A few years ago, in my acting career, I was debating whether or not to take a part that I had been offered. I had just completed a role similar to the one on the table, and the new role didn’t feel right. However, as a creative, I was deathly afraid to say no to any job; I was scared that the opportunity would never come back around. My manager at the time sat me down and told me a truth, “Your life and career are shaped by not only what you do, but what you say no to”. While this was great advice at the time-the part was truly not right for me-but this advice on saying no has been a game changer for me.
Loves, in all honesty, saying no is not something that comes easily to me. There’s still a part of me that fears that if I say no to one opprotunity that it will not be replaced by another. I also hate letting people down and sometimes feel pressure to do things for others. I don’t always say no gracefully,saying no is not a skill that I’ve mastered. However, beyond realizing that our lives can be shaped by what we say no to, the other light bulb moment for me was realizing that Saying to one thing may mean saying yes to what you really want. Because loves, we only have so much and if we spend our time avoiding saying no, we only end up saying no to what we really want.
It’s true in all areas.
Want steak for lunch? You can’t order pizza.
Want to date Bob? You can’t keep saying yes to Ted.
Want to own a Gucci store? You can’t sell Hanes t-shirts.
And loves, in all cases there’s nothing wrong with either choice, but if saying yes to what we don’t want leaves us saying no to what we really want–let’s make sure we’re saying no, or yes, to the right things. Ok. So how? Well, I’m working on it, but this is what I’m learning so far:
Be Clear About What You Want
Vision, planning, goals, whatever you call it, you have to know what you want to get it. And yes, over time this might change, but think long and hard about what you really want. Be specific. When you know exactly what you want/love/need, it’s a bit easier to say yes or no to opprotunities accordingly.
Take Time
I have a bad habit of thinking that I need to reply to every request in a timely manner. And, yes, that’s polite and sometimes needed. However, there’s no need to rush an answer; when I do I often end up saying yes when I mean no–and loves, let’s be honest, that never ends well for anyone. I think it’s ok to take a minute to really think things through and decide what’s best for you. Worried about the person on the other end of the request? Let them know you need some time to think things over, set a time to decide; and if they aren’t ok with that, it may inform your answer.
What’s Meant For You Won’t Pass You By
I’ve been a creative my entire life; and I still worry about opprotunies coming, coming back, what I’m doing with my life. And while those may be worth while trains of thought–they aren’t always productive. A mentor of mine is adamant that what’s for you won’t pass you by, that if you’re working towards what you want, things will happen for you. This can be hard to trust, but I find when I can, it works. Chances can be like exes–they always come back. So work hard, say no to what you have to, and trust your opprotunies will come around for you.
How do you say no? Any tips for me?
Wishing us all a week of the right yeses and amazing shoes! XO RA
