Ex Files: The One Who Stole a Dog

Investment Piece: The One Who Stole a Dog

It’s my monthly dating horror stories, my attempt at being Carrie Bradshaw, and hopefully a bit of cathartic release for us all. If you’re in the mood to really suffer I recommend My ex’s Friend, Dumped Before an Event, and The One Who Asked For His Money Back. You can also search Ex Files in the search bar. A friend of mine let me know that he spent a day reading all of these back to back- and that it was funny and horrifying! Of course, all names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. Be careful out there!


The One Who Stole a Dog

Note: this happened to a friend of mine, it’s not my story. Turns out I’m a cat person! This is told with her permission but details changed to protect everyone involved (yes, he’s famous which makes it even funnier. I can’t tell you who it is, but I can tell you if he wanted a dog he could get a dog!)

Stephanie met Jeff online, and clicked right away. From hobbies to sense of humor they seemed to be meant for each other, at least for a few months. Slowly, things began to be not as shiny as they seemed. Stephanie was obessed with her dog, a mini terrier, and Jeff had begun to let it come out that he was not as big a dog fan as he originally let on. As it also turned out, Jeff was not as successful and liquid as he led Stephanie to believe. And while that wasn’t a “problem”, Stepahnie was beginning to resent being asked out to drinks and meals with his friends so that she could foot the bill.

Things came to a head when Stephanie asked Jeff to watch her beloved dog while she attended a work event. The plan was for Stephanie to leave her beloved dog at Jeff’s one afternoon, attend her work event, and return late at night. She would then spend the night with Jeff, and she and pup would go home in the morning. Of course things went perfectly till they didn’t. Stephanie’s event went late, she ended up getting a hotel room as the drive to Jeff’s was over an hour. Jeff got upset and threatened to break up via text for not “putting him first”. Stephanie asked to table things till the morning when she would come get her dog.

The next morning, when she arrived, Jeff told Stephanie that he didn’t have the dog- that Stephanie’s assistant had already picked up the dog. Yet, when Stephanie called her assistant, her assistant didn’t have the dog. Then Jeff wouldn’t let her back in his house. Then, Stephanie’s sister sent her a picture of Jeff on a dating app posed with Stephanie’s dog, claiming the dog as his own. The pictures were also on Facebook captioned “Look at my new dog!”

Stephanie banged on the door to no avail. Then she got her lawyer on the phone, put him on speaker and refused to leave Jeff’s property till she got her dog back. Which she finally did, after TWO HOURS!

Needless to say, the break up stuck and hopefully no one has trusted Jeff to watch their pets since!

Moral of the story? Don’t leave your pets without a contract?


Ex Files: The Shoes

Investment Piece: Ex Files

It’s that time of the month when I attempt to be Carrie Bradshaw, aka my own personal dating horror stories. If this speaks to you (or you just love the drama!) you can search ex files over in the search box for more, or may I suggest The BreakUp Text, Dudes and Nudes, The One Who Got Married. This month is a doozy- and sadly I didn’t break up with the dude over this (in my defense I was 23), but without further ado may I present The One Who Lied About a Party. Got Dating Horror Stories? I would love to hear them! Maybe we can even chat about you being featured! Xoxo RA

The Shoes

It should come as no surprise to anyone that I have a thing for shoes. And it’s not that I expect anyone I date to feel the way I do about shoes, or buy me any, but I do want my feelings and passions to be respected. So, when I started dating Ray I thought we might be a perfect fit. Not only did he seem to love that I love shoes, he would get excited about them with me. I had been saving for years-literally 2 years- to be able to afford Valentino Rockstuds. Ray and I didn’t live in the same city, and I thought (because of the love of shoes) that it would be fun for Ray to go with me to buy the Rockstuds.

I know, I know- but it was the first time I was really in a place to save up and buy myself something luxe I wanted. Rockstuds were such a staple, I thought getting them would announce that I was a “real” fashion woman. Even through everything, including this story, they still mean a lot to me, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get rid of them.

