Ex Files: The One Who Lied About a Party

Investment Piece: Ngihts in LA

It’s that time of the month when I attempt to be Carrie Bradshaw, aka my own personal dating horror stories. If this speaks to you (or you just love the drama!) you can search ex files over in the search box for more, or may I suggest The BreakUp Text, Dudes and Nudes, The One Who Got Married. This month is a doozy- and sadly I didn’t break up with the dude over this (in my defense I was 23), but without further ado may I present The One Who Lied About a Party. Got Dating Horror Stories? I would love to hear them! Maybe we can even chat about you being featured! Xoxo RA

The One Who Lied About a Party

The kicker? It was my one of my dearest friend’s birthday party.

So Charles and I started dating in the usual way that you do in your 20s. We met at a party and he was cute, I was cute, there was flirting, which lead to a first date, to where we were spending almost every day together. Then (not related to this story) I broke my foot. Our dates went from on the town to more order in and be each other’s entertainment. Maybe it was a lot for a new relationship. Or maybe Charles just didn’t like it.

Either way, in the midst of all this one of my dearest friends was throwing her birthday party. There was no way that I could make it between the cast and the drugs and the pain and at the time Uber,etc, was not a thing. And ironically my “boyfriend” Charles told me that he didn’t want to go. Luckily my friend was incredibly understanding- she said it was mainly going to be her work peers, and was done around her work schedule (aka a bar by her work, later than usual, etc). As I was so put out by injury, I thought nothing of not going, was grateful for my friend’s understanding, and was aok with my boyfriend not wanting to go.

Then. The morning after my friend’s party she called me to let me know that Charles did in fact come. My friend asked him about why he didn’t come with me, and he let her know that as he and I weren’t “official” he didn’t want to come with a girl to ruin his chances with anyone else. I was embarrassed, horrified, and hurt. And honestly, didn’t know what to do.

Did I mention I was 23 and this was one of my first relationships?

I called Charles and confronted him. (Which BTW was super hard for me) I let him know that his actions hurt me, that he could have let me know about his feelings, and that I was disappointed in how he handled things, and most importantly he didn’t have to lie about going to my friend’s party. He hemmed and hawed and try to turn it into a way to ask me to define the relationship.

Sadly I let him get away with it. I was 23. And somehow felt guilty for being injured and not-as-fun. I even made him dinner. Shockingly, that relationship didn’t last. For many, many reasons- and yes, this was one of them.

What lie made you rethink a relationship?
Xo RA

Ex-files: the break-up text

Investment Piece: Ex Files: The BreakUp Text

It’s ex-files, where we stop chatting fashion for just a minute and talk dating horror stories. An attempt to be like Carrie Bradshaw? Sure. But let’s be honest, dating horror stories are both horrifying and funny. Names may have been changed to protect identities, some details moved about. Hungry for more? Try: Tinder on an Airplane, Jumping to Conclusions, and The One Who Asked for his Money Back. There are quite a few more when you search “ex files” in the search tab!”

The Break Up Text

There is an infamous Sex and the City episode where Carrie is dumped by Burger via post-it-note. Which is horrifying. Have I ever been dumped via post-it? No. But I have been dumped via text message. And loves, I get that there may be times when a breakup text is warranted. Maybe it’s unsafe to do it in person. Maybe you’ve only been out once and it’s a quick “this isn’t a match for me” text. However, much out of those contexts, is a break up text ever ok?

Steve and I had been seeing each other reguarly for over a month. Long afternoon dates that stretched into evening, all day long text conversations, future plans had been made. In fact, the day of the breakup text, I saw Steve at a mutual friend’s lunch. We had just had a date two days before, it went great! We had plans for that very evening. So, I was a little taken back when Steve was a little cold when I saw him at the lunch with friends. Like, weirdly cold. But, not one to take everything super personally, I thought not TOO much of it, and continued to prepare for our date that evening.

Then I got it. A text letting me know that he no longer wanted to see me, that he wasn’t attending our planned event that evening, but that he wanted to be my friend.

As you can imagine, I was shocked, angry, and stunned by his timing. When called out for his poor timing (like really, you couldn’t make it through the night?!?) and his method (we had LITERALLY just been face to face), he got horrifically defensive and called me crazy.

(BTW one of the most amusing things to do is Google “Crazy Men Women Gaslighting” and let it tell you that your ex is a psycho path)

Needless to say, I don’t have a lot of respect for the breakup text. And I still think Steve was a coward for doing it. But???

I’d love to know your thoughts on the breakup text!

