Loves, it’s been a week, hasn’t it? I’m with you–a lot has happened and it’s overwhelming and scary, but we’re here. We’re breathing, we’re showing up, we’re loving each other. And while I don’t have answers to the big issues, I know that moving forward in love is always part of the answer.
So here we are. How are we? In the small things, our goals, our weeks, our day to day. This new year is about a month old. Are we settled in? Making progress? With just so much, our goals and self care can get pushed to the back burner; but really, we need to take care of ourselves, more than ever. So, let’s check in. Are we doing things to get us closer to where we want to be? Are we on track? Do we need a tune up?
As I’ve mentioned, I’m getting to be a little fancsinated with the minimalist way of thought, I’m not about to completely empty my closet (though you can buy some of my clean out here and my thoughts on a minimalist closet here), but I’m learning to go about things in a more minimalist way. I stumbled across this Minimalist Challenge on Pinterest (I’m @racheladelicia) and thought, “What a Perfect Way to End January”. Nothing crazy, nothing intense, just a week tune-up/check in to see if I’m on the path to my goals, to see how I’m feeling, to see where I am. Here’s the great thing about stripping things down, we can always add things back in–and I’m sure I will. However, in this space, in this time, I’m excited to be minimalist for a week. What about you?
When I began this blog, I promised myself that I wouldn’t bring policitics into our discussion. It’s so divisive, I know I don’t have all the answers, and I didn’t want to alienate readers. I also wanted to stand apart, to truly bring you into my world on Sundays. Both things remain true. In November, I asked you to vote and let you know that I don’t judge how you vote, just as long as you vote. That’s still true. However, I would be remiss not to let you in on my experience yesterday. I was able to attend a Women’s March and it moved me: deeply and intimately. I’m a fan of both sides of the aisle and believe that rational discussion is the only way to get anywhere; however, as it moved me I had to share my experiences with you. This isn’t to say I judge how you voted, or I want you to believe as I do. However, as a woman who’s been groped, judged, and spent more than one night convinced she would be raped this is why I marched:
In America we currently have a President who’s been accused of sexual assault, who’s admitted to sexual assault.
A VP who has said more than once that he thinks that rape is something women make up to get off work.
Neither man seems to understand abortion.
Because abortion is always a hard choice, and even when it is the right choice, the government shouldn’t be a part of that choice.
Because, as a woman, I can’t be denied birth control, denied choice and be the one in charge of making sure unwanted pregnancy doesn’t happen.
A woman is sexually assaulted every 2 mins in America
People ask about what she was wearing
Some states charge rape victims for their rape kits
Texas has the maternal mortality rate of a third world country
Smiles and skirt lengths are not consent
We don’t teach consent
No woman has ever gotten herself pregnant
Yet, punishments for pregnancy or abortion only apply to the woman
Black Lives Matter
Blue Lives Matter
But, as a white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, I’m more likely to be treated differently by the police and that’s not ok
Love is Love is Love
My IQ is not reliant on my bra size
Every woman I know has a story about doing something sexual that they didn’t want to do
Birth contra is not a female issue
It’s 2017 and Flint, Michigan still doesn’t have clean water
Slut Shaming is a thing
Period shaming is thing
Being called prude and a slut are two sides of the same coin, and both are ways of shaming women for making choices about their sexuality
Our society is scared of female sexuality
Breast feeding in public is shamed, but breasts shown for male enjoyment is celebrated
Mocking a disabled person shows your weakness, not theirs
Trans-gendered peeople are more likely to be raped or assaulted.
I’ve never been threatened by a trans person in the rest room, but I have been followed, stalked, and grabbed by men outside the women’s rest room
Someone gaining equal rights is not the same is you losing your rights
If ACA is reppealed, I will lose my health insurance
I’ve had to explain why I March
Feminist isn’t a dirty word
It only means men and women are equal
No person is illegal
There is no line, there are only people
Tampons have a tax
Muslims are not terrorists
Terrorists have shown that the thing they are most afraid of is a girl with a book
Yet
girls are taught what they say on a date is more important than what they might say in a boardroom
That they are responsible for what men think about sex
That tank tops are distracting to a boy’s education and therefore should be changed
That they come second.
