Ex Files: The Friend

Investment Piece: The Friend

It’s that time of the month when I attempt to be Carrie Bradshaw, aka my own personal dating horror stories. If this speaks to you (or you just love the drama!) you can search ex files over in the search box for more, or may I suggest The BreakUp Text, Dudes and Nudes, The One Who Got Married. This month is a doozy- and sadly I didn’t break up with the dude over this (in my defense I was 23), but without further ado may I present The One Who Lied About a Party. Got Dating Horror Stories? I would love to hear them! Maybe we can even chat about you being featured! Xoxo RA

The Friend

First and foremost, let me say that I do think that men and women can just be friends. Truly, I do. And yet- I think we’ve all had friendships in which feelings were developed, by one or the other friend, sometimes both! On top of that, I think that sometimes we can flirt with our friends. As long as no boundaries are crossed, and everyone is ok with it- I get it.

But what about the friends who don’t respect boundaries? The ones who seem to get mad at you when you don’t reciprocate the feelings that they’ve developed? Can you keep the friendship going?

For years, I was friends with Mark. We found the same things funny, loved sports, and really rooted for each other in our romantic endeavors. He was the one that I could go over any text from any guy with, then joke about whatever game was on. We wanted VASTLY different things out of our romantic partners, so I never thought feelings would develop for either of us.

Yet. There were times that Mark and I would flirt. Very innocently, and the few times he crossed the line I felt comfortable talking to him about it and we would be ok. Then, I went through a breakup, and like many things in times of transition, I changed my schedule. I got out more, I wasn’t available as much. That seemed to make Mark mad. It felt like every text I got was a bit angry, had a biting remark about my schedule, and he seemed mad at me that my breakup plan didn’t involve him.

I told Mark that while I cared deeply about his friendship, that I only ever wanted to be his friend. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I also didn’t want him to be mad at me for that. Mark seemed to take it well and things were ok between us.

For a month or so.

Then he began making highly sexual comments and jokes. I would tell him that it made me uncomfortable and he would tell me to learn to take a joke. Which of course, was a red flag for me. When this happened for the 5th time, I simply blocked him. I just didn’t want to hassle with someone violating my boundaries over and over. And while I miss his friendship, so much of that had been turned into anger and someone who didn’t seem to respect me- so there isn’t much to miss.

How would you handle a situation like that? Have you been able to save a friendship that’s been through that?


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Actress, avid shopper, and a lover of fashion. Hoping to make the world a better place one pair of shoes at a time.