Lovers, I’ll be honest, Valentines has never been my favorite holiday. It’s not that I don’t love love- I do! And it’s not that I don’t love telling people that I love them- I really do! Also- I love presents, so it’s not that I’m anti-present! I think my issues with Valentines is that there can often feel like there’s a lot of pressure, that some things get forced, and my internal debate about whether flowers and nice dinner because you “have to” are romantic. In past years, I’ve been a bit more anti-Valentines, but with the pandemic and missing friends and family I’ve warmed up to the holiday. I’ve had fun sending Valentines in the mail to friends, buying flowers for family, making special dinners. AND I’ve really enjoyed giving and getting presents to my loved ones. As we head into another Valentine’s season I’ve rounded up some gifts that I love. Some might be for you, your mom, sisters, friends, or anyone who might need a little love note for you!
Note: this post does contain affiliate links. While that does not affect the price for you, I may earn commission from them. Thank you for your support!
Hearts
I’m very picky when it comes to heart jewelry. However, lately I’ve been very into heart shaped lockets! And from there finding just sweet enough (but not too sweet) heart jewelry has been a bit easier. I love all of these and I know you or your loved ones will too!
Shoes and Bags
If there are shoes or bags that you or someone you love wants then you should get them, but if not- might I recommend some of these shoes or bags? Just a bit themed but chic for year round use!!
For Him/the House
A few things for him, a few things for the house, a few wine glasses for everyone!
For You
I can’t resist shopping for me (ever), so I’ve rounded up some of the red and pink, somewhat seasonal items on my wishlist right now. For you, for friends, for family, these picks are perfect for the holiday and beyond!
What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day? Have they changed over the course of the pandemic? This year what are you doing to celebrate? I hope that no matter what, this year Valentines is a day when you feel loved- and if you get gifts they’re fantastic!
xo RA
You may have been able to tell, but I’ve been sick for the past week or so (I’m not trying to hide it, but as I’m still recovering, I’m not ready to chat a lot about it yet). I have had to work some, but the main activity I’ve been engaged in has been laying on the couch- and the main thing I’ve been wearing are sweats (with the occasional pj set thrown in). As someone who truly believes that our fashion and outfit choices are a way we tell our stories, having a week where I’m not dressing for anything, and more than often choosing function over any conscious story, I’ve had times where I’m sitting down and really thinking about our fashion stories and what part function plays in them.
The past week when I’ve been getting dressed I’ve solely been concerned with how comfy something is, and how warm I’ll be (it’s also been literally freezing). There was not anything I was thinking of communicating, no worrying about what I looked like, just a desire to feel better. While I’m sure you could make a story of what I was wearing, and what I was communicating, function was my main focus. What was warm, what was comfy, what would let me lay down in peace- that’s what I wanted to wear. Yes, some of my sweats were cute (if I do say so myself), but I wasn’t thinking about that at all. As I’ve begun to feel better I have begun to think beyond function- and choosing pjs that make me feel good beyond comfort in an effort to feel better. But, if function was what I needed for a week is that any less of a story than any other outfit?
Many fashion articles, magazines, sites, shoppers, advisors will tell you that the secret to a great wardrobe is to marry function with designs you love and make you feel good. If, for work or any other reason, you need suits (or blazers), filling your closet with only party clothes will be a mistake as the function you need fulfilled will be unmet. You wouldn’t wear jeans to the pool, or high heels to the gym. We know that function is a part of our stories. Is function enough on its own though?
I don’t know, even at my most well, that I have the answers. Yes, while sick I’m prioritizing function over any thing else, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t care at all what I look like. I’ve given (even just passing) thoughts to matching, to cleanliness, to colors. And I’ve been thinking about what to wear, what stories, to tell when I’m better (yes, I’m incredibly grateful to be on the mend!). Function isn’t the foremost thought when I’m thinking about what I like, or what I want to express. However, it’s obviously needed.
How do we balance function and story? How do we use function to tell our stories? How do we manage when function isn’t always the fun part?