Ray was on board and we went to the Valentino store. I was so excited I was bouncing up and down like a 5yo on Christmas. This is where the story gets a bit sad. Instead of being supportive and happy for me, Ray began to cut me down a bit and put a damper on what, to me, was a big deal. I had wanted the kitten heel in the nude- Ray told me I was dumb not to get the higher heel as it was sexier. Did I mention I was like a kid on Christmas morning? Ray told me that I was embarrassing and I was acting “low class”. Did I mention that I had saved for 2 years to be able to afford these shoes? Ray told me that it was ridiculous for me to save for them and for shoes to matter to me. After I paid, he let me know that he should have bought them- I told him that he could buy me the higher heel. Ray told me that was gold digging and completely unattractive.

Buying these shoes meant something to me, and I wanted the purchase to be fun. Instead, I felt like nothing I did was right, I felt critized for being who I am, and I saw a side of Ray that I didn’t like. Needless to say, things with Ray didn’t work out. As I mentioned, I still have the shoes.

Perhaps today is a good day to put them on and remind myself that good shoes are worth it (and so am I!).


Ex Files : Holiday Break Ups

a woman sitting on peppermints in a black pant, with a black dress over, with a white collar and green heeled loafers

It’s that time of year.
The Holiday Season.
Cuffing Season.
Breakup Season.

While I have way too many break-up and bad dating stories (see my usual spiel and favorite links here: It’s ex-files, where we stop chatting fashion for just a minute and talk dating horror stories. An attempt to be like Carrie Bradshaw? Sure. But let’s be honest, dating horror stories are both horrifying and funny. Names may have been changed to protect identities, some details moved about. Hungry for more? Try: Tinder on an Airplane, Jumping to Conclusions, and The One Who Asked for his Money Back. There are quite a few more when you search “ex files” in the search tab!” Also if you want to be written warmly about- behave better!

So Because we’re heading into the season of both awful breakups and coupling, I’ve rounded up my favorite breakup and make up stories for you!

target=”_Blank”> 8Holiday Stories that are Neither Merry nor Bright

6 of the worst Christmas Breakup Stories EVER

On How to be Single Right now Tis the Season to be Single

here and here

I know that this upcoming week is a stressful one between travel, family, and the holiday. It also is the “official” holiday season start” with comes with its own pressure and stresses. Going through a break up, getting cuffed, dealing with family, being alone- for all and any of it I wish that it is both easy and a bit joyful!

Happy Holiday Week! XO RA

Ex Files: The Haunting

Investment Piece: Ex Files: The Haunting

We’re back!! That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar). And because it’s almost Halloween, and nothing’s scarier than dating gone wrong, we’re chatting about Haunting!

We all have an ex that won’t die. There’s a reason they call it “I miss you season”; every once in a while, an ex who’s been gone makes their reappearance. Then trick can be deciding if you should give them a second chance or not! Here are just a few of my stories of exes that came back to Haunt me!

What’s up, love?
Mario went on 2 dates over a few weeks. It was clear from the beginning that neither of us were really looking for anything serious. He was lovely–but there was no click. So when things fizzled out, I thought nothing of it. However, like clockwork, every 2 months I get a text. Everything from “what’s up, love?” to “I miss you”. At first, I thought these were a little sweet. But, as this trend has continued, it’s become annoying. We didn’t really have anything. And no matter what he’s coming back for, it’s not here.

The One I Haven’t Met
There’s always that group text you can’t really get out of’ mine involves people from college. And in the group, I don’t know everyone–but everyone is friend’s of someone I do, so I thought nothing of Dave began occasionally texting me outside of the group, it was mainly about our college team, and it was fun. However, over time, it was clear that he thought there was a connection above football. I gently let him know that I was seeing someone, and wasn’t interested. Dave was lovely and we went back to being “group text” friends. Yet, at least once a month I get sent a random meme/thought/suggestion we get together.

