Ex-files: the break-up text

Investment Piece: Ex Files: The BreakUp Text

It’s ex-files, where we stop chatting fashion for just a minute and talk dating horror stories. An attempt to be like Carrie Bradshaw? Sure. But let’s be honest, dating horror stories are both horrifying and funny. Names may have been changed to protect identities, some details moved about. Hungry for more? Try: Tinder on an Airplane, Jumping to Conclusions, and The One Who Asked for his Money Back. There are quite a few more when you search “ex files” in the search tab!”

The Break Up Text

There is an infamous Sex and the City episode where Carrie is dumped by Burger via post-it-note. Which is horrifying. Have I ever been dumped via post-it? No. But I have been dumped via text message. And loves, I get that there may be times when a breakup text is warranted. Maybe it’s unsafe to do it in person. Maybe you’ve only been out once and it’s a quick “this isn’t a match for me” text. However, much out of those contexts, is a break up text ever ok?

Steve and I had been seeing each other reguarly for over a month. Long afternoon dates that stretched into evening, all day long text conversations, future plans had been made. In fact, the day of the breakup text, I saw Steve at a mutual friend’s lunch. We had just had a date two days before, it went great! We had plans for that very evening. So, I was a little taken back when Steve was a little cold when I saw him at the lunch with friends. Like, weirdly cold. But, not one to take everything super personally, I thought not TOO much of it, and continued to prepare for our date that evening.

Then I got it. A text letting me know that he no longer wanted to see me, that he wasn’t attending our planned event that evening, but that he wanted to be my friend.

As you can imagine, I was shocked, angry, and stunned by his timing. When called out for his poor timing (like really, you couldn’t make it through the night?!?) and his method (we had LITERALLY just been face to face), he got horrifically defensive and called me crazy.

(BTW one of the most amusing things to do is Google “Crazy Men Women Gaslighting” and let it tell you that your ex is a psycho path)

Needless to say, I don’t have a lot of respect for the breakup text. And I still think Steve was a coward for doing it. But???

I’d love to know your thoughts on the breakup text!

Wishing us all a week of non-awful texts and amazing shoes!! Xo RA

Ex Files: Sharing in Misery

Investment Piece: The Ex-files

It’s no secret that I’m no stranger to bad dates. See here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. This month? I have no personal dating horror stories to share (but, no fear, I still have plenty).

What I’ve been doing lately? Indulging in other people’s bad date stories! It makes me feel less alone (maybe it’s not us, maybe it’s dating!). And they make me laugh. From the ones that pop up on Facebook to my new favorite site, The Tinder Chronicles, I’ve become a voyeur in other people’s bad dates. (Though to be fair, I hope you are when it comes to mine!). Below I’m sharing some of my favorites and would love to know: what is your worst best bad date story?

Cosmo Twitter
A bad date in a few characters? I’m in!

1. “We were on the train heading back to my place, and he said he had to pee. There weren’t any bathrooms, so he literally just peed in the corner of the train car. I died of embarrassment.” —Fatouma K., 22

2. “We made a plan to go fishing, but when I arrived to pick him up, all he’d decided to bring with him was two fishing poles — no bait! I ended up having to sit and watch him dig up worms.” —Charity K., 30

3. “He told me he was going to take me to a romantic dinner but got totally wasted beforehand. Before we even stepped foot in the restaurant, he demanded I drive him back to my place. I wound up all dressed up, sitting on my couch, eating cereal while my date snoozed away in my bed. Hot.” —Kimberly C., 30

4. “While we were hooking up in his car, he got a phone call from his mom. He picked it up while I was on top of him!” —Lani F., 20

5. “On a date, he told me that he wanted to get me pregnant to trap me. I think it was his way of saying I’m a catch? Obviously, we were done.” —Nicole G., 27

6. “I got up to use the restroom after finishing only about a quarter of my drink. When I got back, he’d finished the whole thing without asking. Rude!” —Laura M., 24

7. “He brought his dad along on our date so his dad could ‘check me out.’ I never spoke to him again.” —Amanda W., 25