Wishing us all a week of non-awful texts and amazing shoes!! Xo RA

Ex Files: The One Who Stole a Dog

Investment Piece: The One Who Stole a Dog

It’s my monthly dating horror stories, my attempt at being Carrie Bradshaw, and hopefully a bit of cathartic release for us all. If you’re in the mood to really suffer I recommend My ex’s Friend, Dumped Before an Event, and The One Who Asked For His Money Back. You can also search Ex Files in the search bar. A friend of mine let me know that he spent a day reading all of these back to back- and that it was funny and horrifying! Of course, all names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. Be careful out there!

Xo RA

The One Who Stole a Dog

Note: this happened to a friend of mine, it’s not my story. Turns out I’m a cat person! This is told with her permission but details changed to protect everyone involved (yes, he’s famous which makes it even funnier. I can’t tell you who it is, but I can tell you if he wanted a dog he could get a dog!)

Stephanie met Jeff online, and clicked right away. From hobbies to sense of humor they seemed to be meant for each other, at least for a few months. Slowly, things began to be not as shiny as they seemed. Stephanie was obessed with her dog, a mini terrier, and Jeff had begun to let it come out that he was not as big a dog fan as he originally let on. As it also turned out, Jeff was not as successful and liquid as he led Stephanie to believe. And while that wasn’t a “problem”, Stepahnie was beginning to resent being asked out to drinks and meals with his friends so that she could foot the bill.

Things came to a head when Stephanie asked Jeff to watch her beloved dog while she attended a work event. The plan was for Stephanie to leave her beloved dog at Jeff’s one afternoon, attend her work event, and return late at night. She would then spend the night with Jeff, and she and pup would go home in the morning. Of course things went perfectly till they didn’t. Stephanie’s event went late, she ended up getting a hotel room as the drive to Jeff’s was over an hour. Jeff got upset and threatened to break up via text for not “putting him first”. Stephanie asked to table things till the morning when she would come get her dog.

The next morning, when she arrived, Jeff told Stephanie that he didn’t have the dog- that Stephanie’s assistant had already picked up the dog. Yet, when Stephanie called her assistant, her assistant didn’t have the dog. Then Jeff wouldn’t let her back in his house. Then, Stephanie’s sister sent her a picture of Jeff on a dating app posed with Stephanie’s dog, claiming the dog as his own. The pictures were also on Facebook captioned “Look at my new dog!”

Stephanie banged on the door to no avail. Then she got her lawyer on the phone, put him on speaker and refused to leave Jeff’s property till she got her dog back. Which she finally did, after TWO HOURS!

Needless to say, the break up stuck and hopefully no one has trusted Jeff to watch their pets since!

Moral of the story? Don’t leave your pets without a contract?

Xo RA

Ex Files: Sharing in Misery

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

It’s no secret that I’m no stranger to bad dates. See here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. This month? I have no personal dating horror stories to share (but, no fear, I still have plenty).

What I’ve been doing lately? Indulging in other people’s bad date stories! It makes me feel less alone (maybe it’s not us, maybe it’s dating!). And they make me laugh. From the ones that pop up on Facebook to my new favorite site, The Tinder Chronicles, I’ve become a voyeur in other people’s bad dates. (Though to be fair, I hope you are when it comes to mine!). Below I’m sharing some of my favorites and would love to know: what is your worst best bad date story?

Cosmo Twitter
A bad date in a few characters? I’m in!

1. “We were on the train heading back to my place, and he said he had to pee. There weren’t any bathrooms, so he literally just peed in the corner of the train car. I died of embarrassment.” —Fatouma K., 22

2. “We made a plan to go fishing, but when I arrived to pick him up, all he’d decided to bring with him was two fishing poles — no bait! I ended up having to sit and watch him dig up worms.” —Charity K., 30

3. “He told me he was going to take me to a romantic dinner but got totally wasted beforehand. Before we even stepped foot in the restaurant, he demanded I drive him back to my place. I wound up all dressed up, sitting on my couch, eating cereal while my date snoozed away in my bed. Hot.” —Kimberly C., 30

4. “While we were hooking up in his car, he got a phone call from his mom. He picked it up while I was on top of him!” —Lani F., 20

5. “On a date, he told me that he wanted to get me pregnant to trap me. I think it was his way of saying I’m a catch? Obviously, we were done.” —Nicole G., 27

6. “I got up to use the restroom after finishing only about a quarter of my drink. When I got back, he’d finished the whole thing without asking. Rude!” —Laura M., 24