U Up?
Raise your hand if you’ve been haunted by an ex. We all have. From the “I miss you” text to the un-orginal “U Up?”, there’s always a feeling when someone is about to reappear. (Apparently the kids now call it “Zombie-ing”) These pop-ups can be pleasant, or down right scary (depending on the ex). I have a friend who has a theory, they all come back. And most of the time, she’s right.

So, I would love to know : who’s an ex that’s haunted you?

Wishing us all a haunting free week and amazing shoes! XO RA

Ex Files: The One Who Argued about Football

a purple TCU flag flies on a patio with hanging crystals, sliding door and wooden fence

It’s ex-files, where we stop chatting fashion for just a minute and talk dating horror stories. An attempt to be like Carrie Bradshaw? Sure. But let’s be honest, dating horror stories are both horrifying and funny. Names may have been changed to protect identities, some details moved about. Hungry for more? Try: Tinder on an Airplane, Jumping to Conclusions, and The One Who Asked for his Money Back. There are quite a few more when you search “ex files” in the search tab!” Also if you want to be written warmly about- behave better! xo RA

Without further ado I bring you:
The One Who Argued About Football

We know that I love football (my feelings on football are ever fluid, aka mainly I’m mad about some coaching changes, and as my schedule changes I can no longer prioritize football, or use it as time alone, but that’s a convo for another post). Yet, I was raised on football, know football, and do love it. And so when that is recognized- I LOVE it.

A few years ago (or more, my sense of time is so off lately!), I got a message from one of the best football coaches of all time (and the head coach of my alma mater at the time. Yes, you probably know but as I didn’t ask for his permission to use his name, we’re protecting him!) sent me a message stating “It’s nice to see someone who knows so much about football”. As you can only imagine, this message made my day, month, year, and if at one point you heard a happy yelp that might have been me!

So, you can also imagine my defeat when my boyfriend at the time, when told about the BEST message ever was blasé. In fact, I think his exact words were “It’s not a compliment”. Note- it was a compliment. And -at least to me- it was a big deal. Yet, never wanting to rock the boat, I didn’t argue at the time.

However, a few weeks (maybe months) later, a football fight happened. We rooted for different pro teams (which can work, as long as there’s respect). But. There was a call in the game that this ex and I had different views on. He said:” You need to calm down, it’s not like you get football.”

And when I tell you I was mad. When I tell you how I hated that comment. When I tell you the joy I felt when I got to say : “Oh Really?!? According to (redacted hall of fame coach) I do get football. And I think he knows more than you!”

This was not the fight that broke us up. But I won’t lie and tell you that someone I was in an relationship to essentially poo-poo my knowledge and interests didn’t influence the rest of our relationships. I don’t think that we have to agree on everything, but I do think us thinking highly of our partners- and all of their interests is key.

Has there ever been a fight that changed how you saw partner? I would LOVE to hear about it!

Ex-Files: The One Who Commented on my Weight

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

Loves! It’s that time of month again: I dish out stories from the front lines of dating and you grab your popcorn! Need more check this one and this one out!

With no further ado I give you:

The One Who Commented on my Weight

There isn’t one among us who hasn’t put their foot in their mouth at some point; I know that I’m guilty of that sin. However, there are times when you put your foot in your mouth, and times when you choke on it.

I met Ben at an audition. (Yes, in the running for one of the most LA things I’ve ever written). He was charming, funny, and your average LA Actor type. We exchanged numbers and decided to meet for dinner the next week after work. Nice. Normal. Nothing to be over dramatic about.

Before our date there were the usual texts, just enough to give you hope for the evening of; the only issue with hope is that it can be dashed. Now, let’s be clear, the date wasn’t completely horrid (and to this day I don’t think he meant to be malicious). We went to an improv show and laughed. We went to dinner, and things got awkward.

Dinner with actor types is always a minefield, between shoots, cleanses, and general pickiness, you never know what food issues the person you’re with has. It can be a comedy of errors or a night of horrors. The general rule of thumb though is you handle it with grace and humor, and then you can go back to your friends and complain about them. So, I thought nothing of ordering my meal with double veggies instead of carbs (it’s just what I do). However, in retrospect the carbs would have been easier to deal with.

