Tag: Sunday Chronicles

From girlhood I have had a complicated relationship with my hair, haven’t we all? Like it or not, women (and girls) get fed messages about their hair that affect how we see ourselves. Don’t believe me? Look at any princess movie or any doll, long, beautiful hair rules. We have stereotypes about hair color. There are documentaries about “Good Hair” (if you haven’t seen this film by Chris Rock, I highly recommend it, it’s a whole other level of hair drama that I can’t speak to, but I want to acknowledge). It’s “statement” for a woman to chose to have short hair. Hair is often our first attempt to change who we are or how we’re seen, and as something we deal with on a daily basis, can accepting our hair be a form of self acceptance?

I am a natural blonde (yes, it did get darker as I got older, and I now enhance it), and my hair, left to it’s own devices can range from curly to wavy. I kept it long as a kid, it’s been thick, it’s now fine, but I have a lot of it. And loves, my hair and I have fought, it may be what I’ve cried over most. When I was 10, I grew my hair to my waist, my grandma was my nanny, she hated long hair-she offered me $100 to cut it. I did cut it, I hated it, and then my mom wouldn’t let me accept the money. This may have set the tone for a complicated relationship. I started experimenting with color in college, I’ve been super blonde, brown, red, and mousy. I spent years paying to have my hair chemically straightened, fighting my curl every step of the way.

But loves, these experiments weren’t always fun. I worried about being perfect-the perfect shade, the perfect cut, the perfect style. I wanted (and maybe still want) my hair to be its best self, look natural, and yet control everything about it. This may be a great metaphor for my life. Yes, I try to control my hair, and I can freak out about it. Ladies, I know there are some of you who can cut, color, style with an ease and grace that I envy. You seem not to worry about the shade or cut, and I long to be like you. For me, just accepting my hair and trying not to white knuckle a hair appointment has been a journey.

About three years ago I was at a breaking point. I had been attempting to find a colorist and my hair was in a bad state- it was blonde, but had orange, green, and brown in it (from bad dye). I needed a cut badly, my last keratin had grown out, and my ends were a wreck. I was lucky enough to find two women, Colleen and Sulekha, who changed my hair (and my life), and have helped me on the way to accepting my own hair.

Saying I was nervous to start this journey is a severe understatement. Colleen wanted to layer my hair (I had awful visions of 90s hair) and she had to talk me into it, the first time she let my hair go really wavy I almost had a heart attack, I had all these “rules” about length (it had to go into a bun, which to be fair I still stick to). I was jumpy and though she claims I’m not a bad client, I’m sure I drove Colleen crazy. It took some hand holding, some styling, but loves, I now love my wavy hair, and I’m so grateful that Colleen showed me how to embrace it. And loves, the cut was a cakewalk compared to color. Have I mentioned that there was green and orange in my hair? That I want the “perfect, natural” shade of blonde? My colorist, Sulehka, not only had to retone and color correct my hair, she’s had to deal with me being anxious about shades, learning that quality of light can make your hair “seem” different”, to really work to earn my trust. I’m lucky she stayed with me. We’re at a point now where I can sit down and let her do her thing, which lucky for me is a natural-like shade of blonde that’s made some boyfriends believe that I don’t dye my hair.

I’m at a point where I love my hair, I’m embracing having wavy,blonde hair that I don’t really fix. I love my Juxatipositon of messy hair and couture, my hair feels a part of me now. There are still times I freak out, I want to control length, I see the color in reddish light and will worry about color for days on end’ but I’m learning to relax. I’m learning that my hair can be exactly what it is, and that’s ok. And I’m learning that accepting a part of me is so much easier than fighting it. AND that great hair really does make your life better!

So, loves, what are your hair woes? Can you let it go or do you control it? What do you think it says about us?

Wishing us all a week of amazing hair and amazing shoes! XO RA

If you want to give my miracle workers a try: Colleen can be found @cleencuts on Instagram, and Sulehka is at Sally Hershberger LA. Tell them Rachel sent you!

Loves, I am going to level with you. This is a shameless plug. I absolutely love what I do, this community we’re building, and sharing my love of fashion, etc with you. This is truly the best job I’ve ever had. However, running a small business isn’t always easy, there are costs and expenses. My goal is provide the highest quality site and fashion to you, and with this goal in mind I need your help. We (Investment Piece) is eligible for the FedEx Small Business Grant! Exciting, thrilling, and here’s where you come in! You vote for us! You can vote daily! Help me help you help me!

Your support, love, and vote are greatly appreciated! The link for the FedEx Small Business Grant vote can be found here

Thank you so much!