7. “He brought his dad along on our date so his dad could ‘check me out.’ I never spoke to him again.” —Amanda W., 25

8. “After I brought him back to my apartment, he goes, ‘I want a place like this, one that looks shitty on the outside but nice on the inside, so no one will want to break in.’ Um, thanks?” —Jessica L., 20

Buzz Feed and Reddit
The Internet can let you down in so many ways. Bad Date Stories is not one of them.
My favorites from :
BuzzFeed
Reddit
StyleCaster
And
Insider

The Woman Who Disappeared
While maybe not a bad ex story (maybe he got his?), I can’t stop thinking about this story:
I came over to his house one morning to surprise him with breakfast and a video game he wanted, only to find him naked, asleep, and with his ex curled up in his arms.

He didn’t hear me come in, so I closed his bedroom door, and left his breakfast and game on the kitchen counter along with my key to his house.

I went to my car, deactivated my Facebook, and blocked him on all other forms of social media. I then called my phone provider to change my number before driving off.

I texted family members and close friends that we were no longer together and to block him on social media, as well. I didn’t tell them why.

I was in a position to end the lease at my apartment early, and I started a new job in a different city later that week.

I completely removed myself from him and didn’t offer a shred of explanation or opportunity for dialogue. I disappeared from his life after his betrayal and I think it’ll not only help me to focus on myself without his presence, but I think completely shutting myself off from him will hurt worse than anything when he thinks on how good he had it with me these last 5 years.

What do you think?

Wishing us all a week of not horrible dates and amazing shoes!
XO RA

Ex Files: Awkward Dates

It’s that time of the month! I share my personal dating stories (and sometimes those of my friends)! Some are awful, some are funny, but I hope you enjoy them all. This month I’ve found myself being a little bit of a voyeur- several times on Twitter there have been threads of people sharing their bad date stories, and I’m captivated by them all. Maybe it’s commraderie or the part of me that just loves a good (bad) story, I can lose hours just by scrolling through these threads and reading about all the bad dates! So this month, I’ve rounded up some of my faves (they either reminded me of bad dates of my own, or made me cringe or laugh!) Some one prompted us: what was your most awkward date? These are my faves!

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates

I don’t think you can out awkward a Neo-Nazi. But people tried!

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
I hope she chose her mom!

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
Famous people have bad dates too? Always trust your gut?

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
This has happened to me too. Are these men color blind? Surely you would notice that you have someone’s eye color wrong.

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
Investment Piece: Awkward Dats
Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
My take away? He seems lovely. She seems……not.

These both made me cringe for various reasons:
Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
Investment Piece: awkward dates

And if I noticed this it would creep me out:
Investment Piece: Awkward Dates

Lastly, this is the best kind of awkward date and what I aspire to be:
Investment Piece: awkward dates

I would love to know: what is the most awkward date you’ve been on? How did you handle it?

Have a dating horror story you’d love to share? Email me at racheladelicia@investmentpiece.com and let’s chat about featuring you on ex-files!
Xo RA

Ex Files: Dudes and Nudes

Investment Piece: Ex Files

It’s my monthly dating horror stories, my attempt at being Carrie Bradshaw, and hopefully a bit of cathartic release for us all. If you’re in the mood to really suffer I recommend My ex’s Friend, Dumped Before an Event, and The One Who Asked For His Money Back. You can also search Ex Files in the search bar. A friend of mine let me know that he spent a day reading all of these back to back- and that it was funny and horrifying! Of course, all names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. Be careful out there!

Xo RA

Dudes and Nudes

If you are a woman in any capacity online you’ve gotten pictures that you didn’t ask for, or want. Why men send these I have no clue! If she wants a picture, I promise she’ll tell you.

I’ve gotten pictures from men I don’t know, men I do know, men who have gotten very angry when I asked them not to send said nudes to me.

A friend of one of my exes was persistent in sending me a picture of him in bed- luckily everything was covered but the picture was awful. It looked like he was in some bad motel where people had been murdered in the 1970s-when I showed the picture to a friend of mine she commented that it was made more awful in that he thought I had style so he wanted to show me his style. Unsolicited pictures are bad, unsolicited pictures that make you look like a serial killer are BAD. Worse? He was sending this picture to every woman he knew. Worst? When confronted by me or others, and asked not to send these pictures, the dude would get defensive and threatening. He let me know that he did business with my ex and could find out my address, he threatened other women who complained about his unsolicited pictures that he could harm them.
And the pictures weren’t even good!