Without waiting for an opening, Ben decided to comment on my order. He also choose to let me know that I “should try working out to control my weight problem”. Yep, that’s the quote. I don’t believe that one’s weight, workout regime, or food order are anything to comment on (unless you want to go to spin class with a person or some of their fries). Now, years later I’m still not sure what the appropriate response to this comment is (was). Ask for tips? Mention that I have it under control? Admonish anyone for thinking that weight control is an appropriate place to start?

Ben, however, took my silence as eagerness for information. The next 45 mins were spent with Ben giving me all sorts of workouts I could do. He recommended running (so I could lean out), lifting (so my arms could look great), and playing basketball (because he enjoyed it). I may have been silent but I sat there giving Ben the death stare, sighing, and grabbing my knife tightly. Ben might be a funny actor, he wasn’t the best at picking up social cues.

After dinner, we went our seperate ways. I hear from Ben occasionally (one time he even complimented my legs). I don’t wish him ill, and (again) I truly don’t think that he was trying to be mean. However, the comment and the lecture on working out was a bit much for me (side note: my day job at the time was Spin Instructor, he knew that).

How would you have handled that?


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Ex Files: The High School “Friend”

Marlin Monroe accepts a drink from a man while sitting next to Sammy Davis Jr. Text: I love You. Thanks

In my attempt to not only be Carrie Bradshaw, but entertain us all with the horror stories that can make up single life it’s Ex Files! Every month you get a look at some (real) bad dates that I have endured, and lived to tell the tale. Names and some facts have been changed to protect people, but I own the stories!

Need more horror in your life? Check out: The One Who Wanted His Money Back, The One Who Got Married, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, The One Who Commented on my Weight. And if you aren’t scared stiff, the search tab has even more stories for your dating horror pleasure.

This month we have : The High School “Friend”

Because sometimes dating horror stories come from those you never even dated, like your high school “friends”. Jon and I knew each other in high school, we had friend circles and activities that overlapped, we went to the same church, our moms were friends. But I never would have considered him a friend. He wasn’t NOT a friend, and wasn’t an enemy, but I (for the life of me) can’t recall any one on one time or conversation with Jon. We were friendly. And I didn’t hate him. But to this day I can only remember the bare minimum about Jon (and most of that is because of Facebook and my mom).

Again, it’s not that we weren’t friends, but Jon and I were never close or personal friends; it was more that Jon was in circles I sometimes ran with.

So, as it goes, Jon and I graduated from high school and went off to college. (Fun fact, I can’t even remember where he went!). We would see each other over the years when each of us come back home, on summers home from college and vacation as we became adults with jobs. (Again, I think Jon works in Tech but I am not sure!). As we got older what began to creep me out about Jon were the comments he would make to me about my body.

I wasn’t fat in high school, but I was much more chubby than I am now and didn’t have a lot of confidence. I always had a sense of style, but college and being out in LA really let me grow into myself (I’m sure I’m not the only one with some issues from high school and a less than Disney experience). As I found workouts and diets, style and confidence that really let me shine, Jon would always compliment me. Which is nice. But we all know that compliments are one thing and a guy leering at you and saying “WOW. You look SO Good” and almost licking his lips are two different things. (In a moment of petty, let me say the years haven’t been as kind to Jon, and while he would love to tell you how much smarter he is than you are, Jon is not my type. At all. In a kindness way especially.) Understandably, Jon became someone I never sought out while I was home.

Which worked out! Jon married someone he met on an internship, they have 3 kids, and from Facebook look suburban happy! For the past few years, I haven’t really interacted with Jon at all, even on Social Media.

So, imagine my surprise when I got a DM from Jon recently. When I first saw his name I assumed it would be about the “unofficial” class reunion he was helping to plan. I was mistaken. Jon was messaging me to let me know that he had planned to go to a concert in my town and was expecting to sleep on my couch. Yes, that’s right, someone I had never been close to or spoken with in years was thinking that I (in his words) “owed” him a place to stay for a concert and he was “looking forward to catching up”. For many reasons, including that my couch is unavailable, I let him know that I wouldn’t be able to host him and that he was on his own for a room to stay in at the out of town concert he had planned for himself.