8. “After I brought him back to my apartment, he goes, ‘I want a place like this, one that looks shitty on the outside but nice on the inside, so no one will want to break in.’ Um, thanks?” —Jessica L., 20

Buzz Feed and Reddit
The Internet can let you down in so many ways. Bad Date Stories is not one of them.
My favorites from :
BuzzFeed
Reddit
StyleCaster
And
Insider

The Woman Who Disappeared
While maybe not a bad ex story (maybe he got his?), I can’t stop thinking about this story:
I came over to his house one morning to surprise him with breakfast and a video game he wanted, only to find him naked, asleep, and with his ex curled up in his arms.

He didn’t hear me come in, so I closed his bedroom door, and left his breakfast and game on the kitchen counter along with my key to his house.

I went to my car, deactivated my Facebook, and blocked him on all other forms of social media. I then called my phone provider to change my number before driving off.

I texted family members and close friends that we were no longer together and to block him on social media, as well. I didn’t tell them why.

I was in a position to end the lease at my apartment early, and I started a new job in a different city later that week.

I completely removed myself from him and didn’t offer a shred of explanation or opportunity for dialogue. I disappeared from his life after his betrayal and I think it’ll not only help me to focus on myself without his presence, but I think completely shutting myself off from him will hurt worse than anything when he thinks on how good he had it with me these last 5 years.

What do you think?

Wishing us all a week of not horrible dates and amazing shoes!
XO RA

Ex Files: Awkward Dates

It’s that time of the month! I share my personal dating stories (and sometimes those of my friends)! Some are awful, some are funny, but I hope you enjoy them all. This month I’ve found myself being a little bit of a voyeur- several times on Twitter there have been threads of people sharing their bad date stories, and I’m captivated by them all. Maybe it’s commraderie or the part of me that just loves a good (bad) story, I can lose hours just by scrolling through these threads and reading about all the bad dates! So this month, I’ve rounded up some of my faves (they either reminded me of bad dates of my own, or made me cringe or laugh!) Some one prompted us: what was your most awkward date? These are my faves!

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates

I don’t think you can out awkward a Neo-Nazi. But people tried!

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
I hope she chose her mom!

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
Famous people have bad dates too? Always trust your gut?

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
This has happened to me too. Are these men color blind? Surely you would notice that you have someone’s eye color wrong.

Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
Investment Piece: Awkward Dats
Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
My take away? He seems lovely. She seems……not.

These both made me cringe for various reasons:
Investment Piece: Awkward Dates
Investment Piece: awkward dates

And if I noticed this it would creep me out:
Investment Piece: Awkward Dates

Lastly, this is the best kind of awkward date and what I aspire to be:
Investment Piece: awkward dates

I would love to know: what is the most awkward date you’ve been on? How did you handle it?

Have a dating horror story you’d love to share? Email me at racheladelicia@investmentpiece.com and let’s chat about featuring you on ex-files!
Xo RA

Ex Files: Dudes and Nudes

Investment Piece: Ex Files

It’s my monthly dating horror stories, my attempt at being Carrie Bradshaw, and hopefully a bit of cathartic release for us all. If you’re in the mood to really suffer I recommend My ex’s Friend, Dumped Before an Event, and The One Who Asked For His Money Back. You can also search Ex Files in the search bar. A friend of mine let me know that he spent a day reading all of these back to back- and that it was funny and horrifying! Of course, all names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-innocent. Be careful out there!

Xo RA

Dudes and Nudes

If you are a woman in any capacity online you’ve gotten pictures that you didn’t ask for, or want. Why men send these I have no clue! If she wants a picture, I promise she’ll tell you.

I’ve gotten pictures from men I don’t know, men I do know, men who have gotten very angry when I asked them not to send said nudes to me.