I had a friend who had a man who would send her an unsolicited nude each morning. She ignored him. Till he sent her a calendar he had printed of his nudes. To which she responded in laughter. Probably not the response he was hoping for!

Every woman you know has a story about a man who has sent her pictures she didn’t want. It can be horrifying to open messages and get things you didn’t ask for- and difficult to know how to respond.

I have a friend who rates the pictures she receives – from composition to lighting to all the things. The men who send her unsolicited pictures don’t seem to appreciate her unsolicited rating of them. I have a girlfriend who just blocks. One who researches and will forward the nudes to the sender’s mother or wife/girlfriend.

There is no right or wrong way to respond- I’m not a believer that you have to be nice! And until we have a way to make these unsolicited nudes stop, I’m all for whatever way works for you!

Wishing us all a week free of unsolicited nudes and amazing shoes! XO RA

Ex Files: Dumped before an Event

Investment Piece: Ex Files

It’s that time of the month! Dating horror stories, what went wrong stories, he’s the jerk stories, my lame attempt at pulling a Carrie Bradshaw- call it what you like, but I hope you enjoy! Search Ex Files in the search bar, but don’t read them all in one sitting-it’s not good for your heart! Xo RA

Dumped before an Event

I met Brian at a spin class. I love spin classes. He loved this spin class. One class we happened to ride by each other, and that became a thing. That thing led to coffees after class, which led to lunches, which led to an afternoon date that lasted till late night. It was perfect.
Brian didn’t seem like any guy I had dated before- but he was cool. Listened to the “right” music, we had tons in common, and like me, he was introverted. He seemed kind.

Right after our first “date” I had to leave for an extended work trip. I assumed, rightly or wrongly, that he and I would fizzle out. However, Brian texted me all day, every day while I was gone. I knew what he was listening to, what he was drinking, that he was thinking about me all the time. I got flowers (on the road), and cards. It would come as a surprise to no one that I returned thinking that Brian and I were a thing. And he seemed to think the same way.

The minute I landed- more flowers, more texts, more calls, more plans. We spent a week spinning together, eating together, and spending a ton of time together. While looking back, it was clearing love bombing, at the time, it just felt nice. I really believed in what we had going on.

So, when an event came up for a charity I volunteer for, I was happy to tell Brian about it. He was into it. Told me he would love to go, asked what he should wear, what kind of flowers he should get me, etc.
It meant a lot to me- it wasn’t a gala, but it was an event. One of those where you have to give your dates name and there’s a list at the door and it’s a DEAL. I was excited to bring someone, I was excited to how off Brian, I really believed in what we had- or what I thought we had.

The morning of the event, Brian and I had plans to spin together- which we did. But he was off, wouldn’t say hi, wouldn’t look at me. I could feel something was wrong, but in a dark room, on a bike, there’s not a lot of time for conversation. He left the gym right after class,and I thought maybe he has a bad day but it would work itself out. We were supposed to meet at 5:30 to go to my event. He called me 5 to let me know that he wasn’t coming, that he didn’t think of me as anything other than a friend, and that he thought I might be getting the wrong idea about his intentions. When I told him I thought I was only responding to what I thought he was putting out (no friend has texted me that much, send me flowers, told me that they wanted to be with me, etc) and that I was embarrassed that he was backing out of an event that I had to give his name to, with no time to replace him- he called me stupid and let me know that I was leading myself on.

I’m not going to lie- it sucked. I somehow pulled it together (girlfriends are the best) and went to my event and it was ok. I would love to tell you that it was the last time I spoke to Brian, but he texted me a few months later hoping I wouldn’t hold a grudge, that he was wrong to treat me so rudely, and he hoped I could give him another chance. I never responded. I couldn’t take the chance that I would put his name on another list that he would skip out on.

What happened to Brian? I wouldn’t know- but I will say, I hope he got left off some lists!

Have you ever been dumped right before an event? How did you bounce back?
Xo RA

Ex Files: Retrogrades

Investment Piece: Retrogrades

Dating can be its own genre of horror,and these stories prove it! From The One Who Wanted his Money Back to My Ex’s Friends to (sadly) many more (you can take a dive through my love life by searching ex files in the search bar!). This is part attempt to Carrie Bradshaw my love life, part commiserate, part entertain! I hope you enjoy! Xo RA

Retrogrades

If you’re not an astrology girl (I am!) you may not be aware, but Mercury (planet of communication and travel) went retrograde yesterday. During this time (to 2/20) we can expect delays, miscommunication, and you might be warned against signing contracts, etc. (Though Retrogrades aren’t completely bad! They are a great time to reflect!) Another thing that Retrogrades are known for? Having exes pop back up! For me, it’s already started.