Wishing us all a week of grants and amazing shoes! XO RA

While in a spin class this week, my teacher (Pixie in LA at SoulCycle–she’s amazing, and that’s just one of my faves, I have them all over the country!) mentioned something that her yoga teacher said–about how we love to sit in our own dirty Bathwater. And loves, both teachers are right. The analogy was meant as a gentle reminder that we have a tendency to wallow in our stories, the bad things that happen to us, our reasons for not moving on; we all love to sit in bathwater. And while there is something amazingly comforting about sitting in bathwater, there comes a time when you have to get out.

By no means do I mean to imply that there aren’t times when wallowing isn’t needed; sometimes things are hard, it takes time to process and heal certain things. This is not about rushing yourself. This is not about forcing yourself before you’re ready. This is about not allowing yourself to sit in something that no longer serves you; be it a cycle, a relationship or job, or your bathwater. Knowing when it’s time to rinse off and move on can be hard, but when it is time, nothing feels as good.

This bathwater analogy hit home for you? It did for me. I know I have cycles to break, things I cling to, and am pretty great at sitting in things that no longer serve me. And while that is comfortable, it only hurts me. The thing is that sitting in the bathwater is tempting, we can tell ourselves that it’s good for us, that it’s cleansing. It can be. Baths are a great way to relax and bathe. However, there can be a fine line between relaxing and wallowing, washing and stewing. We can get caught up in the wallowing and stewing, thinking it’s relaxing and bathing, that we miss the part where we’re supposed to get out. In this analogy or real life, there’s always a time to get out of the tub; be it to go to bed, or to move on to the next adventure in life.

So, knowing what we know about bathwater, this might be a great week to ask ourselves: what are we really doing in the bath? Are we sitting in dirty bathwater? Is it time to rinse off and get out? What can let go of this week?

Wishing us all a week of rinsing off and amazing shoes! XO RA

We live in a world where FOMO (fear of missing out) is in the dictionary. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about it, but I know that it’s a real thing. We chatted Thursday about Festival Style, and I’m here at SXSW for the week. Between acting, fashion, LA, TX, festivals, film fests, parties, events, etc I always know of something going on, there are things I attend and have a great time at, things I skip, and times I get FOMO, worrying about all that I’m not doing. I get it. It seems like there is more and more to go to, and more and more to miss out on. But is it really missing out? And should we fear it?

I could go to an event every night, and there are times (like SXSW) when there are what seems like 12 events per night. There are times when I flat out can’t make every event, and times when I get sad about that. I don’t have answers about curing FOMO. I think it’s part of human nature to want to be in the know, to have fun, to want to be included (by our friends or society). In my 20s I tried to make every event, do all the things, be everywhere. I had some great times, but what happened most of the time was that I was tired. There are times when I still attempt to be at every little thing, and feel that pang when I don’t get an invite, or attend, what seems to be a great time. However, the older I get the more comfortable I am missing out–not that it’s great–but I know it isn’t the end of the world, and sometimes missing out leads to a great time. I’m by no means letting you know that I’ve cured FOMO, but I have developed some coping strategies.

One of the things about myself that I have learned to love as I have gotten older is that I’m an introvert. (If you know me in real life and are surprised: I’m outgoing, I love people, but I get my “recharge” from time alone). Needing time alone and purposely spending nights in sounds like a recipe for FOMO; however, my trick is to pick and choose wisely. I go to the events that I really want to. And I like my time alone, like watching movies, and reading. I recognize that my self care is an important part of my life; and trust that when I “miss out”, it’s not a loss as I’m enjoying what I’m doing. It’s about doing to do what really makes you happy that night, and being confident in that. Not to bury the lead here, but for me this really is the secret. I try to really spend my time in ways that I enjoy. This means I do different things each night. This can still mean I miss things, but if I’m enjoying myself at another event, or on my couch, is it really missing out? I still can over stretch myself, but I work hard not to; trust me, no one likes the me that goes and makes it to allll the events–she’s tired, has a people hangover, and isn’t fun.Respecting my need for balance, and choosing things I enjoy have really helped my FOMO.

However, with social media, it’s not hard to get FOMO at times. There are always pics and posts about the “greatest night ever” and it’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be a part of the action. I am very aware of the fact that what I’m about to say is “Mom” advice, but it works (go Mom!). Remember that we’re sharing our high lights on social media, and that “the best night ever” posts aren’t telling the whole story. No one posts about the long lines, crowds, spilled drinks, surge charges for Ride Shares, achey feet, and hangovers. So, yes, maybe people are out having fun with out you; but maybe people are also out not having fun without you. Not to sound like a broken record, but again, it’s only missing out if it’s something you really want to be doing. Even then, missing out for things like self care and other activities isn’t really missing out. Is it?