There’s a good chance these questions don’t have easy or neat answers, or even just one answer. Being immersed in function has made me appreciate it more, and you may see more mention of it here. OF course, once I get to dress without a thought to function, who knows how crazy I’ll go!
I would love to hear your thoughts about function and stories- how you balance them, what you choose, all of it! Let me know in the comments!
Wishing us all a week of good health and amazing shoes! XO RA
Loves, I am a shopper. I love fashion: that it lets you be someone new every day, that it’s a visual playground, that it can speak for you. And I have quite the collection of fashion. This entire blog is based on the premise that fashion is an investment, and that your closet can be an asset. But an idea I’m simply fascinated by? Minimalist Closet. Let’s be clear, I don’t know that it’s completely for me. I love options too much. Although, I have traveled with a minimalist waredrobe and loved it (read about it here and here). Do I think I could give up all my clothes and par down to basics? No. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
But, I do think that what we have in our closets, what we chose to buy, the waredrobe we build should be intentional. What I love about the minimalist closet or shopping approach is the thought: to the pieces, how they fit, what you really need. And while I am in no hurry to turn my closet clean out into a massive purge, I think we can all benefit from really thinking about our clothes. What do we need? What do we wear? How can we mix and match? How can we build a waredrobe that compliments itself? How can I buy the best pieces for me?
I’m clearly not an expert on the subject, but with closet clean out season upon us, I am reflecting on those questions. As much as I love my options, I want pieces that fit together well. I want to curate a closet that is worth something, and easy to live with. Some reading I’ve been doing on the subject: Waredrobe Rebuild How to Become a Fashion Minimalist A Shopper’s Manifesto
Am I taking a firm stance? No. I’m still reading, thinking, in the midst of a closet clean out. And while I know I’m not the type to par down to 10 pieces, I’m thinking about this. I want to try parts of this on and see if I can be a closet minimalist my way. What about you?
Many times I think we take our classics for granted, we call them boring. It happens with books, art, and for our purposes- outfits. A button down, a pair of jeans, and boots are a classic combination. It will never fail you. Simple, easy, and you don’t have to think too hard about it. Classic. But not boring.
The thing about classics is that within a no-fail formula is so much room to explore, to create, to be extra. Yes, here I’m in a classic combo- jeans/button down/boots. But. The jeans fit perfectly, the boots are anything but boring (over the knee! the cap toe! the design!), the details on the shirt! This outfit is far from boring, and feels like me, even if I’m technically following a formula.
So many of what makes an outfit exciting, or pop, comes down to our details. How do we express ourself within the confines of something that has been done before? What makes a classic feel new? This is about an outfit, but it also applies to our weeks, how we spend our days.
We’re at a time in the year, the winter blahs, and the pandemic, when things may be feeling a bit stale. To stay warm you may be wearing all the sweaters and all the coats. To stay safe you may feel like everything is a bit boring. I get it. Personally, I’ve felt like I’ve been in a rut, and have been cooped up at home lately so nothing feels new. Instead of giving into that, I’m attempting to look at my life (which outfits are a large part) and see what I can work with, what I make exciting. There are classics (routines) that I have and yet within them lay all sorts of possibilities.
Those are what I’ll be looking for all week.
What’s your favorite classic outfit combo and how do you make it your own? I would love to hear all about it!
XO RA
This outfit is made from older JCrew pieces, and the most fab Chanel boots I found resale, but I’ve linked similar pieces for your shopping pleasure below. I know what you choose won’t be boring! Note: This post does contain affiliate links. While that does not affect the price for you, I may earn commission from them. Thank you for your support!
Loves! It’s time for our monthly dose of dating horror stories: The Ex-Files! In my ultimate attempt to become Carrie Bradshaw, and satisfy my friends’ need to hear my awful dating stories (and sadly, there are a lot), we give you: Ex Files, dating horror stories. Yes, these stories really happened, yes, names/dates/places have been changed to protect those involved, and yes, if you wanted to be remembered well, behave better. Missed last month’s gem? You can get your fix on here.