I met Neil through a friend about 4 years ago. He was nice enough, but for me there was no spark. Our first “date”, which wasn’t really a date, he met me for a quick coffee on his lunch break while I was writing in a coffee shop. Neil mainly let me know that he was really important, and sat by me answering work emails. For some reason, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and meet him for drinks about a week later.

Neil was nice. But we didn’t click at all. Our drink date consisted of both of us trying to tell stories or make jokes, and the other person not getting it. Chemistry is hard to find when you’re having to over explain everything you’re saying. After that date, I knew that Neil and I were not meant to be.

I let him down gently, and I thought he understood. However, his response was to ask me to dinner. I declined. He asked me to go camping (I know- weird and if you know me well, I’m more glam-per than camper). I declined. He asked me to go for a night hike. Again, I declined.

Finally, I thought that Neil had taken the hint- he stopped asking me out, I had moved on and thought he had.

Till this week. Neil has been calling me every night. I never answer (I don’t think we have anything to say). He never leaves a message. It’s not bad necessarily- he wasn’t a huge asshole, and I truly wish him well– I just have no desire to have to explain everything I say. I’m not sure what Neil is wanting to happen, but it’s made me giggle every night that he’s calling.

What about you? Has anyone from your past popped up? Let’s be clear- there are some exes I wouldn’t mind hearing from, but I hoping Neil retrogrades soon!

Here’s to the right exes reaching out and the others staying gone! Xo RA

Ex Files: Holiday Edition

Investment Piece: Sunday Chronicles

I’ve never had the pleasure (or horror) of having a break-up happen at the holidays. Being sad over an ex? Sure. But the actual breakup?

(This may not be a sign of anything other than the guys I’ve dated knew they wanted out way before there might have been holiday expectations!)

But, as we’re coming off a holiday weekend (happy thanksgiving, if you’re not stateside and this was just a weekend- happy weekend!) and we may all be in need of some entertainment. So, I’ve rounded up these holiday breakup stories! Let’s laugh, and be extra kind out there- you never know what someone is going through!

Holiday Breakups that are neither Merry nor Bright

I got dumped at Christmas

And

Ridculous Breakups

Maybe this holiday wasn’t what you wanted, maybe there was burnt food or not enough pie. Maybe your fave thing sold out at the Black Friday sales. But I bet you didn’t get dumped. So we have one thing to be thankful for (or maybe a great story to tell!)

Wishing us all a week of gratitude and amazing shoes!
Xo RA

Ex Files: The Haunting

Investment Piece: Ex Files: The Haunting

We’re back!! That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar). And because it’s almost Halloween, and nothing’s scarier than dating gone wrong, we’re chatting about Haunting!

We all have an ex that won’t die. There’s a reason they call it “I miss you season”; every once in a while, an ex who’s been gone makes their reappearance. Then trick can be deciding if you should give them a second chance or not! Here are just a few of my stories of exes that came back to Haunt me!

What’s up, love?
Mario went on 2 dates over a few weeks. It was clear from the beginning that neither of us were really looking for anything serious. He was lovely–but there was no click. So when things fizzled out, I thought nothing of it. However, like clockwork, every 2 months I get a text. Everything from “what’s up, love?” to “I miss you”. At first, I thought these were a little sweet. But, as this trend has continued, it’s become annoying. We didn’t really have anything. And no matter what he’s coming back for, it’s not here.

The One I Haven’t Met
There’s always that group text you can’t really get out of’ mine involves people from college. And in the group, I don’t know everyone–but everyone is friend’s of someone I do, so I thought nothing of Dave began occasionally texting me outside of the group, it was mainly about our college team, and it was fun. However, over time, it was clear that he thought there was a connection above football. I gently let him know that I was seeing someone, and wasn’t interested. Dave was lovely and we went back to being “group text” friends. Yet, at least once a month I get sent a random meme/thought/suggestion we get together.

U Up?
Raise your hand if you’ve been haunted by an ex. We all have. From the “I miss you” text to the un-orginal “U Up?”, there’s always a feeling when someone is about to reappear. (Apparently the kids now call it “Zombie-ing”) These pop-ups can be pleasant, or down right scary (depending on the ex). I have a friend who has a theory, they all come back. And most of the time, she’s right.

So, I would love to know : who’s an ex that’s haunted you?

Wishing us all a haunting free week and amazing shoes! XO RA