A friend of one of my exes was persistent in sending me a picture of him in bed- luckily everything was covered but the picture was awful. It looked like he was in some bad motel where people had been murdered in the 1970s-when I showed the picture to a friend of mine she commented that it was made more awful in that he thought I had style so he wanted to show me his style. Unsolicited pictures are bad, unsolicited pictures that make you look like a serial killer are BAD. Worse? He was sending this picture to every woman he knew. Worst? When confronted by me or others, and asked not to send these pictures, the dude would get defensive and threatening. He let me know that he did business with my ex and could find out my address, he threatened other women who complained about his unsolicited pictures that he could harm them.
And the pictures weren’t even good!

I had a friend who had a man who would send her an unsolicited nude each morning. She ignored him. Till he sent her a calendar he had printed of his nudes. To which she responded in laughter. Probably not the response he was hoping for!

Every woman you know has a story about a man who has sent her pictures she didn’t want. It can be horrifying to open messages and get things you didn’t ask for- and difficult to know how to respond.

I have a friend who rates the pictures she receives – from composition to lighting to all the things. The men who send her unsolicited pictures don’t seem to appreciate her unsolicited rating of them. I have a girlfriend who just blocks. One who researches and will forward the nudes to the sender’s mother or wife/girlfriend.

There is no right or wrong way to respond- I’m not a believer that you have to be nice! And until we have a way to make these unsolicited nudes stop, I’m all for whatever way works for you!

Wishing us all a week free of unsolicited nudes and amazing shoes! XO RA

Ex Files: Dumped before an Event

Investment Piece: Ex Files

It’s that time of the month! Dating horror stories, what went wrong stories, he’s the jerk stories, my lame attempt at pulling a Carrie Bradshaw- call it what you like, but I hope you enjoy! Search Ex Files in the search bar, but don’t read them all in one sitting-it’s not good for your heart! Xo RA

Dumped before an Event

I met Brian at a spin class. I love spin classes. He loved this spin class. One class we happened to ride by each other, and that became a thing. That thing led to coffees after class, which led to lunches, which led to an afternoon date that lasted till late night. It was perfect.
Brian didn’t seem like any guy I had dated before- but he was cool. Listened to the “right” music, we had tons in common, and like me, he was introverted. He seemed kind.

Right after our first “date” I had to leave for an extended work trip. I assumed, rightly or wrongly, that he and I would fizzle out. However, Brian texted me all day, every day while I was gone. I knew what he was listening to, what he was drinking, that he was thinking about me all the time. I got flowers (on the road), and cards. It would come as a surprise to no one that I returned thinking that Brian and I were a thing. And he seemed to think the same way.

The minute I landed- more flowers, more texts, more calls, more plans. We spent a week spinning together, eating together, and spending a ton of time together. While looking back, it was clearing love bombing, at the time, it just felt nice. I really believed in what we had going on.

So, when an event came up for a charity I volunteer for, I was happy to tell Brian about it. He was into it. Told me he would love to go, asked what he should wear, what kind of flowers he should get me, etc.
It meant a lot to me- it wasn’t a gala, but it was an event. One of those where you have to give your dates name and there’s a list at the door and it’s a DEAL. I was excited to bring someone, I was excited to how off Brian, I really believed in what we had- or what I thought we had.

The morning of the event, Brian and I had plans to spin together- which we did. But he was off, wouldn’t say hi, wouldn’t look at me. I could feel something was wrong, but in a dark room, on a bike, there’s not a lot of time for conversation. He left the gym right after class,and I thought maybe he has a bad day but it would work itself out. We were supposed to meet at 5:30 to go to my event. He called me 5 to let me know that he wasn’t coming, that he didn’t think of me as anything other than a friend, and that he thought I might be getting the wrong idea about his intentions. When I told him I thought I was only responding to what I thought he was putting out (no friend has texted me that much, send me flowers, told me that they wanted to be with me, etc) and that I was embarrassed that he was backing out of an event that I had to give his name to, with no time to replace him- he called me stupid and let me know that I was leading myself on.