Happy Reading!! XO RA
The One(s) Who Came On Too Strong
I have a tiny confession. While planning and writing this horror story, I had a realization: there are people for whom I am the one who came on too strong. There are times when I have been the over-texted, the one who had a harder time letting go, the one who thought that perhaps there was something more. I like to think that I’m great at taking notes, and that when men have let me know that I’m a bit much that I can text less. (As an actress, I’m a great adjuster.) And as I cringed at some of my over-eagerness, and wanted to apologize (but let’s be honest, there’s no great way to do that), I promised that I wouldn’t judge a guy for doing the same to me; because even if it’s annoying, someone really wanting to chat or spend time with you is lovely. This story isn’t about that. This about when they go beyond that. Collected here are men who have gone above and beyond coming on strong, those who even when they were told flat out they were coming on too strong just kept going.
Hear me out: I think men can be creepier than women. Much creepier. And I as I get older, some of these men think that their creepiness is becoming. It’s not.
More than once, both I and girlfriends, have been on the receiving end of such great pick lines as “We should get married”, or “I want you to have my babies”. Someone told men that women like commitment and some men run with that. The catch? This commitment to commitment is creepy if you have only known the person 5 mins. When I don’t know your middle name and you suggest me taking your last name, the room starts feeling hot and I find it hard to breathe. I also lose interest in learning your middle name. One man, let’s call him Bob, used this tactic on our first date. Bob seemed nice, until half way through our lunch when we began mentioning how compatible we were and how marriage was on the table. I excused myself to use the restroom/have a panic attack/call a rescue. Bob seemed to think it was normal to spend 10 mins in the restroom and didn’t say a word about it, or the fact that I cut our date short. In subsequent texts, I let Bob know that he might be looking for more than I could offer; he proceeded to rant that women always think commitment first. Bob, dear, women who date you think that because you bring it up.
An offshoot of the men who bring of commitment right away, are the men who “we” and relationship you too early. The men who say “I miss you” after one night, who make lists of things “we” will do together after one coffee. Maybe they don’t mention commitment, but they act like your boyfriend, while you’re still trying to decide if they’re boyfriend material. My friend Stella encountered one of these gentlemen, we’ll call him Tim, a few years ago. They met online and after some great chats and one night drinking, Tim made the journey to his hometown for the Christmas holidays. Cue the “I miss you”, “I wish you were here”, and “We should do xyz when I get back” texts. I know, these can seem sweet, but when you don’t know someone, they are overwhelming. Tim got back to town, found out that Stella had coffee with a male friend, lost it on her for “cheating”, then spent a week sending weepy messages about them working it out. Sadly, for Tim, Stella didn’t appreciate him coming on so strong and Stella and Tim didn’t make it.
Ironically enough, the above behavior is the type that women get warned about: don’t mention commitment, don’t come on too strong, don’t let a man know that you think he’s your boyfriend till he says he is. So that men are acting this way is both fascinating and off putting. The lesson? Maybe we should let all relationships take their time? However, this last short tale in this series is beyond all that. One of the few times I know I have made a man cry, and still baffling to me.
I had known Eric for years, and while there was always a flirtation, nothing ever came of it. I didn’t think anything of it, having a flirt buddy is fun, but apparently Eric always thought that something would (was) happening. He would often mention that he was going to ask me out, but never did. Last Christmas, at the last minute Eric texted me, asking me to be his date to his company holiday dinner. Unfortunately, the date didn’t work for me and I had to decline. Eric took the news well and I forgot about it. Till a week later, when I got a weepy message from Eric about how all his work buddies would have their fiancées or wives their, and he was upset that his fiancé couldn’t make it. I genuinely thought he had called the wrong number; this was a man who I had never been on a date with, much less gotten engaged to. But alas, no, a conversation led to the revelation that Eric thought we had been dating the whole time, and thought we were getting married. Asking someone one by letting them know that you’re engaged (which only happened in your head) is not a way to get a girlfriend, as it turns out. This was beyond coming on strong, I still don’t know how to categorize it.
Men that I’ve texted too much, at least I didn’t try to involve you in wedding planning??
