel (yes, it may feel over but the pandemic is still here!), I bet we all have some anxiety.
Or at least I do.
While chatting with a friend the other night, he said something that really stuck with me- sometimes what calms our fears is admitting them. So, after all our trauma, this is me telling you what I’m anxious about it in the hope that it makes us feel better (or less alone), and that when our anxieties see the light of day they run away.
-I’m anxious about people not wearing masks. It’s not that I want us to be masked forever (though there are parts about the masks that I really like). It’s not that I want to police your choices. It’s that (at least in America), masks have become such a political hot potato, and now that it’s a honor system if you’re Vaxxed, etc, I’m finding it never wracking. Perhaps a better way to explain this is that the pandemic has made me anxious about trusting strangers. I hate it, but it’s true. In a perfect world, we would all get our shots and stay home when sick and take care of each other and come out of this making a better world. Through my anxiety I’m doing my part to make that happen.
-I’m anxious that the reopening is happening too fast. Again- I don’t want to go on like this forever, like most of us I’m ready for “normal” and people and things. But. The virus is still out there and I’m a bit worried that in our desire for this to be over we’re going to find ourselves in another wave of high cases/deaths/lockdowns. Maybe I’m just worried this really isn’t over?
-I’m anxious that I’ve become more awkward and anxious, and that those things won’t go away. The few times I’ve gone out and had full days it’s exhausted me. I trust that as time goes on my pre-pandemic energy will return, but what if I stay awkward? What if all these anxieties stick around and get bigger?
There are most likely not easy answers to these worries. Hopefully they will pass in time as I see that things are ok! And fingers crossed I get over this awkward phase- that I relearn how to chat and interact and maybe even flirt?
What are your anxieties and worries about coming out of the pandemic? How are you handling your trauma from this past year? I’m holding space for all us and all those things.
Wishing us calm and amazing shoes this week! Xo RA
I’ve spent the last 2 years being BLONDE. Like platinum blonde. And blonde wasn’t new to me- I’m a dark blonde naturally,and have been highlighting my hair most of my adult life. (Let’s not chat about my red-hair phase) So it’s not that it was BLONDE- but that it was so blonde, essentially platinum, that was so different. And honestly? It was a reaction. I went SO blonde right after I decided to let my hair go “natural”, the change was TOO much, and it came on the heels of a few big life changes that I was having hard times with (moves, goodbyes, breakups). I NEEDED to be blonde, because that’s how I saw my best self. Did I go (and stay) too blonde? Probably.
Recently, I’ve gone back darker blonde (it’s still a bit of a work in progress, as you read this, I’m most likely adding a few highlights in the front). This time? I think I’m ready- or at least I’m not freaking out. The shade looks different in every light- from blonde to very light brown- but I’m ok with it. Maybe it’s that I’m more ok with where I am (or as OK as any of us can be right now). Or maybe the blonde was too much.
I do still consider myself a blonde (even when dark), and I’ve been wondering about my attachment to that. Is it that I can’t see myself any other way? That change is too hard? Or is it that I aspire to be what I think blonde means?
New hair!
I know that I’m not the only one who gets emotional about my hair! There are so many friends that I’ve seen/talked through react emotionally to hair change. Be it hating color or cuts, or having to wait out not being able to style their preferred way, what happens to our hair deeply affects us. It’s such a personal thing, and is so vital to our self esteems and images.
There are people who can change their hair, go wild, be ok with whatever gets done to it. I’m not like that (my hair cutter in LA used to joke that I have “rules” and she’s not wrong!), though there are times that I wish I was. I attach so much meaning to my hair, and when it’s not “perfect” I can have a hard time.
But there is no such thing as perfect. And though I don’t always claim the red- I know I can be anything from red to white-blonde. Straight to curly. And each one of those selves have been beautiful and daring, and a part of me. So why do I freak out so much about my hair?
I found this article to be helpful- in at least knowing that I’m not alone. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with really caring about your hair. And maybe there’s power in being able to change it. Maybe our desire to be our “best selves” is something that we can express through our hair- and maybe striving for that should be freeing, a process, and ok all at the same time.
There is no such thing as perfect hair, but whatever that is for you- I hope you have it. Or that the change into it is painless.
I’m currently embracing being a little darker blonde. And learning to enjoy the ride. And be my best self the whole time. I have my fingers crossed for all of us!