I’m not going to lie- it sucked. I somehow pulled it together (girlfriends are the best) and went to my event and it was ok. I would love to tell you that it was the last time I spoke to Brian, but he texted me a few months later hoping I wouldn’t hold a grudge, that he was wrong to treat me so rudely, and he hoped I could give him another chance. I never responded. I couldn’t take the chance that I would put his name on another list that he would skip out on.

What happened to Brian? I wouldn’t know- but I will say, I hope he got left off some lists!

Have you ever been dumped right before an event? How did you bounce back?
Xo RA

Ex Files: Retrogrades

Investment Piece: Retrogrades

Dating can be its own genre of horror,and these stories prove it! From The One Who Wanted his Money Back to My Ex’s Friends to (sadly) many more (you can take a dive through my love life by searching ex files in the search bar!). This is part attempt to Carrie Bradshaw my love life, part commiserate, part entertain! I hope you enjoy! Xo RA

Retrogrades

If you’re not an astrology girl (I am!) you may not be aware, but Mercury (planet of communication and travel) went retrograde yesterday. During this time (to 2/20) we can expect delays, miscommunication, and you might be warned against signing contracts, etc. (Though Retrogrades aren’t completely bad! They are a great time to reflect!) Another thing that Retrogrades are known for? Having exes pop back up! For me, it’s already started.

I met Neil through a friend about 4 years ago. He was nice enough, but for me there was no spark. Our first “date”, which wasn’t really a date, he met me for a quick coffee on his lunch break while I was writing in a coffee shop. Neil mainly let me know that he was really important, and sat by me answering work emails. For some reason, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and meet him for drinks about a week later.

Neil was nice. But we didn’t click at all. Our drink date consisted of both of us trying to tell stories or make jokes, and the other person not getting it. Chemistry is hard to find when you’re having to over explain everything you’re saying. After that date, I knew that Neil and I were not meant to be.

I let him down gently, and I thought he understood. However, his response was to ask me to dinner. I declined. He asked me to go camping (I know- weird and if you know me well, I’m more glam-per than camper). I declined. He asked me to go for a night hike. Again, I declined.

Finally, I thought that Neil had taken the hint- he stopped asking me out, I had moved on and thought he had.

Till this week. Neil has been calling me every night. I never answer (I don’t think we have anything to say). He never leaves a message. It’s not bad necessarily- he wasn’t a huge asshole, and I truly wish him well– I just have no desire to have to explain everything I say. I’m not sure what Neil is wanting to happen, but it’s made me giggle every night that he’s calling.

What about you? Has anyone from your past popped up? Let’s be clear- there are some exes I wouldn’t mind hearing from, but I hoping Neil retrogrades soon!

Here’s to the right exes reaching out and the others staying gone! Xo RA

Ex Files: Holiday Edition

Investment Piece: Sunday Chronicles

I’ve never had the pleasure (or horror) of having a break-up happen at the holidays. Being sad over an ex? Sure. But the actual breakup?

(This may not be a sign of anything other than the guys I’ve dated knew they wanted out way before there might have been holiday expectations!)

But, as we’re coming off a holiday weekend (happy thanksgiving, if you’re not stateside and this was just a weekend- happy weekend!) and we may all be in need of some entertainment. So, I’ve rounded up these holiday breakup stories! Let’s laugh, and be extra kind out there- you never know what someone is going through!

Holiday Breakups that are neither Merry nor Bright

I got dumped at Christmas

And

Ridculous Breakups

Maybe this holiday wasn’t what you wanted, maybe there was burnt food or not enough pie. Maybe your fave thing sold out at the Black Friday sales. But I bet you didn’t get dumped. So we have one thing to be thankful for (or maybe a great story to tell!)

Wishing us all a week of gratitude and amazing shoes!
Xo RA

Ex Files: Pandemic Dating

Investment Piece: pandemic dating

By no means have we reached the end of my bad dating stories. (I have no idea if that’s horrifically bad or good for this series) BUT. With the world changing, and most of us (at least in the States) in such a different way of life, that I can’t help but think about how dating and break-ups have been affected. I sent this picture to a friend (who had recently ended her casual relationship) and we had a good laugh. If you’re in an area that’s being hard hit by Covid, or being badly affected by any of the current events, it has to make bad dates that much worse. Does it make good dates that much better?