Surprisingly to no one, once I let Jon know that I couldn’t accommodate him, he got very angry. Jon let me know that he always liked me (yes, he’s still married), and that I should be a better friend to him after all we’ve been through (I think these Dms are our first real one on one convo). Even my mom, who I related the whole thing to, was appalled by Jon’s behavior. In my mom’s words: “Why would a married man assume that an attractive single woman he has no connection to would go out of her way to let him stay alone at her apartment?” Good question Mom. In fact, regardless of Jon’s intentions, I was incredibly creeped out by his behavior. I stopped responding to his messages, once he let me know how mad we was at me. Did he get a place to stay? Sounds like a Jon problem to me!

Have you ever had a casual acquaintance all of the sudden think that you owe them? Isn’t it the worst!?


Ex Files: The One who was VERY IMPORTANT

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

In my attempt to not only be Carrie Bradshaw, but entertain us all with the horror stories that can make up single life it’s Ex Files! Every month you get a look at some (real) bad dates that I have endured, and lived to tell the tale. Names and some facts have been changed to protect people, but I own the stories!

Need more horror in your life? Check out: The One Who Wanted His Money Back, The One Who Got Married, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, The One Who Commented on my Weight. And if you aren’t scared stiff, the search tab has even more stories for your dating horror pleasure.

But this month I give you: The One who was VERY IMPORTANT

Some dates end up being horror stories because of the behavior after the date. Some dates are horror stories because of the behavior on the date. This story that combines both types of horrors. And while I maybe should have seen it coming, I was fooled into thinking it could be a great date. The issue? The way to my heart is my shoes. That can’t be a surprise. So when I met George at the supermarket and he complimented my shoes, I couldn’t see anything else. (And they were amazing shoes.)

After flirting and waiting for our juices together in line, I had learned that George was a doctor and a lover of the outdoors. We made plans to get brunch and go paddle boarding on Saturday. I was excited, I was slightly new to town, a fan of paddle boarding, and a man who sees my shoes always seems like a great idea.

Maybe I should wait to see if men can see more than my shoes?

The Saturday George and I were set to meet I prepared-my hair was cute, I was excited. He was over an hour late.
Mind you, he did call and let me know he was having car problems. At first, he thought he would only be 10 mins late. Then it was 30. Then he let me know that I should go ahead and eat without him, that we would meet up for paddle boarding. So I did.
George finally arrived, not prepared, and nonplussed that he was so very late. We headed over to his apartment (across the street) so he could change into his board shorts and we could get to the water.
While I understand car issues, and everyone is late now again, my biggest disappointment was that the charming man I’d met at the grocery store didn’t show up. This George was annoyed at every little thing, from my hair to the traffic, but as we chatted about the plan for the afternoon I discovered that George was most annoyed with my not making him the sole focus of my day.

When I had made plans with George, I thought I was clear that I was free all Saturday till about 3:30 or 4, as I was having dinner with my Grandma. George has orginally thought that was sweet. However, after being so late, George no longer thought the fact that I couldn’t devote my entire day to him was sweet. He was upset that he “wouldn’t have as much time on the water as he wanted”. And he was most upset as “he had a friend going out on a boat, there were going to be hot girls there, and he wanted us to join, but we wouldn’t be done in time”.

Yes, he legit complained that he was going to miss out on hot girls on a boat. And I let George know that if he really wanted to go on the boat that he should, there would be no hard feelings from me. He didn’t leave, but was very upset that he was missing out. I should have left then, but I didn’t.

We went paddle boarding and it wasn’t bad. I did get yelled at for not “being as good” as George was. And George did let me know more than once that he was upset that my bikini wasn’t skimpy, and that I had a time limit. But the date wasn’t the worst ever. I had no intention of a second date, but still.