One of the ways to get amazing fitting clothes that make you look amazing? Tailoring. Buy things that fit your widest part, then have them altered to fit every where else. Tailoring has been on my mind lately- not just because it’s a great way to have clothes that fit, but because of the post-pandemic world. No one knows exactly what the world will look like- or what we’ll be wearing. One article I read floated the idea that what we may see are clothes that are sold in more general sizes, meant to be tailored to you after you purchase them. And I have to say, I love this idea! I’m reposting my orginal thoughts on tailoring and adding in some links for what you can have tailored- or tailor yourself!
I’m in the process of having some pants tailored. As in, almost remade. It’s been a long process, there are times when it’s felt too long. However, every time my tailor and I get closer to the finished product, I can’t help but get excited. I also have to remind myself that working with my tailor is a process and that a great tailor is a great investment! You are getting so much more about my “new” old pants, but first, let’s chat tailoring.
One of my very first posts was centered around “great investments”, one of which I thought was a tailor.
(See the original article here) And I still hang onto that thought. If you’re investing in your closet, a great tailor is a must have! Yes, for mends like buttons, zippers, holes, and hems you might be able to do the work yourself; however, I find that a professional often does it faster and better, and ensures that the item that needs mending doesn’t spend the rest of its life on my closet floor.
But a tailor is so much more. A great tailor can remake a garment for you–nip or let out the waist, or various parts, tighten or loosen, lengthen or shorten. You look best in clothes that fit you best and a tailor can help you get there!
This number needed to be slightly let out in the bust–and even with the pleating, no problem for a great tailor.
This dress (seen here) was taken in at the waist, and the back slit was lengthened.
The great news about a great tailor is that they can really transform a garment into something special. Which is amazing for all those things that you try on that just need a little something done. However, tailors aren’t always miracle workers and much like any important relationship (I’m looking at you, hairdressers) communication is key. So how can you best work with your tailor? Glad you asked!
Be Realistic
If something is 2 sizes too small and has no extra fabric in it, your tailor cannot make it your size. However, there may be times when your tailor has to tell you “no”. Certain fabrics, certain cuts and drapes, they just don’t mix. What you envision may not be doable. So ask questions like “Can we do this?” “What will this look like?” “What are my options here?” A great tailor will be honest and lay out your options, and may even have some suggestions that you didn’t even think of!
Let them know YOUR Preferences
I like my waists high and nipped. I think, for my body type, it looks best. I also like my sleeves to come down to my wrists. My tailor knows me and works with me to get the looks I like. But, even when we try things on it’s on me to be vocal–I like this, I don’t like this. Your tailor can’t please you if they don’t know what you want.
Fittings. More than one Fitting
Ok, some things don’t need a fitting–much less two. But some really do. If you’re altering a garment in a major way I would suggest more than one fitting to make sure everything is perfect. And move in it–raise your arms, turn, sit down–all of it. Make sure that the fit and movement are what you want. And talk to your tailor about what you’re seeing, and ask what they’re seeing!
Most of this comes down to talking to your tailor–about likes, fit, etc. The more honest you are, and the more they are honest with you, the better fit you will get!
I truly believe that the fashion we wear is one of the ways that we tell our stories. Yet, I can’t help but also loving fashion stories- aka books about fashion. From biographies of iconic designers to histories of textiles, coffee table books to novels, reading about fashion not only inspires my outfits, but helps me understand fashion from POVs I sometimes didn’t even know existed. This past month, it feels as if we’ve lost a lot of fashion icons- from Andre Leon Talley to Mugler, and reading about them helps me feel as if we still have them.
Another great thing about books? They make great gifts, they are one-size-fits-all, and they let you own a bit of fashion history. Below are fashion books that are on my wishlist for Valentines Day (and beyond), maybe there is something for you or someone you love may love!
XO RA
Note: This post does contain affiliate links. While that does not affect the price for you, I may earn commission from them. Thank you for your support!!
It is incredibly tempting when the the temps drop to abandon all style for warmth. As someone who hasn’t spent a lot of her time in true “winter” weather, it’s especially hard to not dress in only sweats (multiple) and big coats (because, yes I’m cold all the time). So, when I find pieces that let me retain some style and stay warm, I go back to them again and again.