Good girls:
Don’t get angry
Speak up
Speak out
React
Put out
Sleep with too many men
Say no
Lead him on
Disappoint him
Disappoint you,
Shouldn’t have opinions.
You can’t be a lady and a “good girl”.
Women are shamed for their choices, no matter if :
They have kids
they don’ have kids,
they use birth control,
They choose not to,
What they wear,
What they don’t wear.
Their size.
Their interests.
For being sensitive
Are crazy when they speak up
Women are routinely held accountable for men’s behavior
Being gay isn’t a choice, but being an asshole isn’t
Women still have to ask permission to use their bodies
The bravest, strongest people I know are women, and I believe in standing for them.
As a women on the Internet, and one involved in entertainment and outspoken, I get told everything from “shut-up” to I deserve to “be raped and killed” weekly. I’m told I shouldn’t be so sensitive.
I will debate tax code, gun control, and any other policy you like. However, I can no longer apologize for standing up for human rights as I see fit. I hope you stand with me, and if you see things differently, I hope we can chat and continue on this journey together.
Loves, we love to be busy, don’t we? (Looking for a convo about busy? I think this, this, and my piece here are great reads). And yes, our society loves busy, it’s’ praised. A facet in that complex relationship? Multitasking. I do it, you do it, we all do it. To be as busy as we all love to be, we have to do it. And there are times when multitasking is good, helpful and works. However, loves, when we multitask are there times when we are doing too much and not getting anything done?
I’ve been thinking a lot about multitasking lately, and how I want to focus my attention. I have big goals and long to-do lists, like I’m sure you do. And there are times when doing two things (or more) at the same time is great. I can clean house and bake and listen to a podcast at the same time. I can watch football and do laundry, so skim social media. There are things that don’t need my full attention and I can get so many things done. However, there are also times when multitasking doesn’t work for me, and when I do more than one thing at a time I find I get nothing done. From writing posts to movies I really want to see, my workouts to time with friends, there are things that need, and deserve my full attention. There are times when multitasking stresses me out, when I have so much going on that I feel as if I can’t make progress on anything.
I’m sure that there are methods for being better at multitasking. I’m sure that there are ways to do all the things at the same time and get everything done. My method? I’m stopping with the multitasking. I’m committing to giving the things that require my full attention my full attention. I’m being present, and doing some things one at a time whole-heartedly instead of a dozen things half-heartedly. And loves, I actually feel as if I’m getting more done. Easy? Probably easier than you think. There’s no true “method” here, I’m simply being ok with doing one thing at a time. The movie I really want to watch? I enjoy it, instead of trying to catch up online at the same time. Chores, work, projects, I allot myself to sit down and focus on just that one thing. It turns out, when I focus and give myself to something, I get it done faster than trying to give myself to 20 things at a time. Does this mean I never multitask anymore? No. But, it does mean that I’m actively trying not to–and I’m enjoying that ride!
I’d love to know–what are your thoughts on multitasking?
AND It’s Martin Luther King Weekend! In that spirit, might I suggest the movie “Hidden Figures”? I loved it! It’s not only a great peak into some of the black heroes who helped get us to space, I loved that the women portrayed were smart and capable, and that was their story, not a romantic one. Take a girl you love! I also love visiting museums on holidays, and personally plan to begin to clean out my closet. What do you have going on?
It’s that time of year! We turn the page, we start anew, we set our goals. There’s much ado about our resolutions and how to stick to them, jokes made about them, and the reality is that some of us let our goals go. My thoughts on goals? I love them! I think that they can act as a great catalyst or game plan to get us to that great live we want. However, I also think that we have to be smart about them, goals are powerful, and I truly believe that we can create anything we want–but how? Here are my tips for goal setting:
Decide What You Want
I mean really decide. Here’s the deal: General goals beget general results. This is your time to be incredibly specific. Want to lose weight? How much? How do you want your body to look? Want a great relationship? What exactly does that mean to you? The more specific, the more juicy detail you can add only helps you.