I don’t have a ton of friends that are dating right now, but I do have quite a few friends who are breaking up. The break-ups seem to fall into 3 general categories:
1. Serious. Serious relationships that were in trouble and having to quarantine together and deal with (waves hand in the general direction of it all) made things worse. These are permenant break-ups that were going to happen. Even if the pandemic hurried things along.

2. Up-in-the-air. People who genuinely love and care for each other but between health and job and family stress just can’t commit right now. Will it work out later? A good chance. Do they still talk? Yep. But it’s just not the time. And you really can’t blame them.

3. The casual ending because of how they react to world events. A combo of one and two? Like my friend, who broke up with her very causal “situationship” as he had no desire to take the pandemic seriously, hated that she was choosing to do so, and felt judged by those differences. I did read somewhere that right now one good thing is that you can see right away how kind and compassionate someone is, you can see red flags easier, and can end things before anything serious starts. Were these people compatible? Probably not, but this was an easy tell.

Loves, in full disclosure I have to let you know that I’m not dating at this time. Between work and family stress and just trying to keep afloat in general, dating hasn’t even been on my radar. I’m a little more worried about seeing and hugging my friends and family again. But I do think about dating during this time.
The good: I can’t help but think it might be nice to get to know someone slowly. Really see people’s values and your compatibility. The idea of love letters melts me.
The bad: do you see each other? What about masks? All those things?
The in between: is anyone able to be their best right now? I used to be a prompt responder to texts and messages, even as an introvert loved to go out and go places. Now? It can take me a while to get back to you (because of al the reasons). Errands can be exhausting and I need time to recover. I’ve been late to zoom meetings. There are days that are so over emotional or sad or anything that I couldn’t be present for anyone else. Are the things we’re going through going to change us forever? How much grace could or should you give someone you’re getting to know in this crazy time?

I have no answers. But I do have 2 articles that have made me think- about dating and even my friendships!
Read tales from in person dating and advice from experts. What are your thoughts? Are you dating? How? How much has it changed?

Tell me all the things!
Xo RA

Ex Files: The Eavesdropping

This is a repost. One of the things that I oddly miss the most during this Pandemic? Eavesdropping. People watching. Making up stories about the things I see people do in the wild. While it’s clearly not the most important thing, I miss strangers and my brief glimpses into their lives. So. To relive that, I’m re-reading and relishing this story. About Eavesdropping! What do you miss? XO RA

Loves! It’s time for our monthly dose of dating horror stories: The Ex-Files! In my ultimate attempt to become Carrie Bradshaw, and satisfy my friends’ need to hear my awful dating stories (and sadly, there are a lot), we give you: Ex Files, dating horror stories. Yes, these stories really happened, yes, names/dates/places have been changed to protect those involved, and yes, if you wanted to be remembered well, behave better. Missed last month’s gem? You can get your fix on here
Happy Reading!! XO RA

The Eavesdropping

If you follow my acting twitter account (@adeliciamorris, sorry for the political/football rants now), you may have read this riveting, real time date that I overheard recently: (Read up)
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: The Ex Files
Investment Piece: Ex Files

The story is as simple as I tweeted it. I sat next to (basically on top of) a couple on a horrible date at a cafe in LA. She was a cute, 20 something, who clearly wanted out. He was a bum, who had excuses for everything, might not believe in capitalism, and wasn’t kind to her. While I had to leave before them, as the cafe needed my table; I (and those following on twitter) couldn’t help but wonder if he left her with the bill. My guess is that he did. My hope is that she never finds herself in this situation again.

What stood out to me about this story, besides the obvious horror, was that it was a date that I had been on; not recently, and maybe not to this extreme, but I dated this guy in my 20s. I remember dates that were just so off, with men who couldn’t see (or care) my discomfort, and times when I thought that being a nun might be a viable option. LA is home to many of these “manchilds”, the guys who think it’s great to not take or have responsibilities, who use women, who think nothing of stiffing a girl on a date. The sad truth? My guess is this happens more than we think, to varying degrees, in cities around the world.