Also, who can resist velvet and florals? Especially when they’re this chic?
A trench is an investment I will always endorse, but trenches like this- with a bit of personality and texture? I love them. Velvet isn’t something I would think of for coats, mainly as I worry about it getting wet. BUT. This coat is so warm, and I love that the details, the slits, the buttons, the edging make it special enough to wear as a dress, but warm enough so I don’t regret not wearing sweats. And while florals may be more associated with spring, on boots they’re a bit of a statement. Obviously made for warmth, but made for fashion as well.
I’m always, always going to chose warmth over fashion (easy to say when we’re not going out much). Even with my shorter, not as warm outfits, I’m known to bring a big coat, or wear tights, or layer more than may be necessary. Sometimes winter dressing feels frumpy and big, and there are times when you may feel as if you have to choose between your style and not freezing. Maybe velvet and florals aren’t for you- there’s cords, stripes, faux fur, puffers, polka dots and more to choose from. What I recommend is finding pieces that let you keep warm and expressing your style. It’s been my joy to experience winter (now and again) and an even bigger joy to find warm clothes that look like me.
I would love to hear about your winter staples from coats to boots. The pieces that keep you warm, the ones that keep you stylish, and the ones that do both!
XO RA
Note: This velvet trench is vintage YSL (from the 1970s) and Valentino Floral Boots from the 2015 season, but I have found you similar! This post does contain affiliate links. While that does not affect the price for you, I may earn commission from them. Thank you for your support!
I’ve spent the past week sick (luckily not that), but still sick- achy, stuffy, and just enough brain fog that work (and life) has become a bit more difficult than usual. It’s most likely just allergies (Cedar Fever, if you don’t live in a place with CF be grateful! I never had allergies as a kid, or most of my adult life. These started a few years ago and have been getting progressively worse!) but as a result of how I was feeling, I basically spent the last week in bed or on the couch.
And, like anything, staying in and resting is fun when it’s a choice- it gets old when it’s all you can do. My energy was pretty low, so even things like walks I love were not an option. And my brain was a bit all over the place, so anything that required a lot of thought (even reading or watching for pleasure) were pretty much out of the question.
So, you may be wondering what I did! In all honesty, not a lot. I read some and did watch some TV, but mainly I did nothing other than dream about what I would do once I felt like I was me again. The odd thing about getting sick at the beginning of the year is that it throws off whatever habits you’ve been developing. This year I had goals to get into a more consistent shooting/writing schedule- this week I had to cancel every thing (some super exciting!) that I had on my calendar.
And while that was awful, it clarified some things for me. This year I wanted to bring the joy back to my dressing and structure to my work schedule. Being at home this week, I spent some time “window” shopping online, looking at outfits I like, day dreaming about outfits. Sometimes your creativity needs a little break to come back to you- maybe it’s all the allergy meds, but I’m energized to put together outfits, places for shoots, and ideas on how to make my schedule work better for me.
Actually, this week “down” has clarified a lot for me, and made clear which goals I do really want to do. I do want to ensure I get in a great workout each day (I’ve missed them! They help me clear my head) and now I know I want to get up earlier to get them in, and have ideas about what things I want to try. I have ideas about how to rearrange my space, my financial goals. This week made it clear that I want to spend more time with people I love. I also made lists of a ton of things to read and watch.
And I wasn’t even THAT sick comparatively, however, being forced to really take time out, to almost be forced to do nothing is a great time to think about everything. At the beginning of January I spent some time really thinking about my goals, this week feels like my first time choosing them.
Today, I’m hoping to be up and about. To get a workout in (my first in a week!). To do my hair, to get dressed, to begin setting plans in motion. If you’ve been sick recently, you know that may be a big to-do list, but I’m hopeful. Getting sick wasn’t in my plans, but in some ways, I’m so grateful that I got to sit and really get clear on what I want this year to look like. And I’m grateful for rest.
I’m hoping that you are feeling great and that, hopefully without a sick week, your plans for this year are being set in motion.
Wishing us all a week of great health and amazing shoes!
XO RA