Believe You Are Worthy
Women, in particular, tend to talk ourselves out of our goals. “I’d love to be a but I’m . I’ve had acting coaches and athletic coaches alike tell me that the number one difference they see in those who achieve their goals and those who don’t is the belief that they are worthy of their goals. And loves, you are worthy of your best life. You are worthy of your best. When your goals are built on top of that, you are unstoppable.
You Change Your Daily Life
Call it your habits, your system, your plan. Goals and results don’t fall from the sky (or if you have information on how they do–hook a sister up!). To get what we want we have to change what we do (yes, there’s more than one cliche about this). I’m the first to admit that I’m a big picture woman, I can see the big thing I’m after, and often the breaking the goal up into small steps is difficult for me. However, I’ve noticed the biggest changes in my life, the resolutions that stuck so to speak, were built on things that I changed about my routine. If your goal is to lose 10 lbs the reality is you’re going to have to change how you work out and what you eat. And every goal is like that!
It doesn’t have to be big
Here’s the good news about our daily changes: they don’t have to be big. Knowing that I can think big, I am aware that I can set myself up for failure by trying to do the impossible. The great news? The possible, small bits of possible, make up the impossible. Let’s stick with our weight loss example: 10 lbs isn’t coming off over night, and you won’t go from laying on the couch to running marathons. BUT you can move 20 mins more each day, you can make it to the gym one day, you can eat more veggies one day. Those little things add up, and can make big change.
The biggest trick of all? You just have to start. Loves, I don’t think that the beginning of the year is by any means the only time to set new goals. Any time you want to set a new goal, the world is your oyster. I think that visualizing and really believing in your goal are key (I love vision boards, I think our self talk can change our lives, I think we create the world we want by our thoughts and actions). I also believe that big impossible things can happen, but just in case we do little, possible things each day. And lastly:
Learn to be Grateful in the Hallway
When you’re waiting for a door to open, or a goal to be achieved, it can get frustrating in the meantime. It can get overwhelming and scary and seem like a great idea to give up. I don’t believe that you have to be a cheerleader all day every day. Yes, we become what we believe, but occasionally days suck. And it’s OK to admit that. Gratitude is something that we talk about, and can be trendy, I can say that it works. I have a spin teacher who I love who preaches that while you’re waiting on God to open your door, you have to learn to praise Him in the hallway. To say thank-you before you get what you want. Sound out there? Try it. I can personally testify that having an “attitude of gratitude” is life changing, and helps you get what you want faster–not to mention you enjoy the ride a little more. An acting coach I had once challenged us to keep a gratitude journal for a month-that each morning we were to write down 3 things we are grateful for; they could be small (coffee), big (family and friends) or that thing you want so much (your goal). We were challenged to see what our life was like at the beginning of a month, and then again at the end of the month of this task. I challenge you to try it!
So, how do you work on achieving your goals? Are you a resolution type? What do you think of my “methods”?
And if mine weren’t enough, I love these articles about goal-getting! From Forbes James Clear
And Inc
Happy New Year! I hope the last bit of 2016 was good to you, and that the first moments of 2017 are painless. I hope there was great fashion and champagne, and that they keep flowing today. It’s the new year! Let’s set some goals, let’s crush them. Let’s wear amazing shoes, and be amazing to each other. Let’s grow, and let all the joy/pain/laughter that comes with that carry us!
Wishing us all a great day, happy new year, and amazing shoes! XO RA
Loves, it’s getting close to crunch time. You may be overwhelmed with parties, plans and events. You may have guests, you may be a guest in someone’s home. It’s the holiday season and as amazing as it is to be with our loved ones and celebrate with friends, how do we stay sane?