I don’t think FOMO is going anywhere, but I also know that the more I concentrate on filling my time with things I love to do, the less I worry about missing out. Maybe instead of worrying about FOMO, what if we embrace the ebb and flow? There are nights when you’re out and people are jealous of you balanced by the nights you’re home nursing FOMO. OR, let’s just say “forget about it” and spend time with people and activities that make us happy. This is where I admit that on Friday night I was in bed by 10–and I loved every minute of it.

What are your coping tips for FOMO? Do you get it, or do you have a cure for us?

Wishing us all a week of things that make us happy and amazing shoes! XO RA

Also–if you haven’t signed up for our newsletter please do (there’s a box on your left!) I have some exciting things happening and want you to be in the know!

Loves, it’s officially the week that we celebrate love, which is fantastic! I’m a big fan of love, in all its forms: self love, romantic love, friendship love, family love. Love is amazing and deserves to be celebrated. I have some thoughts on Valentine’s Day though (you can read them here and please click on the link to my friend’s article in that piece, it’s still a great read about this holiday). However, I’m not here to not Valentine’s, I’m here to talk about the love of your life. And this is the plot twist. What if you were the love of your life? Humor me. What if you talked to yourself like you do to a loved one? Treated yourself like you do a loved one? Protected and pampered yourself like you do a loved one? What would that look like?

I’m all for love. I really am. But often, when talking about love I feel like we leave out the self-love celebration. Self care can be hard (I wrote about that here), and that is important; but what is self love beyond that? Yes, let’s care for ourselves, but how exactly do we love ourselves? I hope that you have great friends, family and love life; but the one person who you can always count on is you. So how do we make ourselves the loves of our lives? I’m not 100% sure. However, I have some ideas.

Spend Time With You
Self dates, dates, alone time-whatever you want to call it, you need it. And not in the big way, though I see nothing wrong with taking yourself to a nice dinner, show, or museum; in fact, I recommend it. I’m talking about spending time with yourself. Get to know you, figure out what you really love, and what you don’t. Enjoy your own company: make yourself laugh, be there when you cry, treat yourself. You’ll see a ton of articles in the coming days about date night and how to treat that someone special. I say, take some time and treat yourself to the same things.

Learn to Say No to What Doesn’t Serve You

We’ve all had the friend who was dating or doing something that we knew was wrong for her; and sometimes we had to do the hard thing and let her know. You’re your friend, act like it. If there’s a relationship or job or activity that isn’t right for you, leave it. This can be easier said than done, and may take some time; but you deserve what’s best for you. Pro tip: Even if someone tries to shame or rebuke you for this, follow your heart, we have instincts for a reason.

Put Yourself First 

I’ve mentioned that I’m a “Sex and the City” fan, and I am (it was the first fashion blog, I have to be!). In the movie of the same name, Samantha (#selflovegoals) says to her boyfriend, “I love you, but I love me more”. And she admitted that “was not what she was supposed to say”.  Loves, this isn’t a call to leave all your relationships, be selfish, or act like a brat. This is the combination of self care, learning to say no, and time with you; you are important and you matter. However, if you don’t think that, no one else will. So, find ways to put yourself first in your life. Yes, this may mean saying no to relationships and jobs that aren’t for you. This may mean saying no to people you love. This may mean following your dreams when people think you’re crazy; or placing boundaries that people don’t like. Do it. Do it all. You are the love of your life, treat yourself like it.

 

How do you practice self love? I have to admit, my self love involves some shoes, wine, chocolate, and fantastic fashion; but this week, as I celebrate all the love in my life, I am going to take some time for me. I am the love of my life, and I deserve to be treated as such!

 

Wishing us all a week of love and amazing shoes! XO RA

 

Loves, it’s been a week, hasn’t it? I’m with you–a lot has happened and it’s overwhelming and scary, but we’re here. We’re breathing, we’re showing up, we’re loving each other. And while I don’t have answers to the big issues, I know that moving forward in love is always part of the answer.

So here we are. How are we? In the small things, our goals, our weeks, our day to day. This new year is about a month old. Are we settled in? Making progress? With just so much, our goals and self care can get pushed to the back burner; but really, we need to take care of ourselves, more than ever. So, let’s check in. Are we doing things to get us closer to where we want to be? Are we on track? Do we need a tune up?

As I’ve mentioned, I’m getting to be a little fancsinated with the minimalist way of thought, I’m not about to completely empty my closet (though you can buy some of my clean out here and my thoughts on a minimalist closet here), but I’m learning to go about things in a more minimalist way. I stumbled across this Minimalist Challenge on Pinterest (I’m @racheladelicia) and thought, “What a Perfect Way to End January”. Nothing crazy, nothing intense, just a week tune-up/check in to see if I’m on the path to my goals, to see how I’m feeling, to see where I am. Here’s the great thing about stripping things down, we can always add things back in–and I’m sure I will. However, in this space, in this time, I’m excited to be minimalist for a week. What about you?