George and I finished paddle boarding and I made it to dinner with Grandma on time. A few days after, I received a text from George inquiring about a second date. But, he had a caveat.

As it turns out, George let me know that he is VERY IMPORTANT and when he makes plans with someone, he expects them to respect his time and be free for the whole day. He let me know that if I couldn’t commit to that, we shouldn’t go out again.

We didn’t go out again.

Also, if you’re so important that you need people to clear their schedules for you, maybe that’s something you should pay for?

Wishing us all a week of being important and amazing shoes! And great dates!

Ex Files: My Ex’s Friend

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

And we’re back. That’s right it’s Ex Files, dating horror stories, my final attempt to live my life a la Carrie Bradshaw. (And let’s not pretend horror only lives in fiction. Some of my ex files: The Ghosting, Tinder on an Airplane, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, and of course The One Who Asked for his Money Back. More can be found under “Ex Files” in the search bar). Hopefully this makes you laugh (and feel better about your own dating life). Names and some unimportant facts have been changed to protect people; but the moral of the story is that if you want people to write warmly about you, you should probably behave better.

My Ex’s Friend

We all, usually, have some sort of policy about dating a friend’s ex. While I think there may be an exception or two, I’m of the camp that you don’t do it. It can be so messy and so hurtful that I don’t think it’s worth it. Even more messy and uncomfortable for me? The friend of my ex who wouldn’t take no for an answer.

When I began dating Steve it was magical-with a cute rom-com meet-cute to match. Steve was everything I wasn’t used to, kind, caring, and open, and I was thrilled when he wanted me to meet friends just a month into our relationship. What I didn’t know at the time is that Steve’s friend Wayne had asked Steve about me, Steve had told him our story and showed him my picture Wayne replied “She’s hot, she should date me”.

A little gross, right? It gets grosser.

Steve told me this little story on our way to a party where Wayne, and a bunch of mutual friends were going to be. He seemed understanding when I said that made me a bit uncomfortable (who says that to a friend!) but Steve reassured me Wayne was all talk and would respect our relationship. We can debate the meaning of respect, but Wayne didn’t do it. When Steve and I walked into the party, and I was introduced around, Wayne grabbed me, hugged me hard, and wouldn’t leave our side the entire night. Every time I moved, Wayne was there, chatting me up, letting me know how successful and wonderful he is, and making moves to always have his hand on my back. I was hugely uncomfortable, but felt like I had to be nice. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to be nice to a creep.

I was finally able get Steve alone and let him know that we had to go. And his friend was a jerk. Steve was horrified and got me out of the party ASAP, letting me know that we didn’t ever have to hang out with Wayne again.

And we didn’t. Many months later Steve and I parted ways (ironically while we both made mistakes, I have nothing horrible to say about Steve!), I ran into Wayne at a different friend’s party. The behavior was the same, only this time Wayne felt more empowered to hit on me, letting me know how now that I was “free” I should be his. I let him know I wasn’t interested. Wayne wasn’t able to take the hint, he got my number from a friend and spent the next 3 weeks relentlessly pursuing me. I finally reached out to Steve to get him to get Wayne to stop. (I also blocked Wayne and let my close mutual friends know I never wanted to be at a party with Wayne again!)

Who knows? Maybe Wayne is still trying and I don’t know about it, or maybe he finally got the hint. I hope that he’s learned not to hit on his friend’s girlfriend and to take no for an answer. Is that asking too much?


Ex-Files: Coming on too Strong

Investment Piece: Ex Files

Loves! It’s time for our monthly dose of dating horror stories: The Ex-Files! In my ultimate attempt to become Carrie Bradshaw, and satisfy my friends’ need to hear my awful dating stories (and sadly, there are a lot), we give you: Ex Files, dating horror stories. Yes, these stories really happened, yes, names/dates/places have been changed to protect those involved, and yes, if you wanted to be remembered well, behave better. Missed last month’s gem? You can get your fix on here.
Happy Reading!! XO RA