Alone Time
I’m an introvert, an outgoing one, but one that needs and craves alone time. When I was younger I would push myself to be at every party till the last minute, say yes to every invite and spend as much time out and about as possible! The result? I burned out. I’ve now accepted that I need time alone, and also know that it’s not a bad thing–I’m a better me when I have it! But every year the holiday season can lead to over scheduling and the temptation to go-go-go. My solution? I schedule alone time. From a night in to an afternoon alone, I make sure that I have time built in just for me. Everyone needs a different amount of alone time, but I think in the hustle and bustle of the season that we all need a little down time. Build it in.
Work Outs
I’ve mentioned more than once that I’m a workout junkie, and while there is a physical component to that, there’s a mental one as well. My workouts keep me grounded, in my body, and a bit more sane. This time of year can lead to over-indulging in all sorts of ways, but knowing that I have a workout planned helps me not freak out about that. It also allows me to release any frustration that I’ve let built up. My faves? Spinning, Pilates, dance, barre and boxing.
Volunteering
In this season, it can be easy to get caught up in the commercialism. What we have, what we can give, what we buy. There are those who don’t have that luxury, for whom the bare necessities are a struggle. A friend recently reminded me that giving back is the best gift. So volunteering for a shelter, with kids, sending money to those who need us in Syria; anything that reminds us that we are truly rich–and that this season isn’t about the number of presents. It’s a win-win.
To de-stress I also have a habit of watching Christmas commercials and movies. We know my favorite movie for the season is “Miracle on 34th St” but I also love “White Christmas” (the songs get me!) and this year these are the commercials I love:
How are you faring this Decemeber? I hope that it’s Merry, I hope that you’re having fun, I hope that it’s a great season. As we get further in the holiday season, and more parties, commitments and events come up, I’ve been thinking a lot about tradition. Much of this season is built on tradition –the tree, the candles, the services, the songs. And while I’m always open to new traditions, it’s the old ones from my childhood that I often look forward to the most! Below are some of my favorite childhood traditions, I’d love to know: What are some of your favorite holiday traditions?
Watching the original “Miracle on 34th Street As much as humanly possible. I love this movie! In my house, the viewings being on Thanksgiving night (it does open at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, after all) and continues at least weekly through the season. I love the hopeful message, the acting, the simplicity. I’ve even been known to channel my own little Natilie Wood and say “I believe, I believe, it’s silly, but I believe” when needed.
My paternal grandfather loved Christmas, and loved decorating for Christmas. Every year his house became a wonderland, complete with a huge tree made of lights in the front yard. So it’s not surprising that I love holiday lights. I love the parks that you go through, the neighborhoods lit up, lights in Windows –all of it. Every year my mom takes my sister and I (often on Christmas bundled in pjs) out to see the Christmas lights. We drink hot chocolate and listen to carols. And it’s magic.
Loves, I know that cinnamon rolls aren’t the most traditional tradition. But, to me, they scream Christmas Morning. (In honesty: we also sometimes have chocolate crossiants). To this day, my sister and I wait to come down the stairs together to see what Santa has brought us. When we were little, toys filled the room and we would be so excited. As we’ve gotten older, the presents are sometimes smaller in nature; but my mom always has coffee and cinnamon rolls waiting. We eat and open presents. They’ve become a treat with added meaning, and when I see them I think about spending time with my loved ones–and that can be the sweetest thing of all.
It’s that time of year, loves. Parties, presents, events, church, love, peace–making merry. The lights and tree are up, everything is decorated, you may have cookies in the oven now. For some, making merry and getting in the spirit is easy; for others, making merry isn’t automatic. I love the holidays, but know that for many this time of year is difficult, for many reasons. And many of us have had a hard year. This time of year is fun, brillant and beautiful, but also comes with the pressure of being merry. We often feel as if we have to be happy, and in the spirit all the time. But what if you’re not? What if you find yourself the opposite of merry? I’m no expert but I do have some ideas:
-Don’t Force It
Loves, many of us have had a hard year. The holidays in general can be difficult for some, between family issues, and the added stresses to budget, time, and the expectation that we’re merry ALL THE TIME. So you’re not in the spirit? Don’t force yourself to be. This is not me telling you to not participate in the holidays (but loves, that is valid and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to), but me saying if it’s not natural forcing yourself to go over the top with merry isn’t a solution. Accept where you are. Do what you like. Ask your family to understand. The season is not about the biggest presents, decorations, or parties attended. The season is about love and peace, and offering that to yourself is a great celebration of the season.