Wishing us peace and amazing shoes! XO RA

Need my views on goals? Here

When I began this blog, I promised myself that I wouldn’t bring policitics into our discussion. It’s so divisive, I know I don’t have all the answers, and I didn’t want to alienate readers. I also wanted to stand apart, to truly bring you into my world on Sundays. Both things remain true. In November, I asked you to vote and let you know that I don’t judge how you vote, just as long as you vote. That’s still true. However, I would be remiss not to let you in on my experience yesterday. I was able to attend a Women’s March and it moved me: deeply and intimately. I’m a fan of both sides of the aisle and believe that rational discussion is the only way to get anywhere; however, as it moved me I had to share my experiences with you. This isn’t to say I judge how you voted, or I want you to believe as I do. However, as a woman who’s been groped, judged, and spent more than one night convinced she would be raped this is why I marched:

In America we currently have a President who’s been accused of sexual assault, who’s admitted to sexual assault.
A VP who has said more than once that he thinks that rape is something women make up to get off work.
Neither man seems to understand abortion.
Because abortion is always a hard choice, and even when it is the right choice, the government shouldn’t be a part of that choice.
Because, as a woman, I can’t be denied birth control, denied choice and be the one in charge of making sure unwanted pregnancy doesn’t happen.
A woman is sexually assaulted every 2 mins in America
People ask about what she was wearing
Some states charge rape victims for their rape kits
Texas has the maternal mortality rate of a third world country
Smiles and skirt lengths are not consent
We don’t teach consent
No woman has ever gotten herself pregnant
Yet, punishments for pregnancy or abortion only apply to the woman
Black Lives Matter
Blue Lives Matter
But, as a white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, I’m more likely to be treated differently by the police and that’s not ok
Love is Love is Love
My IQ is not reliant on my bra size
Every woman I know has a story about doing something sexual that they didn’t want to do
Birth contra is not a female issue
It’s 2017 and Flint, Michigan still doesn’t have clean water
Slut Shaming is a thing
Period shaming is thing
Being called prude and a slut are two sides of the same coin, and both are ways of shaming women for making choices about their sexuality
Our society is scared of female sexuality
Breast feeding in public is shamed, but breasts shown for male enjoyment is celebrated
Mocking a disabled person shows your weakness, not theirs
Trans-gendered peeople are more likely to be raped or assaulted.
I’ve never been threatened by a trans person in the rest room, but I have been followed, stalked, and grabbed by men outside the women’s rest room
Someone gaining equal rights is not the same is you losing your rights
If ACA is reppealed, I will lose my health insurance
I’ve had to explain why I March
Feminist isn’t a dirty word
It only means men and women are equal
No person is illegal
There is no line, there are only people
Tampons have a tax
Muslims are not terrorists
Terrorists have shown that the thing they are most afraid of is a girl with a book
Yet
girls are taught what they say on a date is more important than what they might say in a boardroom
That they are responsible for what men think about sex
That tank tops are distracting to a boy’s education and therefore should be changed
That they come second.
Good girls:
Don’t get angry
Speak up
Speak out
React
Put out
Sleep with too many men
Say no
Lead him on
Disappoint him
Disappoint you,
Shouldn’t have opinions.
You can’t be a lady and a “good girl”.
Women are shamed for their choices, no matter if :
They have kids
they don’ have kids,
they use birth control,
They choose not to,
What they wear,
What they don’t wear.
Their size.
Their interests.
For being sensitive
Are crazy when they speak up
Women are routinely held accountable for men’s behavior
Being gay isn’t a choice, but being an asshole isn’t
Women still have to ask permission to use their bodies
The bravest, strongest people I know are women, and I believe in standing for them.
As a women on the Internet, and one involved in entertainment and outspoken, I get told everything from “shut-up” to I deserve to “be raped and killed” weekly. I’m told I shouldn’t be so sensitive.

I will debate tax code, gun control, and any other policy you like. However, I can no longer apologize for standing up for human rights as I see fit. I hope you stand with me, and if you see things differently, I hope we can chat and continue on this journey together.

Wishing us equality and amazing shoes! XO RA

Happy New Year! I hope the last bit of 2016 was good to you, and that the first moments of 2017 are painless. I hope there was great fashion and champagne, and that they keep flowing today. It’s the new year! Let’s set some goals, let’s crush them. Let’s wear amazing shoes, and be amazing to each other. Let’s grow, and let all the joy/pain/laughter that comes with that carry us!

Wishing us all a great day, happy new year, and amazing shoes! XO RA