The One(s) Who Came On Too Strong

I have a tiny confession. While planning and writing this horror story, I had a realization: there are people for whom I am the one who came on too strong. There are times when I have been the over-texted, the one who had a harder time letting go, the one who thought that perhaps there was something more. I like to think that I’m great at taking notes, and that when men have let me know that I’m a bit much that I can text less. (As an actress, I’m a great adjuster.) And as I cringed at some of my over-eagerness, and wanted to apologize (but let’s be honest, there’s no great way to do that), I promised that I wouldn’t judge a guy for doing the same to me; because even if it’s annoying, someone really wanting to chat or spend time with you is lovely. This story isn’t about that. This about when they go beyond that. Collected here are men who have gone above and beyond coming on strong, those who even when they were told flat out they were coming on too strong just kept going.

Hear me out: I think men can be creepier than women. Much creepier. And I as I get older, some of these men think that their creepiness is becoming. It’s not.

More than once, both I and girlfriends, have been on the receiving end of such great pick lines as “We should get married”, or “I want you to have my babies”. Someone told men that women like commitment and some men run with that. The catch? This commitment to commitment is creepy if you have only known the person 5 mins. When I don’t know your middle name and you suggest me taking your last name, the room starts feeling hot and I find it hard to breathe. I also lose interest in learning your middle name. One man, let’s call him Bob, used this tactic on our first date. Bob seemed nice, until half way through our lunch when we began mentioning how compatible we were and how marriage was on the table. I excused myself to use the restroom/have a panic attack/call a rescue. Bob seemed to think it was normal to spend 10 mins in the restroom and didn’t say a word about it, or the fact that I cut our date short. In subsequent texts, I let Bob know that he might be looking for more than I could offer; he proceeded to rant that women always think commitment first. Bob, dear, women who date you think that because you bring it up.

An offshoot of the men who bring of commitment right away, are the men who “we” and relationship you too early. The men who say “I miss you” after one night, who make lists of things “we” will do together after one coffee. Maybe they don’t mention commitment, but they act like your boyfriend, while you’re still trying to decide if they’re boyfriend material. My friend Stella encountered one of these gentlemen, we’ll call him Tim, a few years ago. They met online and after some great chats and one night drinking, Tim made the journey to his hometown for the Christmas holidays. Cue the “I miss you”, “I wish you were here”, and “We should do xyz when I get back” texts. I know, these can seem sweet, but when you don’t know someone, they are overwhelming. Tim got back to town, found out that Stella had coffee with a male friend, lost it on her for “cheating”, then spent a week sending weepy messages about them working it out. Sadly, for Tim, Stella didn’t appreciate him coming on so strong and Stella and Tim didn’t make it.

Ironically enough, the above behavior is the type that women get warned about: don’t mention commitment, don’t come on too strong, don’t let a man know that you think he’s your boyfriend till he says he is. So that men are acting this way is both fascinating and off putting. The lesson? Maybe we should let all relationships take their time? However, this last short tale in this series is beyond all that. One of the few times I know I have made a man cry, and still baffling to me.

I had known Eric for years, and while there was always a flirtation, nothing ever came of it. I didn’t think anything of it, having a flirt buddy is fun, but apparently Eric always thought that something would (was) happening. He would often mention that he was going to ask me out, but never did. Last Christmas, at the last minute Eric texted me, asking me to be his date to his company holiday dinner. Unfortunately, the date didn’t work for me and I had to decline. Eric took the news well and I forgot about it. Till a week later, when I got a weepy message from Eric about how all his work buddies would have their fiancées or wives their, and he was upset that his fiancé couldn’t make it. I genuinely thought he had called the wrong number; this was a man who I had never been on a date with, much less gotten engaged to. But alas, no, a conversation led to the revelation that Eric thought we had been dating the whole time, and thought we were getting married. Asking someone one by letting them know that you’re engaged (which only happened in your head) is not a way to get a girlfriend, as it turns out. This was beyond coming on strong, I still don’t know how to categorize it.

Men that I’ve texted too much, at least I didn’t try to involve you in wedding planning??