-Volunteer
A gentle reminder that if you woke up this morning, have clean water that comes in both hot and cold, and know that you will eat today, you are incredibly rich. In this season of giving, remembering those who are less fortunate is something that can get you in the spirit, and help someone else. A great way? Adopt a child or family through the Salvation Army. No matter your personal level of merry, let giving someone else a holiday miracle get you in the spirit! More information on giving to the Salvation Army can be found here<.
-Do What You Love
Love Christmas music? Blast it. Love movies? Watch them. Baking? Fill your kitchen with goodies. There is no “one” or “right” way to celebrate this season. We all have different traditions, views, and ways of getting through the end of the year. No matter what it is that you love, if it brings you joy at this time of year–do it. I am aware that you may not get out of doing things that you don’t love, but if you can focus on what you do, you can find some merry there.
I’d love to know–how do you make merry? What do you do when you aren’t in the spirit?
Wishing us all a week of merry and amazing shoes! XO RA
I hope that the turkey and pies were amazing (and that you’re still munching on leftovers!). I hope that you got deals, quality time, football wins. And now: we look forward. With Thanksgiving over, it’s officially the holiday season and we all have parties, events, presents and shopping to do! Here at Investment Piece we’re here to help, all December long! We will have a ton of party and festive looks to inspire you! Gift guides to help you shop, or give you a ton of ideas! Thought pieces on how to pick out the perfect gift, re-gifting and self-gifting. Out of the box ideas to keep your sanity, like spa days and food services. We’ll share the best deals we know of, and great places to shop. I’m excited and I hope you are too!
Here’s to the holidays, let’s get shopping!
Wishing us all a week of cheer and amazing shoes! XO RA
We change as we grow older, but in many ways we stay the same. I’ve always had my fair share of sass (ok, more than my fair share), and if you look at some of the graphic shirts I love, that hasn’t changed much. I’ve had a fashion sense, and loved outfit styling from a young age, something that has stayed constant. And I’ve always been adamant that I will wear what I want–no matter what. My mom loves to tell the story of how, as a 1.5 year old, in the middle of winter, I wanted to wear my purple leotard out. I did. And I made my mom carry the two back up outfits and coat for me. Again, in some ways I haven’t changed that much (though I tend to wear a bit more than a leotard now, I am a fan of back up outfits). I was, and can be, stubborn and sassy (in both amazing and perhaps not so amazing ways). But more than the leotard story, what has always been the image of my “sass” are my red boots.
I had many pairs of red boots as a kid, and I loved them! (Different story, I’m a firm believer that all women need red shoes, Dorothy taught us that, but let’s chat about that later!) Red boots made me feel powerful, fun, and I worked them with everything –skirts, shorts, jeans, even leotards. Without me saying a word, they let the world know that I was there, and not afraid to be seen. And if the world didn’t pay attention I was more than willing to stomp those red boots to get my point across. Part talisman, part statement, I loved the way the boots made me feel, and how they looked. They gave me permission to be myself, sass and all.
While I currently don’t own red boots, I like to think that I wear what they gave me–confidence. They were a safe way to stand out and be heard. I love fashion, clearly always have, and while the way fashion looks can be breathtaking, the most important part of fashion is how it makes you feel. And we all deserve a piece that brings out our sass, in the best ways. Recently, I gave a little girl in my life a pair of red boots. Because they were darling and perfect. I hope she loves them–but more importantly I hope that she takes the red boots to heart, and isn’t afraid to hide her sass.
Wishing us all a week of sass and amazing shoes! XO
