In my attempt to not only be Carrie Bradshaw, but entertain us all with the horror stories that can make up single life it’s Ex Files! Every month you get a look at some (real) bad dates that I have endured, and lived to tell the tale. Names and some facts have been changed to protect people, but I own the stories!
Need more horror in your life? Check out: The One Who Wanted His Money Back, The One Who Got Married, The One Who Wouldn’t Take No, The One Who Commented on my Weight. And if you aren’t scared stiff, the search tab has even more stories for your dating horror pleasure.
But this month I give you: The One that HATED His Mom. Also fun fact? Usually I do protect people a bit- changing of names and some details. This one? I truly don’t remember his name (literally so many other details were THAT shocking) and these details can’t be changed. Another fun fact? I truly believe how a man speaks about other women in his life may be how he eventually treats you–obviously there are exceptions. BUT. This one??? (insert the grimace emoji)
We’ll just call him Bob. Sorry to all the great Bobs out there.
Bob and I met at a party my ex-roommate and his new girlfriend were throwing (side note: friend break-ups can be worse than romantic breakups and my ex roomie and I were proof positive of that!). I will admit I was a bit hesitant at this party (see friend break up) but was originally charmed by Bob– he was friendly and polite and willing to talk to me when I was clearly the odd (wo)man out. He then extended an invitation to dinner. I happily accepted- little did I know that it was going to be one of those dates that made me shudder at the memory.
Bob and I met at a nice restaurant. He was again polite, holding doors, ordering drinks, all the things we are taught to look for. Conversation was easy- until we came to family background and schools. Like me, his parents had divorced when he was young. And yes- I know we can all have BIG feelings about that. However, what I was not prepared for was Bob going off for over 45 mins about how awful his mom was. Did she treat him badly? No. Awful in the divorce? No. Bob just thought that his mom was dumb, below his station in life, an embarrassment for not being what he wanted- and the kicker- he explained to me for a good 15 mins that the only reason Bob’s dad even talked to his mom was that his mom was hot. Bob really said aloud more than once that the only redeeming quality (truly to this day remembering how he called her dumb with no concrete examples and how his base belief was that women are worthless till proven other wise) was that Bob’s mom was hot when she was young. to be fair, he also said horrific things about his sister not being on his level and being embarrassing for “not being as smart as he was”.
It was very clear that Bob, on a base level, just didn’t like women. Even those he “loved”. Unsurprisingly, I tried to make the most graceful, earliest exit I could. A man who hates his mom for no reason I believe will never really love you. When Bob asked me when he could see me again I was very vague- again, he told me how smart he was, and oh so much smarter than women, so I assumed he would get it. To my surprise he called me the next day- letting me know he bought a stick shift car and wanted me to teach him how to drive it (yes, my driving stick shift came up in our date. He didn’t know how to drive it. Yet, he also mentioned he could never learn anything from a woman). I said no as quickly as I could. That was the last I heard from Bob.
Occasionally, I still think about how much he HATED his mom- in words I can’t say here the venom- for a woman who from all accounts just simply was pretty and kind and married a man with more money than she- was such a turn off. And I was so proud of me to recognize the red flags right away.
I know, I know each situation is different- but what do you think of a man who HATES his mom? Do you think it’s a red flag? I would love to hear your thoughts!
XO RA