So, my question becomes: women, why are we allowing this? I’m not anti giving people a chance, and have some childish habits myself (I clap like a kid on Christmas when I get new shoes). However, there has to be a line and I think it’s time we drew it. Out on a date and it’s going horrible? Leave. Uncomfortable? Leave. Can tell that this guy doesn’t respect you? Leave. Like you, I was raised to always be polite and make people fell at ease; however, that shouldn’t come at a personal price. My new challenge to others, and myself, is that the next time I’m in a situation like that is that I will get myself out of it. I will make an excuse, tell the truth, ditch, whatever needs to be done so that I leave.

Here’s hoping that girl got out!

XO RA

Ex Files: Tinder on an Airplane

It’s one of my favorite times of the month: Ex-files. Where I share horror stories from the dating world. Because if I (and others) have to live through it, we might as well laugh at it. Right?

The good news? This month’s dating horror story didn’t “happen” to me. But I was there (and got free drinks because of it). It involves Tinder (judge all we like, people meet there) and an airplane (because what makes a bad date worse? Not being able to leave). Without further ado, I give you: Tinder on an Airplane.

*Note names and some details have been changed/omitted to protect people. However, people own what you did to them. You want them to write warmly about you? Behave better.

Investment Piece: Ex Files: Tinder on an Airplane

A few months ago, I was taking a girl’s trip with a friend. We were flying out on a Friday night and were looking forward to a row to ourselves (she’s a window lady, I prefer the aisle) and in-flight drinks. The dating horror gods, as luck would have it, had other plans. As the plan boarded, the announcement was made that the flight was full, and that people should take any avaible seat. You know, what no one wants to hear on an airplane when they’re in a row with an empty middle seat. My girlfriend caught the eye of a woman and her adorable puppy and motioned for her to sit with us. And our adventure began.

The woman’s name was Jane and she introduced her dog, Oliver, letting us know that while he’s cute, he can be an asshole. I replied by saying, “Aren’t all men?”

Don’t at me. See here, here, here, and here. More under the search “Ex Files” in the menu.

Someone who did want to debate that thought? The guy sitting in front of us. He turned around claiming “Not all guys”, and proceeded to promise to buy all of us a round during drink service. We laughed it off, but he was a man of his word. He got us all a drink, and that’s when things get really good.

We all exchanged names and basic details. His name was Ben, and he’s a scientist. Our friend Jane made sure that scientist meant that Ben worked with science, which was just a tell of things to come. As we were all chatting all of a sudden, Jane asked Ben if he had a dog named Benji. Ben did. Ben also rode bikes and had a house in a certain part of town.

It turns out that Ben and Jane had matched on Tinder, chatted, she gave him her number and he never called.

And now, we were all trapped on a plane together, drinking.

My girlfriend and I were amused. It soon became apparent that Ben and Jane were not a match.
She wanted to do shots and asked the flight attendants repeatedly why we couldn’t do whiskey shots.
Ben drank wine–and paid for drinks.
Jane didn’t seem to understand science or basic math (she couldn’t add 1+0), while Ben tried to explain a theory based in physics to us.
Ben was super friendly and kept buying drinks, Jane got jealous and increasingly upset that he never called her.
Jane thought that when she looked out the window and could no longer see the lights, that’s where the land ended.

There was no drama, no overt act of confrontation. Though Jane brought up the non-call more than once. Ben was a trooper, bought more than one round for everyone, including one after the flight at the bar in the airport. Somehow, even though she complained more than once about the lack of whiskey shots, Jane didn’t get cut off in the air. But it might have been one of the best flights I’ve been on, and the best Tinder date I’ve witnessed.

As we were all saying goodbye, Jane gave Ben her number again and asked my friend and I if we thought he would call this time. I hate to say it, but I somehow doubt he did.

Wishing us all a week of free drinks and amazing shoes! And great Tinder dates! Xo RA